Ikaw Pa Rin

c6

"Nika!" isang masayang Troy ang dumating at inagaw ang atensyon niya. "I've got something to show you." He grabbed her hand at patakbo siyang hinila palabas, pinasakay sa kotse nito at pinaandar iyon.

"Where are we going?" Nagtatakang tanong niya, kakaiba ang saya ni Troy. 

"Basta," nakangiting tugon nito. "It's a surprise."

"Okay." Tumahimik na lang siya. Iniisip niya kung paano sasabihin kay Troy na engaged na siya kay Brian at ikakasal na sila bukas makalawa. Would there be a way to somehow break it to him gently? "Hey Troy, I have to tell you something," lakas loob na umpisa niya. 

Kailangan niyang sabihin sa binata ang balita. It has to come from her.

"Later, Nika," sagot ni Troy. Hindi napapalis ang ngiti sa mga labi nito. Dahilan para magdalawang-isip na rin siyang ituloy ang sasabihin. "Mas importante ang ipapakita ko sa 'yo."

"Okay," sang ayon na lang niya ulit, siguro nga mas maiging mamaya na. Napakasaya ng mood nito, hahayaan na lang muna niya iyon.

"Where exactly are we going?" Hindi na niya napigilang magtanong nang mapansin niyang papalabas sila ng Metro Manila.

"Malapit na tayo," sabi lang ni Troy pero base sa direksyon nila, they were heading south.

Mga isang oras pa at tumigil sila sa harap ng isang magandang bahay na medyo pamilyar sa kanya. 

"Here we are!" Umikot ito para ipagbukas siya ng pinto.

Awtomatiko niyang nayakap ang sarili sa lamig ng hangin. Medyo malalim na rin kasi ang gabi.

"Where are we?" Nagtatakang tanong niya habang nakatingin sa bahay. Mukhang bago lang iyon. Tatlong palapag iyon at malawak ang land area.

"We are in Tagaytay, Nika." Hinawakan siya nito sa magkabilang balikat. "And this house is going to be our home." Excited na iginiya siya nito sa loob, it was still bare inside. "Wala pang gamit kasi I want you to be the one na pipili ng mga ilalagay dito. Pasensya ka na ha, sobrang excited lang talaga ako na ipakita 'to sa'yo kaya pagkaalis na pagkaalis no'ng contractor, dinala kita agad dito. "

"Troy... " Maluha-luha siya as she began to recall kung saan niya nakita ang bahay na iyon-- sa coupon bond, drawn by Troy's then inexperienced hand, her dream house. "What is this for?"

"Nika naman... I told you I will build this house for us, ito na 'yon. You see? I worked so hard for this. Dito napunta lahat ng savings ko. It's worth it, isn't it?" Hinawakan nito ang mga kamay niya, failing to notice her engagement ring, he said, "Nika, I want to build a family here with you. Ikaw, ako, 'yong mga magiging anak natin... Pupunuin natin ito ng mga mumunting ikaw at ako..." His eyes were dreamy and his smile was hopeful.

Hindi niya napigilang mapaiyak. How would she tell him? How would she break his heart? There was so much hope in his eyes. Parang hindi niya kayang saktan ang binata.

"Nika, I love you. This house will be a witness of my undying love for you. Of my forever love for you. Please give me a chance... " He let go of her hand and fell on one knee. "Nika, will you marry me?" May binuksan itong red velvet box na naglalaman ng singsing, a ring which she was very sure of, mas may value kaysa sa suot niyang daig pa ang free sa candy noong araw sa sobrang simple. 

Not that value mattered to her, it's just that she felt that guilt overflowed her whole being with the thought that Troy must have prepared so much for her, for that moment.

"Troy!" She cried and was almost speechless for few seconds... She didn't know how to break the news that will surely crush his heart. Dahan-dahan siyang lumuhod din para magpantay sila, she held Troy's hand and gently showed him her finger with the ring from Brian. "I'm sorry!" Mahigpit na niyakap niya ito when she saw how much pain registered in his eyes. "I'm really sorry!"

Naramdaman niya ang pag-iyak nito, and even fought hard na pigilin iyon. But he did not succeed. 

"Nika, I promise to love you with all my heart. Please, choose me. Nika please?" He pleaded with tears welling his eyes. "Please wear this instead."

