Dusk Kisses

15

"What if they find out that we're minors? How are we going to deal with that? Can you even defend us? Oh, my gosh." huminga muna ako bago ko isunod ang mga sasabihin ko pa. Baka hindi terminal illness ang ikamatay ko kundi shortness of breath. "This literally will be the end of me. Babalik na lang ako sa hotel," I was about to walk out and forget the promise I made with Sy but she just pulled me by my arm. It's so harsh, I wouldn't even doubt if there will be a mark left on my skin.

"Alam mo napaka oa mo, no doubt pag maaga kang magkakasakit sa puso. T'saka, ano ka ba? Chill ka lang! Mas mahahalata tayo pag ganyan ka, e." Advise pa ni Syrus. It was just the two of us sa ngayon dahil hinahanap namin 'yung ni-reserve na table ni Mae, nasa hotel pa kasi sila ni Xera, nagbibihis. I feel like di ako kakabahan if Mae was with us. Si Mae kasi ang master key namin. Without her connection being the daughter of this resort, hindi kami makakapasok dito.

Walang alinlangan kaming pinapasok nung guard nung pinakita namin yung card na pinahiram ni Mae sa amin. "Ang ingay! Naririnig mo pa ba 'ko?!" Halos mabasag ang mga eardrums ko nang pumasok kami sa club, both of my hands were covering my ears. Masyadong masakit sa tenga ang dagungdong ng music.

"alam mo ang ganda mo kaso minsan inaatake ka talaga ng katangahan," She sarcastically replied. I just crunched my nose when I started smelling the alcohol that's invading the whole club.

"Doon tayo, tignan mo. Number 24, oh, tara na!" Just when we settled in the place t'saka ko pa lang nakita 'yung kabuuang itsura ng club dahil di masyadong crowded sa puwesto namin tapos nasa second floor pa. "Ay, girl, kabog dito! Oh! Ang ganda!" She praised the place as if it's paradise in hell. That's given, kahit ang chaotic maganda pa rin naman. Maganda sa ngayon dahil ito pa lang naman ang napuntahan ko. Wala naman akong criteria sa mga ganitong lugar, hindi ko rin alam kung pa'no irate dahil nga ito ang first time ko.

The place was filled with blue and violet flood lights, neon led lights and led dancefloor na nag-iiba ang kulay kapag tinatapakan. May mga vintage pendants na iba iba ang length at laki. Meron din pole sa gitna ng dancefloor na medyo elevated. And ito siguro yung hindi nawawala sa mga club, yung laser lights na red and blue na may konting green. nakikita ko lang sa mga movie 'yon noon, I can't believe na nandito na 'ko mismo ngayon. Even my eyes can't believe what it is seeing.

Buti na lang tinulungan ako ni Mae sa clothes. Medyo hindi ko style pero okay na 'to. I asked for her help because I completely have no idea what to wear. She lent me her stilettos para raw bagay sa outfit, ngayon alam ko na point of view ng 5'8".

Syrus clapped excitedly nung dumating 'yung mga liquors, i have no idea kung ano yung mga lasa nito. Binasa ko lang 'yung mga label ng drinks, there's a Smirnoff, Bacardi, Tanqueray and Cuervo. May plate of lemon with salt na binigay din sa amin 'yung server.

I thought these drinks were fine alone? What are those lemons for?

Sumunod na nilagay ng waiter yung maliliit na mga baso—yeah, the shot glasses. Everything was news to me even though I was from a country where kids my age would try these things. My friends back in the states used to do stuff like this sa basement nila, they'd invite me but I always refuse to drink anything. Ako lang lagi ang nagbabantay sa mga friends ko in case na they go over their limit.

I remember, one time, one of my friends got her v card taken from her nung pinauwi ako nang maaga. thankfully, things went fine after that, dahil both parties wanted to do it. Nagtampo ako sa kanya dahil hindi siya nag-iisip but it boils down to 'it's her life, her choice.' wala rin akong nagawa. Tama naman kasi siya. Kaibigan lang ako.

