Epiphany

Cuiusvis Hominis est Errare, Nullius Nisi Insipientis in Errore Perseverare

Any man can make a mistake; only a fool keeps making the same one.

HANNAH

I stared at my reflection at the mirror.

Sinukat ko ang formal dress na dumating para sa akin. It's a knee-length boat neck cocktail dress with a velvet pitch black bodice and a satin box pleated skirt in a lighter shade of black. It's so classy and elegant. The cut was modest and I like it very much.

I bit my lower lip, trying to suppress my smile. Pero bigong-bigo naman ako. Kahit ang kilig na nararamdaman ko ay hindi ko mapigil. Pinulot ko ang card na nakakabit sa box at binasa pa ulit iyon kahit na nakabisado ko naman na ang nakasulat.

"A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms.- Zen Shin"

I'll pick you up at five. See you tonight, Hannah.

- C

Mommy bought a burgundy long gown for tonight, but I'll definitely wear this dress Carrack gave me. I might be overdressed with the one my mother prepared. I like this one better. It's simple yet elegant.

I started preparing for tonight's event. It's only one in the afternoon but I don't want to rush things. I soaked myself in a tub for more than an hour. I wanna make sure to clean every inch of my skin. I don't want any flaw. 

Mommy hired a hair stylist and makeup artist for me. 

"I want a natural look," I gently said to the makeup artist. 

It took more than two hours to complete my look. My hair was nicely done in a low chignon bun with few strands hanging loosely at the side of my face. 

"You're so beautiful, miss Hannah," the makeup artist dreamily said. 

I curtly smiled at her. "Thank you."

I wore my crystal studded stiletto heels my mother bought from her trip in Singapore, and completed my attire with my black YSL purse Kuya gave me last Christmas. 

At exactly five in the afternoon, I went down the living room. Naabutan ko sila Mommy at Tita Beatrice na nag-uusap tungkol sa ospital.

"Oh my God! Stunning, Hannah," Tita Bea said with her face radiating admiration. 

"What happened to the dress I bought?" Mom asked, annoyed. 

I bit my lip then bowed my head. 

"Harriet, this one she's wearing is elegant. Simple yet classy. She looks sophisticated and modest. Just right for a formal dinner," Tita Bea said as she held my arm. Mas tinignan n'ya pa ako at binigyan ako ng masuyong ngiti. 

I nodded in agreement. "The gown you bought is too much for the event, Mommy. Overdressed naman ako d'on." 

"This is perfect, Harriet," Tita Bea insist. 

My mother sighed. She approached me then gave me her gentlest smile. "You're so beautiful, Hannah," she warmly said. Tears brimmed her eyes as she scanned me. "I am so proud of what you are now."

I gently laughed. "This is all thanks to Selene. She helped me in picking up myself."

Mommy shook her head. "This is all because of you, dear. You're the one who helped yourself."

"But Selene is the one who gave me hope. She influenced me with her positive vibe. She got her optimistic aura around her which cheered me up," I explained. "If not for her, I'm still the same old timid girl, afraid of everything." 

"Selene must be a nice girl," Tita Bea smiled. 

I nodded. "She's a wonderful person, Tita. She's everything I can ask for a friend. She taught me how to speak up, how to decide for myself and stand by my choices, and most of all, she showed me how to love myself and value my worth."

Mom sobbed. "I'm glad you met her. She's my answered prayer." She pulled me in a hug. "Kailan ko ba s'ya makikilala?"

I giggled. "Soon, Mommy. Busy pa kasi si Selene sa family nila." 

Selene is always busy with Stan. Ate Tria and Kuya Levin are both occupied with the company. Kakapasa lang kasi ni Tito Travis ng posisyon n'ya kay Kuya Levin. 

"Do you have a date for tonight, Hannah?" Tita Beatrice asked after she went back to her seat. She gracefully picked up her cup of tea. 

I can feel my face heating up. "Y-Yeah..." 

I am not as shy as before but I am still working on my confidence. At sa hindi ko maipaliwanag na dahilan, palagi akong ninenerbyos kung tungkol kay Carrack ang usapan. 

Kapag nasa paligid si Carrack, pakiramdam ko ay inaagawan n'ya ako ng hangin dahil nahihirapan akong huminga. Hirap na hirap ako... dahil sobrang kinikilig ako. Hindi lang dahil sa guwapo s'ya, o sa dahil mabait s'ya at gentleman. There's something about him that's taking my breath away. And with everything he does, he's sweeping me off my feet. 

Delikado ito. Alam ko, na dapat ay natuto na ako. 

Carrack Amante excites and frightens me both at the same time. He's danger and comfort. 

I am losing my mind... so I am letting my heart decide where this would take me. 

