His Untold Tattoo (R18)

KABANATA 10

10.

I yawned and stretch a little.

God.

It's still dark outside. I look at my digital clock which says 5 o'clock in the morning.

It's my first day to my OJT and I am really thankful that I didn't assigned at Mondelez Corp. Actually yesterday when my family had the chance to have dinner with Uncle Jordan's Family, he did ask me where am I assigned to and he would love to know if I was assigned to his company. Sagot ko sa kaniya ay hindi, sabi niya ay sabihin ko lang daw kung gusto kong magpalipat at magagawan niya raw ito ng paraan.

But I can't do that.

As I said, I don't want any complications at work. This is my last year and hopefully, I will graduate at the end of this term so I don't think using the privelege is helpful.

Matapos kong maligo at mag-ayos ay bumaba na rin ako sa kusina.

"Good morning po," bati ko sa mga tao na nasa kusina. I found them eating, Manong Roger, Manang and Korina. I motioned them that it's okay and continue to eat with me in the table.

Nagsandok na ako. Manang poured me a hot coffee.

Sabay-sabay kami ngayong kumain.

My family are still sleeping probably. Hindi naman sila usually maaga nagigising specially Kuya Tevyn. Good thing about him being a tattoo artist, he handle his time.

Matapos kumain at mag-ayos ay dumiretso na kami sa labas ni Manong.

The call time was 7 o'clock but I want to early as possible. Ayokong ma-late ang maiba ang tingin sa amin doon sa korporasyon dahil mamamalagi kami roon ng ilang buwan. Attitude comes first and first impression lasts.

Tinignan ko ang parking lot.

Wala roon ang sasakyan ni Gio.

Dumiretso na 'ko sa loob ng kotse nang binuksan ni Manong ang pintuan. I comfortably sit down and then Manong starts to drive.

"Hindi ho umuwi si Sir Gio kagabi," biglang sabi ni Manong Roger.

Nabigla ako roon.

Hindi ko naman alam na biglang magsasalita si Manong tungkol kay Gio and as if I care? He's all grown up. Kaya niya ang sarili niya.

I just nod at him.

Nakarating kami sa gate ng korporasyon. Hindi na ako nagpahatid sa loob. Sinabihan ko na lang si Manong na ite-text ko na lang siya kung anong oras ako magpapa-sundo. I estimated that we will be here for long 8 hours since that's the ideal hours for OJT.

The Lady from the Corporation assisted me nang makapasok ako. Wala pa ang mga blockmates ko kaya pinaupo muna ako sa lobby.

"Do you want water, Ma'am?" Tanong ng isa.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks."

"Alright. I'll be at the front desk," she smiled then leave.

I let out a big sigh.

God.

I am really nervous.

Habang nakatingin kung gaano ako kamangha sa hitsura ng lobby nila ay napansin ko ang pag-vibrate ng mobile phone ko. Nilapag ko muna ang small case na hawak ko sa lamesa.

From: Kuya #2

Goodluck sa first day ng OJT! Kaya mo yan, wag ka kabahan. Magiging Engineer ka rin! Ako na magsu-sundo sayo, celebrate natin yan.

I smile when I read the text.

I appreciate Kuya Tevyn. Gumising pa talaga nang maaga para i-text ako. I replied to him, agreeing about the celebration. Sinabi ko rin na ang aga niya gumising para i-goodluck ako.

From: Kuya #2

Haha! Dapat nga ako rin maghahatid sayo kaso medyo napahaba pa ang logtu ko. Ingat ka dyan. Love ka ni kuya!

To: Kuya #2

Love you too, Kuya Tev. Balik kana sa tulog.

I check the GC. Some of them are on their way. Sasabihin ko sana na nandito na ako kaso 'wag na lang. I'm not close with them so what's the point?

I just capture the lobby and post it on my IG story.

It's still early and nagu-umpisa pa lang na pumasok ang iilang empleyado ng kumpanyang ito.

