A Kiss to Life

Chapter 26: Raw

“You did what?” Kenzie asked after I told her the reason why Noah isn’t with me now.

“Don’t make me repeat it, please…” I said.

I came here to distract myself from keeping on thinking about what happened last night, but this girl won’t just stop from asking me. Mas lalo lang tuloy akong napapahiya sa sarili ko tuwing iisipan ko kung paano ako nag-react sa nangyari.

“That was so silly, Mari!” She said, chuckling. “I cannot believe you can do that.”

I rolled my eyes. “I know! That’s why I am so embarrassed that I don’t know how am I going to talk to him now,” I said, pouting. “Were you like this when you almost did it with Orrin?” I asked and Kenzie laughed at me.

“We did not have an ‘almost’, Mari. We did it already when we were at that moment,” she said as she was gluing some parts of her wedding souvenirs.

“Really?” I asked and started to help her again with her souvenirs.

She nodded. “You cannot back out when you’re ready to do it, Amaris, regardless of the time, the place, and the event.”

“He said he’s ready. That he’s going to wait until I’m ready. I was ready last night, but he still backed out,” I said.

“Well, that’s what you two should talk about. He surely has a reason, besides, this shouldn’t be the reason for you two fighting,” she said, shrugging.

“We did not fight,” I corrected her.

“Misunderstanding, then.”

“What should I do?” I asked, putting down the glue gun and lay on the carpeted floor of Kenzie’s and Orrin’s condo unit.

“Text your boyfriend to chill,” Orrin said when he entered the living room from their kitchen.

I arched my brow.

“He’s been asking about you. The dude’s going crazy thinking what he could do just for you to forgive him,” he added.

“Noah’s probably thinking that you’re breaking up with him,” Kenzie said as well.

“He is,” Orrin said, handing me his phone.

“What? No! Why would I do that? I will not break up with him!” I said, sitting up, and started reading Orrin’s and Noah’s text messages.

[I screwed up.] Noah’s text.

[Screwed up? What do you mean?] Orrin’s response.

[I did something last night that made Mari mad. She’s not speaking to me since last night, not even replying to my texts.] - Noah.

[What did you do?] -Orrin.

[I cannot tell you, but she’s really mad.] - Noah.

[Uh-uh. It must be really something. Mari doesn't get mad easily. She’s too forgiving and kind to stay mad for too long.] - Orrin.

Really, huh?

[What should I do? She left and didn’t let me drive for her.] - Noah.

[I think she’s coming over here to help Kenz do our souvenirs. Do you want me to talk to her?] - Orrin.

[Won’t she be mad?] - Noah.

[We’ll see…] - Orrin.

[Oh, she’s here.] Orrin added.

[Can you ask if she’s thinking of breaking up with me?] - Noah.

[Why would she break up with you?] - Orrin.

[I don’t know. She said she doesn't want to talk to me, and she’s so cold.] - Noah.

[Chill, Noah. She surely won’t do that.] - Orrin.

[I’m hoping, but I cannot help but worry that she will. I knew her. She barely gets mad but when she is, she will be mad-mad.] - Noah.

Wow, ha!

[I will not disagree with that, but trust me, she won’t break up with you.] - Orrin.

[I cannot lose her, Orrin. I can’t lose her.] - Noah.

My heart hurt reading his messages.

“Get your ass up and calm him down. You’re torturing him–emotionally and mentally–by not talking to him and choosing to avoid him,” Orrin said when I returned his phone.

“I’m still embarrassed, okay?” I reasoned.

“You will not resolve anything by being embarrassed, Amaris,” he said more and I cannot help but snored. “Nababaliw na ‘yung boyfriend mo run sa bahay niyo kakaisip sayo, tapos ikaw nandito. Pa-glue glue lang ng mga shells.”

“I’m helping Kenzie!”

"Mas kailangan ng boyfriend mo ng tulong ngayon," he said more.

