Conquer

Chapter 6: Do not belong

"I'm so sorry about the other day, I was not able to apologize personally. And I'm sorry for not answering your calls. ",sulat ni Annika sa notepad na nakadikit sa coffee. Ipinadala niya ito sa condo ni Jao apat na araw matapos siya malasing.

"Kuya, nasaan po yung nagpadala nito?"

"Ah, hindi ko po alam sir eh. Rider lang din po ako, pinadala lang sa akin yung address."

"Okay, thank you po." Nagmadaling nagbihis si Jao at pumunta sa bahay ni Annika.

Kumatok si Jao nang ilang beses bago nagbukas ang pinto. Nagulat si Annika nang nakita niya si Jao sa pinto na hingal na hingal.

"Tumakbo ka ba?" Nakahinga ng maluwag si Jao nang nakita niya si Annika. "Wala ka bang work?"

"Where were you?",tanong ni Jao.

"I was in a research trip in Batangas kasi doon ang iniisip na shooting nung isang project."

"Bakit hindi mo sinasagot tawag ko?"

"Uhm, I was just busy.",sagot ni Annika. "Bakit?"

"After that night I came by your house to see kung may hang over ka pero wala ka na sa bahay, and I kept calling you but you didnt answer.",sabi ni Jao nang seryoso.

"Oh, umalis ako kaagad."

"Hindi ka ba natulog?"

"Ha? Natulog ako maaga lang akong umalis. Don't be shocked, noon sa Baguio nag iinuman pa kami ng hanggang 2 am kahit may pasok ako ng 8 am. Amazing right?"

"No. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, kung ano man yung sinabi nung drunk Annika, hayaan mo na 'yon she's just some weak, annoying part of me.",sabi ni Annika na natatawa. Pero hindi natatawa si Jao at tinignan nang seryoso si Annika.

"Many have changed with you but the one thing that remained is you're still the worst at hiding your feelings. Okay, huwag mo nang gagawin 'yon.",sabi ni Jao. Kumunot ang noo ni Annika.

"Teka nga, why are you being strict? I dont have to answer your calls nor tell you where I am. You're not my boyfriend.", sabi ni Annika. Napatigil si Jao.

"Yeah, you're right."

"Look, I'm not sure if I'm sensing a vibe here Jao but if in any way you're interested in me, I'm sorry, I'm not interested in having a boyfriend."

Nakatingin lang si Jao kay Annika at huminga siya ng malalim.

"Annika I did not ran to you now because I like you, I ran to you because I'm worried."

"I don't need someone to worry about me Jao. Go."

"Why does that go sounded like you're crying for help?" Inirapan ni Annika si Jao at lumapit sakanya.

"Jao, I respect you and our friendship. But I am not the Annika you knew before. I'm stronger now, I'm independent and I don't need anyone! I'm sorry if I misinterpreted your gesture, but yeah I don't want a friend who would guilt me because I didn't reply.",sabi ni Annika. Humakbang si Jao patalikod.

"Okay Annika, okay." Ngumiti si Jao at tumalikod.

"Jao, I-" May pahabol pa sana si Annika pero naglakad na si Jao palayo.

Pumasok si Annika sa loob ng bahay niya at umiyak.

"I'm sorry Jao." Naupo si Annika sa sofa at umiyak.

"Annika! Annika! Nandiyan ka ba?", katok ni Jao.

Kinabukasan matapos malasing ni Annika, dinalhan ulit ni Jao si Annika ng breakfast pero nagpanggap siyang wala sa bahay. Pinatay niya ang ilaw at hindi siya sumagot. Naka silent din ang phone niya at hindi niya sinasagot ang tawag ni Jao.

"Umalis ata yung nakatira diyan Jao, may nakita akong lumabas kaninang umaga eh.",sabi noong matandang nasa tapat ng bahay namin. Lumabas ako nang maaga kanina para bumili ng pandesal.

"Ganoon po ba tita, sige po salamat.",sabi ni Jao at umalis na. Pinakiramdaman ni Annika na wala na si Jao saka siya lumabas dala ang mga gamit niya para sa research trip.

"Oh, nandiyan ka pala? Kanina pa kumakatok si Jao ah." Nginitian lang ni Annika ang kapitbahay niya at umalis na. Pumunta siya sa building ng TV Network para kitain ang mga kasama niyang writers at researchers ng teleserye. 

"Good, you're now here. Kanina ka pa namin hinihintay.", sabi ni Cheena, ang kasama niyang writer.

Parang naka OJT ngayon si Annika at si Cheena ang supervisor niya. Hindi siya ang head writer pero siya ang 3rd na senior sa writer's team ng teleserye. "One of the things that you need to learn is always be on time. Kung dito pa lang hirap ka na, papaano ka makakameet ng deadlines?", tanong niya kay Annika na may iritang tono. 

"Five minutes lang naman po akong na late." Tumaas ang kilay ni Cheena at ngumisi. Nanigas ang katawan ni Annika nang lumapit sakanya si Cheena. 

"Lang? Don't you know how important 5 minutes is for this industry? If you're late five minutes sa deadline mo, maraming maaapektuhan. You have to be fast. Paano kung may mga last major edits? Don't think of 5 minutes as lang. Everyone here was  30 minutes earlier than the call time. Don't you see?" Tumingin siya sa paligid at mukhang bored na ang mga kasama niya." Napayuko na lang si Annika at humingi ng pasensya. 

"Grabe Cheena, give her a break this is her first day and besides, if she'll like it here, she's going ro be your apprentice.", sabi ni Allen, isa sa mga production crew. "Huwag mo namang takutin 'yung tao." 

"Whatever. It's so easy for her. Get in.", sabi ni Cheena. Sumakay na sila sa coaster at nagulat siya nang tinabihan siya ni Allen.