I got a notification while I roam my eyes.

kazu_mrsgn: wow that looks nice!

stazielle: the whole interior and the complexity is nice

kazu_mrsgn: goodluck on your first day!

stazielle: thanks.

kazu_mrsgn: you have plans after your ojt?

stazielle: kuya tevyn will fetch me

kazu_mrsgn: oh really?

stazielle: yep, really. why?

kazu_mrsgn: wala, just miss your face hermosa :(

I didn't know what to reply. I just seen it. I couldn't think of a word to reply.

Kazuhiko is really a nice guy.

It's been 3 weeks– I think, since the friendly date we had and we're actually talking spontaneously. I'm at surprised actually that I survived that without getting tachycardia.

When I've done my search in the internet on how Kazu is really a nationwide boyfriend– as per Dabi calls him, I was shocked. He is really known for his career and a nationwide star because of the sports he's into. He used to be a Athlete at St. Phils but issue happened and he was transferred at E-Aston. Nasa iba't ibang headlines din siya, magazines and even in tabloids.

I never thought I can have a friend someone who's that famous.

kazu_mrsgn: anyways, take extra care and always wear a hard hat! :)

kazu_mrsgn: see u soon, engineer!

I double tap his messages.

He's been calling me Engineer.

From our friendly date, we ate there peacefully– somehow.

Dahil naroon din Gio at may ka-date rin siya na babae. He's wearing a formal attire while his date wears a black fitted dress.

Habang nag-uusap kami ni Kazu ay alam kong nakatingin sa'kin si Gio. He's like eyeing me for the whole hours. Nakaupo at nakaharap si Gio sa gawi ko, kaya kapag tumitingin ako kay Kazu ay nakikita ko rin siya dahil hindi nalalayo ang distansiya nila sa amin.

Mabait si Kazu. He's like a fragile and soft spoken yet I enjoyed his company that time. We talked randomly and everything, he actually weigh the conversation. Medyo nahiya pa nga ako sa kaniya at napa-sorry dahil hindi ako ganoon kadaldal at hindi masaya kasama. He immediately says that he's fine.

Nagpaalam si Kazu na magc-cr nang matapos kaming kumain. Napansin ko ang paglapit sa table namin si Gio.

He pulled out his long sleeves revealing his tattoos and veins.

Sinandal niya ang dalawa niyang kamay sa table namin at tumitig sa'kin. I look at the front and I saw his date looking at Gio. Like she's confused why the hell Gio is doing at our table.

I vividly remember what we talked about.

"Uwi na tayo," sabi niya at madiin na tumitig sa'kin.

"Bakit ako ang niyayaya mo? 'Yung ka-date mo ang yayain mong umuwi, Gio. It's rude."

"Pinapauwi ka na rin ng Kuya mo. Sumabay kana sa'kin," sabi niya at saka umalis.

I checked my phone and there is no texts from my Kuya's or my parents so I just sit back relaxly. Lumingon siya sa'kin at pumikit. Para siyang naiinis.

"Ang sabi ko, uuwi na tayo," sabi niya.

"Walang texts or calls ang Kuya ko. Besides, Kazu held a promise to my parents that he will bring me home safely."

"Tangina. Ang sakit nito ah," he murmured but I didn't hear him enough. Nakapamaywang na siya at tumingin sa'kin. "Ako na nga ang mag-uuwi sa'yo para alam ko rin na safe ka."

"Gio, you're being rude."

"Hindi. Kaya tara na," asik niya pa.

Sasagot na sana ako nang makarating si Kazu.

"May problema ba?" Tanong niya.

"Wala. Ako na mag-uuwi kay Elle para safe siyang makakauwi," preskong sabi ni Gio.

What's his problem?

"Sorry dude but I am her date. I am responsible for her. Thanks for the concern tho."

Gio's eyes darted at Kazu.

"Ako na. Do'n din naman ako nakatira."

Kazu look at me. As if tinatanong niya kung totoong sa amin nakatira si Gio. I just give him a little nod.