"You know, what? I hate you!" I told him as I stood and grabbed my things, but they just giggled at me.

"You're welcome!"

"Take care. Let's make chika na lang whenever you're free!"

They both said as I walked their unit. Napairap na lang ako at napa-iling-iling. I went there to relax, but why am I more stressed now?

So instead of going home like the two were expecting, I went to Pinto Art Museum to think.

“Noah would love to be here,” I murmured to myself as I roamed around the museum.

I spent a whole three hours roaming, snapping pictures, and just sitting on the side thinking of how I will approach Noah when I get home. I knew I was overreacting, that it’s just my pride that is why I was avoiding talking to him. But I know I have to settle this, I need to talk to him.

I went home at almost 7:00 pm after roaming around Antipolo. And honestly, I didn’t know I could roam around by myself. I was so used to having a companion whenever I go out.

I found Noah sitting in our garage when I arrived home. He immediately stood when I parked.

“Saan ka nag punta?” his first words the moment I got out of the car. “Nag-alala ako.” he added.

I watched him as he said that; his expression, the way his mouth opens and closes as those words slide from it. How his eyes reflect so much emotions; I could see worry, sadness, pain, and love from his brown eyes. And when he touched me, I almost burned from his warmth.

“Noah…” I called him. I looked at him straight in the eyes, trying to equal his emotions.

“Yes?” he asked, his voice low and cautious.

I cannot believe I have this effect on this man.

I removed his hand from me and by doing that, I saw how alarmed he got. I smiled and held it instead. “Am I being too much for you?” I asked.

Noah shook his head and squeezed my hand. “Hindi. Hindi kahit kailan man.”

“How do you say so, when we’ve just been together for almost a month?” I asked.

“I’ve known you for three years now, baby. I’ve memorized everything about you; your emotions, your actions, the way you think and speak when you’re upset. And I never found those to be too much.”

I smiled a faint one. “You’re just saying that because you're in love with you.”

“I fell in love with you because of those. Those were the raw you. That’s you without being careful. That’s the real you,” he said. “I saw that and I fell in love helplessly.”

My heart felt warm hearing those that I couldn’t help but shed a tear. “I was being immature,” I admitted.

I know I was wrong for reacting that way and for not listening and understanding his explanation. And I was more wrong for choosing to avoid him, than resolving our misunderstanding.

Noah shook his head. “It was my fault. I’m sorry, please, don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you. I… I was embarrassed by the way I reacted,” told him. “This is my first relationship and everything is new to me. Everything is raw to me. I still don’t know how to handle issues like this.”

He sighed so deep. “I will help you, baby. You don’t have to handle this alone. We are together in this. I am here,” he said.

Slowly, I nodded. “I’m sorry.” I let go of his hand and hugged him, burying my head on his warm chest.

“You don’t have to say sorry. It was my fault. I got carried away and… led you in. I will not do that again,” he said, hugging me tight.

I nodded and said, “I made you worry and hurt you,” I was looking up to him, my chin resting on his chest. “I’m so sorry.”

Tears fell from my eyes remembering how he looked when I left him this morning. Pain was visible in his face but he chose to be quiet about it.

He endured even though he can lash it out.

“I deserve that, just please, don’t be mad at me like that again. I was so scared you’ll break up with me.”

“I will not break up with you, Noah! No matter how mad I may get, I will never do that,” I told him, pouting. “I’m so in love with you I cannot lose you,” I added.

I remember how he told Orrin the same thing.

“I am so in love with you, too, baby. I’m so whipped,” he said, kissing me on the forehead. “I cannot lose you, too. I will not survive it. I’ll die.”

“We will both die if we lose each other,” I said.

“That’s why you cannot leave me,” he agreed.

“And you cannot leave me, too.” I told him.

“I will not leave you, baby. I will stay forever," he promised.

“I will stay with you forever, too!" I promised back.

Noah smiled and kissed my forehead again. “That’s good, because I have no plans of letting you go. You’re mine and I am yours forever.”