Just One Date

Chapter 13 - sand castle date (part 2)

My jaw literally dropped in awe when I saw the crystal clear beach as we climbed out of the cave exit. There were palm trees lined up along the shore and small huts with little lamps. The setting sun turned the white sand into a breathtaking orange hue and I couldn't resist but take my shoes off. The sand felt warm underneath my tired feet.

I inhaled the fresh air coming directly from beach and enjoyed the breeze, not taking my eyes away from the setting sun. The majestic view left me breathless.

"I assume you liked it?" Ethan suddenly whispered behind me.

"This is my far the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen. You're right, it is a paradise," I admitted.

As secluded as I thought this place was, there are still quite a number of visitors occupying the huts or just strolling.

When the darkness started to roll in, the lights along the shore were turned on. The whole place was lit dimly, giving the whole beach a romantic ambiance.

Ethan removed his own shoes and picked it up along with my sneakers before we walked on the sand barefoot, leaving a lot of footprints.

"Our footprints look good together, don't you think?" he asked as he turned to appreciate the so-called work of art made by our feet.

Tumawa ako.

"You're weird. Pati ba naman sa footprints, merong bagay?"

He took a picture of those footprints using his cellphone and showed it to me.

"Oo, itong satin," he replied with a grin before flopping down the wet sand near the water.

"Naalala mo ba noong mga bata tayo kapag gumagawa tayo ng sand castle?" he asked wistfully as he scooped a handful of sand.

"Oo naman. Iyon ang ginagawa mo diba kapag napipikon na ako sa kakahabol mo sakin dahil pagod na pagod na ako. Dinadaan mo ako sa magagandang sand castle mo para hindi na ako magalit sa iyo," I reminisced and sat across him, giving enough space for him and the sand castle.

He laughed at the memory but suddenly stopped and concentrated on molding the sand. Noong bata pa ako, kahit inis na inis ako sa kanya, hindi ko mapigilan na manood kapag gumagawa siya ng sand castle. He's really good at it. He's very creative and he could easily turn those loose granules into a beautiful masterpiece.

"You know what, I always find sand castles sad," he said in an equally sad tone after a moment of silence.

"Bakit naman?" I couldn't help asking.

"In making a sand castle, you invest your time, effort, creativity, even your emotions. But after just one wave, kapag naabot siya ng tubig galing sa dagat, all will be gone. Here today, gone tomorrow," he explained without taking his eyes off his handiwork.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang nalungkot rin ako sa sinabi niya but I kept quiet.

"Parang itong date na ito," he continued and finally looked up.

He stared at me and with lonely eyes and forced a smile.

"For you it's just a sand castle date. After today, wala na. Just like this sand castle, it will be gone with just one wave. Masaya ka nang makakapagpatuloy ng buhay mo as if this date didn't happen at all."

Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya.

Does he really think that this date meant nothing to me? All that happened today, all the meaningful encounter, all the worthwhile experiences, all the times he held my hand to conquer all my fears, he seriously thinks I wouldn't remember all of them for the rest of my life?

I was about to disagree but he already stood up and held out a hand to help me get up.

"Let's make this sand castle date memorable, at least for me?" he asked.

I smiled and took his hand.

He went inside the restaurant and came back a few minutes after with take-out food and a borrowed blanket.

"It's much nicer to have dinner under the stars," he stated as he start to spread the blanket and set up our dinner.

I looked up and noticed that despite the darkness, the sky seemed to glisten because of the stars. In front of us, the clear water mirrors the same view from above.

"So that's why they call this place Stargazers' Play Park and Recreation," I concluded while marveling the heavenly view.

We had seafood dinner while admiring God's gift of nature around us. I don't think there ever was a time that I've appreciated God's creation this much. Only now, because Ethan made me see it through his eyes.

I looked over at Ethan who was happily feasting on his supper. He must be really hungry too with all the activities. I smiled to myself, realizing that I didn't even tell him what I want for dinner but he came back with all my best-loved dishes. He need not ask me because he knows all my favorites by heart.

I've never appreciated Ethan as much as I do now, either. Lagi na lang akong nauunahan ng inis sa kanya. But today was different. It's like I'm really seeing him for the first time, in a different light.

"You think it would be a good idea to dance under the stars, too?" I suggested on impulse.

My sudden offer made him choke and I poured him a glass of water in a hurry.

"Really???" he croaked in disbelief after he recovered from shock.

I got up and extended my hand to him this time.

"Dance with me?" I asked, straining my ears to hear the sweet music playing from one of the cottages.

His smile was so wide it almost made me laugh.

"Who am I to refuse? It's on my dream list, too," came his response.

I could sense his nervousness as he took my hand. I even felt him shaking as he planted a hand on my waist and I rested mine on his shoulders.

I tried to ignore it but I could intensely feel the butterflies in my stomach as he pulled me closer.

"Thank you for this date, Ethan. There are a lot of things in my life that I'm afraid of, things that I never thought I could possibly do. But today, you made me realize I can."

