The Right Calling (Tagalog)

Chapter 4

Theo

She was fun to talk with. Hindi siya iyong tipo ng babaeng mapapatulala kapag nagsasalita ako. I’m not bragging. There are people from work who just seemed to be blank out whenever I’m talking. Iilan lang ang hindi.

Margaux told me it’s because I am the head of the Internal Medicine department and other people are intimidated. I doubt it but I shrugged it off. I just want people at work to do their job well.

“Paano ka?” tanong ni Revi matapos naming maubos ang dalawang bucket. She still looks okay, not yet drunk, but her face is all red. I can see if even with just the club lights on.

“What?”

“I mean, nahanap mo na ba yung right one?” she cleared. Bago nagtawag ng waiter para sa isang bote ng tubig.

Nilingon niya ako at ngumiti habang nakatitig lang ako sa kanya. She’s asking if I’d found the right one but I can only shake my head.

Sure, I liked Deonna. I wished to be her boyfriend at some point in my life. Astig siya at hindi nagpapatalo—iyon ang nagustuhan ko sa kanya bukod sa ganda niya. She always does her job well.

But I never thought of her as the right one. It’s not as easy as that.

Revi chuckled. “You think you’ll know at first glance kapag gusto mo ang isang babae?”

I don’t know why we’re talking about relationships. But I like it that we’re getting closer. “No,” mabilis kong sagot.

Tumaas ang kilay niya. “Kahit sobrang ganda?”

I shrugged. “I don’t fall for the appearance, Revi,” sagot ko. “Do you?”

She blinked at me before chuckling. “I get attracted with the face but I stay for what’s on the inside.” She looked up and smiled as she stared at the running light on the ceiling. “You think we can have another bucket?”

Naningkit ang mga mata ko. “Wala ka bang duty bukas?”

She shrugged. “Hindi naman ako makikipagkita sa’yo kung mayroon,” sagot niya.

Tinitigan ko muna siya para tantyahin kung lasing na ba siya o ano. Ayokong mag-alaga ng babaeng lasing sa unang gabi ko sa Baguio. Nang makita kong parang kakayanin pa naman niya, nagbuntong hininga na lang ako. “Fine,” sabi ko. “One last bucket.” I can tell her to stop and we’ll leave if she’s already drunk.

She beamed at me before calling the waiter to have one more bucket. She tied her hair up before looking at me. “What’s your worst experience in being a doctor?” she suddenly asked.

I narrowed my eyes before sighing. “Well, I hate it when my patients die because they didn’t listen to me.”

Her gaze lingered. She looked like she was waiting for more but I already shrugged. “What? Iyon na ‘yon?” tanong niyang parang hindi makapaniwala sa sinabi ko.

I nodded.

“Wow, for a doctor, that’s a boring life,” she said before shaking her head.

I narrowed my eyes at her. “Bakit? Ano ba sa’yo?”

She let out a deep sigh before hugging herself. “2013, Yolanda,” sagot niya. “I volunteered in Tacloban as a member of the medical team. Hindi pa ako fellow noon. I was still on my residency.”

Natahimik ako.

“I can’t say it’s the worst experience for me as a doctor but it sure was an eye-opener,” aniya. “Hindi ko alam kung ilang patay na tao ang nadaanan naming nakahandusay sa kalsada. Children were dying of hunger. Families have lost hope…” she trailed. “And some politicians…” she shook her head in disapproval.

Humugot siya ng mas malalim na hininga bago pilit na ngumiti. “Every time I think I’m having the worst day at work, I just go back to that scenario in my head and be thankful that it wasn’t as bad as that.” Dumating na ang bucket at nagpasalamat siya roon bago nagbukas ng beer. “That experience was also one of the reasons why I am so in love with volunteering at missions.”

I nodded before opening my own beer. “Sure, the worst experiences teach us the best lessons.”

She chuckled and nodded. “Touché. Experience is the best teacher,” she said before drinking on her beer.

We talked about our experiences in volunteer work and I was shocked to hear a lot of stories from her. She was even in Marawi. Hindi ko alam kung anong tipo nitong babaeng ito. Now, I finally understand why her exes hated her pursuing her dream.

Bukod sa malayo, delikado pa!

But hearing her stories, I can clearly hear how genuinely fulfilled she is. She looked so happy reminiscing everything. Walang bakas ng pagsisisi sa mukha niya. She was proud of what she did and I seriously think that makes her stand out from other girls.

She also isn’t shy to admit every wrong choice she made.

“Lasing ka na?” bigla niyang tanong sa akin nang maubos namin ang pangatlong bucket.

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Bakit?” It’s almost two in the morning. Wala kaya siyang balak umuwi?

Ngumisi siya at biglang tumayo. “Tara sa Burnham,” aniya. From the looks of it, hindi pa siya lasing. She still can stand up and walk on her own.

