Beneath What it Seems

Chapter 16

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Halos wala akong enerhiya at lakas bumangon kinabukasan pero tuwing iniisip ko na makikita at makakausap ko na si Ridge ay napipilit kong gumalaw ang sarili ko.

I'm excited to see him. Funny cause we're just not together for one freaking day but it feels forever to me. I look forward on having him by my side and being on his as well. I can't wait to share to him how my day went yesterday and ask him how he spent his day too.

Pagtungtong ko pa lang sa school ay gustong-gusto ko nang pabilisin ang oras at paabutin ng break time.

Pagsara ko ng pinto ng sasakyan ay nakarinig din ako ng parehong tunog sa tabi.

Napalingon ako at nakita si Sir Jad na kakababa lang din sa sasakyan niya. Nagkatinginan kami at nginitian niya ako. Nahihiyang ngumiti rin naman ako pabalik.

Medyo binilisan ko ang galaw para mauna na sa paglalakad. Noong elementary pa lang kasi ay ako na yung tipo ng estudyante na hindi magaling maki-pagclose o makipag-usap man lang nang casual sa mga teacher. Nahihiya at naiilang ako tuwing sinusubukan. Kaya minsan ay bumibilib ako sa mga kakakilala kong nagiging kaibigan ang mga guro nila dahil hindi ko kaya yun.

Nagulat ako nang maramdaman ang presensya ni Sir sa gilid ko. Nasabayan niya pa rin pala ako.

"Hi, Lia," nakangiting bati niya.

Naiilang na ngumiti rin ako. "Hi, Sir." 

Binagalan ko naman ang lakad para mauna na sana siya pero bumagal din ang lakad niya. Magkatabi pa rin tuloy kaming naglalakad nang sabay at mabagal.

"I've read the paper you submitted," napalingon ako sa kanya. "I was impressed. Content and quality - wise, it was really good. Plus maaga mo pang pinasa." he flashed a pleasing smile.

Hindi ko maiwasang mapansin na hindi talaga halatang prof si Sir. Sa unang tingin ay iisipin mong estudyante lang din siya. Ayon pa nga sa mga kaklase kong may crush sa kanya ay fresh graduate lang daw siya.

Hindi ko alam ang ire-react sa sinabi niya. "U-uh, thank you Sir," ngiti ko na lang.

He stared at me before his lips curved into another smile.

"That's what I like most about you," unti-unti akong napahinto sa paglakad dahil sa pagliko ng usapan. Nakita kong napahinto na rin siya.

"Aside from your charm," he started, while staring at me with his bright eyes. I can feel my cheeks burning from embarrassment. "..you also take your studies seriously." then a genuine smile plastered on his face.

I don't know what my expression right now looks like pero natawa siya. Ang alam ko lang ay gulat ako at hindi alam kung anong dapat sabihin sa ganitong klaseng sitwasyon.

Maybe my reaction looks funny because he really did chuckle after seeing it.

"I'm kidding," he cheekily said then he put his left hand on top of my head to ruffle my hair slightly. "..Don't think too much about it." he added.

I was too taken a back by the contact he made between us that I failed to process what he just said.

I was just about to step back to free my self from his touch when my gaze darted to a pair of dark eyes from a far.

My lips parted at the sight of Ridge. I want to feel excited but no. Not when he looks like that. Not when he looks intense and angry. 

His lips are straight in a grim line and his jaw was clenched. His dark stare feels so cold that I'm feeling the chills over where I am standing.

He immediately looked away and I saw his adams apple moving. I caught him hiding something in his back. It seems like he was holding something a while ago. What was that?

I couldn't have an answer since he started walking away without letting me have a glimpse of it.

I was about to call him when I was distracted as Sir Jad pulled his hand away from my hair. I didn't even notice that it was still there all along.

"First class mo na ba?" tanong niya.

Napalunok ako. Hindi ko maiwasang mainis sa sitwasyon habang tinitignan ang oras at na-realize na kailangan ko nang pumasok. I can't even run after Ridge.

Buong klase ay distracted ako. Paulit-ulit na lumalandas sa isip ko ang madilim niyang titig. Ang paraan ng pag-iwas niya ng tingin ay bumagabag sa akin.

"Tara kain-"

Hindi ko na halos matapunan ng tingin ang mga kaibigan ko at mabilis nang nagligpit ng gamit.

"Hoy Lia, san ka?" tanong ni Ava nang makita ang pagmamadali ko.

"Di na muna ko sasabay bumili guys," paalam ko at kumaway na agad.

Dire-diretso lang ang lakad ko at hindi na sila muli nalingon. Literal na tinakbo ko na ang pa-RV. I'm dying to see him. My thoughts are torturing me.

Hingal na hingal ako pagbukas ng pinto sa rooftop.

There, I saw him in his usual position. 

But unlike what he does lately, he didn't look at me. He didn't even threw me a glance.

It feels like Day 1 over again. Like my presence is very much unwelcomed.

The though of it formed a heavy lump on my throat. It weakened my knees as I walk towards his direction.

"H-hey," I said with zero confidence when I was already in front of him.

There was still no sign of acknowledgement from him. Hindi siya nag-aangat ng tingin mula sa binabasa. I suddenly feel like a nuisance. Like I was some kind of burden that bothers him from doing something important.

Ang dami-dami kong gustong sabihin. Marami akong baong kwento na dapat ay ibabahagi. Pero hindi ko alam kung bakit nawalan ako ng lakas na simulan ang mga ito. Parang hindi ko maipasok sa sitwasyon. The air feels different. It doesn't feel right to suddenly talk about it when we're like this.

"K-kumain ka na ba?" I asked instead then took a seat. 

I want to bring back the usual air between us first. The welcoming silence he started to make me feel these past few days. I want his quiet stares on me. I want his attentiveness. His little gesture of opening the food for me.

But he gave me nothing of it.

I can almost feel something painful hitting on my eyes. God, I miss him. I miss him talking to me. I miss him asking me about my day. I miss the amused look on his face. I miss his subtle sweetness.

I couldn't take it anymore. I want to tell him the words that would sum up everything that I'm feeling right now.

I exhaled a deep breathe. "I miss yo-"

I was cut off when he closed his book with a certain force. 

He was intensely staring straight in front.

"Stop coming here." he suddenly said.

I shivered at the coldness of his voice.

My throat went dry. I tried to swallow to find my voice. "Ridge-"

"Stop showing your face anywhere near me again too." he added in monotone.

I can feel my eyes watering. What does he mean by that? Just the thought of not having him beside me ever again caused my stomach to twitch.

I almost reached for his hand when he stood up with tension.

"Stop treating me like some kind of game," 

The tone of his voice was very different from the Ridge I knew. He's not my Ridge. He's a different person. He remained unmoving in his spot, not taking a step or two. He turned his head down to me. 

"Cause I can't stand being played," 

He gave me an intense gaze that made the hair on my nape stood up. He roamed his eyes around me. I've always been comfortable with the clothes I wear. Pero sa paglibot ng tingin niya sa akin ay nakaramdam ako ng pagka-ilang sa iksi ng palda ng uniform ko.

"Especially by someone like you.." he loathingly said. His voice was filled with something else that I can't even name.

The way he threw me his one last glance before turning his back on me and walking away made me feel like I was some kind of trash.

It was that same insulting look that he always gave me before.

I felt something in me crashing as his words remained piercing through my soul.

I can't believe that after all these time, he still think of me that way.

Like anybody else, he also think of me badly.

I thought I was used of receiving such hurtful words.

But it just really hits different when it comes from that certain someone.

Fuck these tears.