Countless Times

SIMULA

SIMULA

"What's wrong with you, sassy?" I glanced at mae. She's chewing again her bubble gum. Ewan ko ba, ever since hindi na talaga mawala yung habit niya na ganyan. She used to call me sassy but everyone call me scarlet, I let her kasi wala naman na akong magagawa.

I sighed, I looked back again to my phone at inangat ito at pinakita sa kaniya. "He's not replying on me"

Mae smirked, sinandal ang kaniyang likuran sa upuan at tinaas naman ang isang paa. "Maybe he's cheating"

Paulit ulit, ngunit hindi ako maniniwala. Enzo will never do that to me, i trust him.

Umiling ako, at pinatay ang aking phone at muli siyang tinignan. "He'll never do that.. baka busy lang"

Mae sarcastically laughed, "Tanga" she murmured but i heard it. Wala nalang ako sinabi at inirapan siya at tinignan ang harapan ng room.

Our professor was not here at sobrang ingay talaga. I'm 2nd year college taking architecture, gusto ko sana mag take ng tourism pero my papa wants me to take architecture, kaya sinundan ko nalang, even though i don't want it, at first, pero kalaunan ay nagugustuhan ko narin.

"Scarlet!" A male voice shouted.

Gary walked towards at me, "Ano?" Iritadong boses ko.

His gummy smile showed again, lahat 'daw' ng babae ay nahuhulog sa ngiti niya. But me? Hinding hindi, nakaka irita kaya s'ya.

"Someone wants to talk to you" he grinned.

Kumunot ang noo ko, at sinamaan siya ng tingin. "Leave me alone" by that i walked away and left him.

I heard him called me again from afar ngunit hindi ko na siya nilingon at deretso ginawang pag lakad.

"Nandito napo ako pa.." i take off my shoes, bago pumasok. Agad naman sumalubong ang tahimik naming tahanan.

I sighed, it's been a years since my mom died, 15 years ago because of breast cancer, madalang na akong kausapin ni papa, hindi ko galit s'ya sa akin pero madalang din akong kausapin.

15 years without mama, sobrang nakakalungkot. I'm so young back then when she died. Nandito parin yung mga sana na, sana nandito pa siya, sana hindi gan'to yung trato sa'kin ni papa na parang hangin, sana masaya kami kasama s'ya.

Tumigil ako sa pag lalakad nang makitang kumakain ang aking ama. Nilapitan ko ito at agad siyang tumingin sa'kin ngunit saglit lamang iyon at bumalik sa pag kain.

"Mano po.." mahinang boses na ani ko.

He just lift his hand and let me do it. Ngumiti lamang ako ng tipid, "Bihis muna po ako.." he didn't say anything I started walked away from him.

Bumuntong hininga ako ng marahan habang tinatanggal ang neck tie ng uniform ko. Being with my papa in those years, parang wala narin sa'kin ngayon ang ginagawang pag ignora sa'kin. It made me realize that i should not forced someone to love me the way I love them.

Bumaling ang aking ulo nang marinig ang pag ring ng aking phone. I know it's enzo. He's been my light on my darkess life in those years.

[Hi babe..]

Aniya. My forehead creased after i heard his voice. What's going on?

I bite my lower lip, [hey.. what's wrong? May nangyari ba?] I still managed my voice into normal, even though I'm worried.

He huskily chuckled, [I miss you..]

I smiled, lagi s'yang ganito, na sana hinihiling ko na huwag siyang mag babago, sana walang mag bago sa'min.

[ Let's meet up here in manila, malapit na mag pasko, i miss you.. here in ust, we have event called paskuhan, can you come? ]

I gulped hardly. Wala akong masagot dahil wala akong kasiguraduhan. When enzo started studying in manila, hindi na palagi ang pag kikita namin. We only communicate on social media. Kung dati 'y nahihirapan na ako sa pag dadahilan ngayon pa kayang nasa manila siya.

