Fate Switch

Chapter 30

Chapter 30: Maligayang Bati

Grey’s POV

09.22.13 Deign's Birthday and our 1st Monthsary.

Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya at umalis na kaming dalawa sa venue ng party at dumiretso kami sa tree house sa harapan ng bahay namin.

Pagkarating namin sa tree house ay agad kaming umakyat sa taas.

"Grabe naman! Christmas na ba? Ang daming Christmas lights ah!" sabi ni Deign.

"Ber months na naman eh."

"Anong ginagawa natin dito? Wag mong sabihing may gagawin kang masama!" biglang hinarang ni Deign ang kamay sa dibdib niya. "Alam kong boyfriend kita pero hindi pa oras."

"Wag kang mag-alala wala akong gagawing masama. Nandito tayo kasi -"

"HAPPY FIRST MONTHSARY!" sigaw ni Deign. Sabay hug niya sa akin.

"HAPPY FIRST MONTHSARY!" sumigaw din ako.

At nagkaharap ang aming mga mukha. Halos yung hininga niya ay ang siya kong hininga na rin. Tinitigan ko ang napakaganda niyang mukha. Ang kaniyang mga matang mapupungay, labing mapula, at ang kaniyang rosy cheeks. And finally our lips find each other. That moment was like a millenium. Suddenly everything stopped and I was just thinking about her. But then it stopped.

"Ito nga pala ang regalo ko sa'yo." Sabay abot ko sa kaniya nung regalo ko sa kaniya."

"Pasensiya wala akong regalo."

"Okay lang yun. Buong araw ka kasing nakina Jayvee."

"Kasabwat ka ni mama?" tanong ni Deign sa akin.

"Yup."

"Nakakainis talaga kayo!"

Napatawa na lang ako.

"Bubuksan ko na ah." Sabi niya at sabay binuksan na nga niya.

Ang laman nung regalo ay pendant. May picture kaming dalawa sa loob ng heart . Yung picture ay nung magkasama kami sa videoke room. Yun yata yung araw na pinaka una kong nilagay sa Best Days Ever Album ko.

"Wow!" at napatawa siya. "Naalala ko 'tong araw na 'to" at tumawa ulit siya.

"At ano naman ang nakakatawa?" tanong ko.

"Kasi yung boses mo." At tumawa na naman siya.

"Anong meron sa boses ko hah?"

"Wala! Napakaganda!" At sabay kaming tumawang dalawa.

Bigla na lang ako nakaramdam ng sobrang sakit ng ulo. Pero hindi ko iyon pinahalata kay Deign.

"Teka bakit parang naging matamlay ka?"

"Pagod lang siguro ako. Tara bumalik na tayo dun."

At bumalik na kami dun sa party. At matapos lamang ang ilang oras ng makabalik kami doon ay natapos na ang party. Nagsimula ng magsi-uwian ang lahat.

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Pag-uwi ko sa bahay ayhindi ko na mapigilang mapasigaw sa sobrang sakit ng ulo ko.

"Ma! Ang sakit ng ulo ko!" sumigaw na ako ng napakalakas.

Narinig kong nagring phone ko. Pero hindi ko na nasagot pa yung tawag. Pinilit kongg abutin yung phone ko sa may table pero hindi ko ito naabot. At dumating na si mama sa kwarto.

Pagkatapos nun ay isinugod ako ni mama sa ospital. Hindi pa rin nawawala ang sakit ng ulo ko pero ang mabuti doon ay hindi na siya ganun ka grabe ang sakit. Pero nag-aalala pa rin ako. Bakit ba ito nangyayari sa akin? May sakit ba ako?

Nakita ko si Deign na nakasakay rin sa taxi.

"Magpakatatag ka lang Grey!"

At napapikit na ako.

I remember one long message in my dream. It feels so real that I feel like I am right where I am hearing the voice. At the back of my mind, why do I think that this is what I needed?

“Speaking of great amounts of pain, from talking to you so much, I’ve never been so sure that it is treacherous and difficult to be happy in 2017. I think that navigating your life, navigating your self-esteem, your self-image, I think that’s harder than it’s ever been before.

I think it’s because every day, and trust me; I love the internet, okay?

I love the good parts of the internet, but there’s also this dark side of how we are all so, it’s so available to us to see the highlight reel of someone else’s life.

All the pictures of when they look the most awesome, and when they’re on some great trip, or they’re having the best time ever at a party, and in your own life you’re getting a behind the scenes, not just the highlight reel, you’re seeing when you get out of bed in the morning and you’re like, “Oh God, this is not a good hair day. This is not gonna be good today. How are we gonna fix this?”, or you feel like you don’t know where you’re supposed to go with your life, or you just went through the most horrible sense of rejection, because someone, you know, spread a rumor about you that wasn’t true.

You’re seeing all these angles of your own life, and then you compare it to other people’s lives when you don’t see what they’re going through, you just see the good parts of what they’re going through, am I right?

And so, I say to you, when you start to compare yourselves to other people, please change the channel in your mind to something else, because I think that when it comes to how we see ourselves, other people are really mean, but we’re really mean to ourselves and so it’s easy to get confused, and we you do get confused and you start feeling like you’re not special, or you’re not different, or you have nothing important to say.

We all feel like that sometimes, but what I want you to right now is, if there’s one thing you remember from tonight, remember what I’m about to say. You need to look into the mirror in the morning and not tell yourself that you’re not special, or you’re not good enough, you’re not pretty, or you’re not awesome.

I’m gonna tell you right now the things you actually are not. These are the things you really are not. You are not the opinion of somebody who doesn’t know you. You are not damaged goods just because you made mistakes in your life. You are not going nowhere just because you haven’t gotten where you want to go yet. Those are the things you actually are not.

Now, I want tell you what you are. You are your own definition of beautiful and worthwhile, that’s what you are. You are someone who is wiser because you made mistakes, not damaged, wiser. You are somebody who could be at this moment, right now, sitting there, there, there, there, you are going through whatever you’re going through whatever in your life that’s stressing you out, or confusing you, or making you upset. But you got out of bed and put on an awesome outfit, and you came to a concert and now we’re all having the best time ever on a Wednesday night. You know it’s not about perfection; it’s about just getting on with things sometimes. Sometimes you just get credit for getting up and going on with things, and you don’t have to do it perfectly.

I think that we mistake our mistakes for damage, and we think other people judge us for them, but I want you to know the way that I see mistakes is, they don’t make you damaged, they make you clean.”

It’s from my favorite artist. A great reminder for everyone, most especially for younger people.