"What are you even doing here?", tanong niya bigla. Kumunot ang noo ni Annika. "I mean, why change careers? I did a background check on you. You're an HR of a hotel who loves to write novels. Why would you resign from a stable job and start from scratch?", tanong ni Allen at napalunok lang si Annika. 

"I- I- I want to start something new. I want to follow my passion.", sagot ni Annika. 

"Why? Are you not happy with your job?" Huminga si Annika. Alam niya sa sarili niya na mahal niya ang trabaho niya at hindi siya umalis dahil ayaw niya, kung hindi dahil matutupad niya ang matagal niya nang ipinagdadasal, ang ipakita sa taong nag-api sakanya noon na kaya niyang maging successful at hindi siya loser. "Ganoon ba kahirap ang tanong ko na hindi mo masagot?"

"Excuse me sir, I don't want to be rude but I think those questions are too personal for me answer. And we're not that close, po.", sabi ko at ngumiti siya. 

"Feisty. Understandable, I was a bit too harsh with my questions. But think about it Ms. Annika, in my years here I know what passion and what a mere hobby is." Lumipat siya sa upuan sa harap ni Annika at nakipagkwentuhan ulit. Tumingin siya sa paligid niya at parang naramdaman niyang hindi siya welcome sa grupong iyon. 

Huminga ng malalim si Annika. Ang teleseryeng isusulat nila ay may kinalaman sa mytolohiyang Pilipino at magsisimula ito sa mga kwentong bumabalot sa Taal Lake. Isa sa pinaka-nakakapagod na travel ang tatlong araw na kasama ang team. Inalok siya ng kaibigang producer ng handler niya sa Pluma Pages para subukang magsulat sa isang teleserye. Binigyan siya ng isa hanggang dalawang buwan para mag-observe kung gusto niya ba ang industry.

Pero isang bagay ang malinaw sakanya, hindi siya gusto ng mga kasama niya. Sa huling araw nila sa Batangas, dumaan sila sa isang resto bar para mag-celebrate sa successful na trip. Nagtatawanan ang lahat at nagk-kwentuhan pero hindi niya pa rin makuha ang kiliti ng mga kasama niya. Si Allen lang ang tanging kumakausap sakanya. Kumuha siya ng sarili niyang upuan sa may veranda area ng bar. 

"Hey." Umupo sa harap niya si Allen. 

"Sir.", sabi ni Annika.

"How are you doing so far?" Napaisip si Annika saglit. "Have you thought about my puzzle?"

"I think it's too early for me to answer that I haven't even started yet."

"You haven't even started but you looked like you've been working here for 10 years already. You know, writing as a job is different compared to writing as a hobby or as an avenue to express your thoughts and feelings. I have read your works and I've listened to your interviews and you're definitely the latter."

"Excuse me again sir, but it's rude to be that confident that you know so much about me just because of what I write. I love writing!" 

"You wanna bet? All your stories, be it thriller, adventure or romance focuses on a hero or heroine aiming to overcome the world. Sa kahit anong storya na sinulat mo parating kalaban ng hero 'yung sarili niya. I don't know why, maybe you are fascinated by the idea of man vs. himself while at the same time man vs. the world. You see, when we write not because of what is expected of us, we write what we want to write and what we write reflects the innermost expressions of our hearts." Hindi nakapagsalita si Annika. "What's your trauma Ms. Annika?" Kumunot ang noo ni Annika. 

"Why are you talking to me like you know me so much? Why do you even read my stories?" Tumawa siya. 

"Don't flatter yourself, I'm a writer and part of being a writer is reading and researching. I stumbled upon your works and I was curious about your motivations, that's all. I'm really really surprised you're here. But I'm happy that Conquer was published into a book you know. Among all your stories, that has the most satisfying ending. Kamila overcame her deepest anxieties and fears by dealing it on her own through seeking knowledge on how to do it through learning from different people, experiences and culture. At last, hindi dahil natalo niya ang kalaban." Ngumiti si Allen at inubos ang beer. Nakaupo lang si Annika at hindi makapagsalita. Naisip niya lahat ng sinabi ni Allen. 

"From the ending of Conquer, I assume you have found the answer to your anxieties and fears?" Tumingin si Annika kay Allen at hindi nagsalita. 

"Why are you torturing me me with your questions sir?"

"I'm not. I'm helping you figure out what you want to do before you lose your mind Annika. Do you know why these people hate you? I'm not even going to filter this, are you ready? They hate you because it was so easy for you to be here. Did you know how hard it is for these people to even land a job in this network? Hindi mo ba napansin na nasa late 20's to late 30's na yung mga taong nandito pero 2 years palang sila na nagt-trabaho dito? They worked so hard for it and they hate you because you took this lightly."

"I did not!"

"You don't know anything about what you're doing." Hindi nakasagot si Annika."Think about the whole trip, nagpatalo ka kaagad sa tingin nila sayo. I saw you sit and stared at the people for one hour!"

"Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko."

"You're not here because you want to be a script writer, you're here for other reasons. You're writing not because you want to tell stories, you're writing because you want to express your emotions. I know this project is just like an immersion from you, but you have this opporutunity that 95% of aspiring writers did not have. So kung gusto mong mag-stay, ipakita mong deserving ka doon sa opportunity or else just drop it and just go back to what you truly love. If I'm correct and you really are your characters, stop basing your actions for revenge Annika, start living your life and be happy." Tumayo si Allen at iniwan ang bote ng beer sa table. 

"Why are you even telling me these things?" tanong ni Annika. Tumigil si Allen sa paglalakad. 

"Because I may have been the reason why you're here.", pagtatapat ni Allen kay Annika.