Dusk Kisses

17

trigger warning: violence 

my eyes landed on the view of him. I smiled at him when he inadvertently looked back. Naramdaman niya bang may nakatingin sa kanya? Super lakas naman ng reflexes nito?

I looked away before he did.

they were laughing about the katarantaduhan stories of Mark. 'di nga yata nawawalan ng 'life experiences' yun. Sinalo na lahat ng kagaguhan, e.

when i noticed that the ice was about to run out. I volunteered to go to the sari-sari store near the place. I'm sure they have ice. Even the ones in plastics. I didn't bother to ask sy to come with me 'cause she seems to be enjoying.

Tinungkod ko 'yung braso ko sa counter bago umupo doon sa mataas na upuan.

"Kuya, pabiling yelo, three. Please," I said to the guy inside the store.

"Saglit la-ang, a-re sa loob pa iyon" i tried my best to understand him, medyo madiin kasi yung accent niya. It makes the sentence kind of confusing. I just nodded when he stood up before he went directly to the door inside the store.

"You can stare at a picture much longer, baka matunaw na 'ko sa kakatitig mo," i jokingly said. nilingon ko yung lalaking nasa tabi ko. Hindi ko alam kung saan nanggaling 'yung lakas ng loob ko."I-i just noticed that you were--" I smiled, wala siyang reaksyon pero halata sa mata niya na nakainom na siya.

He smirked as he looked away but a little after, his eyes trailed back to me.

"Andrea..."

"Hindi ako si Andrea."

"You're lying. Hanggang ngayon di ka pa rin magaling magsinungaling," he looked away from me with his clenching jaw with his mouth, partially opened.

Lasing na ba 'to? Mali bang naging friendly ako? s**t.

"I'm not lying."

"gosh, I missed you," yumuko siya sa braso niyang nakapatong sa counter, i can hear the excruciating pain coming from his voice. From his intense stare, i could tell that the Andrea he's talking about was someone who plays an enourmous part in his life

"Hindi nga ako si Andrea," I reiterated but this time, i said it with such a hard tone.

Asan na ba 'yung yelo? Ang tagal naman.

"Tell me how can i--"

"Ito na iyong yelo," the vendor cut him off without even realizing it.

"Uhm, Do you take bills? Like 500?" nabigay ko kay Syrus yung coins ko kahapon nung bumili siya ng ref magnets.

"Wala ka ba talagang barya? Kinse lang naman, jusmiyo wala akong panukli sa-iyo."

"It's on me," I wanted to resist but he already gave the 20 peso bill to the vendor.

"S-salamat." a debate was going on inside my mind. Whether i'd just tell him 'thanks' or pay him back. Pero wala akong dalang barya. I know it's just 15 pesos, but i don't want to be indebted to a stranger. "Babayaran kita. Can you wait for me? I'll be quick," sabi ko. He didn't let even a minute pass, agad siyang tumayo.

He pointed to the hotel we're staying in. "107."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I already feel dizzy. Puntahan mo na lang ako, 107 ang kwarto ko."

I wanted to protest but he seemed adamant. Base sa paglakad niya, i could tell that he's telling the truth. Pagewang-gewang na siyang maglakad.

Wala na akong nagawa kaya pumunta na lang ako sa pinagtatambayan namin. It was a different direction from where the guy went.

"Sy," agad siyang napalingon sa akin. She put junkfood on the chair beside her as she assisted me with the plastics of ice.

Nilagay niya sa cooler yun apat habang iyong isa ay sinalin niya sa pitcher. "Aakyat lang ako, ha?"

"Bakit?" tanong niya while chewing something.

"May babayaran ako. I'll be in room 107, sandali lang ako."

"I'll come with you," my eyes turned to Kent in full speed when he suddenly spoke.

"Hindi na. I'm sure it won't take long."

"Kahit na." he was quick on his feet as he dusted off the sands from the log that got on his shorts.

"Oo nga, bes, pasamahin mo na siya."

"It's just the same floor as ours, okay lang ako mag-isa. I swear." Syrus sighed while Kent kept turning his eyes from Sy to me.

"Bahala ka na nga, malaki ka na."

Kent's eyes widened as if a mere act of betrayal happened before his very eyes. "You'll let her go alone?" nangkukwestyon ang tono niya.

"Choice niya 'yan Ck, 'wag kang OA. Tama siya, malapit lang naman sa room namin yun."

He exhaled sharply, seeming like it was against his will. "Fine, but if you need me—"

"Tatawagan kita." I cut him off as relief started spreading through his face.

I knocked. Countless times—and no one has still opened the door for me.

Isang katok na lang, kapag wala talaga, bababa na ako.

Napalingon ako sa Elevator nang may marinig ako bell na nanggaling doon pero bago ko pa mabaling ang buong atensyon ko doon, my attention got in hook by the door that opened before my very eyes.

"Ikaw pala," he said, smiling. He was awfully sweating pero nararamdaman ko naman yung lamig ng kwarto niya.