I sighed. ["You know.. i can't.. sio.."]

Our endearment was siomai, short for sio. It's a long story.

Enzo sighed heavily, i knew it, I'm disappointing him again.

[I'll visit you, on 13th day of December. Sasabihin ko kay tito na boyfriend mo ako..]

My heartbeat raced, [s-sio.. alam mo namang wala akong magandang relasyon kay papa.. b-baka-]

[Then I'll get you, alam na ng pamilya ko tungkol sa'tin sio. Dito tayo sa manila mag aaral, we'll live together here in my condo-]

Nagulat ako sa kaniyang sinabi, [Enzo, hindi pwede.. kahit gano'n kami ni papa sa isa't-isa, hindi ko hahayaan na mag isa sya sa buhay.. he's still my father..]

He sighed again, [Okay.. let's see each other on 13]

[Pe-pero-] he cut me off.

[I love you, take care please..]

I sighed, before letting go my lip from biting it on my own. [I love you too, enz..]

Nang maibaba ang tawag. Tuluyan na akong napahiga sa kama ng may bigat sa dibdib. Ever since we're together, hindi ko man lang ito nasabi sa aking ama. Simple as that, I'm afraid. Baka may gawin s'ya kapag hindi niya nagustuhan na may karelasyon ako.

I closed my eyes tightly and hug my pillow. Muling dumilat at lumandas ang aking tingin sa litrato ni mama. I wasn't able to enjoy my life when she left us.

I live my life like a simple and normal student. Hindi naman ako katalinuhan ngunit masasabing masipag naman ako mag aral. Doing my plate at night, pumapasok sa university, talking with enzo.

Boring life, indeed. Nothing special.

-

Mas lalong bumilis ang t***k ng puso ko. I glanced on my phone. It's ringing and the caller was enzo.

It's December 13, today.

Nag away pa kami kagabi dahil pinipilit ko siyang huwag na pumunta. We ended up arguing before ended the call. Hindi na nawala ang pag aaway namin simula noong lumisan s'ya dito sa bulacan.

I sighed and turn off my phone again, sinusubukang mag concentrate sa gurong nasa harapan namin.

"Enzo texted me, mag reply ka daw" inangat ni mae ang kaniyang phone at pinakita sa'kin.

Umiling ako at iniwas ang tingin. We're walking now at the hallway, going at cafeteria.

"Nag away ba kayo?"

I shook my head, ngumiti ako sa nag titinda matapos maabot ang aking bayad. I don't want her to be involved on us, minsan mas problemado pa siya samin, kapag mag aaway kami ni enzo.

Well, she's my best friend at all.

Ngumiti ako ng tipid, "huwag mo nalang replyan.." tumango naman sya sa'king sinabi.

After the class. Napahikab naman ako at naluha pa ng kaunti, anong oras rin ang pag uusap naman maging ang pag gawa ko ng plates ko.

"I knew it sassy, look at there" nilingon ko ang kamiyang turo.

I gasped when i met his eyes, his eyes were searching and roaming around. Nang mag pag tagpo ang tingin namin, he blankly stare at me.

Bumuntong hininga ako at naramdaman ang pag siko sa'kin ni mae.

"Lakad na, 'wag kayong mag aaway dito ha" bulong niya.

I rolled my eyes, gripping at the strap of my bag before walking towards at enzo.

Iniwas ko ang tingin sa mata ni enzo, napatingin ako sa kaniyang sasakyan.

"I told you enz, hindi pa ako handa-"

"Then when scarlet? High school ba tayo para itago relasyon natin?" Sarcasm on his voice.

I glanced at him, my eyebrows were furrowed.

"Get in, mag usap tayo sa loob" simpleng saad niya bago binuksan ang pintuan ng kaniyang kotse.

I sighed. Umikot siya sa kabilang side ng kotse at pumasok sa driver seats. Nakatingin naman ako sa labas ng bintana.