One thing I learned from Selene, it's better to regret the things you did rather than regretting things you never dared to do.  

Tita Beatrice gave me a teasing smile. "Who's the lucky guy?" 

I bit the insides of my cheek. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako kinikilig. I cleared my throat. "Carrack. Selene's brother." 

"Oh!" Tita Beatrice giggled. She gave me a meaningful look. 

"Selene can't make it tonight so she sent her brother instead." I felt a bitter sting with my lie. 

I feel uncomfortable na tinutukso ako ni Tita Bea kay Carrack. 

"She's thoughtful. Why don't you try to introduce her to your brother? Frigate is not getting any younger. Dapat na s'yang mag-asawa! Or kahit girlfriend man lang sana," Tita Bea suggested. 

"He got Kyla," Mommy said. "Though I don't think he's interested with her," she shrugged. 

"Is he still not over with her ex-fiancée?" Tita asked with worried expression. "He should be! It's been years."

I shook my head. "It's the woman after her, Tita."

"Oh! Hindi ko alam na may naging girlfriend pala si Frig after that failed engagement. Walang nakuwento si Barque." 

"He never got the chance to introduce her. Their relationship was short-lived," Mommy sighed. "Unfortunately, my son fell hard." 

I feel sorry for Kuya. 

While waiting for Carrack, I got occupied with my thoughts. Puwede ko nga kaya na ireto si Selene kay Kuya? But I don't think that they will fit with each other. Selene will be too loud for my brother, and Kuya will be boring for my best friend. 

Carrack texted me an hour ago that he's on his way. And sent another message saying that there's light traffic on the way here. 

I sat with Tita Beatrice and Mommy. I listened to their conversation about our family business. 

Few minutes after five, Carrack has been escorted in our living room. His serious look made me hold my breath. And the flowers in his hand made my heart skipped some beats. 

"Good afternoon. I'm sorry I'm late," Carrack said in a formal tone. "Good afternoon, madams," magalang na bati n'ya kila Tita at Mommy. 

Napatayo kaming tatlo mula sa pagkakaupo. 

My lips parted when I saw admiration on Carrack's eyes while checking me. 

"Wow," he breathlessly uttered. "You look so beautiful." His eyes stayed on my face after scanning my dress. He gave me a charming smile. "As I thought, the dress will suit you well." He took few steps then handed me the bouquet of pink lilies and white roses. "For my lovely date tonight," he gently chuckled. 

"T-Thank you..."

Dang! 'Yong ngiti n'ya pa lang parang mahihimatay na ako. Tapos sinamahan n'ya pa ng humahangang tingin at papuri. Pakiramdam ko tuloy ay maganda talaga ako at gusto ko na lang mangisay sa kilig dito. 

"Hmm... The dress was from you? I must say that you have good taste, hijo," Tita Beatrice mischievously smiled. 

Carrack gently smiled. Parang hirap pa s'yang pilasin ang mga mata mula sa akin pero hinarap n'ya sila Tita at Mommy na parehong nasa kanan ko. 

"I'm Carrack Amante, madam. I'll be Hannah's companion for tonight," Carrack said in a serious and confident way. 

"Thank you, Carrack. Please take care of my daughter," Mommy smiled. Nagkausap na sila sa telepono noong isang araw. Tumwag si Carrack sa akin dahil gusto n'ya raw na pormal na ipagpaalam ako kay Mommy bago ang araw na ito. He wanted to personally talk to my mother, pero ako na ang nagsabi na puwede na ang sa telepono dahil ayoko na mas makaistorbo pa. 

Naipaliwanag ko na kay Mommy kung sino si Carrack at kung bakit s'ya ang date ko. I said that he just wants to keep me company because Selene won't make it to the formal dinner. Naawa lang si Carrack sa akin. 

This is the first time that I will be picked by a man in our house. Hindi ko alam kung mahigpit ba si Mommy sa ganito o hindi. Sa palagay ko kasi, sa ngayon ay susuportahan n'ya ang lahat ng social relationship ko. Madalas ay overprotective s'ya, pero dahil sa pagpapaalam ni Carrack noong isang araw, madali n'ya kaming pinakawalan ngayon. 

Nilanghap ko na muna ang mga bulaklak bago mabigat sa loob na iniwan ko iyon para makaalis na kami ni Carrack. 

This is not the first time I received flowers. Kuya and Dad, when he's still around, regularly gave me flowers and presents. I also have some suitors and secret admirers before my fall. But this one... Carrack doesn't have to do this, yet he still does. 

He's a gentleman. A perfect prince. 

And I should listen to the warning bells in my mind. This is dangerous. Tuluy-tuloy ang pagkakahulog ko. Baka mawasak na naman ako sa babagsakan ko. Dahil wala namang sasalo sa akin. 