I think I can even fall for you, I said in my mind but didn't have the courage to say aloud.

He nodded.

"Minsan may mga bagay kasi na akala natin hindi natin kaya, but once you knew your purpose for doing it, you'll find out na kaya mo pala. Kagaya kanina sa blood letting, nagkaroon ka ng purpose nung sabihin ko sa iyo kung saan gagamitin ang mga donated blood na iyon and you changed your mind."

"Ang lalim, may pinaghuhugutan?" I joked to ease my own anxiousness but his expression suddenly turned serious.

"I guess you could say that. Akala ko rin kasi dati hindi kita kayang i-let go. Pero dahil ang purpose ko is to make you happy, even if it's not with me, kakayanin ko," he said in a quiet voice.

A heavy lump formed in my throat at that statement. I chose not to reply but leaned my head on his broad chest as we continued with the dance.

I have to think hard kung paano ko sasabihin sa kanya that I may be willing to give him a chance this time. Siguro pagbalik ko na lang galing Ilocos. A week away from him will do me good at pagbalik ko, kapag nakapag-isip na talaga ako, tsaka ko siya kakausapin.

Ethan was humming along to Ed Sheeran's version of Stay With Me playing from afar. I never felt nervous around Ethan before but this time I was afraid he could feel how fast my heart was beating as he held me close while we danced with bare feet.

After the dance, we found a wooden bench near the water and decided to sit around to rest for a few minutes before we head back home. The water felt so good under my feet and I leaned my back while Ethan sat quietly beside me.

I closed my eyes although I'm not sleepy so I could have a better feel of every splatter of water against my feet. It's been a long day but surprisingly, I don't tired at all. This date turned out to be way different from what I expected. I wasn't bored, not even for a single minute.

Ethan and I were both silent as we listened to the waves but I'm grateful it wasn't awkward. It was pleasantly peaceful, just like the water beneath our feet.

When I felt his hand on the side of my head, I kept my eyes closed. He thought I was asleep and I allowed him to hold me by the shoulder and let my head rest on his lap. It felt good to be this close to him, it shocked me.

I shivered inside when he began stroking my hair gently, obviously careful not to wake me up.

"Alam mo ba, akala ko noon sapat na na mahal kita. Sa akin siguro, oo. Even if you don't love me in return, even if I never had you, masaya na ako na mahal kita."

"I have to admit, sometimes it gets lonely standing in a one way street but I get by dahil naniwala ako that my love for you will suffice."

He sounded so sad I want to get up and hug him. But I want to hear what he has to say without making him worry about my reaction.

"Pero later on narealize ko na kahit masaya na ako ng ganon, it's still unfair on your part. You deserve to love and be loved in return. You deserve to experience that feeling. Iyong nararamdaman ko for you, I hope someday maramdaman mo rin iyon. But I wouldn't wish for the same ending for you. When that time comes na inlove ka na, I hope the feeling will be mutual. Sana iyong mamahalin mo, mahalin ka rin the way you truly deserved to be loved."

My heart ached for him. Ganito pala talaga magmahal si Ethan, selfless.

"Si Tyrone, I know you like him. At sa ipinapakita niya, I can tell he likes you too."

The way he said Tyrone's name sounded bitter. It suddenly dawned upon me that I never thought of Tyrone the whole time I was with Ethan samantalang kilig na kilig ako noong nagdaang gabi lang when he asked me out. He's part of the reason why I agreed on this date, right? So what's happening to me?

"I hate that guy, of course."

He let out a humorless laugh at his own statement and I could imagine him shaking his head as he went on.

"But to be fair, he honestly looks like a decent man. You can give him a chance, something I could only wish you gave me. I just hope he makes you feel good, one thing na hindi mo naramdaman sa akin."

You do make me feel good, Ethan. Now and in the days following today, I can tell.

He heaved a sigh after that and started humming a tune while caressing my cheek.

Then he sang.

♫I've never been so sure of anything

When you're next to me, I finally feel complete

I know for sure, you're all I'll ever need

And I'll never stop

Loving you more with each breath that you take

This promise I never will break for you ♫

The song was not familiar and I never paid attention to song lyrics before. But now I really want to listen to every word.

♫But you're not the one

'Cause you don't wanna be

I might have chosen you

But you chose differently

You might make me feel whole

I don't make you complete

I will grow old with you

But you've grown tired of me

You're not the one

'Cause you don't wanna be ♫

'You're not the one because you don't wanna be'. Did his voice actually c***k on that part on that the song? I've heard him sing several times. Sa resto, sa bahay, sa school. Pero it felt like the first time na narinig ko siyang kumanta mula sa puso.

♫So I'll let you go as hard as it is for me

I'll never know, what this was supposed to be

If you're ever alone, I hope that you think of me

'Cause I'll never stop

Loving you more with each breath that I take

These feelings inside never change for you ♫

Is he really serious about letting me go? Sabi niya dati he'll never give up on me. I chose to believe on that.

