Chasing Light (Intersex)

Prologue

PROLOGUE : LOST AND FOUND

The world was a kaleidoscope of blinding lights and jarring sounds. Metal shrieked against metal, a cacophony of tortured steel. Glass shattered, sending shards of icy rain across my face. A searing pain exploded in my head, a white-hot agony that pulsed with every beat of my heart. I tried to scream, but my voice was lost in the chaos, a strangled gasp swallowed by the deafening roar of the crash.

A wave of nausea washed over me, my vision blurring. I felt a searing pain in her chest, a pressure that made it hard to breathe. I tried to grip something, anything, but my hands found only empty space.

Then, darkness.

When I woke, everything was hazy and distorted. I was lying on a hard, wooden bed, a throbbing pain pulsing in my head. The scent of antiseptic hung heavy in the air, a sharp contrast to the musty smell of the old wooden floorboards beneath me. I tried to sit up, but a sharp, searing pain shot through my head, forcing my back down.

“Huwag ka munang bumangon,” a soft voice said. “May sugat pa ‘yang ulo mo.”

I blinked, trying to focus on the figure standing before her. It was a woman, my face obscured by the shadows, but her voice was gentle and soothing.

“Nasaan ako?” I croaked, my voice hoarse and weak. I felt a wave of nausea, my head spinning.

“Nasa bahay ko at ilang araw ka na ring walang malay mabuti na lamang at nagising ka na,” the woman replied.

“Dinala kita dito matapos kita iligtas sa aksidenteng nangyari. Nabangga ng truck ang sinasakyan niyong kotse at nang mapansin kong malapit ng sumabog ang kotseng sinasakyan mo nagmadali akong ilabas ka sa kotse may mga kasama ka na sa tingin ko ay mga magulang mo.”

I tried to remember, to grasp at any shred of memory, but my mind was a blank slate. “Nasaan na po sila? Why I feel so lost and alone? Sino po kayo?” sunod sunod na tanong ko sakanya.

“Ako si Aling Rosa” the woman said then looks away. “Pasensya na pero ikaw lang ang nailabas ko sa kotse. Ang bilin sa’kin ng mga magulang mo na unahin kita at hayaan na sila. Gusto ko man silang tulungan ngunit kailangan kong magmadali dahil kumalat na ang apoy sa kotse at sasabog na ito.” Pagpapatuloy nito tuloy na kwento.

My heart hammered against my ribs, a frantic drumbeat against the silence of the room. The words hung in the air, heavy with a chilling truth. They were gone. My parents were gone.

I tried to speak, to ask for clarification, but my throat felt constricted, as if a hand was squeezing it tight. All I could manage was a choked sob, a sound that echoed the emptiness that was now consuming me.

Aling Rosa reached out, her hand hovering over mine for a moment before gently taking it. Her touch was warm and reassuring, but it couldn’t erase the coldness that had settled in my chest.

“Hija, anak” Aling Rosa said, her voice soft, “Huwag kang mag-alala. Magpahinga ka muna. Magiging maayos din ang lahat.”

Pero paano magiging maayos ang lahat? Nawala sila. Ang mga magulang ko, ang tanging mga tao na kilala ko, ang tanging mga tao na mayroon ako ay nawala. At naiwan akong nag-iisa, naliligaw at nalilito, sa isang lugar na hindi man lang pamilyar. Dahil sa mahabang pag-iyak nakatulog ako.

When I woke up, the sun was streaming through the window, painting the wooden floorboards with a warm, golden light. The scent of something savory wafted from the kitchen, a familiar aroma that stirred a faint flicker of recognition within me.

I sat up, my head still throbbing, but the pain was less intense than before. I looked around the room, trying to make sense of my surroundings. It was a simple room, sparsely furnished, with a wooden bed, a small table, and a chair. The walls were made of woven bamboo, and the roof was thatched with dried palm leaves. It was a typical bahay kubo, a traditional Filipino house, built with natural materials and a simple design.

I heard a gentle knock at the door, and Aling Rosa entered, carrying a bowl of steaming rice and a plate of fried fish. She smiled warmly as she set the bowl and plate on the table.

“Magandang umaga, hija,” she said, her voice soft. “alam kong gutom kana.”

“Magandang umaga po” I greeted her back with a nod and a smile.

