Connectors of the Two Worlds

Chapter 6

Dear Diary,

This is the day that I will be pushed into a pit hole where shards of pointy metal laid down waiting for me.

I was left with no other choice and realized myself signing up for the Math Contest everyone under my kingdom of haters had to curse under their breaths.

I'm ruined...

-Clan

~~~

It was Monday and I came wishing that I could disappear at this very moment. Everyone's looking at me meaningfully. They whisper with others and look at me with disgust. Some are showing amusement and surprise in their eyes.

I know why. And I wish I didn't do it. I wish I didn't make any move.

I shook my head as Mrs. Briones finally flashed her satisfied smile at me and walked out of the room after hearing me accepting the stupid Extra-Curricular matter for her Subject's concern. I can't help but roll my eyes.

This is all Lorraine's fault. She sometimes feels frustrated especially when she notices her circle of friends being too nerve-wracking and overdramatic, deciding for them without acknowledging their decisions. I was pretty lucky I belong to that circle. Well... at least not pretty much lucky to be manned down for a choice. Lorraine is worth-driven for something she knows that is fated for others, especially for her friends. That's the only thing that really makes her special and exceptionally smart to everyone. That's why our class decided to put her in control, to give us clearer decisions she thinks are nearly acceptable and satisfying. She's our class President... a gorgeous class President.

She wasn't the geek type, but an in-between lass who's smart enough to think much more like an adult than a teenager. She's wealthy and generous but humble enough to show she's not into her status. Her dark shiny wavy black hair emphasizes her charming face. She has cheeks that are proud to cheer up whenever she smiles. A pair of dark brown eyes so shallow she'd shed tears for the same reason.

Getting busy in the class, Lorraine simply sat closer and nudged me. She is my partner in our Physics, doing Newton's Third Law Formula essay.

I looked at her, chafed.

"I'm so annoyed. Why aren't you around him?" She hissed, brows furrowed in annoyance. It only made me arched my brow higher, she slapped herself in disappointment. "Duh! Rex!" She muted the sound to the last word.

I just stopped moving and faced my table as soon as I heard what she said. I know what she's thinking but I pretended to be stupid and slow. It chafed my ears again to a point I get rude to people, ignoring and shrugging at them. "I think it's because I have the time of the month?" I reasoned and became a question rather than a statement. But knowing Lorraine, she's never gonna buy it.

"Tell me that one some other time," she said full of sarcasm in her voice and wrote down again on her paper.

"What do you want me to say?"

"The truth..." Her upper lip lifted a bit and finally set her gaze longer to the paper.

I could never blame her. For a girl like Lorraine who seldom decides for the undecided ones, she can never hide her interest in Rex.

I can never forget the day I became Rex's self-appointed mailbox and a human-made love bridge. There was this hardcore era where girls would lurk around him, and I would be dragged away just to make the favors I always fail to do. I've encouraged him many times to read those letters from his "suitors" but he would only smile and throw them in the trash, that I sooner collect and put in a steel bucket, hoping he'd be clamming at it someday.

Lorraine had these insecurities when she found me too close to her crush and it almost endangered our friendship. But later, she realized how hard it is to reach his core. Girls also began to realize it all.

Rex is an untouchable guy. No one could ever reach his heart. Not even me.

After class, both Lorraine and I headed to the canteen. The place seemed suspectfully scarcer than usual. Certainly, no pinned down Rexander and Wednesday hanging around me. I somehow missed them. The queue was lessened about a minute as expected. It did not matter even if I don't have the appetite, staring blankly at the unguarded image of Lorraine. The importance is that I need a little peace of mind.

"Well...you're not eating, are you?" she asked, food on her mouth.

"Lor... I... don't feel like eating," I said as I'm starting to feel little nausea. I fidgeted, pulling the hem of my school uniform to ease my nervousness.

She stared at me for a moment and just said, "That's odd. You usually eat too much when you're angry with Rex? What's the real matter around?"

I couldn't move my mouth to respond. Something in me starts to shake my very system. Maybe this wasn't about avoiding Rex, but being afraid that someone starts to tell me how terrible it is to be without him. It's quite weird that I'm thinking rigidly about this stuff without even having the real essence. Why am I feeling this way?

"Lor..." I called up to her again.

"Hmm?"

"Do you think I could survive the Math Contest?"

She smiled and almost chuckled.

Yeah, maybe it's too kiddy of me to think Math is like a monster under my bed.

"You're kidding, right? Of course, you'll hit well! You're gonna make it, and I'm sure it's a ten." She winked.

I scoffed. "Gimme a break! It's not like it's going to happen..."

"Oh! That's sad. But I think someone's gonna tell you that someday." She winked again but snatched a gaze to her side which teased me to look in the same direction, too. There, I saw a boy standing in front of our table holding a tray with loads of stuff I could barely finish.

His firm smile waved a glint of surprise in my existence, unlikely the Joe I've met at the entrance gate.

"Mind if I share a table with you, guys?" he asked politely, sounding so sexy. And it's sick thinking this way about him. He could be annoying at some time.

Before I could answer, Lorraine suddenly stood up resting her stuff on her arms, and smiled. "Actually, you can sit here. And I know she wouldn't mind, would you Clar?" She shot a persistent glance at me while she pointed the chair for the guy. Not long enough he had managed to sit there and Lorraine left without a word.

Silence reigned over us.

It was totally weird sitting with this guy whom I met in a totally unpleasant way. Unnerved a little, I realized how I'm feeling a little comfortable in his presence right now.

But he broke the barrier between us and started talking.

He talks a lot, that's what I discovered. It's like I've forgotten the terrible things that happened between us and finally got the chance to know him better. He's quite nice and polite, unnaturally.

And why did I say it's unnatural? It's because his total figure would lie about his genuine traits. He looks so carefree and capable of being the Troublemaker King. Like what the previous schools did of his been saying about, and to think many of the kids in SCA spotted him many times lurking around troubles.

But right now, I'm seeing a different Joe.

Dear Diary,

He's not so bad after all...

-Clan