♫But you're not the one

'Cause you don't wanna be

I might have chosen you

But you chose differently

You might make me feel whole

I don't make you complete

I will grow old with you

But you've grown tired of me

You're not the one

'Cause you don't wanna be ♫

It's weird. It felt as if my heart was tearing habang kumakanta siya at parang gusto kong umiyak everytime his voice shook with so much emotion.

♫If you ever feel, the way that I do

I hope that it feels the same way too

'Cause I only want what is best for you

And I hope that he gets on one knee

Just wishing it could've been me ♫

He's really convinced that I'm in love with Tyrone. Thing is, I thought so too myself. But now I'm no longer sure.

♫You're not the one

'Cause you don't wanna be

I might have chosen you

But you chose differently

You might make me feel whole

I don't make you complete

I will grow old with you

But you've grown tired of me

You're not the one

'Cause you don't wanna be ♫

He sniffed as he finished the song and I was tempted to open my eyes just to see if he was crying so I pretended to yawn and rubbed my eyes.

"Sorry, nakatulog pala ako?" I lied as I lifted my head from his lap.

He looked alarmed and wiped his eyes in panic.

He's been crying? For me?

He really loves me. And he's hurting. All because of me. Ilang beses na niyang sinabi sa akin na mahal niya ako pero bakit ganoon? Parang ngayon ko lang talaga naramdaman.

"It's good you're awake. Masyadong malakas ang hangin rito, medyo mahapdi na sa mata. And it's getting late, we should head home," he told me, clearly avoiding my eyes.

Ethan still held my hand the whole time but he was awfully quiet as we headed back to the cave and into the main entrance where he parked the car. Kung gaano karami ang sinasabi niya kanina noong inaakala niyang tulog ako, ganoon naman siya katahimik ngayon.

Even as we traveled back to the city, he kept the conversation at a minimal. He's still sweet and he answers all my queries willingly but he's not as jolly as he was when the day started.

"May problema ba? Hindi ako sanay that you're running out of things to say," I told him as we entered our village.

He glanced at me sideways and let out a sad smile.

"Wala. It's just that the day is almost over. And I don't want it to end."

Neither do I, I wanted to say but I didn't dare.

He opened the passenger door and walked me to the porch when we reached home. It's 11:30. I'm pretty sure my family is already asleep but they left the dim light on for me.

"Thank you for this date, Ethan," I whispered.

"No, my Lois. I should be the one to thank you. You just made another item on my dream list come true by going out on a date with me. I know it probably meant nothing to you. But to me, it meant everything."

"Ethan-"

I was about to tell him that he was mistaken, that this date meant a lot more to me than he thought but with a sudden move, he closed the gap between us before I could even continue.

He looked deep into my eyes and completely took my breath away as he cupped my face with both hands and planted a kiss on my lips.

How dare he steal my first kiss?!?

I expected myself to slap him. Under normal circumstances, I swear I could have easily punched him in the face.

Pero hindi ko magawa.

I was paralyzed. I couldn't speak. I couldn't make a single muscle move. All of a sudden, the world started spinning around me and I just got lost in it. My heart was beating so fast, leaving me breathless.

It was a very gentle kiss but I could actually feel all his love as he passionately brushed his soft lips against mine. My lips felt warm, tingling with excitement, along with my heart. Fireworks seem to explode inside my system. I felt unexpected spark erupting within me and I just found myself kissing him back.

Where on earth are these emotions coming from?!?

It took me a while before I could finally open my eyes after the kiss. And when I did, he was staring at me with sad eyes.

Was I actually waiting for more? Did I actually want him to kiss me again?

I allowed Ethan to kiss me. I must be crazy.

"So this is the end of it, my Lois," he said in a whisper and pulled me in a warm embrace before I could even recover from what happened.

No, this is just the beginning, I protested but no sound came out of my mouth.

His house is just across mine at gusto kong matawa sa kaseryosohan niya pero hindi ko rin magawa dahil baka ma-offend siya.

Now that's shocking. Akalain mong for the first time pinigilan kong mag-punchline dahil baka masaktan siya? Kailan pa ako nagdalawang isip na i-offend siya?

I surprisingly had a good time. What's more surprising is the fact that I actually enjoy being in Ethan's arms, to have him hold me the way he's doing right now.

I was still savoring the hug and reminiscing our kiss when he slowly pulled away.

"You have to get in, it's almost midnight. My time is up. I would have loved to keep you in my arms all the days of my life. Pero kapag hindi kita binitiwan ngayon, baka hindi na kita kayang pakawalan kahit kailan."

His voice cracked again, the same way it did when we were at the beach. But this time he didn't hide the tears forming in his eyes.

"I know this may be just a sand castle date for you. Pero para sa akin hindi. The memories will stay with me forever. I will always love you, my Lois. And even if I let you go, you will always be a part of me," he said in a whisper as he caressed my face, not bothering to wipe the tears falling from his eyes.

I started to lift my hand to touch his cheeks and dry his tears but he caught my hand and kissed it instead.

He looked me in the eye one last time, forced a smile and before I could even muster the courage to tell him how I truly feel, he was already gone...