"I love you, Troy. Bilang kapatid. Please forget about your love for me," she pleaded too, cupping his face and trying to wipe his tears away. "I am your ate, someday, you'll find someone who will come to this home with you... It's just not me, Troy."

"You know how much that kind of love hurts me. Hindi tayo magkapatid, Nika. Kaya ko rin namang ibigay sa'yo lahat ng kayang ibigay ng Brian na 'yon!" He said still kneeling in front of her.. "Please, I beg you. Choose me, Nika. Hindi kita sasaktan. Ibibigay ko lahat sa'yo... 'Yong buong puso at pagkatao ko, 'yong buong buhay ko, Nika. Mahal na mahal kita. Don't do this to me!"

"I'm very sorry... But, I love Brian. It's him I chose," awang-awa siya kay Troy. Pero kailangan niya ring panindigan ang kanyang desisyon.

"Ano bang meron ang Brian na 'yon na wala ako?!" He suddenly raised his voice in between his uncontrolled sobs, tumayo ito at niyugyog siya sa magkabilang balikat pagkatayo rin niya. "Nika, I've been loving you all my life! Why is it so hard for you to love me back?!"

"Because I don't feel the same way!" Matigas na sabi niya, nasasaktan siya sa ginagawa nito. "Please, just let me be happy with Brian."

"Please open your eyes, Brian is not sincere with you!"

"He wouldn't offer me a marriage if he is not sincere."

"Nika, you are so naive!"

"I know what I am doing, Troy!" aniya. "Please, I'm old enough!"

"What if I tell you na may relasyon sila ni Eunice?" Nakatiim bagang ito like he wanted to hit her to wake her up. "Na kaya siya nadisgrasya dahil hinabol niya 'yong lalaking nagpakita ng interest sa girlfriend niya?!"

Nagulat siya pero nanaig ang desisyon niyang 'wag maniwala. Hindi gano'n si Brian. Hindi ba nga't um-okay ang pakiramdam nito noon nang makita siya matapos itong maaksidente?

"I don't believe you. Stop this, Troy! I will marry Brian whether you approve or not!" Akmang tatalikuran na niya nito pero mabilis siya nitong nahigit pabalik at sa laking gulat niya, Troy brutally kissed her lips! Napatda siya. Nasaktan.  

Walang ingat na hinila nito ang buhok niya para itingala ang ulo niya for better access on her mouth. 

Was he punishing her? Bigla siyang natakot dito, halos madurog ang labi niya as he pushed her to the wall so she couldn't escape. 

"Troy!" She pleaded nang pansamantala nitong iwan ang labi niya as his kisses lowered down to her neck. "Please, please stop!" Pero nagmistula itong bingi, she just cried and cried, she was helpless with his strength. She managed to shut her mouth so he couldn't kiss her again. 

What had gotten into Troy? Bakit para itong naging ibang tao?

"Troy!"

Maya-maya ay huminto ito. Tumaas-baba ang dibdib nito habang nakatukod pa rin ang mga kamay sa magkabila niyang gilid. Walang anu-ano'y sinuntok nito ang dingding sa likuran niya bago muling pinakawalan ang mga luha nito. 

Alam niyang sobrang nasaktan niya si Troy that even if he acted that way to her it was still breaking her heart to see him like that. Pero anong gagawin niya? 

He stayed crying for a while bago nito sinikap na payapain ang sarili.

"I'm sorry," he said and without throwing her another glance, ran away from her.

"Troy!" She called out pero mabilis itong nakaalis.

She leaned on the wall and cried on her own. Naawa siya kay Troy, but she must protect her happiness too. Sa huli, she decided that maybe, it's just going to hurt him now but will move on anyway...

Nakalabas na siya ng bahay at aalis na rin nang maalala niyang iniwanan siya ni Troy sa lugar na hindi siya pamilyar. She doesn't even have a single centavo on her pocket! She quickly took her phone and immediately dialled her fiance's number pero wala na pala siyang load... 

'Prepaid blues' ... 

Buti naalala niyang pwede palang umutang sa network provider niya by dialing some code. And so she did and was able to contact Brian para magpasundo. Mabuti rin at may tao pa sa labas na napagtanungan niya ng eksaktong lokasyon niya.