"Pupunta tayo sa bahay niyo ngayon.."

My eyes widened. "What, n-no!"

He reach for my hand, "Tell me, do you still love me?"

Napatigil ako sa pag protesta.

Of course, I love him. Hindi ako handa sa sasabihin ng aking ama. It might be good or worst, and I'm afraid.

Enzo's hand were now on my cheeks caressing it, his eyes are now full of caring. "You love me, stop the argue baby, kung hindi papayag si tito then I'll convince him, I'll prove my self to him, okay?"

Tuluyan ng nawala ang inis ko sa kaniyang sinabi.

Wala na, marupok.

Enzo smile to me, his almond eyes are staring at me. "I love you.."

I glanced at enzo when we finally arive outside of my house. Niwala man lang na emosyon na kinakabahan sya. Infact, i was the one whose nervous here.

"We got this, I love you, trust me please?" He said after kissing my knuckles.

Huminga ako ng malalim at pinakawalan ito, at tumango sa kaniya.

"I love you too.."

Our fingers were intertwined, while staring at infront of the house. I felt enzo squeezed my hand with his when I opened the gate.

"Pa-" saktong pag hawak ko sa doorknow and syang pag bukas nito.

My father's eyes automatically landed to enzo besides me, bumaba ang tingin sa aming kamay na mag kahawak at tumingin s'ya sa'kin.

I gulped hardly, "Pwede ho ba tayong mag usap sa loob?"

Gulat ko'y when he just simply nodded at naunang mag lakad sa'min. I glanced at enzo, he look at me.

"I'll be fine, we will be fine okay?" I nodded at him.

"Go to your room, huwag kang lalabas hangga't hindi ko sinasabi, maliwanag ba lucy?" Utos ng aking ama.

Dahan dahan akong tumango, dahil narin sa kaba at takot wala na akong naging sagot. I glanced at enzo.

He smiled and nodded, mouthed again 'i love you' before my papa looked at him, hindi na ito nakatingin sa'kin. Muli akong bumuntong hininga bago tumayo at nag pasyahang pumasok sa'king kwarto. Apparently, my room was far away from living room, kaya walang posibilidad na maririnig ko ito.

After a minutes, 30 minutes to be exactly. I heard the knocks at my door.

I opened it, and saw my father standing. "You can go with him.. just go home before 10pm got it lucy?"

Napatanga ako ng ilang sandali bago mapruseso ito sa'kin.

H-he.. let me?!

Labis na tuwa ang aking naramdaman. I nodded happily and smiled to my papa. "H-hindi po ba kayo magagalit s-sakin?"

He raised his one eyebrow, "Did you tell to your mama?"

I nodded, hindi mawawala ang pakikipag usap ko kay mama, even tho she wasn't here. Madalas ang pag punta ko kung sa'n sya nilibing, and tell her how's my day went and everything how's my life is going.

"O-opo.." kabado kong saad.

"I will let you. Don't break the limitations.." last thing he said before he turned his back at me.

Sinundan ko si papa ng tingin.

He stopped from walking. "It doesn't mean, I'm not talking with you.. I'm no longer care for you, after all, despite of everything, you're still my daughter and you're everything that i had as of now.. take care"

Nang luminsan siya'y, hindi ko na mapigilan ang pag luha sa kaniyang sinabi. He's still care for me!

I love you papa..

--

"I love you..I love you.." I gigle. Paulit ulit ang pag halik nito sa'king pisngi.

I distance my self at him, "Enzo naman eh.." he chuckled and reach my hand again.

We're now here in manila, we just stopped over to eat lunch. Kasalukuyang kami nasa fast food chain even tho enzo wants to eat in expensive restaurant, 'yan ang ayaw ko sa kaniya dahil sa gusto niya lagi mahal, luckily i convinced him.

"We will go to my mom first?"

Nabitawan ko ang spoon at nanlaking mata na nag angat ng tingin sa kaniya. "W-what? Enzo naman! Look what i wearing today?"sinuri niya ang aking suot.