"Pero, ako ang mag-uuwi sa kaniya. Sa akin siya pinagkatiwala ng mga magulang niya."

"Tangina, ba't ang kukulit. Ako na nga ang maguuwi para mapanatag din sila Tito and Tita na safe siyang nakauwi."

"Gio? What's the problem?" The girl approached us. She looks so pretty. Matangos ang ilong, maputi, maliit na labi at magandang mga mata. "Is everything okay?"

"Gio, drop it. I am with Kazu and he promised my parents. Stop being rude."

"If you excuse us, tara na ba Taz?" Mabuti ay inaya na 'ko ni Kazu. Ayokong iparinig kay Kazu kung paano kami magbangayan ni Gio.

Inalalayan ako ni Kazu pagtayo. Ramdam ko ang tingin sa'min ni Gio. I also saw his smirk. Hindi niya pinansin ang tanong ng ka-date niya.

Bago pa ako lumampas kay Gio upang makalabas na ay hinawakan niya ang braso ko.

I inhaled and exhaled.

"Kazu, pwede ba'ng hintayin mo na lang ako sa labas? Kakausapin ko lang si Kuya Gio," I emphasized calling him Kuya.

Doon siya bumitaw sa pagkakahawak sa'kin.

Confused man ay tumango na lang si Kazu. I mouthed thank you at him and looked back at Gio. Hawak ng babae ang kanang braso ni Gio. Probably hindi naman niya girlfriend 'to dahil alam kong hindi naman nakikipag-date si Gio. He doesn't care at all.

"Ano bang problema mo? May ka-date ka, siya ang ihatid mo pauwi," I remain calm even though I am murdering him at my mind.

"Gusto ko nga malaman kung safe ka makakauwi."

God.

Patience, please.

"Alright. I'll send you a text if I did go home, safely."

Ngumiwi lang siya sa sinabi ko.

"Just this once, I don't want to any commotion. Okay? Kazu is really a nice guy. I appreciate the gesture, you– being protective just like my Kuya's and that's fine. Thank you for the concern but I don't think treating my new friend like that is okay."

Lumabas na rin ako after no'n. Kazu waited at the front door and we both smile.

The entire ride home is okay. Good thing, hindi minasama ni Kazu ang inasta ni Gio kanina. Sabi niya ay baka concern lang din si Gio just like my older brothers.

We went home safely and my Kuya Tiago was waiting for us. Nag-thank you si Kazu at umalis na rin.

Kuya Tiago teased me about how our date went. Hindi raw nila inaasahan na may lalaking maglalakas loob na pumunta sa bahay at magpaalam.

I mean, he's a new friend and he respect me.

It's good to know I have a new friend.

Besides, my cousins are all I have as my friends.

I think having a new friend is okay to my mental health.

***

"Thank you Sir. See you tomorrow, Engineers!" The CEO of the company said. We clap and thank him.

It's already 2 o'clock in the afternoon.

The CEO of the corporation made a speech. He's a middle age man, wearing a fine black suit. I never thought my nervous feeling earlier will decrease when he made a speech. There's something about his charisma that inspires me more to be an Engineer.

"Taz, you have plans? Pupunta kami ng mall and then doon kakain. Tara, sama ka," sabi ng isa kong ka-blockmate. Sasagot na sana ako kaso nag-salita ulit siya. "Our members are dying to be friended with you."

Napatingin naman ako sa kaniya.

"They want to have a bond with you, Taz. We want to," sabi niya at ngumiti. "Since last year na rin naman na natin, why not go with us?"

My heart rates become too fast.

I want it too.

"I— have plans with my brother. Susunduin niya 'ko," mahina kong sagot.

I saw her smile fades away. She shrug and walk towards our members.

God.

I want to have friends too. I just can't put words and socialize with them. I got this tachycardia when they try to approach me. I mean, not everytime.

Tahimik ako nang sumakay na kami nang elevator and my blockmates are chatting inaudibly for me.