After more or less two hours, dumating na rin si Brian. Nalakad na niya hanggang sa labas ng subdivision at inubos na siya ng lamok sa ilalim ng poste ng ilaw kaya naman relieved na relieved siya na makita ang mapapangasawa niya bukas makalawa.

"What are you doing here?" Medyo yamot ang fiancé niya pagkadating nito.

"I'm sorry, Brian... Nagkaayaan kasi kami ni Therese kasi may kaibigan siya rito sa subdivision. Hindi ko naman alam na dito pala siya matutulog," forgive her white lies pero ayaw niyang pag-awayan nila ang totoong dahilan kung bakit nando'n siya.

"Next time, don't leave without money." Bagamat mahinahon na iyon, pakiramdam niya ang laking abala na nagpasundo siya rito. She should have asked her dad instead but girlfriends' instinct was they would call their boyfriends first in that kind of situation.

O baka siya lang ang pabebe na nakaisip nang gano'n.

"I'm sorry, it won't happen again." She smiled apologetically. "Biglaan lang kasi talaga ang pag-alis namin. So hindi na ako nakapagdala ng pera." She knew the excuse was stupid pero pwede na rin 'yon.

"It's okay." He reached for her hand kaya medyo napanatag na rin siya.

"Thanks, Brian."

"No problem."

Maya-maya pa ay naipit na sila sa matinding traffic.

"What's going on? Wala pa ito kanina," Brian commented. 

"Baka may nasiraan lang," aniya, disoras na rin kasi ng gabi. A sleepy driver must have hit something while driving.

"Baka nga." Mula sa kinaroroonan nila ay tanaw nila ang blue and red lights ng police mobile. Tapos meron ding tunog tanda ng paparating na ambulansya. At kung bakit bigla siyang kinabahan ay hindi maipaliwanag ni Nika. She hated seeing an ambulance, ibig sabihin kasi no'n, may buhay na kelangang iligtas.

"Mukhang may naaksidente," si Brian as they are approaching near the one causing the traffic. Sa kabilang side pala iyon pero dahil sa mga usyuso, pati ang pabalik ng Maynila ay traffic din. "Poor fellow, must have hit too bad," iiling-iling na dagdag ni Brian nang matapatan na nila ang kotseng bumangga sa isang ten wheeler truck, halos pumailalim iyon at ang tindi ng pagkawasak ng unahang bahagi.

"Yeah," mahinang sang-ayon niya na sinadyang mag-iwas ng paningin, hindi niya kayang personal na makakita ng ganoong mga tipo ng aksidente. All she wanted that time was to lie on her bed at itulog na lahat ng mga pangyayari sa araw na iyon, especially the part where she had to break Troy's heart.

Napapikit siya. It was the first time that she saw Troy like that.

"By the way, Nika, mom and Eunice will accompany you to my aunt's bridal shop tomorrow. I had Aunt Clarisse do your gown asap."

"Really? That's great Brian," kulang sa siglang aniya. Did Brian already choose her gown? First he set their wedding date, ngayon pati isusuot niya ito na rin ang nagdecide. She didn't know what to feel, pakiramdam niya pinapangunahan siya sa mga gano'n kalaking detalye ng sarili niyang kasal.

"I'm excited. I can't wait to call you mine, Nika." He gave her that heart warming smile at nakalimutan na niyang gusto niyang magtampo sa pagdedesisyon nitong hindi siya kinukonsulta.

She smiled back at Brian.

But soomething was bothering her. Hindi niya maintindihan but when she risked looking back at the car accident they just passed by, sobrang tindi ng kabang naramdaman niya. Hindi niya makita masyado 'yon dahil sa build up ng sasakyan at mga nakikiusyuso, sa huli ibinaling na lang niya sa iba ang atensyon.

"You don't seem fine," puna ni Brian.

"I'm sorry, it's just that, --- maybe I'm tired."

"Sige, matulog ka muna."

"Thanks."

Pagpikit niya ng mga mata niya, mukha agad ni Troy ang nakita niya. 'Yong itsura nito kanina na basa ng luha ang magkabilang pisngi habang nagmamakaawa na piliin niya ito ay napakalinaw niyang naaalala. And perhaps she would remember that look on his face for the rest of her life.

"What have I done? I'm very sorry Troy!" She was crying inside her. Hindi niya naisip na masakit din pala kapag nakita mo kung gaano mo nasaktan ang isang taong sobra kang minamahal. It was harder than she thought.