Inihatid kami nila Mommy at Tita sa labas ng gate kung saan nakaparada ang sasakyan ni Carrack. I am not a fan of super cars, but I was amazed by his sleek gray sportscar. 

"Wow," I murmured as he opened the shotgun seat for me. The interior of his car is fancy. And it smells like him. 

"Ingat kayong dalawa. Enjoy your night," bilin ni Mommy at hinaplos ang braso ko. 

Si Tita Beatrice ay ngiting-ngiti at may panunukso ekspresyon. Ngumiti na lang ako sa kanila at humalik sa pisngi nila bago bumaling papasok ng sasakyan. Inalalayan ako ni Carrack papasok ng sasakyan n'ya at marahang isinara n'ya ang pinto. Nakita ko na may sinabi pa si Mommy sa kanya bago s'ya umikot para makaupo na sa driver's seat. 

"What happened to your SUV?" I asked while he's starting the engine. 

Carrack turned his attention to me. "That Outback is my favorite, but this Miata is for special occasions like tonight," he chuckled. "I got a lovely date, so I brought my flashy car," he grinned. "Not as flashy as Selene's Ferrari, but still flashy."

I giggled. "Our family is not particular with flashiness of cars."

"Ako rin. Kaya mas gusto ko palaging ginagamit 'yong Outback dahil malaki at mas maraming nailalagay at naisasakay. Plus, hindi naman masyadong napapakinabangan ang speed capacity ng sportscar dito," tumawa si Carrack. 

Nagbaba si Carrack ng bintana at nagpaalam pa ulit kami kila Mommy bago nagmaneho paalis. 

"But my family loves flashy cars. Itong sasakyan ko na nga ang pinakasimple sa lahat," Carrack leisurely said. 

Our drive to the university was filled with stories about cars, parties, and travels. Tulad ng dati, wala akong masyadong ambag sa kuwento at panay nakikinig lang ako sa mga sinasabi ni Carrack. I learned that instead of investing his money on overpriced cars, he bought a yacht instead. 

I found myself smiling while listening to his laugher. His smile is warming my heart. 

Being the gentleman that he is, palaging nakaalalay sa akin si Carrack nang nasa campus na kami. He even asked if it's alright to place his hand on the small of my back. 

When I felt Carrack's hand on me, I shivered. Pakiramdam ko ay may kumikiliti sa akin mula sa ilalim ng balat ko. Hindi na nga ako mabibigla kung bigla na lang akong madadapa dahil sa pagkakatuliro. 

"I have to call Icen. I already told him to include me on the guestlist, but it might slip his mind so I'll remind him again," Carrack said then pulled his phone from his pocket. 

We halted on our steps, and while he's busy with his phone, I got the chance to take in that we're attracting attention. Madami ang napapasulyap sa gawi namin at ang iba ay napapatitig pa. 

Dang! Carrack is not on a formal coat and tie, but he's still oozing with s*x appeal on his turtle neck and suit jacket. Every woman will have a second look on him because he's captivating and dazzling. 

"Icen, we're almost on the entrance. Nailagay mo ba ako sa guestlist?" tanong ni Carrack sa kausap n'ya sa telepono. "Sabi na nga ba," he chuckled. "See you."

Ibinalik na ni Carrack ang telepono sa bulsa n'ya at binalingan nang muli ako. "Nakalimutan n'ya nga. Pero itatawag na n'ya ngayon kaya makakapasok na tayo."

I felt nervous under the people's stares ang glances while we made our way on the venue. May mga kumukuha pa ng pictures sa amin. 

"Relax," Carrack chuckled then he slightly rubbed my back. "Let everything else go and enjoy the night." 

Mabilis na nakapasok kami at inihatid pa kami sa isa sa mga VIP tables. I don't mind that I am not on my assigned seat. May mga nakakausap na akong mga kaklase pero wala naman akong matuturing na kaibigan talaga. 

"Let's take our picture," Carrack smirked. "Selene will raise hell upon knowing this," he giggled. 

Carrack is always serious and intense, but he's immature when it comes to Selene. And I find it adorable. 

Carrack snapped a selfie of us with his phone but decided against sending it to his sister. And I'm grateful for that. 

I feel like having Carrack as my companion tonight is like betraying her. 

The night went smoothly. Few speeches was delivered by Icen Corpus then dinner was served. 

"Let's dance?" 

Agad na sumipa ang t***k ng puso ko nang yayain ako ni Carrack na sumayaw. Kanina pa nagsimula ang sayawan at nalibang ako sa panonod sa mga schoolmates ko na abala sa pag-sasayaw, pag-uusap, at pagkuha ng mga litrato. Si Carrack ay nalibang sa pakikipagkuwentuhan kay Icen at sa iba pa na mukhang hindi naman nalalayo sa edad nila. 

