Temporary Crown

27 | Apologies sent in a letter

The atmosphere inside the room, everything was silent beside the crackling sound of the fire place and the buzzing sounds of the bugs outside. Nesta can even hear both of them breathing and even the invisible tension forming inside. She swallowed trying hard to contain her emotions for she doesn’t want Lucien to feel unnecessary emotions.

Again, she looked at the paper. Nesta who was holding the letter was frozen for a minute feeling as though this was the last will and testament of the duke.

He was always a person who was one step ahead of others. That was also the reason why he hired Nesta the moment he knew about his upcoming death and laid down all of his conditions the moment she started living in this mansion.

He was a man of elegance, tidiness, and honor. If this was his will, then…

This should be opened when a witness is around or perhaps a scholar from the capital or even a noble. However, as her thoughts drifted, she entertained the possibility that it was not it. That this letter was different.

Heaving her breath, Nesta, for some odd reason, felt the letter was heavy as a boulder and an invisible chain forming around her neck making her unable to run away.

“Sister, are you okay? Do you not want to open the letter? Is there something?” Lucien asked. He had been looking at her for a while now and he had seen how her expression changes whenever she was thinking.

Nesta gave a nod. “I’m okay Lucien. It’s just I do not know what to think.” Nesta said honestly to Lucien.

Lucien did not say any more words and waited patiently. This time, Nesta opened the letter. She released a sigh when she read that it was not a will however, it was the same as that. It was a letter consist of commands and a possibility that the worse might happen in the future.

Nesta gripped the paper tightly as she begun reading.

Dear Nesta

My dear daughter,

If you are reading this then perhaps I have fallen into a coma. Fret not as I know it will happen. The doctor had told me about this. I have stored many potions and divine potions for me to use so that I can wake up again and help you. However, if I did not make it, then, please do your duties as I have told you.

The moment I have closed my eyes, you will become the temporary duchess managing the whole estate, mansions, servants and the vassals. You will also be keeping in touch with the imperial family as my successor and continue my work for them. However, I do not want Lucien to engage in such dirty game. I hope you can finish my work by the time you pass the title to my son.

I have always love Lucien as much as I love my wife and there were many sins I have commit to him. I hope you can secure his future even without me.

As of today, you will be seating in my place and your authority will be the same as mine. Anyone who will oppose you will be punishable by death. This will had been approved by the emperor himself, hence, this cannot be taken lightly.

I have kept you reading for so long. Go on now, dear. Make me proud.

P.S tell Lucien I love him.

- Your father, Charles.

As soon as Nesta finished reading, her eyes begun to burn and tears started streaming out of her eyes. Lucien who was observing silently did not know what to think or what to do. He had never comforted a person and he was clumsy. From his childhood he never had the time to cry as he was so busy growing up fast. Still, perhaps, he can try. However, before he can do that, Nesta passed the letter to him.

Lucien looked at Nesta with an asking expression. Nesta only smiled eyes begun to tear up once again. “It’s a letter for you too,” she said. Lucien grabbed the letter. “The duke said he loves you.”

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In his room, Lucien was alone this time again. However, he was holding the letter that his father had written. He had read the letter over and over again not believing in every words written inside. He has even convinced himself that he must be having some hallucination. However, no matter how he read. The contents of the letter was the same.

Lucien thought that such letter was only address to Nesta but then even though how many times he had read the letter, the contents was not for Nesta but for him. A letter telling his sister to protect him.

Lucien felt mocked that he was being protected by such lady, however, who can blame his father? For his father, Lucien was just a child. A child who have not reached his coming of age.

However, Lucien was not happy realizing all of this. Especially when he was in his bed not waking up. What should he feel? Who should he blame for all of his pain? Heaving his breath, Lucien brushed his palms over his face trying to calm down and to think again. He who was in his father’s mind all the time thinking of ways to protect him and tell him that he was sorry. Him who always resented his father for being absent and for letting his mother died. He who was chasing his dreams and forgetting his son. Him who had lived in coldness thinking that he was hated.

No!

This should not be!

Lucien cannot accept this!

He had so much resentment, hatred, and questions pilled up inside of him that he can’t just accept such letter.

It was too late.

It was long too late however, he was only a child. He was the child of his father right he father he once admired and desired to become once he has grown up. Even though he was 17 years old he felt like a child right now hearing those words again and again.

When was the last time he heard those words from him?

Five years?

Ten years?

Perhaps a little longer.

His father, had specifically told Nesta that he loves him. That he loves him!

The duke said he loves you. Such words were ringing in his mind over and over again like a broken recorder. He hated it. Lucien hated this. What was love? Lucien doesn't even know that. He grew up with the thought of power that was all. How could his father tell him that he love him!? Lucien doesn't understand. He do not want to understand!

This time all of the emotions Lucien was trying hard not to let out was unleashed. All of his demons and all of the things he was hiding inside of him. Lucien wasn’t able to restrict himself and think of a rational way to pull this through.

He was drowning with all of the unexpected happenings that making him face the truth that he cannot really hate his father. That all along he was still that child waiting for him to come home and to read him stories and play with him.

He was still that same child longing for a father’s love no matter how he denied it.

No, he won’t accept it. He won’t accept his father’s death.

There must be away because he won’t accept such apology like this. Even if this world be dammed he won’t give up.

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