He touched his lower lip, "You look good, pretty as always.." he commented.

Umiling ako, no, hindi pwewedeng ganito lang. Like hell, I'm just wearing a high waisted jeans and half button cable knit crop top.

Lumabi sya sa'king harapan habang nakatitig sa'kin. Tinignan ko naman ang aking pagkain at muling sumubo.

"Staring is rude" i said.

"What? I'm your boyfriend, i have all the rights to kiss you, stare at you, hug you-"

Hinampas ko ang kaniyang braso, nag init ang aking pisngi ng makuha namin ang atensyon ng nasa kabilang table.

Enzo laughed, at hinawakan ang aking pulsuhan. "Finished your food first.." he said before pinching my nose. Nang gagalaiting sinamaan ko sya ng tingin at muli syang tumawa na kinairap ko nalang.

When we finally arrived, nilibot ko ang tingin. Marami na ring tao at malaki ang space maging ang stage. It's 6pm now at kanina nama'y nag palipas kami sa mall at nag pahinga sa condo ni enzo.

Nah, we didn't do 'that'. Pina hahalagahan ko ang aking sarili.

"Oh god! May fireworks?!" Masaya kong sabi at hinarap ang aking minamahal.

Enzo smiled and nodded at me. "Yes my siomai bb, later tonight.."

"Aray!" Daing ko ng pisilin naman ang aking pisngi. He's enjoying doing this at me ha!

"Let's just watch and enjoy this.. We missed each other for a long time.." he leaned and kissed my cheeks.

Hay nako!

"Ben and ben na!!" Sigaw ng iilan at may nag sitiliin pa. Nakaagaw ito ng pansin ng lahat. Everyone have their dates and friends with them. Ang iilan ay lahat naka hilig ang ulo sa isang grup ang iilan naman ay dalawa lamang at lalaki at babae iyon, much says they were couples.

I smiled while staring infront of the stage. Maraming members ito, at lahat talaga'y nag hiyawan sa kanilang pag dating.

I'm listening to their songs and i can say lahat ng mga iyon ay sobrang gaganda talaga.

When the intro song entitled araw araw played. I have the goosebumps. Everyone keep swaying and singing the song. While enzo's chin was on my shoulder, I can fell his breathing every time his lips was near on my neck.

Kay tagal ko nang nag-iisa..

And'yan ka lang pala..

Mahiwaga..

Pipiliin ka sa araw-araw...

Mahiwaga...

Ang nadarama sa 'yo'y malinaw..

I felt his hands on my waist tightened. I didn't looked back at him and enjoyed the music at nakisabay narin sa pag kanta.

I don't know why when the chorus played my eyes started getting teary. While enzo was humming behind me, he almost hugging me from the back.

I was about to glanced at him, after i wioe my tears off. The chorue played again, and i felt his breath also his lips on my ears.

"Pipiliin ka.. sa araw araw.." he whispered.

By that, i have a chance to looked at him. "I love you.." he whispered and giving me a peck kiss on my lips.

I smiled and chuckled at him, naluha na naman ako kaya nahampas ko sya sa dibdib. Dumaing sya at hinawakan ang aking pulsuhan at dinala ang aking kamay sa kaniyang labi, he even kissed the back of my hand.

These man!

When the fireworks exploded in the sky. Lahat ay namangha sa nakita. Maging ako rin ay naka tingala sa kalangitan. To my suprised, I'm about to check on him, he's watching me instead at the sky.

"I love you.." he always said those words. Ilang taon na kami, wala paring kupas.

I smiled at him, "I love you too.."

To my hiwaga.. thank you love, it's been a years but we still here, you always here for me. Paskuhan will be my favourite memory with you and I love you.

I posted it on my i********:. I'm smiling while my eyes were closed.

-

It's been a months. But I can still remember how we swayed our bodies to this song. Our moments like we were the only ones there.

