One day

1

"alagaan mo ulit ako."

"magmessage ka araw-araw."

"tawagan mo ko, kamustahin mo ko."

"puntahan mo ko or pupuntahan kita."

"kahit samahan kitang  uminom gabi gabi.'

"Baka naman pwede ulit?"

"Ako ulit..."

Habang umiiyak ng mahina, hanggang sa palakas ng palakas. 

I felt your hand trying to wipe away my tears. 

"Ayoko ng nakikita ka ng ganito, hindi ko gusto to." you said. 

I looked at you with visible hope in my eyes.. 

"Sorry, Van. Sorry.'

"Riiiiing, riiiiing,riiiiiiiing"

Tangina. Panaginip pala. Ulit. Sabay punas ng luha. 

Saka ko lang naisip yung istorbong tumatawag. I checked the clock and it is just freaking six in the morning and today is sunday. Sino ba namang tanga ang mang iistorbo ng tulog ng may tulog. Kinuha ko ang phone ko and tiningnan. 

Si Mayon. Yep, Mayon is her first name. Mayon Santos Dela Cruz. Classmates ko since first year until now. Bestfriend. Kaaway. All in one. 

I immediately called her, "Sis naman, alam mo naman na deads pa ko ng ganitong oras db? ano bang meron?"

"Gaga ka. Bumangon ka dyan. May sinend na mga 50 cases si beadle 10 minutes ago sa tax rev. nacheck mo na ba? Kanina ka pa namin tinetext and minemessage sa gc nila lex, no response ka te, ano na. Puro tulog na lang?" sagot nya with her usual high pitch voice. 

And there it is. Naisip ko wala pala akong time magdrama today, postponed ko nalang muna siguro sa weekends, and silently laughing in my head with that thought. 

"Himala ang aga mo ata ngayon ah. Anong meron? end of the world na ba?" It's my sister with her side comments, specialty nya ata or pinaglihi lang sya sa sama ng loob. Either, i think or both. 

I saw my mom cooking our breakfast. My mouth watered when I saw our food, sinangag, egg, bacon, hotdog and danguit fresh from our province pa ata. When was the last time na nakasabay ko sila for breakfast, I think summer break pa which was four months ago. 

So my mom's really seeing me eating my breakfast happily. 

"Ang aga mo ngayon, anak. Aalis ka ba?" she asked. 

"No, Ma. May mga pahabol na cases need ko pa idownload and aralin for tomorrow, revalida daw e." i said in a sad and tired tone.

"Saglit nalang yan, nak. Laban lang."

I answered with a smile. 

As I am scrolling my notes, naisip ko na naman yung sa panaginip ko. Bakit napaginipan ko na naman sya? anong meron? Hindi naman masakit na dba, as I try convincing myself, a tear fall from my eyes, ay masakit pa pala. Pero slight nalang, kirot nalang. Pero kaya to. Kaya ko na to. 

I grabbed my phone and call my friends telling them na nadownload ko na lahat ng cases and just check it in our google drive. 

My friends knew, Mayon knew, everyone knew about what happened, but they prefer not to asked. They prefer to silence, and I like it that way kasi hindi ko din alam pano ko sasabihin, pano ko sasagot sa mga tanong. 

I can't focus. Ito na naman ako. Isang panaginip lang, marinig lang boses, sira na agad. Nababaliw agad. Ano ba naman buhay to oh. 

So I decided to take a bath, wear my black plain uniqlo shirt and black hight waisted denim shorts and put my oversized denim jacket. Get my favorite highlighters, codals, books and compilation of cases. 

One LRT ride, the distance from my house to my school. So I went to my favorite cafe near my univ. Halos dito na ko always every after class or before my class starts. Kakilala ko na mga barrista and the owner, and dahil nga madalas ako dito lang may pacomplimentary. 

"Hello, Van. the usual ba?" asked shenna, the barrista/owner.

"Yes please. And double shot of espresso. Need talagang magising ng diwa ko ngayon." I answered in my lazy smile. 

"Noted, and may ipapatry akong cake sayo. Give me your honest opinion okay." Said shenna. 

Three hours. Tatlong Oras. Tatlong oras ko ng linoloko sarili ko kasi wala talaga akong mainitindhan sa binabasa ko. Lumulutang na yung utak ko and inaantok na ko, nakakadalawang kape na ko. Ano pa ba. San pa ba ko nagkulang charot. Di ko lang ba maintindihan to or bobo lang ba talaga ko. 

I stand up and went to the counter to order my 3rd cup of coffee when I saw a ghost. Ghost. Yes. Multo.

He was wearing a black button down and a pair of black pants. 

Dapat ba kong tumakbo? or ngingitian ko tong multo? Pero bakit naiiyak ako? Bakit may kirot sa puso ko? Bakit parang bumabalik ako sa nakaraan? Bakit parang gusto kong tumakbo sa kanya at yakapin sya?

Bakit masakit? Napakasakit?

Bakit nakangit sya? 

Our eyes met, I tried looking away and acted like I didn't know him, but he walked towards me.

He smiled. 

Like he didn't hurt me. 

"Van, kumusta ka?"

Like he didn't fool me. 

Van. 

Van na ngayon. 

Van nalang ngayon.