Chapter 1:
1353 Words
I swallowed hard, the motion almost painful, as if even my body was rebelling against me. My fists clenched tightly at my sides, the nails biting into my palms, leaving small crescents in my skin. The sharp sting was grounding, a fleeting relief from the storm raging inside me. I waited, my phone a dead weight in my pocket, knowing it would soon vibrate. Knowing it would soon summon me to my personal hell.
The seconds stretched into an eternity. Each tick of the clock was a taunt, dragging me closer to the moment I would have to face them… face him. My chest felt heavy as if an invisible force was pressing down on me, making it hard to breathe.
My mind was a battlefield, thoughts colliding and spiraling out of control. I couldn’t stop imagining them together.
Maybe Ram was smiling at him right now, his easy, charming grin that made everyone feel special.
Maybe Kennan was smiling back, his face lighting up with that rare, soft expression that melted my heart every time I saw it.
Were they holding hands? Were Ram’s fingers gently tracing circles on Kennan’s wrist, the way lovers do when they can’t get enough of each other’s touch?
Were they… kissing?
The image hit me like a punch to the gut, leaving me breathless. I pressed a fist against my chest, as though I could physically hold myself together.
It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair.
A bitter laugh escaped my lips, the sound hollow and foreign. Out of all the people I could have fallen for, why did it have to be him? Why did it have to be Kennan, the one person who could never love me back the way I wanted?
And why, of all people, did it have to be Ram he was in love with? My cousin. My best friend. The person I had shared everything with since we were kids.
The injustice of it all made my blood boil. My heart screamed at me to do something… anything… but my mind knew better. I couldn’t change how Kennan felt. I couldn’t force him to love me. And I couldn’t hate Ram for being the one he wanted.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill. But one escaped, sliding down my cheek like a betrayal. I wiped it away quickly, almost angrily, and bit down on my lower lip until I tasted blood.
I didn’t deserve to cry over this.
The phone in my pocket buzzed, a soft vibration that felt like the loudest sound in the world. My chest tightened. This was it. My cue.
I pulled out the phone, staring at the screen for a moment before handing it to Timmy without a word. He looked at me, concern etched into his features, but he didn’t say anything.
“Hold this for me,” I muttered, my voice barely audible. “I won’t need it.”
He hesitated before taking it from me, his fingers brushing against mine. “We’ll be here,” he said softly. “We’ll wait for you.”
I nodded, forcing a small, tight-lipped smile. It felt like my face might c***k from the effort.
My gaze shifted to the rest of the band. They were silent, their usual energy replaced with a heavy, oppressive tension. Their eyes told me everything they weren’t saying.
Anthony wouldn’t even look at me. His jaw was set, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. I knew he hated this. I knew he wanted to grab me by the shoulders and shake some sense into me. But he didn’t. He stayed silent, respecting my decision even though it killed him.
“I’ve got to go,” I said, my voice trembling. “Wish me luck.”
No one responded.
I turned and walked away, my footsteps echoing in the cold, quiet night.
The air outside was icy, the kind of cold that seeped into your bones and made you feel hollow. The wind whipped against my face, its sharp bite making my eyes sting. Or maybe that was just the tears I refused to let fall.
The path to the clearing felt endless. Every step was a battle, my legs heavy with dread. My mind screamed at me to turn back, to run far away, and never look back. But I couldn’t.
And then, I saw them.
The sight stopped me in my tracks.
Ram stood in the center of the clearing, his face illuminated by the soft glow of the fairy lights strung up in the trees. He was smiling, his entire being radiating happiness. His hand was intertwined with Kennan’s, their fingers laced together as though they belonged that way.
It felt like a dagger had been plunged into my chest.
Kennan was looking up at Ram, his expression soft and unguarded. There was something so intimate about the way he looked at him, like Ram was the only person in the world who mattered.
My stomach churned. I wanted to turn and run, to flee from the pain clawing at my insides. But I couldn’t move.
As if sensing my presence, Kennan’s gaze shifted.
Our eyes met, and for a moment, the world seemed to stop.
The shock on his face was immediate. His smile faltered, and his lips parted as though he wanted to say something.
Ram followed his gaze, his own smile widening when he saw me.
“Wayne!” he called out, his voice full of warmth. “You made it!”
I forced my legs to move, each step feeling like it might be my last.
Ram turned back to Kennan, his excitement bubbling over. “This is the surprise I was telling you about!” he said, his tone full of pride. “I wanted tonight to be perfect, so I asked Wayne to sing for us. He’s the best singer in school, you know.”
Kennan didn’t respond. He was still staring at me, his eyes searching mine for something I couldn’t name.
Ram didn’t seem to notice. “Wayne isn’t just my best friend,” he added with a laugh. “He’s my cousin!”
The words felt like a slap. I swallowed hard, forcing a tight smile onto my face as I approached the keyboard that had been set up for me.
My hands shook as I positioned them over the keys. The first note rang out, soft and tentative, like it was as unsure as I was.
I took a deep breath and began to sing.
“Why can’t we be like that…? 'Cause I’m yours…”
The words hung in the air, heavy with longing and heartbreak.
Ram took Kennan’s hand, leading him to the center of the clearing. They began to dance, their movements slow and intimate.
My voice faltered for a moment as I watched them, my heart shattering with every step they took.
Kennan’s head rested against Ram’s shoulder, his eyes fluttering closed.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to stop playing, to yell at them to stop, to tell Kennan that he should be with me, not Ram.
But I didn’t.
I kept singing, even as tears blurred my vision.
The song neared its end, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ram reach into his pocket.
My hands froze on the keys.
He pulled out a small velvet box, his movements careful and deliberate.
I didn’t wait to see what happened next.
I stood abruptly, the bench scraping against the ground as I pushed it back.
“Wayne?” Ram’s voice was confused, concerned.
But I didn’t look back. I couldn’t.
I turned and walked away, each step faster than the last until I was running.
The cold air burned my lungs, but I didn’t care.
“It’s over,” I whispered to myself, my voice cracking. “It’s time to let go.”
I didn’t stop running until the music and their laughter were nothing more than distant echoes.
Even then, the tears kept falling.
- Writer
