Chapter 13
They stopped few blocks away from Carrie’s office and I pulled the car meters away enough para makita ko sila at para hindi nila isiping sinusundan ko sila.
When they went out of the car ay nakita ko silang pumasok sa katapat na building which is I think a studio. Nagpalipas muna ako ng ilang saglit bago lumabas ng sasakyan and started to walk towards the said building.
The place has a glass window so I can see them from the outside. Kapansin pansin na marami ang tao sa loob, from kids to early twenties, boys and girls wearing comfy clothes. I think this is Carrie’s dance class, this is where she learns how to move gracefully and dance so well.
Pumasok ako sa loob and just stayed at the back not drawing attention from anyone. I want to see her and watch her.
Few minutes later, she went out from a room with that George. She is now wearing a gray v-neck loose shirt and a black leggings where her perfect curves are visible, kahit pa nga maluwag ang kanyang suot. She smiles like she is do delighted to see everyone.
True as what I think it is, this is really a dance class, but Carrie is not one of the students, she’s the one teaching the students with her partner, George.
I confirmed it when her partner greeted everyone and say few words before they started stretching. And because inform of them is a huge mirror I can fully see her reflection on it.
She started stretching her muscles following the beat of the song that is playing loudly on the sound bars around the studio. Their students where lined up and follow their lead. I leaned on the door frame watching her every move, my eyes are glued only to her.
Anger filled me in when George leaned a bit and whisper something on her ear and just like that she chuckled while counting and doing their routines. I wanted to punch him in that instant pero hind inga pala pupwede. Baka mas lalong magalit sa akin si Carrie dahil malalaman nyang sinusundan ko sya at baka magkagulo.
Hindi ko kayang masira ang katiting na realsyong meron kami ngayon. Medyo maayos na kami compared when she flew back here, nagkakausap na kami na parang magkaibigan but not the same as before, and I won’t risk it just because I am too jealous seeing them together.
Nang matapos sila sa stretching routines nila ay nagulat ako ng umupo ang mga estudyante nila, giving them space in front so they could show the dance steps. Mabuti na lang at may iilang nanatiling nakatayo kaya hindi pa rin ako masyadong kita dito sa likuran.
Carrie explained what they will do for today, a contemporary dance. After, George came out from nowhere and the song “Dancing with a Stranger” by Sam Smith came to life.
I saw Carrie begin to sway her body in a very very sexy way, she extended her hands signaling George to come near her. He stood at her back, my breathing stops when he placed his left hand on Carrie’s thigh while the other covered her stomach and caressed her under boob. Holy sh!t!
I wanted to beat the sh!t out of him this instant and snatch Carrie away from him because I can’t see her touched by other man like that. My hands on my sides are clenching in so much anger.
“Wow, very sensual.” Rinig kong sabi ng isang babae sa aking gilid but I can’t seem to take off my eyes from them.
“Yeah. They are so good together.” Segunda pa ng isa.
Naramdaman ko ang p*******t ng aking mga ngipin tanda ng pagpipigil ng sobrang galit. Nakailang hinga rin ako ng malalim to loosen myself a bit but it’s not working lalo na ng makita ko ang kanilang mga galaw.
Magkadikit na magkadikit ang kanilang katawan and the way George holds up Carrie’s body, it seems like they are doing it pretty often. Few more twists and turns he lift her up jumping and clinging her thighs into his, both facing their audience. He grabs her thighs and body to let her still. When he let go of her, she went on his back and hug him from behind in a sensuous and alluring gesture.
Couple of swings more and their dance ended. It was just a two-minute dance show off, but it feels like a lifetime for me. Patuloy pa rin sa pagtatagisan ang aking mga ngipin, hindi iniinda ang ngalay at sakit ng aking panga.
Nang matapos ay nakangiti silang humarap sa kanilang mga estudyante ni hindi alintana ang pagod sa kanilang ginawa. This is what makes her happy, pero bakit parang hindi ko yata kayang ibigay? Watching her dance way back in their resort is okay but seeing her dance with a guy is a different thing.
She’s so good on what she does, and I am so proud of her, so proud even if it hurts me like hell.
