HER COMPLICATED MAN

FOUR

I am still drowning with my own feelings when Cali barge in the room as if there's an emergency. I know him so much that I immediately got worried the way his eyes went weary.

"Cali..." I had to hold his shoulder to stop him from moving around. "Anong nangyari?"

"Si Kuya..." Iyon lang at alam ko na kaagad ang gusto niyang iparating. Hinila ko ang kamay niya at sabay kaming napatakbo palabas ng bahay. Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig nang makita ko ang sitwasyon ni Kuya. They are killing him. Binalak ko na lumapit kahit na tinutukan na rin kami ng baril. Hinawakan ako ni Cali para kumalma pero nagpumiglas ako.

Kuya is bathing on his own blood. I barely recognized him. He begged them not to hurt us while they kick him and hit him with the back of their long-armed guns. I can't do anything but cry. I am on my knees trying to escape Cali but he's just holding me to stay on my ground. I look around and caught Iros' eyes. He stared at me for long seconds before he turns his back and get inside the house like he doesn't know me.

I cried more. Wala na. Kahit ang pag-asa ko sa kanya ay tapos na rin. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi na natapos ang araw. Nawalan na ako ng lakas bago pa sila magsawa sa pananakit kay Kuya at hayaan siyang hinahabol ang paghinga habang nakayakap na sa lupa. Patakbo naming nilapitan ni Cali si Kuya nang pumasok na silang lahat. Maya pa ay lumabas ang ilang kasambahay dala ang mga gamit namin. The warm welcome is now long gone.

They didn't bother sending us to the town. It is a very rough day for all of us. Irene chose Kuya. I didn't expect that even from her. She left her family for a man who isn't free yet. We settled in a small motel at the center of town. We have no other choice. We're already done for the day.

I am mentally and physically drained, but I couldn't get myself to sleep. Bumaba ako para magkape. Hindi pa nakakalipas ang ilang minuto ay umupo si Cali sa harap ko. "We're not in Manila, Cous. You don't know anyone from here."

"No one's gonna kill me her, Cal."

"You saw what they did to kuya. They control the...."

"They're not that kind of people..." I have a strong feeling that I need to protect Iros' family's name. "May nagawa si kuya kaya nila nagawa 'yon. I am not involved, Cali. I know about it, but I am not involved!"

He tried reaching my hand, but I pushed his away. This could have been avoided if only kuya acted early. He knows what they're doing will lead into this. He could have done something. I can't help but have disdain towards kuya and Irene.

"You have to let Iros go."

I shook my head in disagreement. "You have no clue how I feel about him to say that Cali. You will never understand."

"I understand, that's the main reason I am telling you to let him go. Sisirain mo lang ang sarili mo."

Umiling lang ako. Pagod na akong makipagtalo. Walang sino ang nakakaintindi ng nararamdaman ko lalo pa ngayon. I have loved Iros since I was a teenage girl, hanggang ngayon ay ganoon pa rin ang nararamdaman ko. Umusbong pa lalo sa mga nangyari noong mga nakaraan araw. May pag-asa na kami. Ramdam ko. Naniwala ako. Pero sa isang iglap, dahil sa isang bagay na wala naman akong kinalaman ay naglaho ang lahat ng pag-asa.

"It will be hard..." he holds my hand; this time I let him. "But you have to fight it."

Sinalubong ko ang mga tingin niya. "Kung susubukan ko lang din naman lumaban, ilalaban ko nalang hanggang sa huli ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya."

Wala akong ibang ginawa kundi magmukmok sa bahay sa mga sumunod na linggo. Pinag-isipan kong mabuti ang mga susunod na gagawin. Nakabalik na sina Iros sa manila, kaya nag-iipon ako ng lakas ng loob para makausap siya. Hindi na dapat kaming madamay sa kung ano man ang nangyayari kay kuya at sa ate niya. Kahit hindi na ako magustohan ng pamilya nila dahil doon ay sisikapin ko na maging iba ang tingin nila sa akin, na iba naman ako kay kuya.

"Do you have a minute?"

Mula sa pagkakahiga ay umahon ako para maupo nang pumasok si kuya sa kwarto. He looks a lot more decent now. There are bruises on his face but it's almost unnoticeable. He can walk without limping now. Nag-alala rin naman ako sa kanya pero nanaig ang tampo ko para kahit na nasa iisang bahay lang kami nakatira ay hindi ko siya, sila ni Irene kinukumusta.

"I talked with Cali..." he started. "I'm sorry."

"What's done was done."

Naupo siya sa paanan ng kama ko. "May balak ka bang kausapan siya? I will help you explain."

"Walang kami..." Gusto ko munang itago sa kanila ang mga balak ko. Kahit maayos ko naman kasi ang kung ano ang meron sa amin ni Iros ay baka hindi niya gugustuhin na maging malapit kay kuya sa ngayon.

"He likes you..." he said, trying to comfort me.

"It changes nothing, kuya." I just want the conversation to be over.

"Kaya mo ba siyang kalimutan?"

Napaiwas ako ng tingin. Hindi ko nagawang kalimutan nalang siya basta noong halos hindi niya ako matapunan ng tingin, ngayon pa? Kung sana madali lang. Kung sana mas may hihigit pa sa kanya sa puso ko. "Kakayanin..." pagsisinungaling ko.

