Vengeance of the Battered

Chapter 4

I clenched my shivering fist. Logan's suggestion was actually the one I should've done now. Para sa kaligtasan namin ni Sarah, the only thing comes with my mind is to escape.

"Based on what I heard from you, isa sa sintomas ng DID ay biglang nagiging ibang tao na lang siya sa harap mo without any specific reason. It's because a person diagnosed with this kind of disorder tends to have over 100 alters in their personalities."

Logan got his pen pointing to his temple, as if he's thinking something. "Kailangan kong matingnan by myself ang asawa mo, Kris. Hindi enough na malaman ko lang sa iyo ang ginagawa niya o nangyayari sa kanya day after day."

"Nakikitaan ko siya ng sintomas, oo. But as a professional, I shouldn't diagnose a person having this kind of illness without checking him by myself."

"Mukhang mahihirapan ako sa part na 'yan, Logan," I mumbled with honesty. "Maski si Nay Minda ay ayaw akong paniwalaan na posibleng may mental disorder ang asawa ko. At kung susubukan ko man kumbinsihin si Liam na magpa-check up, I would just bait myself to get beaten by him again."

Liam's a health worker. And by attempting to tell him about my suspicions about his behaviour I have noticed in him lately, he will surely be offended.

After all, no one could ever accept the idea of them… having mental disorder---if ever my husband really has.

"You must find a way, Kirsten. Kapakanan ng asawa mo, ng sarili mo at ng anak mo ang nakasalalay rito. I have to check him up by myself just to make sure the symptoms really are related to DID.

Kasi kung magkagano'n man… kailangan mong ilayo ang sarili mo at ang anak mo sa kanya. That's the best thing you can do," he added.

"But I'm his wife," I protested, didn't even bothering to wipe the tears that escaped from my eyes. "Nangako ako sa kanya sa simbahan na in sickness and in health, I will always by his side. Sa hirap at ginhawa, mananatili akong asawa niya."

"I'm fvcking tired of getting beaten by him, actually. Wala na ngang paglagyan ang sugat sa katawan ko kasi napuno na niya lahat ng espasyo.

At walang gabi na hindi siya nagtatagumpay na paiyakin ako bago matulog. Over a decade of marriage, of over the ten years I have shared with him my life on one roof, he has never made me feel loved, treasured and protected."

"Puro sakit, hinagpis, sama ng loob at pag-iyak ang ipinaramdam at ibinigay niya sa akin. His beautiful promises he had pledged to the Lord on the day of our wedding turns out to be the opposite of those." I was smiling the whole time habang mapait na nagsasalita.

"Sa kabila no'n, hindi pa rin sapat ang dahilan ko na iwan siya. Kulang pa rin para talikuran ko rin ang mga pangakong binitiwan ko sa kanya sa harap ng Diyos. Binibitiwan ang pangako para tuparin hindi para may masabi lang ang tao at para dagdagan ang mga pangakong napapako."

"Asawa pa rin ako ni Liam. Minsan man ay naiisip kong lumayas ng bahay o makipaghiwalay na sa kanya, but at the end of the day… bigla ko ring nare-realize na hindi pagtakas ang sagot sa problema namin ngayon.

Lalo ngayong alam kong kailangan ako ng asawa ko if ever man hindi na okay ang lagay ng pag-iisip niya. Instead of beating my hasty retreat from him, I should've stayed."

I closed my mouth to breathe a little while. "Gagawin ko ang makakaya ko para madala ko sa iyo si Liam. Even if it cost my life to suffer the hell out of him again, gagawin ko just to bring him with you."

And I was about to leave his office when he spoke, "You deserve someone better, Kris. Pwede mong tuparin ang pangako mo sa kanya. But, staying with a man who couldn't even love you from ten years of marriage is too much to sacrifice."

"Don't settle to be with a man who couldn't even treat you better, Kris."

Tuluyan ko na siyang tinalikuran ngunit ang mga binti ko ay nanatili sa pwesto. "And my promise to him is to love him eternally. I promised to love him as long as my heart keeps beating, and as long as I'm still breathing.

To the mountains and back, I shall love no one other than the man standing as my groom on our wedding day."

"Literal na masakit siyang mahalin, but I will always be willing to endure the pain," my last words before leaving his office.

*****

Heto na naman ako't mamomroblema na naman sa pag-aabang ng taxi pauwi. Maaga pa naman ngayon, tiyak na wala pa naman sa bahay si Liam. 'Pag naman kasi weekdays ay palagi siyang ginagabi ng uwi kaya hindi ko kailangang mag-alala.

And I didn't bother to bring a car with me since tinulungan lang ako ni Nay Minda na tumakas ng bahay kanina. Hindi alam ng mga bodyguards na nakalabas ako ng bahay… and I'm still hoping I won't get caught.

"Kris!"

Napalingon ako sa likod ko nang marinig ko ang boses ni Logan. Patakbo siyang lumapit sa akin at iniabot ang panyo na mukhang naiwan ko pala sa office niya.

"You forgot--"

"Why is my wife outside of the house?"

Hindi na natapos pa sa sasabihin si Logan nang makita ko sa likod niya ang naglalakad kong asawa, na masama ang tingin kay Logan.

"Care to explain why you forbid me, wife?"

Takot na takot kong iniwas ang tingin ko kay Liam. Kahit na hindi ko nakikita, alam kong sa mga oras na 'to, masama na ang titig niya sa akin pati na rin kay Logan.

"I'm her friend--"

"I'm not talking to you." Liam walked towards me as he held my wrist harshly. "You owe me an explanation."

Bakas sa mga mata ni Logan ang labis na pag-aalala sa akin ngunit sinenyasan ko na lamang siya na 'wag nang makialam. Kahit na labag sa kalooban ko ay nagpahila na ako kay Liam papasok ng sasakyan.

And from his hold, I could sense another war was about to happen. The fire inside him began to burn… and a minute from now, I will, again, metamorphose into ashes.