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DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction, Names, characters, place, events, and incidents are products of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
***
December came. Weeks flew fast. I usually spend my time working and going out with my colleagues every after work, and I usually spend my time exchanging messages with Jad.
At first, it was a friendly exchanged of messages. But I knew deep inside me that something was going on between us.
Kasi from kamusta kana to kumain kana, matulog kana and he would frequently called just to checked on me. I'm scared. He has a girlfriend. Ano ko sa kanya? Sidechick? But I was also scared na magtanong. I don't want to stop communicating with hi, I cannot stop myself. But I need to. I have to, thats what I tell myself everyday.
***
Today is our flight back home. Kinakabahan ako. I will see him, finally. But I didn't inform that I will be going home today. I stopped messaging him for three days now. I wanted a clean slate. A fresh start. I came from a a very toxic relationship. I don't want another trauma or batong ipopokpok ulit sa ulo ko. Tapos na ko dun and I don't want a relationship right now. Gusto kong magfocus sa sarili ko. Sa buhay ko. Sa choices ko.
Three days after my arrival in my hometown, I posted a photo of me and my two little cousins with a caption, "glad to be home". Actually, nagpappansin lang talaga ko kasi yung mga friends ko ayaw magpakita pa and seems like gusto ko ng lumabas.
He replied,"so, you're home. When pa?"
And now, my marupok self is shaking. Talagang nung umulan ng karupukan may dala ata akong timba. Sobrang rupok sis. Nasan na ang daily mantra and pray over ng mga sister. Biglang baboosh, isang message lang.
"three days ago, I'm good. Bored. You?" Kunwari cold si ate mo. Pero deep inside halos matae na ko habang nag aantay ng reply, pabalik balik ako ng terrace baka naman nasa baba na sya dba. Baka lang naman. Hehe.
Christmas came and new year, di ko sya nakita nor anino nya. Asan na yung tour and ride. Sis naglaho lahat pati mundo ko. Aside from greetings, wala. Aside from messages asking kung kumusta na ko, wala. Baka wala lang talaga to sa kanya, and I was hurt. Like really hurt. Alam mo yuung pakiramdam na nag assume ka na may something kayo, yun pala, ikaw lang. One way lang.
My last day in my hometown, I received a messaged from him asking me if nasan ako. I said I'm home and prepping my things for we were about to leave tomorrow.
"Papayagan ka bang umalis right now?"
Damn. Ito na. Ito na talaga to. Sabi ko sa sarili ko. Magpapaparlor ba muna ko, or magpapabody scrub. Anong susuotin ko. Bakit wala akong maayos na damit. Kailangan ko pa bang bumili pero closed na lahat ng stores kasi gabi na.
"Yep, I think." Pabebe kong reply. Sis, pilitin mo naman ako. Kahit slight lang, papayag naman agad ako.
"Labas tayo. Paalam ka."
At dahil nga marupok si ate mo, paalam agad sa magulang and even said na I would be going out with Penny. But if course, it was just a lie. I don't have a face to tell them about him. Lalo na ngayon na mas malabo sa malabo.
"Pinayagan ako, bihis lang ako."
"Okay. Message kita, bihis lang ako.''
Isang oras.
Dalawang oras.
Tatlong oras. Napapanis na make up ko.
Apat na oras. Nagugutom na ulit ako.
Limang Oras. Nagpalit na ko ng pantulog.
"Hey, you fine?" Ang bait ko dba. Inisip ko baka may nangyaring di maganda, or naaksidente, or di pinayagan, or nakatulog. Baka lang naman may valid na reason kasi may nararamdaman akong kirot sa puso ko e. Baka lang naman.
"Sorry. Dumating kasi mga kaibigan ko, inambush ako, di na ko nakamessage sayo. Sorry"
"Ah ganun ba. Sige. Ingat."
"Good night, Nana"
Isang Nana lang, yung puso ko parang mamon na ulit. Okay na ulit. Iintindihin ulit.
On my way back wasn't the same as before, mas gusto kong mag stay dito. Bakit ganon.
"Mag iingat ka, Nana."
Sana nakita manlang kita. Sana nakausap manlang kita ng hindi na sa telepono.
- Writer
