Dangerous Solace

CHAPTER 19

“WHERE are we going?” tanong ni Lucien habang magkahawak sila ni Neriah ng kamay at naglalakad sa sidewalk patungo sa isang walang destinasyong lugar.

Ngumiti si Neriah. “Hindi ko alam.”

“You dragged me out without a plan?” Lucien said. “Again.”

“I call it an adventure.”

Napailing si Lucien. “I call it getting lost.”

Neriah shrugged. “Same thing.”

Lucien chuckled and let her lead the way. He had long since learned that the best days with Neriah were the ones without an itinerary.

Kapagkuwan, tumigil si Neriah at humarap sa kaniya.

“Bakit?”

Umangat ang isang kamay ni Neriah at hinawakan ang kanyang baba. She gently tilted his head to the side. “Masakit pa ba?”

Automatikong napahawak siya sa kaniyang labi. Ngumiti siya. “No.”

Neriah looked guilty. “Sorry,” she apologized. Then— “Ikaw naman kasi. You kissed me nonstop.”

Lucien chuckled. “It’s okay. It’s my fault, but you’re at fault too.”

Neriah’s forehead slightly furrowed. “Bakit naman pati ako?”

Inilapit niya ang bibig sa tainga ng dalaga. “You’re just irresistible. I can’t help myself.”

Ngumiti si Neriah. “And how was your self-control?”

Lucien groaned. “I…” guilt was drawn all over his face. “Nearly lose it.”

Neriah chuckled. “Lucien, I really admired you for it. You can really control yourself when it comes to that kind of thing.”

“Paano kung nawalan ako ng kontrol sa sarili ko? Anong gagawin mo?” tanong ni Lucien.

“Let’s see,” Neriah replied.

Nagpatuloy sila sa paglalakad.

And as they turned a corner, Neriah suddenly stopped. Her eyes sparkled. “Lucien.”

“Hm?”

May itinuro ito sa kabilang kalsada. “Gallery!”

Bago pa man makapagsalita si Lucien, nahila na siya ni Neriah sa pedestrian crossing.

The small gallery occupied the ground floor of an old brick building. Its large windows displayed paintings, sculptures, and photography from local artists.

And the moment they entered, the scent of fresh canvas and wood polish greeted them.

Humugot ng malalim na hininga si Neriah.

“I love this smell,” she said. Much better than blood.

Ngumiti si Lucien. “I’ve never heard anyone say that.”

“Then you haven’t met enough artists.”

Binati sila ng may-ari ng gallery nang may ngiti sa labi.

“Feel free to look around.”

“Thank you,” Neriah replied brightly.

At bago pa man makapagsalita si Lucien, wala na si Neriah sa tabi niya.

Lucien followed a few steps behind, watching her admire every piece as though each one held a story waiting to be discovered.

Napapangiti na lamang siya habang pinagmamasdan si Neriah.

Minsan natatawa na lamang siya sa relasyon nilang dalawa. They had no label of relationship… just friends. And yet, they were hugging and kissing.

But it feels exciting, though.

“This one’s beautiful,” Neriah murmured, stopping before a watercolor of a quiet lakeside painting.

“What do you like about it?” tanong ni Lucien.

Neriah tilted her head. “It feels lonely.”

Tumingin si Lucien sa painting. “I thought it looked peaceful.”

Ngumiti si Neriah. “That’s why art is interesting.” Sumulyap siya kay Lucien. “Two people can look at the same painting and see completely different stories.”

But Lucien found himself studying her instead of the artwork. “I think you’re right.”

Nahuli ni Neriah ang binata na nakatingin sa kaniya. “Hindi ba dapat sa painting ka nakatingin?”

“I changed my mind.”

“Oh?” Tumaas ang isang kilay ni Neriah.

“I found something more interesting.”

Neriah laughed softly and lightly nudged his arm. “You’re getting a smooth talker.”

“Natututo lang ako.”

“Kanino.”

“Sa ‘yo.”

Nagpatuloy sila sa pag-ikot sa loob ng gallery hanggang sa tumigil si Neriah sa harapan ng isang malaking oil painting.

The painting depicted a lighthouse standing against crashing waves beneath a stormy sky.

Napatitig si Neriah sa painting.

Napasin naman ni Lucien ang paglambot ng ekspresyon ni Neriah. “You like it?”

Tumango si Neriah. “I do.”

“Does it remind you of something?”

Neriah remained quiet for a moment. “Hope.”

Tumingin si Lucien sa painting. “The sea looks dangerous,” he said.

“It does,” sang-ayon ni Neriah at ngumiti. “But the lighthouse never leaves.”

Naintindihan ni Lucien ang gustong sabihin ni Neriah. Pinagsiklop niya ang kamay nilang dalawa. His gaze lingered on the painting before shifting back to her. “Ikaw ‘yon.”

Napakurap si Neriah. “Ano?”

“Neriah, you’re my lighthouse.”

“P-paano mo naman nasabi ‘yan?”

Ngumiti si Lucien. “Because you’re the reason why I wanted to break free from the invisible chain wrapped around my neck.”

Neriah stared at Lucien.

They stared at each other for a moment.

Then Lucien smiled. “Later, I will tell you about my family.”

“I’ll wait.”

He’s slowly getting out of his comfort zone. Neriah thought.

Later, they reached the back of the gallery, and near it stood a blank canvas with dozens of handwritten notes pinned around it.

A small sign read: What does love look like to you?

Visitors were invited to write their answers.

Parehong napatingin sina Lucien at Neriah sa isa’t isa hanggang sa ngumisi ang dalaga.

Kumuha siya ng panulat. “This is fun,” she said.