I wished we still the same. I wished we stayed that we used to be, but in just a months a go, nag bago siya, nag bago lahat.

"Putangina naman enzo.. tangina naman.. tangina.." i cursed while sobbing.

I'm f*****g miss him. Pero sa nag daang araw hindi man lang niya nagawang tumawag o mag text man lang. I'm reaching him thru social media but he wasn't replying at me even tho, he's active all of his social mrdia platforms.

Putangina. Bakit ngayon pa? Putangina bakit nag bago?

To: My bb siomai

I'll text you the exact address where we will meet, we must talk about our relationship. If you didn't come, we are our over. Don't you ever blame me and tell me that i didn't tell you to see me, i've been reaching you out and message you all of your social media accounts. Hindi ako tanga, kung gusto mong tapusin 'to. Kausapin mo ako.

I send him the text while the tears caming out and fell from my eyes.

Ginawang tanga? Oo ako yon.

I sobbing while wearing my simple tshirt and mom's jeans, wearing my air max and my bag.

"Aalis muna po ako pa.." garalral na boses na paalam ko at binuksan ang pinto at deretsahang lumabas.

Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin at magiging reaksyon ni papa kapag makikitang ganito ang sitwasyon ko. Yung nilegal at pinakilala ko sa kaniya ginagago na ako.

I just take a tricycle kahit may kalayuan. Nag labas ako ng salamin and i didn't even fix and have my make up on my face. Kita narin ang pugto ng aking mata. I shook my head at tinago ang salamin sa'king bag.

I sighed while looking outside. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari but it started when i refused him do that 'thing' with him. Hindi ko malaman but he just drunk that night. And we ended up na hindi nag uusap lang ng madalas nung una. After a weeks hindi niya na'ko kinausap hanggang naging buwan na.

Mae convinced me to come at enzo in manila. Pero natatakot akong may malaman at madatnan at makita pa mismo ng mga mata ko. I'm having my conclusion now, at napagdesisyong s'ya dapat ang makikipag usap sa'kin at hindi ako.

Makababa at maibigay ang bayad. I'm looking around. It's 6pm now, at may kadiliman narin at kakatapos lang ng sunset. I texted him exact 6:30 dapat ay narito na s'ya.

Nag hanap at luminga ako sa paligid na pwedeng maupuan. Nang makakita ng isang store sa seven eleven at nakitang may upuan sa labas. Ay agad akong tumawid at umupo ruon. I can still from afar kung may darating man na kotse.

I sighed while looking to my phone. It's 7pm now.

Binalingan ang loob ng store at nag pasyahang pumasok. I roamed my eyes and looked for an instant noodles. Ayoko naman mag kanin dahil ayoko ng kanin at ulam nila rito. Infact, hindi naman ako gutom, lalagyan ko lang ng laman ang aking tyan.

I took a c2 bottle from the fridge at nag lakad sa counter at nilapag nalang basta ruon at tumingin sa labas at tumingin sa'king phone.

7:12pm.

I heard the beeping sound, i took out my wallet at nag labas ng pera at binigay ito. I looked up to whom i gave my money.

Napatigil ako ng makita ang kabuan niya. His narrow and pointed nose, deep eyes, thick eyebrows and his not fully lips. And he even wearing the uniform and he's alone here. Iniwas ko ang aking tingin nang napatagal na ang pag titig ko sa kaniya.

"Thanks" simpleng saad ko at kinuha ang aking binili.

"Plastic?" His voice were low that made me stopped from walking away from him.

I glanced at him, "No, I'm fine" tinalikuran at nag simulang nag lakad at lumabas na'ko.

Matapos lahat lahat ng pagkain at inumin ko. Enzo didn't came, i looked again to check what time is it.

8:30pm.

Baka dumating pa s'ya. Baka pwede pa. Baka pwede pang ayusin.