"Oo andito na, asan na ba kayo? Oh my gosh, yes I'm super excited!" napalingon ako kay Syrus when I heard her talk. May kausap pala sa phone. It was either Mae or Xera.

"Sige, hurry up, please." She demanded. "Simulan na namin? Ah, sige, sige."

"Ang dami nito, are you going to empty them all?"

"Kaya niyo nga ako sasamahan 'di ba? Ano ka ba, bonding na rin 'to! Enjoy na lang tayo, please." She opened the Bacardi and poured it on her glass tsaka sa 'kin.

I inadvertently gulped.

Looks like i got something big to face.

A few more minutes came before the tow girls did. Medyo nahihilo na 'ko pero kaya naman. I took another shot of tequila. "I'm sorry we're late! Naka ilan na kayo? Habulin ko na lang!" Mae said with utmost enthusiasm.

"Tanga, paano mo hahabulin kung nasa sikmura ko na?" Sy shouted dahil sa lakas ng music. she raised her shot glass para ipakita ang isho-shot niyang tanqueray.

"hey," Sy tapped me a little bit hard, ayan kakahard drinks mo. "kanina mo pa hawak 'yan, ah? damn, are you cheating on me?" she formed a smile within her lips.

i wanted to tell her that this isn't the same glass of gin she gave me earlier but words just won't come out hanggang sa sinalinan niya pa ng marami 'yung shot glass ko.

For earth's sake, walang gigising sa'kin nang maaga bukas, Rewrestlinging ko talaga!

"Okay, enough drinking" I was drinking when she pulled it away from my mouth!

"How rude can you really get? Hindi pa 'ko tapos," I think I'm kind of drunk already. Hindi ko alam kung gaano kataas o kababa ang alcohol tolerance ko at lalong hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang baso na ang pinasa sa akin ng gagang to.

"bababa na tayo! andun, oh, may pogi" she pointed downstairs as i irritatedly scratched the back of my head. "Mae? Xera, sasama ba kayo?" she asked them.

"Mamaya na lang siguro... " Xera suggested to mae. Tumango na lang 'yung isa.

"okay! here we go!" Hinatak ni Sy ang palapulsuhan ko kaya wala na akong choice kung hindi ang sumama. kulang na lang siguro kaladkarin niya ako pababa sa hagdanan. To be honest? I don't have any idea how I still manage to be awake. parang nag e-echo na 'yung music sa tenga ko, everything is just too much... too hyped up. Kahit ang paningin ko, nagwawarp na. Delikado na 'ko.

I never thought it'd be so hard to go through a crowd.

Yes, I saw every struggle of every person in this dancefloor from upstairs earlier, and how chaotic it is. Gosh, I can't even imagine how we got here. sobrang masikip. may mga nag hahalikan nga sa gilid, e. It's not gross but it feels like a crime when i look at them. "Get a room, w****s!" My eyes widened the moment I heard her threw those words out of her mouth. Sa lakas ng music, panalangin ko na sana hindi nila narinig yun, kundi lagot talaga 'tong babaeng 'to.

"Hey! Kapag inom, inuman lang. 'Wag ka na maghanap ng g**o!" She intoxicatingly giggled, she thereafter looked away from me.

Siniksik namin ang sarili namin sa group ng maraming tao hanggang sa hindi ko namalayan na bumitaw pala sa akin si Syrus. I was close to freaking out but then my vision became blurry for a moment, causing me to caress my temple. "oh, my motherfucking gosh" I exclaimed out of annoyance, padabog akong napabitaw sa hawak ko sa ulo ko nang umayos na ang paningin ko. It has only been 5 seconds nang nararamdaman ko na naman na parang sasabog ang utak ko sa dagundong ng music!

Sa dami dami ng tugtog sa mundo, ganito pa napili nila.

Sabagay, rave club isn't rave club without these kinds of music. Pero sisisihin ko pa rin yung music dahil lalong nagpipintig ang ulo ko dahil doon.