I decided to go out to catch some air dahil parang mawawalan ako ng hininga sa sakit na nararamdaman ko. Panadalian akong sumandal sa may pader malapit sa may studio, I tried my hardest to calm myself, nakailang hinga rin ako ng malalim bago marahang naglakad.
I don’t know where I am heading just continued walking hanggang sa makakita ako ng isang pub. Pumasok ako at agad na umupo sa may bar counter tsaka umorder ng beer.
Gusto ko sanang tawagan si Lou because she knows the right words, I need right now but when I looked at the time, sayado pang maaga para istorbohin ko sya. I need her encouragements dahil sa totoo lang bibigay na ata ako. I am in the verge of letting her go and give her the happiness she deserves without me. But this organ inside my body is urging me to hold on at gumawa ng paraan para makuha sya ulit kahit pa magalit sya sa akin.
Gusto kong malaman kung may pagasa pa. Kung meron pa gagawin ko ang lahat ng gusto nya at kung wala na, walang kasiguraduhan kung makakaya ko pero pipilitin kong lumayo sa kanya. Kung ganoon, mamahalin ko na lang sya ng malayo, malayong malayo dahil siguradong hindi ako masasanay na may iba syang kasama. Kapag malapit ako paniguradong palagi lang akong mapapaaway at baka magawa ko rin ang ginawa ni Warren sa kapatid ko.
Hindi ako magdadalawang isip na kidnapin sya. Baliw na kung baliw pero ganito ata talaga kapag natagpuan mon a yung para sayo.
I chuckled at the thought, I never felt like this to anyone even to Eli, hindi ako naging ganito kabaliw. Nang hiniling nya sakin noong maghiwalay na kami dahil masaya sya kay Vincent kahit masakit ay hinayaan ko sya. When it comes to Carrie kahit nakikita ko syang masaya ngayon ay hindi ko kinakaya, ilang beses ko na ng aba syang iniyakan? Hindi ko na tanda. Nakakagago. Nakakabakla.
“Hey.” A girl pulled me out on my own world.
I lazily looked at her. “Are you alone?”
Iling lang ang sinagot ko sa kanya. Kung noon, ang ganitong mga pagkakataon ay hindi na pinapalampas, siguradong lalabas ako ng establisyimentong ito na kasama ang babae. I will have a good time with her and will end the night sated. But because of Carrie everything’s changed.
Nakita ko syang nagpalinga linga tila hinahanap ang aking sinasabing kasama and turned into me with a questioning look.
“I’m with my wife.” Tumayo ako sa kinauupuan at bumunot ng pera sa bulsa tsaka inilagay iyon sa ilalim ng basong kakaubos lang ng laman.
Tinalikuran ko sya at lumabas. I inhaled the cold air that greeted me outside. Nakapamulsa akong nabagal na naglakad pabalik ng sasakyan.
Nang madaanan ko ang kanilang studio ay wala na roon ang kanilang mga estudyante pero naroroon pa sila sa loob at naguusap. I can see calmness in her eyes, they are twinkling even. I smiled weakly.
Tumayo sila pareho at nagsimula na namang gumalaw sa saliw ng musika. Different moves, different routines but as sensual as earlier. Their bodies moving as one, fastened to each other.
I feel so numb, ang sakit, galit, selos at panghihina ay hindi ko na alintana. I just stood there against the glass wall and watch her.
Nakita kong bumulong si George kay Carrie ng matapos sila at pagkaraan ng ilang sandali ay hindi siya makapaniwalang tumingin sa gawi ko. Hindi ako nakagalaw na kahit suklian siya ng ngiti ay hindi ko magawa. This day is too painful for me and I can no longer hid it through a cool façade.
Maya maya pa ay nakita kong humalik si Carrie sa pisngi ni George tanda ng pagpapaalam. Mukhang tanga pero hindi pa rin ako gumagalaw sa pwesto ko.
“K-kanina ka pa?” Malumanay niyang tanong. Tumango ako.
“Sinusundan mo ba ko?” Naghihinala niya akong tiningan. Then again, I nodded. Wala ng dahilan para itago lahat ng ginagawa ko.
