FORGOTTEN Marriage (Fallacy of Marriage 06)

TRAUMA

I DID roam around the huge mansion. Maraming silid at maraming pasikot sikot. Mukhang panatag si Siv dahil may mga CCTV at iilang tauhan nito na nakabantay. I got bored, so I went out to the pool area, where there is also a patio and a fountain.

“Ang ganda rito… I wonder why we end up breaking apart?” Napabuntong hininga ako, nakaupo sa gilid ng pool at nakababad ang paa sa tubig. If this is my life, I will be very happy. But it seems that happiness couldn’t just be found in… wealth and luxury life.

“Miss Ely, nakahanda na ang meryend.” Napalingon ako sa tumawag sa akin. Nilapitan ako ng kasambahay. “Pinapasabi rin ni Sir na maghanda na kayo dahil mamayang hapon ay may appointment kayo sa Doktor.”

Napanguso ako.

“Mabait ba si Siv?” I curiously asked and lifted my head at her. Napatikom siya ng labi at bahagyang yumuko.

“Paumanhin, Senyorita. Pero hindi kami maaaring makipag-usap sa inyo tungkol sa ganitong bagay. Maaari lamang kaming makipag-usap kung ito ay tungkol sa trabaho.”

“I’m just asking if he is a nice person.” Ngumiti lang siya na tila hindi ko mababali sinusunod nito. “How about me?” I smiled at her sweetly.

Bahagya siyang napangiti at tumikhim para sumeryoso.

“Ihahanda ko na ang bathroom para sa inyong pagligo.”

Bigla akong nalungkot nung umalis ito at hindi ako sinagot. Isang dahilan din kung bakit ako nalungkot ay lahat nakahain na sa harapan ko, wala akong ginagawa. Hindi ako sanay ng ganito.

I won’t hold back, I won’t step back. I need to know what is my right in this house. I need to also know about who I am. Hindi ako papayag sa gusto niya hangga’t hindi malinaw sa akin ang alaala ko.

“He is so eager to process the annulment. I wonder why…” napanguso ako at tumayo na. Lumapit sa bilog na salamin na lamesa tsaka kinuha ang juice na maiinom doon. Sumimsim ako ng juice at nilibot ang tingin. “This is life is almost perfect. But why in my memory yesterday about you, Ely, you look unhappy.”

When I saw her in my memory, I couldn’t even believe that it was me. Different from who I am now. Her brows are furrowed, deep lines forming between them, and her lips are pressed into a thin, tight line that doesn’t hint at a smile. She is furious with glaring eyes.

Napatingala ako sa laki ng bahay at naningkit ang mga mata.

“What cause the marriage to fall apart?” taka kong bulong sa sarili ko, now my curiosity is everywhere. Gusto ko lang makaalala, pero ngayon ay marami ng tanong ang tumatakbo sa isip ko. Pero anu pa man, kilala ko ang sarili ko.

Akala ko ay susunduin niya ako at sabay kaming tutungo sa ospital. But he only order his men to pick me up and drive me to the hospital. Nauna ako roon at naabutan ko ang mag-asawang Attorney at Doktor. Pero ang lalaki ay hindi nakauniporme pang doktor. Suot niya ay kung ano ang suot ni Siv.

“You are not the one who will check on me?” taka kong tanong, lalo pa at narinig kong expertise niya ay neuro. That is what I need. Lumapit ang babae at nginitian ako.

“He doesn’t work here. He is a former Doctor but no longer works here in this hospital. Marami ang titingin sayo, hindi mo na kailangan ang asawa ko.”

Napanguso ako at umiwas ng tingin, anong iniisip niya? Type ko ang asawa niya? Nahihibang na ba siya? Masyadong selosa. The man just smirked and pulled his wife closer to his chest. May binulong siya roon para yata pakalmahin.

“Siv is just so annoying. Why are we the ones taking care of this girl?” reklamo nung babae.

“Enough, Lucy. Let’s see if she is telling the truth, alright? Siv doesn’t seem to care, he just wants to end the marriage and get half of their wealth.”

Sabay silang napasulyap sa akin, umiwas lang ako ng tingin at tinawag na sa wakas. Pumasok ako sa loob tsaka ako tinignan ng dalawang Doktor. They were even talking to each other like I am some kind of object to study. May mga sinasabi sila tungkol sa kalagayan ko.

“Let’s stick to reality, walang gamot, drugs, injections or any medical procedures to remove the memory of a person. We will base in science and the result of the examination.”

Napabaling ako sa isang Doktor at pinapasok na ang nasa labas na naghihintay sa akin. Nagulat pa ako nung huling pumasok ay si Siv na umupo sa tabi ko. Ang dalawa ay nasa harapan namin.

“Ely is having a brain injury that causes her to lose her memories. But this is interesting, Mr. Castaniada. Dahil ang ganitong cases ay mostly memorya lamang ng aksidenti ang nakakalimutan. But in Ely’s case, which is the first case in this hospital. She lost all her memories prior to the accident.” The Doctor smiled upward and sighed. “We call this Retrograde amnesia. Forgetting things before the injury. Ang iba ay halos dalawa o isang taon sa buhay nila ang nakalimutan. Yung iba, selective events lang.”

“Is this even… like normal? Does it really happen? To lose all her memories?” tanong ni Siv.