May sinulat siya sa card bago niya ito idinikit sa board.

Lumapit naman si Lucien. “Anong sinulat mo?”

“Hanapin mo.”

He looked through dozens of notes until he found hers. And it simply read: ‘Love feels like finally finding a place where you don’t have to pretend.’

Dalawang beses itong binasa ni Lucien. Then he took another blank card, and he wrote a single sentence.

When he pinned it beside hers, Neriah leaned closer to read. And Lucien’s note read: ‘Love is the first person who ever made me want to stop running.’

Tumingin si Neriah kay Lucien. “Sinulat mo?” tanong niya.

Tumango si Lucien. “I did.”

“Do you mean it?”

Sinalubong ni Lucien ang tingin ni Neriah. “I’ve never been more certain.”

“Lucien, will you run away from me?” Neriah asked.

Ngumiti si Lucien. “No, I would never.”

Neriah closed the distance. “Tandaan mo ang sinabi mo dahil akin ka lang. You can never run away from me.”

At that moment, Lucien only wanted to do one thing—to kiss her.

But this was not the right place.

So, he took a deep breath and just held Neriah’s hand.

LATER that night, Lucien and Neriah had their dinner at their apartment. Of course, Lucien cooked.

Maaga silang umuwi dahil maaga ring bumagsak ang ulan.

Rain tapped softly against the windows while the lights from the city shimmered beyond the balcony.

Lucien finished washing the dishes and dried his hands with a towel before finding Neriah standing by the window, holding a camera. Pero hindi ito kumukuha ng larawan. Tahimik lang ito na pinapanood ang ulan.

“Ang tahimik mo yata simula nang makauwi tayo,” wika ni Lucien.

Neriah smiled faintly without turning around. “May iniisip lang ako.”

Tumabi siya sa dalaga. He leaned on the window frame and stared at her. “Like what?”

“About us.”

“What about us?” tanong naman ni Lucien.

Ibinaba ni Neriah ang hawak na camera. “Lucien, we’ve been pretending we’re taking things slowly.”

“We are.”

Tumingin si Neriah kay Lucien. “Are we?”

Napakamot ng batok si Lucien habang nakangiti. “We’re trying.”

Natawa nang mahina si Neriah. “I’ve met countless people, but no one has ever made me feel safe. Only you,” she said. “…except for my family, you’re the first person who made me feel safe and comfortable.”

Lucien reached for her hand. His thumb brushed gently across her knuckles. “Coincidence, you’re the first person who made me feel unguarded.” Nagbaba siya ng tingin. “At doon ako natatakot?”

“Bakit naman?”

“Because, since my mother died, I became guarded and wary about the people around me…” he smiled bitterly. “And I’ve spent my entire life believing that someone would eventually take everything from me.”

Neriah stepped closer. “Hindi ‘yon mangyayari.”

“You can’t promise that.”

That’s why Lucien said they need to take things slow. Kahit pa malapit nang mapigtas ang self-control niya dahil kay Neriah, ginagawa niya ang lahat upang kontrolin ang kaniyang sarili. He didn’t want to rush things because he didn’t want to lose them early.

“Lucien, looked at me.”

Nagtaas ng tingin si Lucien.

Neriah’s free hand cupped his cheek. “Lucien, you won’t face anything alone anymore.”

Lucien closed his eyes for a moment, leaning into her touch.

No one had ever said those words to him. Not even in his family.

Hindi niya akalain na maririnig niya ang mga sariling ‘yon mula sa ibang tao… but Neriah is not like others, right?

They were friends.

Pero alam nila pareho na hindi nila itinuturing na kaibigan ang isa’t isa. Parang ‘yon lamang ang naging basehan nila sa kanilang relasyon.

Nang magmulat siya ng mata, nakatingin pa rin sa kaniya si Neriah.

“Thank you.”

Neriah smiled. “Wasn’t it supposed to be ‘I love you’?” She joked.

Natigilan si Lucien.

Mabilis na tinakpan ni Neriah ang bibig ni Lucien. “Binibiro lang kita.”

Tinanggal ni Lucien ang kamay ni Neriah na nakatakip sa kaniyang bibig. “Can I kiss you then?”

“Right—”

Lucien claimed her lips.

Neriah encircled her arms around his, and they kissed passionately.

Kissing, Lucien carried Neriah and put her down on the kitchen counter.

Nakatayo siya sa pagitan ng mga hita ni Neriah.

Mapusok silang naghahalikan.

Pahigpit nang pahigpit ang yakap niya kay Neriah. As though he didn’t want to let go.

Bumaba ang halik niya sa leeg ni Neriah, kasabay nito ang pagpasok ng kamay niya sa loob ng suot nitong T-shirt.

His hand caressed her delicate skin until it reached her breast. Then his hand went to her back and unhooked her bra.

“Lucien...”

Parang natauhan si Lucien nang marinig ang boses ni Neriah. Mabilis siyang tumigil at nagtaas ng tingin. Even without looking at himself in the mirror, his eyes were full of desire for her.

“I’m not ready yet,” sabi ni Neriah at napakagat ng labi.

Natawa nang mahina si Lucien. He kissed Neriah on her forehead. “Then it can wait until you’re ready.” He stepped back. “Shower lang ako.”

Neriah bit her lip again after Lucien left the kitchen.

Nasapo niya ang noo. She was the bold one, but she didn’t expect she would get embarrassed.

She sighed. “Malapit na, eh.” Wika niya sa sarili.

“Next time,” she whispered.

Next time, she will make sure it will happen.

Yes, even if they were not really in a relationship, she wants it to happen.

She wants Lucien. And no one can stop her from claiming him.