Umakyat na lang ulit ako pabalik sa place namin and took another full shot of tequila and a bit of lemon, gano'n daw 'yon sabi ni Mae sa 'kin. Napangiwi ako sa sobrang asim nung lemon. "s**t, last na talaga." I muttered. Sa sarili ko pa talaga ako nagsinungaling. Minsan gusto ko na rin batukan ang sarili ko. Nakakainis kung gaano kahina yung self-restraint ko.

It took me 10 minutes hanggang sa nakita ko siyang sumasayaw kasama ang isang lalaki. He was holding her waist, guiding her kung paano gagalaw, my eyes went blurry for a second again so I blinked twice... maybe even thrice. Nakita ko na lang 'yung labi ng lalaki na nasa jaw na ni Sy.

Gusto kong lumapit sa kanya at hilahin siya mula doon sa sinasayawan niya pero mukha naman siyang nag-eenjoy. At t'saka, ayokong masabihan na naman ako na pakialemera. We don't know how the influence of alcohol can change our behavior and the way we converse with people.

Sumunod sa akin sina Xera and Mae, parehas tipsy. They're both laughing nung nakita ko silang bumaba galing sa place namin, I noticed that Xera was holding a Cuervo na bawas nang sa kalahati. Nakita nila ako agad kaya pumunta sila sa gawi ko. I was kinda surprised nang makita kung tumungga ro'n sin Xera, she seemed like a whole different person! Nawala ang hinhin at hiya niya. Hindi ko alam na may carefree side pala siya. Let's wait 'til she's sober, I bet she would regret getting drunk.

"Chug! Chug!" They were chanting. I can't stop smiling because of the thought of them, having fun as if they weren't minors.

I removed my grip from my waist and moved a little closer to them. I shrugged without my arms. Ayoko naman maging kj. Kahit ngayon lang. "Game! Basic!" Ako naman 'tong palaban, i bent my back slightly for their easy access para na rin hindi matapon 'yung liquor mula sa bibig ko. 10 seconds nila akong pinachug ng Cuervo.

Gosh! Heto na naman sa parang lumilindol na feeling!

"Whoa!" I yelled pagkatapos kong lunukin yung nasa bibig ko. Sumunod na nagchug si Xera. Ewan ko kung may galit ba 'to sa alak at parang kulang na lang mabasag niya na yung bote sa sobrang harsh nang pagtungga niya. I don't even know if this is still the Xera I know. She looks like a walking tomato face right now. Sobrang pula!

"I didn't know you could be like this," bulong ko sa tenga niya.

"Like ano?" tanong niya habang nakakunot ang noo.

"Carefree? I don't know. Rule breaker? Risk-taker?" I shrugged, I couldn't find the right words but I hope she got what I meant.

She was dazed for a short moment, probably still in the process of letting the words sink in. "I can't forever be in my comfort zone, at saka wala namang permanente. Lahat nagbabago." She pinned her gaze to me upon saying the last words.

"So... this side of you," I paused, hindi ko pa kasi alam kung tama ba yung sasabihin ko. Bahala na nga. "Should I expect more like this?" Nginitian niya lang ako bago binaling ang paningin sa iba. Mae stole the spotlight by dancing and feeling herself on the stage. She was playing with the pole.

While watching my friends enjoy, I thought reflecting would help me let things sink in kaya ayun nga ang ginawa ko. And may I just say? I never thought that at some point of my life, papasok ako ng club kahit underage pa 'ko.

Pero siguro nga, some things don't go according to the plan and some things are meant to be temporary. Parang itong gabing 'to. This is just temporary. The feeling, the excitement, the adrenaline rush. All temporary. Pagbalik namin sa hometown namin, back to reality naman na. Hindi na ulit namin hawak ang oras at buhay namin.

Dumami ang tao na nanonood kay Mae at lalong lumakas ang music, nawala na rin si Xera sa tabi ko kaya di na lang ako umalis sa pwesto ko

I followed the beat and danced through the rhythm. I moved my hips and tried to blend in. Everything was fine. Nag eenjoy ako sa paggalaw ng mga ilaw kasabay sa dagundong ng music. I never felt so free before. Nakakalungkot lang because i know to myself that this won't last long. Maybe I should thank Sy for pushing me to my edge.