Tears came and fell out of my eyes. Nag simulang sumikip muli ang aking dibdib habang nakayuko at hinayaang bumuhos ang aking luha. I was gripping on my spoon and the othet onw hand was my phone.

Nag simulang mamasa ang aking damit ng sunod sunod na pag luha. Good thing it was night and no one was here, and i was alone.

Alone. Again.

I stood up and didn't bothered to wipe out my tears, bumalik at pumasok muli sa store at dumeretso sa fridge at kumuha ng beer.

I was on my hobby again. To the past few weeks lagi na akong napapasama sa inuman ng aking mga ka blockmates.

I sniffed at muling nilapag sa counter ang aking binili at kumuha muli ng pera. I didn't looked at the guy infront of him basta naka yuko lamang ako ng katamtaman na sapat na hindi mag tatagpo ang aming mga mata.

Alangan at mabagal pa ang kaniyang galaw ngunit naibigay naman nya sa'kin ito maging ang sukli. I didn't say any words at basta na lamang lumabas agad at umupo muli at nag simulang uminom.

I was fraking f*****g drunk. Nag simula nang mahilo ang aking paningin while I'm looking around.

He didn't bothered to see me, I waited for that f*****g asshole! Looked at me! I'm a messed! I'm fucktard! Ginago, pinaasa ng long time boyfriend niya na gago!

I sobbed befote i stood up. Nahihilo but i can still on my senses, i guess.

Nag simula nang humamog nang matumba ang sa daanan. I groaned and looked at my hands at nakitang may dumi at galos iyon.

I screamed, "Tangina! Tangina mo!" I sobbed hardly, I'm getting soaking wet because of the rain.

Nakatakip ang aking mukha, gamit ang aking mga palad. I'm sobbing hardly while I'm on the ground.

Naramdaman ko ang pag tila biglaan ng ulan nang walang bumagsak na ulan sa'king katawan but i remained on my place, crying.

I'm about to looked up and see the sky, the stars or the moon ngunit iba naman ang nakita ko. Color red umbrella. I looked whom it is. And that guy from the convient store.

Natuod ako at napasinghap but I can't believe na ngayon pa ako mag sisinok! And when I'm dead drunk hindi ko na ito mapigilan!

Tinakpan ko ang aking labi para matahimik ang aking pag sinok ngunit nag patuloy parin ito.

I heard these man sighed and grabbed my arms at tinulungan ako sa pag tayo.

"S-sino ka-" suminok muli ako. This man looked to my eyes boredly na parang isang sagabal lamang ako sa kaniya.

"I'll take you home, what is your address?"

Napanganga ako sa kaniyang pag salita na walang baliktad na pag sasalita o wrong grammar lamang.

"E-englishero ka" pag sinok ko.

This man rolled his eyes. "Let's go to my car" he said at inalalayan akong muli.

May kotse na pala ang nag titinda ruon? Makakaipon ba sila ng ganuon kadali? Malaki ba ang sahod nila? Mag apply kaya ako?

Patuloy parin ang pag sinok ko nang makarating ako ss loob ng kotse niya. Namangha ako sa nakitang brand ng kaniyang kotse.

Jeep wrangler.

Pumasok na siya sa loob ng driver seats na aking tinignan lamang sya. He's not looking at me, ngunit namahang na'ko sa kaniyang kagwapuhan. This man literally can drop any girl's jaw by loooking at him. He's gorgeous and hot as well.

Oh god ano naba ang pinag iisip ko-

"Can you stop hicupping?" Convient boy irritated said.

Nanlaki ang aking mata, sasagot pa almang ako ay sunod sunod ang pag sinok na aking nagawa. My eyes widened.

Umiling ako, "I-i can't-" my eyes widened when i felt his lips on my lips. Agad na lumayo sya sa'kin at sinuri ang aking mukha.

After a couple of seconds.

The convient boy smirked at me, "There.. see? Nawala na.."

Sa inis maging sa gulat ko ay nasampal ko siya.