“Let’s go home?” Tipid kong tanong.
“Okay.” She said. We walked side by side hanggang sa makarating kami kung saan nakaparada ang aking sasakyan. I opened the shut g*n seat for her tsaka mabilis na umikot sa driver seat.
Wala kaming imikan hanggang sa makataring kami sa kanyang apartment. Pagparada ko pa lang sa tapat ng kayang bahay ay binuksan na niya ang pinto at hindi na ako hinintay na gawin iyon.
Nakasunod lang ako sa kanya hanggang sa makapasok.
“What are you doing Niccolo? Really? What this is all about?” Tila napipika niyang tanong.
Umupo ako sa sofa para masuportahan ang nanghihina akong katawan.
“I love you.” Halos pabulong kong sabi.
“Niccolo, I’m serious.”
“At seryoso rin ako!” My voice raised. “You think I’m not serious?! You think naglalaro lang ako?” Hindi makapaniwalang nagangat ako ng tinggin sa kanya.
“Niccolo naman.” Tiredness is audible in her voice nakapamewang pa siya habang ang isang kamay ay sapo ang noo.
“I am damn serious Carrie! Sa tingin mo susundan kita dito kung nagbibiro lang ako?”
“You came for your business Niccolo.” Umiiling niyang tugon.
“You are my business here baby. I came here because I want you back. I want US back.” Pinagkatitigan ko sya at ang gulat ay bakas na bakas sa kanyang mukha.
“Naguguluhan ka lang kaya mo nasasabi yan.”
“Hindi ako naguguluhan Carrie believe me I could drag you down to church this instant to marry you. I am that serious.” I pulled out a black velvet box from my pocket and put it on the table. When I saw it, I instantly brought it from the famous jewelry shop I passed by the other day.
“W-what…t-the…fu-f**k…”
“Kung sa tingin mo hindi pa ko seryoso sa lagay na yan, hindi ko na alam.” I stood up at dahan dahan ko syang nilapitan.
“I know I’ve been a jerk to you, a total dumbass, but believe me I love you and I’m sure of that. It kills me when I saw you turned your back and leave at the airport. I wanted to go after you and follow you, but I had to make peace with myself first.” I enveloped her into my arms.
“Dad was right, it was just my ego hurting when I saw Eli again. He was right, naiinggit lang ako sa kanya because she’s happy with her family and I’m still not settled yet. Naiinggit ako kasi gusto ko rin ng ganon. I want a mini you or a mini me running around the house like Armie and Amiel. But other than that, wala na. Minahal ko si Eli noon and honestly, she still has a place in me, but that love I had for her turns into a brotherly love, nothing more. Nakausap ko na rin sya about it and she told me the exact same thing that my dad told me. Nasapak pa nga ako dahil hindi pa raw kita sinusundan.” I chuckled when I remembered our conversation.
“You talked to her?” Her voice is lifeless. I immediately put a distance between us to look at her eyes. Hinawakan ko ang magkabila niyang braso.
“You don’t have to be jealous. We just talked and because of that I can tell you without a doubt that I don’t know longer love her. It’s just you all along, these past few years ikaw lang baby.” She looked at me, contemplating the things I’ve said.
“Ho-how could you say that?” Kunot noo niyang tanong.
“Kasi ikaw lang naman talaga simula pa noon. I am unaware that I am only waiting for you, the reason why I don’t have any serious relationship.”
Mas lalo siyang sumimangot sa sagot ko. “At nagdahilan ka pa sa pagiging babaero mo.” She rolled her eyes and glared at me afterwards. Natawa ako sa reaksyon nya, she’s really cute when she does that. Sinapo ko ang magkabila niyang pisngi at tumingin sa kanya ng diretso.
“I only got flings because I told myself that my next girlfriend would be my last. At ikaw yon. You’re the kindest hearted person I know, the only person who could make me smile and laugh effortlessly. You stayed with me through my ups and downs.” I sincerely told her. Napangiti ako. “Hindi ko nga alam kaya ko pala ang long distance relationship.”