"I'm just gonna give you this," I handed out the 20 peso bill.

"I got food here, gusto mo?" I thought he was being strangely generous, and that caused me to crease my forehead subtly as an uncomfortable feeling formed inside me.

"Hindi na, may mga kasama akong naghihintay sa akin—"

"Oh, they won't mind... t'saka sayang naman yung niluto ko,"

I'm certain that he was close to dozing off when I saw him earlier. How come he still managed to cook? Something's off, that's what my mind's telling me.

Hinigpitan ko ang hawak ko sa cellphone ko at t'saka sa wallet ko. I never thought the time when i'll depend on a freaking pepper spray will come, nagsisisi akong hindi ko iyon dinala.

He's not doing anything against my will but that doesn't alter the fact that he's a stranger and he's someone i don't know if i can trust on.

I was all ready to walk away but he gripped onto my arm and every inch of my body felt the sharpness of his stares. "Let me go," I said. May galang pa ako sa kanya kahit papaano dahil mukha siyang mas matanda sa akin. Sinubukan kong hindi mageskandalo. Lalo na nung biglaan niya akong hilahin.

"Ano bang ginagawa mo? Ang sabi ko, let me go." I told him for the second time, but it felt like I was a ghost to him. Parang hindi niya ako naririnig.

That's my cue.

Nagpumiglas ako pero lalo niya lang hinigpitan ang hawak niya sa akin!

"Hindi ka ba nakakaintindi?! Bitawan mo nga ako!" this time i tried to say it with all my lungs. All of the energy I have left. Pagod na ako. Simula nang dumating kami dito, wala na kaming ibang ginawa kundi ang mag-adventure. Wala sa itinerary ko ang ganito. He forced me to sit down on the chair. Pakiramdam ko may ilang buto akong nakalas nang bitawan niya ako.

He looked at me with the tense in his eyes. His eyes... They were dark. As dark as it could ever be.

The looks he gives me resembles the looks of a psychopath. "Andrea, I cooked for you! The least you can do is join me." he picked up the fork, and my heart's pace fastened. With his eyes alone, he looked dangerous already. Ano pa kayang may hawak na siya na pwede niyang gamitin sa akin? Parang nanginig ang lahat ng ugat ko. My mind froze.

Shit. ang tanga-tanga ko.

He was rotating the fork around the pasta but he stopped when I started running my mouth again. "Bingi ka ba? Sinabi ko na sa 'yo na hindi nga ako si Andrea!"

Binitawan niya iyong tinidor, the rattling sound of it echoed in my ears. Ako pa ang natakot para sa pinggan. "You know? I waited for you. I still did when everyone told me na may nahanap ka nang ipapalit sa akin." this guy was different. Parang sa isang pitik, nagbago ang pagkatao niya. "Iniwan na ako ng lahat, Andrea. Ikaw na lang yung meron ako, kaya ikaw na lang ang pinanghahawakan ko. I didn't listen to all the rumors about you kasi nangako ka, 'di ba? Nangako ka na ako lang." I don't know if the tears that were forming around my eyes were for me... or for the guy who looked like he carried all the burden of the world.

"I'm sorry for what you're going through... pero kailangan mong tanggapin na hindi ako si Andrea!" pinilit ko.

He slowly let go of my hand. And just when i thought i wronged him, bigla na naman siyang tumingin sa akin ng matalim. "Naghintay ako. Para ano? Para makita na totoo nga yung sinasabi nila tungkol sa 'yo!" he pointed straight to my face.

"Hindi ko alam ang mga sinasabi mo!" I shouted, thinking that this could be the one thing that will wake him up from this nightmare.

Pero imbis na matauhan siya, naramdaman ko lang ang hapdi sa mukha ko nung sinampal niya ako. And those tears were like salt in the wound. Napakatanga ko.

Gusto kong lumaban. Gusto kong ibalik sa kanya yung ginawa niya sa akin. But I knew it would add fuel to the fire.

I wanted to fight for myself.

But I could not.

Ano ban'g kasalanan ko at bakit ako nakakatanggap ng ganito?

Bigla kong naalala yung sinabi ni Kent, and while picturing him in my mind... I know I was apologizing. Hindi ko magagawa ang sinabi ko sa kanya. I hate to admit it, but it looks like shouting was the last option I have. A phone call would take a lot of time from me...

And apparently, I'm not in the mood to race with time.

He bent his knees low enough to level his face with mine. I trembled even more when I felt his breathing near my neck.

