Everything With You

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"What are you gonna do now?" A question from Olivia made me look at her with a confused expression. "Magiging business partner sya ni Mr. Jones, and balak ka pa atang i-hire ni Mr. Jones para sa pagpa-plano ng business nila together. Makakaya mo 'bang makasama sya? Or gagawa na lang tayo ng paraan para makatakas?" She continued to ask, that actually doubled the confusion I have in mind.

Hindi ako makasagot kaagad, dahil una, gulat pa din ako. Pangalawa, hindi ko alam kung ano ang pakikinggan ko, ang puso ko ba o ang utak ko?

My mind wants to leave, but my heart is not letting me do that. May parte sa akin na gusto pa syang makasama ng matagal, at palihim na umaasa na baka may pag-asa pa kaming dalawa.

I know that It sounds hypocritical, but...that's how I feel. I want to experience being with Rencis, and hang out with him. What if there's still a chance for us?

Pero paano din kung wala na talaga?

"Av...are you there?"

That follow up question from Olivia pulled me out of my thoughts. Tinignan ko sya at naabutan 'kong nakakunot ang noo nito habang nakatingin sakin.

"Uh, sorry. I'm thinking deeply about it. There's a part of me that wants to leave, but there's also a part that wants me to stay. I mean, I came here for work, and as per the invite from Mr. Jones, and ayokong basta basta na lamang umalis dahil lang sa isang taong parte ng nakaraan ko." I reasoned it out, "We might have an awkward moment together, but...I should know how to deal with it professionally." I added bago tinignan ng diretso sa mata si Olivia. "Ayokong tumakas, Liv. Ayokong isipin nya na aalis ako dahil naaapektuhan pa din ako sa kanya. It's been 5 years since that thing happened, we should be mature enough to handle things separately." I continued.

"Sigurado ka? Magiging okay ka lang?" She asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, I will be. You don't have to worry, liv." I just said to make Olivia feel at ease. Ilang minuto pa syang nanatili sa cabin ko hanggang sa umabot ng ika-sampu ng gabi, at pareho na naming kailangan ng pahinga kaya napagpasyahan na nitong bumalik sa sarili niyang cabin.

When I was left alone inside my cabin room, I found myself sitting on the edge of the bed while reminiscing the old times, when Rencis and I we're still together. It was the happiest days and years of my life, but due to certain reasons, I had to leave him behind.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nais ipahiwatig ng tadhana. Is it telling me that maybe, I should try to reconnect with him? Malay namin may pag-asa pa pala. Or, baka sinasampal sakin ng tadhana ang katotohanan na tapos na talaga kami at naka-move on na si Rencis sa kwento naming dalawa?

I don't know what to think anymore.

Napabuntong-hininga na lamang ako at agad na tumayo upang kumuha ng jacket. Siguro'y mas mabuting maglakad-lakad muna ako upang magpahangin kaysa kung anu-ano ang pumapasok sa isip ko habang mag-isa dito sa loob ng cabin.

Isinuot ko ang jacket at agad na 'ring lumabas ng cabin. Dumiretso ako sa dalampasigan at kalmadong tinanaw ang dagat na nababalutan ng kadiliman ng paligid. There are few lights coming from the beach post around the island, but the stars and the moon can still be seen shining so brightly.

The cold wind blew that made me grip my jacket tighter around my body. I continued taking a step, until my eyes recognized a certain person a few meters away from me.

It was Rencis.

He's sitting silently on the island's white sand while he is looking at the moon.

I felt how my heart beat doubled because of the sudden nervousness that enveloped my body. Our surroundings are silent—such a beautiful timing to talk to him. The ambiance felt good, but my heart couldn't stop from beating so fast.

Should I walk closer and try to talk to him? Papansinin nya kaya ako?

Habang iniisip iyon ay hindi ko namalayang nagkaroon na pala ng sariling utak ang aking mga paa at natagpuan ko na lamang ang sarili 'kong nakatayo di kalayuan sa kinauupuan nito. Maybe, he noticed my shadow that's why he looked back just to see me standing behind.

I saw how his eyes turned wide for seconds before it eventually turned back into its normal look, then he put his gaze back on the komoon.

Dahil sa reaksyong iyon mula sa lalaki ay tila nanlamig 'pang lalo ako. Maski ang tuhod ko ay tila nanginig. Bat nga ba hindi muna ako nag-isip ng napakaraming beses bago ako lumapit? He's maybe taking rest at this time yet here I am, ruining his peace.

Pero nandito na ako. Dapat ko pa 'bang sayangin 'tong pagkakataon na 'to?

"H—hey…" I called to catch his attention. Ilang segundo ang lumipas ngunit wala man lang akong natanggap na kahit ano galing sa kanya, maski paglingon ay ipinagkait pa nito sa akin.

Nakaramdam ako ng matinding kahihiyan, ngunit mas pinili ko na lamang na lubus-lubusin na. Hindi ko mapigilang mag-isip na baka nabibigla lang sya, maya-maya ay baka-sakali, kausapin nya na rin ako.

"How are you?" I asked once again, this time I am much more hopeful for a response. Kahit isang linyang response lang ayos na sakin, bigyan nya lang ako ng kaunting atensyon.

But just like the first one, he still ignored me.

Aaminin ko na nasaktan ako sa ginawa nya, pero ano pa nga ba naman ang aasahan ko? That's a normal reaction from him after all these years, and after what I did several years ago.

Nakakaramdam na ako ng hiya ngunit pursigido akong makausap sya, kaya naman kahit ramdam ko na ang labis na lamig ay nanatili pa rin akong nakatayo malapit sa kanya. Nag-iipon pa lamang ako ng lakas ng loob upang tanungin sana ito kung pwedeng makiupo ng sakto namang tumayo ang lalaki. Sinundan ko sya ng tingin, umaasa na baka bigla nitong naisipan na kausapin ako kaya sya tumayo—ngunit isa iyong pagkakamali.

Because instead of talking to me just like what I expected, Rencis leave me there alone without uttering a single word.

Basta na lamang syang umalis na parang wala syang pakialam sa akin.

And that freakin' hurt.