“Pinagsasasabi mo?”
“Us. Ilang taon din tayong LDR.”
“Luh? Baliw ka? Wala tayong relasyon anong LDR?” Inilapit ko ulit sya sa akin tsaka niyakap.
“Meron baby. Matagal na tayong may relasyon. We’re friends remember? Inintay ko lang talagang makabalik ka. And I am ecstatic when I asked you to stay and you agreed pero sa sobrang kagaguhan ko umalis ka ulit. Guess what? Mas masakit pa pala iyon kesa nung naghiwalay kami ni Eli.” I signed.
“I’m so sorry baby. I’m sorry if I hurt you, hindi ko sinasadya. Please forgive me.” Isiniksik ko ang aking mukha sa kanyang leeg. I am praying to all the saints I know for this girl to forgive and love me back again and I promise to lay my whole life making her happy and contented by my side.
“Please forgive me. Please, I’m begging you, fall for me again, love me again.” Mas humigpit ang yakap ko sa kanya. “I’ll do everything you want. Do you want me to kneel? Dapat ba magmakaawa ako? Tell me baby.”
Naramdaman ko ang pagangat ng kanyang kamay at pumalupot sa aking katawan. Tila ako iniangat ng ginawa niyang pagyakap sa akin.
“You don’t have to do that pero sigurado ka na ba talaga?” Tanong niyang muli.
“Baby, sigurado nga ako, niyayaya na nga kitang magpakasal diba? Gusto mo ba double wedding? Sumabay na tayo kila Lou.”
Umangat ang kanyang kamay at mahina akong binatukan.
“Nang agaw ka pa ng moment ng may moment.” Tuluyan na akong natawa dahil sa sinabi niya.
“Are we okay now baby?” Pigil hininga kong tanong.
“Fine.” Mahigpit siyang yumakap sa akin and because of what she said ay nakahinga ako ng maluwag. I released the air inside my lungs na kanina ko pa pala pinipigilan. “Sayang naman ang efforts mo kung hindi kita papatawarin.” Nanunuya niyang sabi.
“Are you crying?!” Halos naghihisteriya niyang tanong. Bahagya pa niyang inilayo ang kanyang katawan sa akin pero mabilis kong pinigilan iyon. I just want to feel her, ninanamnam ang sandali. It feels so surreal that I want to keep her in my arms to keep me sane.
Hindi ko alam na kapag sobra palang saya ng nararamdaman mo nakakaiyak na. Marahil ay naramdaman niyang basa ang pagitan ng kanyang leeg at balikat dahil sa aking luha.
I felt her force on pushing me kaya hinayaan ko na lang sya at agad na nagpunas ng luha.
“Masaya lang ako.” Narinig ko ang mahina niyang pagtawa kaya tiningnan ko sya ng masama.
“I didn’t know that men cry.”
“Bakit? Eh sa masaya ko kasi okay na tayo eh. Anong masama don? Tsaka real men cry, baby.” She pouted at hindi ko na napigilan ang saili kong ilapat ang aking mga labi sa kanya.
I miss the feeling of her lips on mine that I even bite her lower lip. I kissed her with longing, passion and love, malayong malayo sa ginagawad kong halik noon sa mga babaeng nakikilala ko. She is far different from those girls and she deserves all of me and all the happiness I can give her.
Humiwalay ako para makalanghap ng hangin, I rested my forehead on her, my left arm is in her back holding her still while my left hand is caressing her face.
“God. What gotten into me letting you leave and be away from me for a month. Tayo na ulit baby okay?” Nakita kong bumukas ang mata niya at sinalubong ang aking tingin.
She slowly smiled at me tsaka tumango. “Fine. Pasalamat ka mahal kita.”
“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” I grinned and give her more feathery kisses.
Lupimas ang ilang sandali na nakayakap lang kami sa isa’t isa ng may maalala ako.
“I prepare you dinner. Hindi ka pa kumakain.” Lumayo ako sa kanya at iginiya siya papuntang kusina.