It was a strange feeling but in a good way and that definitely made it much more odd. I enjoyed it more when I felt someone was gently moving behind me, he held my shoulders pababa sa bewang ko but I didn't feel bad about it, we were just... dancing. No one cared.

Fuck alcohol.

It's getting the better of me.

I felt his breathing on my neck, hinawakan ko ang batok niya to pull him closer to me. Which was weird because I know for sure that if I was sober, I wouldn't let anyone do that to me.

I grinned when he gently caressed my right arm. I'm not sure if it sounded like a moan but I knew I let a moan-like sound out of my mouth when he gently kissed the temple of my head. It made me smirk playfully. We were synchronizing with the music, as I enjoyed every moment not until someone who had enough audacity drastically pulled my arm and led me out of the crowded part of the club!

"Ah---aray! Who the hell are you---" I shouted; oblivious kung may makaisip man na nag-eeskandalo ako.

My eyes widened when this guy abruptly carried me like a f*****g sack of rice!

"stop! put me down! Ano ba?! Sinabi kong—" hindi ko natuloy ang sinasabi ko nang maramdaman kong may nakastuck sa lalamunanan ko. Pakiramdam ko masusuka ako na ewan.

True to what I thought, I was about to throw up. Napatakip ako sa bibig ko dahil ayoko talagang sumuka. Lalo na yung feeling ng pag-suka. Pakiramdam ko may maasim sa lalamunan ko tapos may sipon pa ko sa ilong sa tuwing sumusuka ako at ayoko ng gano'n. Kaya para hindi ko maramdaman 'yun ngayon... fit for what people perceive as disgusting but i chose to swallow my own vomit.

"'Pag bilang ko ng lima at hindi mo ko binaba, I'll f*****g report you to the police---" i threw a fit like a kid. nang madadaanan namin yung mga bouncers nabigyan ako ng pag-asa. "kuya! kuya, help!" i am literally close to punching this guy's back. Bigla niya akong inalog para ayusin ang pagkakabuhat sa akin. "ahh! put me down sabi, e! Ano ba?!"

but the guy who snatched me just said "girlfriend ko. Sinusundo ko lang." The nerve!

"Sige na, iuwi mo na 'yan, ser." I scoffed out of disbelief! Napakahaba ng mga legs niya, hindi ko na namalayang nakalayo na agad kami sa mga bouncers bago pa ako magreklamo!

"My god! magkano ba ang binabayad nila Mae dito and why the security is much looser than the hole in donuts?!" I was at the verge of my limit as I tried throwing punches nonstop but this guy never showed any weaknesses! "k********g 'to, stupid! Last call, put me down and we'll settle." I said with my most authoritative voice but this guy didn't even bother! "I said, put. Me. Down!" madiin kong sabi. My jaw almost dropped just when he literally dropped me on the freaking sand! And to add on that note, he was unhesitant! Parang may sama pa siya ng loob sa akin nung binitawan niya ako! "what in the hell?!" i'm pretty sure i'm drunk pero alam ko ring nasa kalagitnaan kami ng dalampasigan!

"Ang ingay mo." even when I'm already close to unleashing the beast in me, he made me stop. Just by letting me see his face clearly, I got at ease.

I bit my lower lip, being shy about how I acted earlier. "Had you introduced earlier, e, 'di sana ako nag-ingay nang gano'n... Malay ko ba na ikaw pala yung bumitbit sa akin?" Thankfully, I was quick enough to defend my actions.

"I talked. Didn't you recognize my voice earlier?"

"Hoy, Kent. Sa lakas ng music doon? You still expected me to identify you by voice? And... let me add, why the hell did you even have to do that? Alam mo, I would've come with you instantly... and willingly kung nagpakilala ka na lang." I was looking up to him because he was too close. eto naman siyang nakababa ng tingin sa 'kin na para akong isang maliit na figurine na may karatula sa ulo na nakasulat na malaking disappointment. The way he looked at me talaga. He looked like a disappointed father.

"Ang dami mong sinabi. Mas madaldal ka pala 'pag lasing," nilagay niya ang parehas niyang kamay sa lower part ng waist niya. "Can you walk?"

