I Am Not Her

Prologue

“DO you believe in the red thread of fate?”

“Of course no,” umiiling niyang sagot sa tanong ng asawa niya.

Ngumiti ng malungkot si Jewel. “Paano pala kung hindi ako yung nakatadhana mong makasamang habambuhay?”

Sumeryoso bigla ang mukha niya. “What nonsense are you talking about? Hindi ba’t ikaw nga itong pinakasalan ko. So why are you saying that?”

Hinawakan ni Jewel ang kamay niya at marahan na pinisil iyon. “Mamamatay rin naman ako, eh. So I can’t be with you forever.”

“Jewel, can you please stop saying that?” inis niyang sabi sa asawa. Ang mawala ito ay ang huling bagay na gusto niyang mangyari. “You’re not going to die. You just have to fight at maniwala kang gagaling ka.”

Jewel reached out and cupped his face. “Hinahanda lang naman kita sa posibleng mangyari.”

“No, please don’t die,” he begged his wife.

“Please be happy even if I’m no longer here. Wag mong lunurin ang sarili mo sa lungkot. I don’t want to see you miserable. Can you promise me that?”

ISANG malalim na buntong hininga ang pinakawalan ni Noah habang tinitigan niya ang puntod ng asawa niyang si Jewel. Inilapag niya sa ibabaw ng puntod ang dala niyang bulaklak. It had been a month since his wife had passed away, but the pain of losing her was still there. The woman he loved died and left him broken into pieces. Parang hirap pa din siyang paniwalaan na wala na talaga ito.

“I love you so much, Noah. I wish you happiness so please, ayokong sa huling sandali ko ay makita kitang malungkot. Can I… can I see your smile one last time?”

Those were Jewel’s last words to him. Wish him happiness? Sana ganun na nga lang kadaling maging masaya pero hindi, eh. Hindi madaling makalimot. And he couldn’t imagine being with someone else other than her. For him, Jewel was his happiness, his everything.

Napatingala siya sa langit habang ninanamnam ang malamig na simoy ng hangin. Jewel’s smiling face flashed through his mind again.

“Baka naman kasi hindi talaga ako ang forever mo. I’m sure there’s someone out there waiting for you. Hanapin mo siya. Fall in love again. And I hope she can make you happy, doble sa kung paano kita napasaya.”

Mapait siyang napangiti at pilit na pinipigilan ang luha niya na nagbabadyang tumulo. Bakit parang ganun na lang kadali para kay Jewel na sabihin sa kanya yun na para bang ipinagtutulukan siya nito palayo? “Aren’t you cruel, Jewel? What am I supposed to do now that you’re gone? Tell me, how will I be able to find that happiness again?”

Out of nowhere, he saw a white butterfly flying around him. Wala ang paro-paro na yun kanina. “Is that you, Jewel?” tanong niya habang pinagmamasdan ang puting paro-paro. Lumipad na ito palayo at nang sundan niya ito ng tingin ay hindi niya inaasahan ang sumunod niyang nakita. Tila ba huminto ang mundo niya nang makita ang pamilyar na mukhang yun. The woman stopped in her tracks at nagkatitigan sila.

‘No, this couldn’t be!’ hiyaw ng isip niya. Right away his eyes welled up with tears.

“Jewel?”