Napalunok ako at biglang kinabahan, does it mean? I do lose all my memories? Bakit? Paano ako nagkaroon ng bran injury? Anong nangyari? Naaksidenti ba ako?

“Yes, nakakalungkot lang dahil lahat ng alaala ang nawala. This is actually the first time I encounter someone losing all her memories.”

“Is there any other way to bring back my memories?” tanong ko at naramdaman ko ang pagbaling ni Siv sa akin. Someone took advantage of me, while I have no memory. Bakit? Sino ba siya? Bakit niya ginawa yun?

“You must avoid where the accident happened. Paano ka naaksidenti? Ano ang nangyari sa aksidenti? Dahil kung mananatili ka roon, walang alaala ang babalik. Your brain will only remember what causes the trauma or accident. Blocking the memories of the past.”

Kumunot ang nuo ko at marahas na bumuntong hininga.

“Your memory will come back, perhaps with no certainty. Kung babalik ka sa buhay na kinagawian mo. Kung paano ka noon. Gawin mo at balikan. Ang dapat iwasan ay ang mga magti-trigger sa utak mo. That is a memory and experience too in the past, kapag alam mong sumasakit ang ulo mo, huwag mo ng pilitin makaalala. Baka hindi magandang alaala iyun na siyang magdudulot pa ng dahilan para pigilan ang pagbalik ng alaala mo.”

I swallowed hard, and my hands trembled a bit.

“I… I have been dreaming about… me. Tuwing nagigising ako ay natatakot ako. Natatakot ako dahil pakiramdam ko… katapusan ko.”

They became silenced so I continued. If this memory is mine and not just playing trick in my head. I don’t feel safe with Siv. This Siv beside me claiming that he is the real husband. At ang nagpanggap na Siv ay kasali roon sa senaryo. Isa lang ang ibig sabihin nun, maaaring kilala rin siya ng lalaking ito na nasa tabi ko.

“I was in the middle of the forest. Madilim, sobrang dilim at may tinatakbuhan ako. Takot na takot ako at… pakiramdam ko mamamatay ako kapag naabutan ako. I was running, crying and shouting for help.” Nanginig ang labi ko at kinuyom ko ang kamay ko na nasa ibabaw ng aking hita. “Someone is chasing me, wanting to kill me.”

Napayuko ako at sinulyapan si Siv sa tabi ko, nagkatinginan kaming dalawa. His face, holding a gun, directing it at me, flashed in my mind. Don’t know if it was real.

“And? Did you see the people who are trying to kill you?” the Doctor asked indulgently.

Gumalaw ang labi ni Siv at lumamig ang titig sa akin. He looked away and pressed his lips together.

“I didn’t, that’s all I can remember.”

“You should avoid forest then, that will trigger you and block the memory of your past. Dapat umiwas ka na roon dahil patuloy lamang na babalik iyang masamang panaginip mo. Maging dahilan pa para tuluyan ng permanenting mawala ang alaala mo.”

Napatikom ako ng labi at mabilis na sinulyapan si Siv.

“Someone actually took me and made me believe that he is my husband,” I confessed. Kung hindi ko dapat pagkatiwalaan si Siv, mas lalo na ang impostor na nanloko sa akin. “Pinatira niya ako sa lugar kung saan napapaligiran ako ng kagubatan. That always triggers me at night. And I have the thought that was made intentionally.”

Kumunot ang nuo ni Siv at marahas ang pagbaling sa akin. Umigting ang panga niya at marahas na bumuntong hininga.

“And you didn’t leave? That was already torture, but you didn’t leave the place?” tanong niya na tila kasalanan ko pa.

Nakita ko ang paghilot ng sentido ni Lucianda at makahulugang tinignan ang asawa niya.

“I was trusting him that time. I didn’t know.”

“Bullshit! If he cares about you, hindi siya papayag na manatili kayo sa ganung klaseng lugar.”

“Kaya ko nga sinabi na maaaring intensyunal niyang ginawa yun para hindi na bumalik ang alaalal ko.”

He just scoffed and shook his head like dismissing any reason I would explain.

Sabay-sabay kaming lumabas na apat sa ospital. Lucy was complaining to her husband that she was very hungry and wanted to eat outside. Kaya naman papasok na kami sa sasakyan nung lumapit si Alejandro.

“Join us, malapit lang naman ang restaurant ni Cami rito. Kumain muna tayo roon para… mapag-usapan ang agreement ninyo. My wife will help you, Siv. To have a clear agreement with your… wife.” Sinulyapan ako ni Alejandro.

“Pupunta kami. Mauna na kayo.”

Alejandro nodded his head and went back to Lucianda and opened the door for her. Pumasok na rin ako sa sasakyan at inayos ang seatbelt. Siv is still on his cellphone, busy checking something there.

“Naniniwala kana sa akin? NA wala akong maalala?” I whispered softly to him.

Pinaandar niya ang sasakyan at tamad na binaba ang kambyo.

“We will see. It is hard to determine, baka bumalik na at nagsisinungaling ka lang para utuin ang mga tao sa paligid mo.”

He is so mad at me. Bakit ba?

“You can test me, I don’t mind. Basta ako, nagsasabi ng totoo.”

Napahalakhak siya at nagsimula na sa pagmamaneho.

“Marunong ka pala nun? Did your brain injury also change your attitude?” tanong niya at nahihimigan ko na ang panunuya. “Sana may ganun diba? Nababago rin yung ugali.”