"Of course!" I proudly said.

"Good," I heard him pull a large amount of breath before sighing it all out.

"Ang ikli-ikli ng nilakad mo hinihingal ka na kaagad? Akala ko ba athletic ka?" bago ako tumayo ng tuluyan. I tried to remove my sandals from being strapped around my ankle

"Shut up."

I nodded, getting the hang of the situation. "Oh, now you're annoyed? Whoa. you're the one at fault! Ikaw naman ang may kasalanan kung bakit ako nagpupumiglas at nag-iingay kanina. Kung nagpakilala ka agad, things would've been far different— "

"I heard enough of that, now go to your room." kita mo 'to. He's so rude. He doesn't want me to talk when he's talking, pero ako naman ang pinuputol niya kapag nagsasalita ako! "Come on, i'll help you" he held my wrist for support but i pulled it from his grip.

Tinuro ko ang sarili ko using my index finger. Hindi na-delay ang mga salita na lumabas sa bibig ko. Sadyang nauna ko lang naturo ang sarili ko. Hindi na in-sync yung mga kinikilos ko. Gosh. I probably look like a pathetic drunk here. "I... don't need your help" I gagged before starting walking.

"Wow, look at you." Unlike his words, his tone was very depressing. "Saan ka naman papunta?" he asked, perhaps trying to brag that he has the upper hand just because he's sober.

"You told me to get back in our room! ugh, you're so labo," I blinked countless times to try to maintain my clear vision.

"it's the other way around."

He blocked me just by subtly spreading his arms and to my surprise it was easy for him to make me bounce to where I was before. Does he think I'm a freaking bouncing ball?! "oh, hehe, sorry--" great! Now I have a freaking hiccup. "you know what? I think I left my phone there... wait for me, 'kay?" I thought I could get away from him.

"i'll tell Daus to find it,"

"Nandoon siya? I didn't see him," I pouted. I know he saw me before he looked away and did things with his deadly jaw. "You guys should've joined us..."

"He wasn't planning to drink. May sinundo lang yun." he asked but i felt how tired my legs are kaya napaupo na naman ako sa buhanginan.

I have no clue where my snort came from but I'm sure as hell a laugh followed it. "I think I know who," I was having a difficult time with my breathing when my stomach tightened. "How is laughing when drunk different from laughing when sober?" He slowly formed a smile on his lips. Hihiga sana ako sa buhangin but he caught both of my hands to prevent that from happening. I shook my hands to take his hands away from mine but he just has a tight... sure tight one. "Let me go..." earlier I was laughing but now I'm close to sulking. Ano na ba ang nangyayari sa akin?

"Do you remember where your key-card is?" my head fell backwards but I managed to lift it up to see his face. Binitawan niya yung isa kong braso habang sinusubukan na naman akong buhatin.

I held his cheek and I am amused by how soft it is. I smiled while playing with his cheeks. Ang lambot kasi talaga. Parang marshmallow. "yes!" I giggled.

"where?" he sounded just like the Kent I see and talk to everyday. "kay Sy," I touched the tip of his nose as I watched him have his world break down. I knew he was having a hard time on me and I was having so much fun.

He had no choice but to carry me to a bridal style. My head fell backwards, nakasuporta naman yung braso niya that's why it was not uncomfortable at all.

"Kent," I gathered all of my strength to fight the urge of closing my eyes.

he sighed so deeply! "Ano na naman?" sounded so irritated of me.

"why did you..." Words—more like, alcohol has failed me. "Why did you drag me out of that hell hole?"

"you had too much,"

I lifted my head to see his face. I felt annoyed when it was devoid of any emotion except from being badly irritated because of me. Is that how bad I look? "so?"

"Anong 'so?' ka diyan? You're already wasted."

"Wasted... really, huh?"

"Yeah, that's enough to describe your state right now." tinuruan pa nga ako. I scoffed.

The elevator opened so he started walking.

"Kent---" I called him again.