Lalagpasan na sana niya ako nang bigla kong hinawakan ang kamay niya. Naningkit ang mga mata niya sa akin. “Babayaran ko pa,” sabi ko pero umiling siya.

“Okay na ‘yan,” aniya. “Treat ko na sa’yo. I know the waiter. He’ll put it on my tab.” Lumingon siya sa waiter na agad namang tumango.

“Ingat, Rev!” kumaway pa ito.

“But I don’t let girls pay for—”

“’Sus! Huwag ka ngang patriarch diyan. We’re already in the twenty-first century. Wala nang gano’n ngayon. All genders are equal,” aniya. Then she tried to pull me up. “Tara na!” pag-aya niya at wala na akong nagawa kundi magpatianod sa hila niya.

***

It’s September and it’s already almost as cold as December here in Baguio. Sana pala ay nagsuot ako ng jacket.

“Cold?” tanong ni Revi habang nakaupo kami sa isang bench sa Burnham Park. We’re facing the lagoon that’s usually filled with people on the boat. Pero ngayon ay tanging ang ilaw galing sa buwan lamang ang kita.

Nilingon si Revi habang may kinukuha sa bag niya. It’s a shawl, a blue shawl. She handed it to me and I couldn’t help but feel bad about my bruised ego. Siya ang babae pero siya pa ang nagbibigay sa akin ng shawl dahil nilalamig ako. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?

“Tanggapin mo na,” aniya. “Ayos lang iyan. I won’t question your masculinity because you’re cold. Ganito talaga sa Baguio.”

I pursed my lips. “Hindi ka ba nilalamig?” tanong ko at wala sa sariling kinuha ang shawl and ibinalot sa sarili ko.

She chuckled. “Sanay na ako,” she replied, shrugging. “And besides, it’s not that cold yet.”

I looked at her. I know I have been to colder places but I was always dressed to the occasion. Ito lang talaga ang pagkakataong hindi ko naalala na malamig pala ang Baguio City.

She laughed at my reaction. “Okay lang yan, Theo. Maliit na bagay,” biro niya bago lumingon sa lagoon muli.

I stared at her side profile. Kahit saang anggulo, hindi ko makita ang pagkakamukha niya kay Dr. Miranda. She must have gotten everything from her mother.

“Have you ever been in too much pain, you wanted to disappear?” tanong niya sa akin.

Kumunot ang noo ko, litung-lito sa sinasabi niya.

Nilingon niya ako, bakas ang malungkot na ngiti. “Wala lang. Madrama lang ako ‘pag nakainom,” agap niya. But I saw something in her eyes. “When I’m lonely, I come here at night. After duty, gano’n.”

I kept quiet and started listening to her.

“I probably won’t see you again when you go back to Manila so, it’s safe to tell you a secret.” Humugot siya ng malalim na hininga. “I’m an illegitimate child.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. She’s opening up about her father.

“Aren’t you surprised?” tanong niya. Biglang nanlamig ang kalamnan ko. But I managed a shrug. She chuckled and shook her head. “So, yeah, I’m an illegitimate child. My dad is also a doctor but I don’t ever want to see him again.”

“Why?” s**t! There was something about the way she said she doesn’t want to see Dr. Miranda again that made me shiver in fear. Her words were filled with conviction and seemed to be laced with anger.

She sighed hard. “Because he’s an asshole,” sagot niya. “Binuntis niya si Mama pero hindi naman pala niya kayang pangatawanan.” Her eyes twinkled and I can see tears forming around them. “He has another family and neglected us. Well, okay lang naman sa akin pero ang hindi ko matanggap, noong namatay dahil sa MI si Mama, hindi niya kami nagawang tulungan.”

I clenched my jaw.

“That was the first and only time that I asked for his help. He’s a Cardiothoracic Surgeon. Kayang-kaya niya iyon. Pero hind niya kami nagawang tulungan,” tuloy niya. “He said his wife would make a scene.” She laughed…or sobbed? I don’t know. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. “Tangina! Mas naisip pa niyang magagalit ang asawa niya kahit kitang-kita na niyang mamamatay na si Mama.”

I swallowed hard, heart clenching.

“So, Mama died and I promised myself to be a good doctor.” Pinahid niya ang mga luha niyang tumulo sa kanyang pisngi. “But that was also the moment when I felt like I don’t want to live anymore.”

Inangat niya ang mga paa niya sa bench. She hugged her knees. “I was just happy that Lola was there for me. Siya na lang ang mayroon ako. I want to live for her.”

Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko. I have never comforted someone because I have never heard someone speak out her inner demons and fears.

Revi, at first glance, looked tough and strong. But everyone has their own vulnerable moments.

I extended my arm and wrapped it around her shoulders as I pulled her towards me. I leaned her head on my shoulder and quietly listened to her sobs.

Now, it will be a lot harder to tell her the truth. F*ck my life.