Nauna nang tumayo si Carrack at naglahad s'ya ng kamay sa akin. Ramdam ko ang pamumula ng mukha ko nang manginig ang kamay ko habang inilalapat sa palad n'ya. 

Hand-in-hand, we went to the dancefloor. The whole duration of our dance, I feel like I am floating in the air. I feel giddy having Carrack this close. I was embarrassed with the way he's staring at me, but I can't deny that I am flattered with the adoration on his face. 

"You're so beautiful," Carrack whispered.

I bit my lip. "N-Not really..." I bowed my head. I know that I am not ugly, but I am not so beautiful. Madaming mas maganda sa akin tulad nila Stella at Selene. Napakasimple lang ng mukha ko. 

Carrack smirked. "I was with strong and fierce women all my life, Hannah. So soft feminine faces are beguiling me."

Hindi ko nagawang sumagot at lihim na napangiti na lamang. Parang mahihimatay na kasi ako sa mga emosyong nararamdaman ko dahil kay Carrack. 

Nang magsimula nang maging lively ang kanta ay nagyaya nang umupo si Carrack. Salamat naman dahil pagod na ako at masakit na ang mga paa ko. Ayoko lang na ako ang magyayang tumigil sa pagsasayaw dahil masyado kong na-e-enjoy ang mga bagay-bagay. 

"Carrack..." a beautiful woman in red dress uttered. She's on our table and she looks baffled while looking up at the man beside me. 

"Flannery," Carrack smiled. "Fancy seeing you here." 

Carrack pulled a chair for me. Nasa pagitan namin ni Flannery s'ya nakaupo. He introduced us, and I learned that she's Icen's twin sister. 

Icen went back to the table with two other friends. They included me in their conversation and I found myself laughing with them. 

"Let's continue this on TH&M," pagyayaya ni Ae. Nang malaman n'ya mula kay Icen na narito si Carrack ay sumunod din s'ya. 

Carrack turned his attention to me. May bahid pa ng ngisi dahil sa pagtawa n'ya sa kuwento ni Kenny. "Wanna join us?" he asked me. 

I want to. I am having fun with them. But I know that I shouldn't. I'll just hold Carrack back. I am not good with alcohol and I don't want him to worry about looking after me. He deserves to enjoy with  his friends. Matagal pa naman silang hindi nagkita-kita. 

I shook my head. "I have to go home. I'll just take a cab so you can go with them."

Carrack rolled his eyes. "That's bullshit." Tumayo na s'ya. "Let's just meet there. Ihahatid ko lang si Hannah," Carrack said to his friends. Nakaalalay pa s'ya sa pagtayo ko. 

Napatuwid ako ng tayo nang lumapat ang kamay ni Carrack sa likod ko. Nakita ko ang pagsulyap ni Flannery doon kaya mas pinag-initan pa ako ng mukha. 

"Why don't you join us, Hannah?" Xyz asked. 

"I have to go. And I can't handle my alcohol very well," nahihiyang sabi ko. 

Flannery raised from her seat. "Let's go. We'll wait for you, Carrack." 

Gaya ng napagkasunduan, inihatid ako ni Carrack sa bahay namin. Hindi na s'ya pumasok dahil magmamaneho pa s'ya pabalik ng BGC. 

I can't wipe my smile off my face until I fell asleep. I know that this is not really a date but Carrack made me feel wonderful things tonight. 

The next day, I'm still on the clouds when I met up with Selene. She'll be teaching me how to bake a cake today. 

Feeling guilty, I confessed to Selene about last night. 

"Oh, that explains this," Selene grimaced as she tapped on the screen of her iPad. She showed me her thread of messages with Aeiou Escarrer. 

My heart sank upon looking at the picture of Carrack and Flannery, kissing on the dancefloor. 

"That manipulative asshole!" Selene breathed. "How's the night? Have you enjoyed it?"

Wala sa sarili na tumango ako. Kunot-noo na tinitigan ako ni Selene. Nag-iwas lang ako ng tingin sa kanya. 

"Well... whatever," Selene rolled her eyes. "At least you enjoyed the night. I'll curse my brother if it happened to turn sour for you," nanggigigil na dagdag n'ya. "I never liked that flaming b***h," she murmured. 

"Huh?" 

Selene gave me an annoyed expression. "Flannery was Carrack's ex. I never liked her." 

Does it mean that Carrack only used me as an excuse to be on that party? He used me to meet with his ex? 

Akala ko, he's being considerate and thoughtful of me. Iyon pala...

At iyon na nga ang lagapak na kinatatakutan ko. Wala pa mang nag-uumpisa, nawasak na agad ako. 

I'm a fool for making the same mistake.