I tried to reach for the fork pero bago ko magawa yun ay nagsalita na naman siya. "Minsan napapaisip ako. Kaya ba gustong-gusto mong pumunta doon sa australia na yun ay para makalayo ka na sa akin?" sinabi niya na parang hindi niya na naman narinig ang pagtanggi ko na hindi ako si Andrea. "Tell me about your new w***e. Mayaman ba siya? Was he good in bed?" his jaw clenched dangerously and it unnerved me. "Kaya kong pantayan yun... or even beat him. Sana sinabi mo na lang sa akin na yun pala yung gusto mo." nanlilisik ang mga mata niya habang nakatalim pa rin sa akin. I couldn't move freely because I felt how he boxed every little bit of me inside his sight. Na parang ultimo ang paghinga ko ay binibilang niya. Hindi ko maabot yung tinidor dahil natatakot akong mapansin niya pati yun at baka ako pa ang gamitan niya no'n.

Hindi ko inakalang matatakot ako ng ganito. I was never religious. Pero parang dasal na lang ang magagawa ko sa ngayon. Sobra akong natatakot.

"Ngayon? Sa akin ka na. Sa akin ka lang." his hands crawled upon my jaw as he aggressively kissed my jaw.

"Get off of me!" i pushed him hard but he was just too strong. "Nakakadiri ka! Come back to your f*****g senses you f*****g asshole!" I use my feet to kick the most sensitive spot of his. his man core. He groaned undeniably loud but he was fast to recover nang makita akong tumayo at lumapit sa pintuan. I was finding the right key for the door but time got ahead of me, i wasn't able to calculate our distance hanggang sa hindi ko na namalayan, nasa likod ko na pala ulit siya!

Hindi ko mapigilang humagulgol nang mahawakan niya na naman ako sa leeg. Pakiramdam ko oras ko na. Na wala na akong pag-asa. Pakiramdam ko pinabayaan na lang ako. "Hush... don't cry, darling... no one will know. Even your new guy." the keys slipped away from my hand.

"Baliw ka na!" Hinampas ko siya at itinulak palayo pero walang nangyayari at nauubos lang ang lakas ko.

Realizing that I don't really have a choice, ayoko man tanggapin, pero bumigay na ako. Bukod sa pagod na ako, ubos na ubos na rin ako. hinayaan ko na lang siya kahit ang totoo ay pinapatay ko na siya sa isip ko.

Gusto kong mandiri sa sarili ko nang naramdaman kong hinalikan niya ang balikat ko. But my soul was given another shot when I heard the hard banging that was coming from the door. It bothered him. Iniwan niya akong umiiyak sa upuan.

"Ano ba iyo—" I wasn't looking but my alarm went off when the guy suddenly crashed down on the floor while one side of his lips was swollen red. The puffiness of my eyes did not hinder me from witnessing how Kent punched him straightly to the face hanggang sa hindi na siya makabangon mula sa sahig at pinipilit na lang sanggain ang mga sapak na binabato ni Kent. Napaisip na lang ako bigla kung... saan siya nanggaling, kung bakit ang tagal bago niya 'ko saklolohan. Basa pa 'yung buhok niya at pulang pula ang mukha niya, he was burning in rage. Fuming mad.

Walang hinto siya sa pagsuntok sa mukha nung lalaki kahit pa dumugo na ang ilong ng gagong iyon. Napaupo na lang ako dahil sa panlulumo i... let the tears from my eyes to stream down.

Do I deserve this? Have I ever been a bad person? Is this fate giving me what I should have? Kung panaginip lang 'to, sana hindi na lang ako natulog.

I came to my senses and tried to pull Kent away from the guy.

"Kent tama na," i said in monotone. Pagod na 'ko.

"Tangina," I muttered before wiping my tears with my fingers. It's extremely annoying, I don't think my eyes will stop releasing those tears any minute from now. "Kent, ano ba?" he didn't listen and continued to punch the guy on his face, nakapatong siya sa ibabaw nito. Pagod na 'ko, ayoko na. Sobra na. I had enough. "Kent, ang sabi ko tama na!" I screamed all my strength as my knees went weak, causing me to break down on my knees. The guy passed out. duguan ang mukha. Kung posible nga baka manghiram na lang siya ng mukha sa aso sa tindi ng natamo niya. Hinila ko si Kent sa bewang niya patayo para tigilan niya na ang pananapak sa lalaki. I can't deal with a murder case.

I cried on his chest, stopping him to go near the guy. I... I can hear his heart, beating so fast. Wala nang mas bibilis doon. Na para bang galit na galit. Parang kahit anong oras ay tatalbog palabas.

I felt his hand on my back, running back and forth. Seems like trying to comfort me. Nakita ko ang isa niyang kamay sa gilid, it's bleeding and so... swollen. Hindi ko na mapigilan ang luha ko... He got hurt because of me, and this f*****g asshole is bleeding as hell..

My fear lay down as every nerve within me started to calm. All the wilding butterflies in my stomach earlier have gone quiet.

And for once, tonight, I felt peaceful in my safest haven. His arms felt like my own sanctuary. Truth be told, if he wasn't breathing for himself, I would think that someone custom made him for me.

He pulled me closer, tracing the inches between us.

"It's alright, baby. We've got him."

A/n: all photos and information about batangas are from google.