I want to see my brother na.

I checked my phone and then I saw his text saying he's in front of the building. Waiting in his car.

Thank, God.

"Thank you, Sir! Will see you again!" They said to our Professor. I walk towards outside the building.

"Thank you, Sir. Mauna na po ako," sabi ko naman at tumuloy na sa paglalakad. Nilagpasan ko na ang mga blockmates ko. I know they are eyeing me.

Mabuti na lang ay kita ko na ang kotse ni Kuya Tevyn. He roll down his window to see me.

"She's really awful. Ayaw niya'ng sumama and worst, she doesn't want to socialize. Ms. Tazielle Anti-social-freak Segovia," I clearly heard and the laughs.

I want to cry.

I run fast to my Kuya's car.

Hindi ko alam ang nararamdaman ko.

I want to cry out.

"Taz, anong nangyari?" Tanong ni Kuya nang makaupo na 'ko. Tahimik akong nag-suot ng seatbelt. I crawled up and hug my knees. "May nangyari ba sa loob?"

It's getting so hard to breath so I cry.

"J–just drive, Kuya. Please? Please, I wanna go home," sabi ko sa bawat hikbi.

God.

It hurts.

I was labeled as that. As a Anti-social freak.

It hurt so much.

"K–kuya, it hurt so much. Please, I wanna go home," sabi ko. Hindi pa rin ako tumitigil sa iyak. I want this to stop. I don't want to hear that anymore but it still flashes in my ears and in my head.

Fuck.

"Kuya, I want to socialize but I don't know how. I don't know why. K–kuya Tev, I don't want this feeling."

Naramdaman ko ang kamay ni Kuya sa likuran ko. Kinuha niya ang bag ko at hinagod ang likuran.

"Tigil na. Nandito lang si Kuya," he said but I didn't stop crying.

"Kuya, I don't want this feeling. I don't like this because it hurt so much," I tried to vent out to my brother. "I don't get it why the hell am I feeling this? I've surpassed each semester without too much socializing. I didn't know I was already labeled as a freak who doesn't socialize and don't have friends."

Kuya's hand remains at my back while I am crying so loud. I never thought I could cry like this.

I am still crawled up and hugging my knees. My jeans is probably wet from my loaded tears.

"Breath, Taz. Inhale and exhale muna, please. Malapit na tayo sa bahay," sabi ni Kuya.

Habang umiiyak ay sinubukan kong mag-inhale at exhale para makahinga nang maayos.

"Inhale, exhale. Okay? Isa pa, inhale– exhale."

I couldn't have enough air while crying so I control myself. This is so unfair. Why am I feeling like this?

Naramdaman ko ang paghinto ng sasakyan ni Kuya. Narinig ko rin ang pagsara niya ng pinto ng sasakyan.

Hinawi ko ang buhok ko tsaka ako nag-angat ng paningin. Kuya Tevyn walk towards my way and open the door for me.

Pinunasan ko ang mukha ko gamit ang mga kamay ko until there's some hand reaches a handkerchief from behind.

I surprisingly look at the back.

"What are you doing here?!"

"Eto, panyo. H'wag 'yang kamay mo ang ipang-punas mo," sabi niya.

"I said, why are you here?!" Tanong ko. He's here kanina pa? Kasama ba namin 'to kanina pa?! So, he heard me crying the f**k out?!

"Kanina pa siya sa likuran, Taz. Sorry hindi ko nasabi agad. Tara na? Pasok na tayo sa loob para makapagpahinga kana," sabi ni Kuya.

Sinamaan ko na lang ng tingin si Gio atsaka bumaling kay Kuya. He reach for my hand, I tried to calm myself.

While reaching Kuya's hand, kita ko ang panginginig ko. Kung hindi pa ako alalayan ni Kuya sa pagtayo malamang ay hindi ako makakalabas sa kotse niya.

I want to vent out.

I think the way I cried is not enough.

It hurts. It's like a direct stab to my wounded past and social anxiety disorder.