~~~

Apparently, Joe is just one of the few guys that were curious about my sudden cold treatment to Rex. It still hurts and sickens me to catch them eyeing and following me around campus and ask the same issue I wished didn't leak.

"Well, let's just pretend that I'm his proxy. I'll be your best friend while he ignores you, how's that?" Joe suggested after a minute of silence. We were in the middle of a topic about me and Rex while we were away from the canteen.

I shook my head in disbelief and walked faster ahead of him. "Rubbish..." I mouthed, ashamed afterwards realizing it sounded unlikely British. When I was cursing under my breath, he caught up and pulled my arm to stop me.

"Hey, not so fast!"

I breathed deeply and faced him. "Okay. Let's get this straight, Joe," I started. "We're not friends and that's how it's gonna be. I had enough of being bullied, you understand?"

He smiled weakly and that almost broke my vain sentiments. "Can't I ever be more than just being not your friend, Clan?" I was left there with my mouth open in confusion. Unable to speak. His figure seemed painful and pleading.

He wouldn't possibly be serious about his question, would he?

For a fact that he was trying to budge into my life, calling me by my nickname where only my closest of friends do, I thought of listening.

He sighed. "I don't know how to say this but I can't see myself not around you. And I'm dead serious about this, Clan. I'm sorry for hurting you and I hope you can see that I've regretted that day," he cried, eyes wandered at my gaze to show his genuine emotions telling me to give it a try. At least a second chance.

I hurriedly set my gaze elsewhere and breathed deeply.

"I could be better than Rex and I know I can't be like him. Because I can prove to you that I can be a friend. I can be your friend." I saw this indescribable thing moving me the moment I was looking at his helpless face.

I did not answer and stared blankly on the ground. Suddenly he reached for my hand.

I looked at him, puzzled.

Weird, but I felt at ease when he did that. Our eyes spoke for a moment and then I returned to him the most genuine smile I had ever given to someone.

~~~

After a little get-together with Joe and the company, it seems quite shortened. I have known him for a little while now as his twin sister got so psyched telling me a lot of things about him. I felt I've known him for a very long time.

Erish Joan is quite different from his brother. She stays humble and friendly to all of us. And about that, we just happened to hang out in an ice cream parlor and Joe was so annoying he had to order two flavors in a row for me. He usually does that when he's overwhelmed, says he.

When they dropped by at the house, I waved goodbye to them as they drove away. I couldn't erase my smile remembering this morning.

I was about to walk toward the front door when I saw Rex standing there wearing his blank expression. I couldn't move from where I stood. It's like all of the nightmares are crawling down my spine, shivering my knees.

I wanted to hug him right here and now, but there was this distant look upon him disabling me to know his very existence. I hated being away from him but I don't know why I'm feeling so immovable.

I just watched him walk towards me until I was holding my gaze higher as his tall figure came closer.

"Clan..." he called.

I felt that my colors flushed in an instant and I was unable to stare at him longer. I held it down to the ground. My heart was squeezed. Am I still alive?

"Are you still mad at me?" His voice broke, full of sorrow that I only heard for the first time.

I still couldn't answer. Uncontented, he captured my hand holding it as it trembled badly to his touch. "I-I'm so sorry, Clan. I never did it on purpose. I'll never do it again, I promise. Just please...don't stay away from me," he pleaded, that's when I looked at him again and was caught in a trance. He pulled me close and embraced me.

I wished that we'd be staying like this forever. I wanted him all for myself but I can't do that because he's with Ashley. He'll never notice my feelings for him.

And I manage to keep it to myself.

Dear Diary,

I can't stand him. I just wanted to make this right. I want Rex back. I want my best friend back.

-Clan