"You know, it gets better when you just close your eyes and doze off," my brows furrowed. "for the record, this is the 23rd time you're gonna ask the same thing."

i giggled, "ikaw ah, you know me that much..." I pointed to his nose. Gusto ko sanang kurutin kaso baka lalo siyang mainis at iwanan na lang ako dito sa hallway.

When we reached the room, he gently put me down on the bed. "Dito ka muna, ililipat na lang kita sa inyo kapag nakuha ko na yung key-card... okay lang ba?" I just nodded, not minding what he said. The sheet and blanket were all cold, kanina pa yata nakabukas ang ac nila. They felt so nice. Parang ayaw ko na bumangon.

Naramdaman ko lahat ng pagod ko simula nung sumakay ako sa coaster hanggang sa nag-club kami. I felt every ounce and piece of my tiredness. Hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko pang lumipat ng higaan mamaya gaya ng sinabi ni Kent.

my eyes were already closed and I was fully aware that i could drown in sleep any minute from now so i sat up and forced my eyes to open "no..." I said to myself.

"what's wrong?" I saw Kent by the door, paalis na yata siya.

"I have to go back, hinahanap na 'ko si Sy..." i was mindlessly looking for my shoe but i can't really find it anywhere!

"no, you're staying here... I'll go get her, okay? take a rest, you're exhausted. Kailangan mo na magpahinga."

"hindi.. hindi pwede, kailangan ko pa siyang ilayo dun... dun sa lalaki," I'm trying to convince Kent but his brows just furrowed. He seemed so confused. So was i.

"What? Was there anybody checking her out?" I nodded. he reached for his phone then made a call. as much as i try to eavesdrop, hindi na talaga kaya ng sistema ko...

"come on, get up..." he said. "we'll wash your face," i groaned. i started to get my sleep tapos ngayon pa niya 'ko maiisipang paghilamusin?

"Si Sy?"

"nakita na raw nila Daustine, she's fine. Walang labis, walang kulang." hindi ko alam kung nagbibiro ba siya sa last part ng sinabi niya pero wala na talaga ako sa tamang wisyo para makitawa sa kanya kung joke man 'yon.

I nodded. "Wa... do'n"

I barely saw anything but his confused look got caught in my eyes. "ano?"

"wa... dun," I pouted my lips to point to someplace.

"ha?" I swear I could hear him laughing!

nainis na 'ko. pangatlong sabi ko na pero hindi niya pa rin maintindihan. "wipes!" i pouted when i took a glance of him. he's clearly making fun of me!

he's abusing the drunk version of me! Nakita ko siyang kinuha yung wipes na provided ng hotel.

"ahh----aray! For the love of God, can't you close your eyes and just sleep?!" tinapik ko kasi yung kamay niya nung napasobra sa diin ang pagpunas niya ng wipes sa mukha ko!

"no... try to be gentle with... my face!" nakapikit ako. I am well aware that my mind is the only thing that's been trying to keep me awake.

"Say please first," utos niya.

"f**k you." I barely had the voice to say those but I heard him chuckle shortly kaya alam kong narinig niya pa rin.

He clicked his tongue after he had enough laughing "bad girl."

I swear if I could only glare at him right now? Baka ginawa ko pa with passion.

I used all of the energy I had left to open my eyes. I touched the tip of his nose. I can't help it! it's too perfect! "you... you always--- i mean it, always make me struggle..."

"doesn't this situation make me the one who struggles? matulog ka na kasi, ang kulit mo rin."

"...no!" I cupped his face.

"Selene," he called me like that again.

"hmm?"

"What are you thinki---" I almost burst into laughter when I saw how his eyes widened as his cheeks and ears turned a shade of red.

I zoomed out to see his face clearly.

"Bakit mo 'ko hinalikan?" It was a quick smack lang! Just like what me and my girl friends do.

"That..." I pointed to his lips. "That's what I was thinking about."

"ang sabi ko..." his eyes looked so playful. I was about to lean over to him "matulog ka na," but to my surprise he pushed me down by pushing my forehead with his index finger!

Was I that lightweight?!

The last thing I heard except from the loud hum of the aircon was the door.

He already left?

Gosh, I feel like my head's about to be torn. I turned to my side as I slipped both of my hands under my jaw.