My throat still tight with unshed tears. I was hungry, but the thought of eating felt like a betrayal of the grief that consumed me.

“Kumain ka na, hija,” Aling Rosa urged gently. “Kailangan mo ng lakas.”

I picked up a spoon and took a bite of the rice. It was bland, but it filled the emptiness in my stomach. I looked at Aling Rosa, her face etched with concern.

“Saang lugar nga pala tayo Aling Rosa?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper.

“Nasa bukidnon, malayo sa siyudad,” Aling Rosa said softly.

“Tahimik dito at payapa, ligtas ka rito.”

I looked around the room again, trying to find some clue, some sign that might help me remember who I was, where I came from. But the room was bare, offering no hints about my past. All I had was this throbbing pain in my head, reminding me of the emptiness inside.

“Hija anak, alam kong marami ka pang kailangang malaman. Pero ligtas ka na ngayon. Nasa maayos na lugar ka.”

I looked at her, her eyes filled with kindness and compassion. For the first time since the accident, a flicker of hope ignited within me. Maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t completely lost. Maybe, just maybe, there was still a way to find myself.

“Salamat po” I whispered, my voice thick with emotion. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

Aling Rosa smiled. “Walang anuman, iha. Ligtas ka rito. Osya, ubusin mo na ang pagkain mo. Kailangan mo ng lakas”

I nodded and took another bite of rice. The food tasted bland, but it filled the emptiness in my stomach. I knew that I had a long road ahead of me, but for now, I was safe. I was with Aling Rosa, and that was enough. Ang dami ng naitulong nito sa akin at napakabait pa nito I wonder kung may asawa o anak pa ito.

I took a deep breath, savoring the fresh air and the quiet of the countryside. It had been a year since the accident, a year since I woke up in Aling Rosa’s simple home, a year since I lost my memory because of what happened.

The memories of that day were still vivid in my mind, a terrifying reminder of the life that had been ripped away. The blinding lights, the deafening roar of the crash, the searing pain... Over time, the sharp edges of the trauma had softened, replaced by a dull ache, a constant reminder of the void that remained.

In the year that had passed, I had learned so much. Aling Rosa's kindness and compassion had been a lifeline, a beacon of hope in the darkness. I had learned to embrace the rhythm of life here, to appreciate the simple pleasures of tending to the rice paddy, to find solace in the company of Aling Rosa's family. I also learned that Aling Rosa had a husband and a child, though they were often away working in the fields not far from the house. I had met them a few times, and they were both kind and welcoming.

I still remembered the day Aling Rosa found my driver’s license in the wreckage of the car. She had been so gentle as she cleaned my wounds and dressed me, her eyes filled with concern. She had found the ID in my wallet, a small piece of paper that held the only clue to my identity. I was Jaycee, 18 years old. I remembered now, my 18th birthday, the excitement of getting my driver’s license, the thrill of driving my brand new car. My parents had given it to me as a gift, a symbol of my growing independence. But now, that independence felt like a cruel joke. I was lost, alone, and utterly dependent on the kindness of strangers.

But I wasn’t completely alone. I had made friends in the here in bukidnon, kids my age who had welcomed me into their lives. We spent our days playing in the fields, swimming in the Seashore, and sharing stories under the starry sky. They were my family now, the ones who helped me to laugh again, to feel a sense of belonging.

One afternoon, we were gathered under a mango tree, talking about our plans for the future.“So, ano na ang plano mo, Jaycee, malapit na ang pasukan?” tanong sa’akin ni Miguel. Kayo dapat tinatanong ko, ano bang mga plano niyo ha, huwag niyong sabihin na hindi na kayo mag-aaral at magtatrabaho nalang. Nako, maganda pa rin ang nakapagtapos ano.

Ako kasi gusto mag-aral at makapag tapos para naman masukluan ko mga kabutihang ginawa sa’kin ng pamilya nila nay, Rosa. Ayon ngalang ay hindi ko alam kung paano.

“Huwag kang mag-alala,” si Bea. Isa sa mga kaibigan ko. “Tutulungan ka namin.”

Oo nga naman” sabi pa ni Miguel. “Tutulungan ka naming maghanap ng university.”

They were right. I wasn’t alone. I had friends who cared about me, who wanted to help me achieve my dreams. I looked at them, my heart filled with gratitude.