Napabuntong hinga siya. "Makikipaghiwalay na ako kay Anika ngayon..." muling nagtama ang mga mata namin. Alam kong hindi siya magsisinungaling pero may pagdududa pa rin ako sa kanya. "Pwede mo bang ilabas muna si Irene? Gusto kong ayusin na ang lahat."

"Will you really?"

He nodded. A sudden hope arises inside me again. Kung maaayos niya ang sa kanila ni Irene ay magiging madali na lang din ayusin ang sa amin ni Iros. Napabangon ako ng tuluyan at niyakap siya. I don't have to say it for him to know how grateful I am for his decision. I bought him time to settle everything with Anika. Nilabas ko si Irene. Halata ang bigat ng dinadala sa mukha niya pero pilit kong pinapagaan ang araw. If only Kuya Seb didn't tell me to keep it as a secret from her so he can surprise her later ay nasabi ko na sana ang mga plano. After the long day Irene asked me to drive her to Kuya's condo. Muhang doon nila planong magkita.

"Where have you been?"

Malawak ang ngiti nang salubungin ako ni Cali. Tinignan niya ako mula ulo hanggang paa. Mukhang iniisip kung anong pumasok sa isip ko at masaya ako. Kumapit ako sa braso niya habang naglalakad kami paakyat sa hagdan.

"Ano sa tingin mo ang magandang sabihin kay Iros kapag nagkausap kami?"

Natigilan siya saglit. Nilingon pa ako na nakakunot ang noo. "What do you mean? Kakausapin ko siya?"

"Yes."

He didn't hide the displease on his face. Napailing pa. "That's not a good idea."

"I'll just talk to him. Walang masama roon, Cal."

Tuluyan na siyang natigilan, ganoon din ako. Seryoso niya akong tinignan sa mata. I can read concern, but it's misplaced right now. "Sasaktan mo lang ang sarili mo."

"I already got hurt."

"I am thinking about you. You don't know him at all, Paris. Have you seen how he looked at us while they try to kill kuya? He is full of anger that he won't think twice to direct to you or anyone who's connected to kuya."

Kumirot ang puso ko dahil alam kong tama siya. I know a lot of facts about Iros, but I don't know him in deeper sense. I have no idea how he handles things... his frustrations and anger. But one thing is for sure, he is the type of person that gets back.

"I'm tired now, Cal. Matutulog na ako."

Sinubukan pa niyang habulin ako pero binagsak ko na ang pinto sa harap niya. Masaya na ako kanina pero ngayon parang babagsak na naman ang katawan ko sa kalungkutan. Maayos pa naman hindi ba? Aayusin naman ni kuya ang sa kanila ni Irene. Maiintindihan naman siguro ni Iros?

Nilubog ko ang sarili sa bathtub. I closed my eyes as the memories of Iros came rushing in my head. His deep set of big eyes staring at me with tenderness. The way his rough hands held me closer showing how he can protect me with all the things that can hurt me. I have a special place in his heart. I believe I have.

I woke up drowsy with the thoughts of Iros. I am hoping that everything had been fixed last night. I was plastering a huge smile going in the dining but when I saw Aunt Elena's gloomy face, I already understood that something had went wrong. Cali pulled a chair for me instead of answering when I asked where's kuya.

"Nasaan nga si Kuya?" ulit ko.

"Paris..." Aunt Elena called me out, tired. "Eat your breakfast. Let's not talk about Sebastian."

Auntie Elena is never grumpy. She is always having the positive energy around her. I look at Cali, asking for answer but he just shake his head. I've been begging for explanation, but I got nothing from both of them.

"Cali please, tell me what's going on..."

"Irene left last night..." he finally gives in.

"Why?" Kuya promised me he will fix everything. He had a plan.

"She caught Kuya and Anika having sex."

That's all I needed to hear and my anger towards kuya exploded. My mind is in blur while I march to kuya's room. If there's respect that's left in my body, I am losing it as I get close. Irene was my friend. This is not only about the relationship I was hoping with Iros now. I let him meet her. I tolerated enough. I trusted him that he won't play her... that what he had with her was real... that he could make things right. But it seems that I was wrong about him.

"What did you do?" I confronted him immediately when he stepped out of his room before I could even knock.

"Not now, Paris..." His eyes are empty, dark circles are visible under it. But I couldn't take pity with him right now. I held him accountable with everything.

"What did you do with, Irene?!" I shouted when went pass me. I pulled his shoulder, but he just shoves me. I almost got thrown to the floor if Cali didn't catch me on time.

"You're a f*****g asshole!"

"That's enough..." Cali soothe me, not letting me go.

"Coward!" I keep on cursing.

"Calm down..." Cali drag me away while I try to get away from his hold. "Hayaan mo na muna.."

Binitiwan na lang ako ni Cali nang tuluyan nang makababa si kuya sa hagdan. Sinubukan ko pa siyang habulin pero mabilis siyang nakalabas sa bahay at nakasakay sa kotse niya paalis. Walang lakas akong napaupo sa lapag sabay hilamos sa mukha ko. Napagtanto ko kung gaano kalaki ang naging papel ko sa lahat ng ito. Inisip ko kung ano na lang ang iisipin ni Iros... ng pamilya nila. Nanakit ang didbib ko na damhin kung anuman ang nararamdaman ni Irene ngayon. Masama akong kaibigan. Dapat una pa lang ay pumagitna na ako sa bawal na relasyon nila.