“Good thinking. Dahil sayo hindi kami nakakain ni Georgie sa labas, ililibre pa naman sana ako nun.” Nilingon ko siyang naka kunot ang noo, hindi ko pa rin nakakalimutan kung gaano sila kalapit kanina lalo na noong nagsasayaw sila.
Masama ko syang tiningnan. “Who is that bastard anyway? Why he’s touching you like that? At wag mong irarason sakin na dahil lang yon sa sayaw!”
“What?! Eh wala namang ibang rason, he’s my dance partner. What else do you expect?”
“What else do I expect?! No one is allowed to touch my woman like that!”
“I am not you woman hours back.” Pagpupunto niya.
“Yes, you are!” Pinagkatitigan niya ako then I groaned.
“Are you jealous?” Natatawa niyang tanong.
“Of course, I am. From now on you are not allowed to dance like that. Specially when you’re with him! I hate seeing you being touched the way he did earlier. Ako lang dapat ang ganoon sayo.” Hinihingal kong pahayag. “Pasalamat sya I was able to control myself earlier. Kung hindi baka nasa ospital na sya ngayon at nakaratay.” Sunod ko pa.
“Oh my God, my poor Georgie.” Madamdamin niyang sabi na marahas kong ikinabaling sa kanya.
“YOUR WHAT?!”
Humagalpak siya ng tawa habang ako ay galit na galit dahil sa mga pinagsasasabi niya. How dare this woman have the audacity to laugh at me while being blunt to my feelings for her!
Sa inis ko ay hindi ko siya pinansin at nagbukas na lang ng fridge para maghanap ng madaling lutuin. Padabog kong ibinato ang manok sa lababo para mapatuluan ng tubig at bahagyang matanggal ang yelo bago ko ipasok sa microwave at madefrost.
Masama pa rin ang mukha ko ng hiuhugasan ko iyon ng lumapit siya sa akin at nilalambing akong yumakap mula sa aking likuran
“You don’t have to be jealous. George is gay and we are about to have dinner earlier with his fiancé.” Pagpapaliwanag niya.
What the fvcking fvck?!
“Kahit na! Lalaki pa rin yon!” Hindi pa rin maalis sa utak ko kung papaano haplusin ng lalaking iyon ang katawan niya and I am so mad.
“Mon amour, wag ka ng magalit. George is harmless at higit sa lahat, hindi kami talo okay? Hindi rin naman ako komportableng gawin ang ganoong klase ng sayaw sa tunay na lalaki. George is like our sister.”
I breathe out loud and groaned. Pvtang!na. Simpleng ‘mon amour’ lang. Wala na! Wala na yung galit ko! Because of that nilingon ko sya and crushed my lips against hers. I heard her moan. Fvck. Get a grip Niccolo!
Pinigilan ko ang sarili at humiwalay sa kanya.
“I just don’t want any man do things like that to you. Ayokong maisip mo na may choice ka pa bukod sa akin. Ako lang baby, ako lang.”
“My God Niccolo. Matagl na nga kitang nahal diba? Ano bang gusto mong gawin ko para maniwala kang walang iba?” Nang dahil sa tanong niya ay patakbo akong bumalik sa sala para kunin ang naiwan sa lamesa.
Pagbalik ko ay nakatayo pa rin siya kung saan ko sya iniwan.
I bend one of my knees in front of her and popped open the box I showed her earlier. Breathlessly told her. “Marry me. Hindi ako magaling sumayaw tulad nya but I’ll make sure na mas magaling akong gumiling sa kanya sa kama. Ipagluluto kita habang buhay at pinapangako kong puro masasarap na putahe lang ang matitikman mo mula sakin.”
I saw her tears falling from her eyes while laughing her heart out.
“Kahit hindi ka na gumiling, basta ikaw ang magluluto everyday okay lang sakin. Yes, I’ll marry you.” Lumuluha niyang tugon and with that I immediately slipped the cushion-cut diamond ring I bought for her.
Tumayo ako para yakapin siya. I will always remember this day, when God answered my prayer and He gave me the best blessing I received so far.
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If you want to watch how George and Carrie danced, check this out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFmN7w8rx1w
Comments, suggestions anyone? Thank you!
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