Not Until You

Chapter 04

Juniper’s POV

What happened that night was a nightmare. I burned all the possible evidence from me. Iyong scrub suit ko na may dugo, basta lahat ng suot ko nung gabi na ‘yon. Sinunog ko lahat-lahat, even the car that I’ve used.

Sinilaw ko sa pera ‘yong taong may ari ng sasakyan. Alam kong kailangan na kailangan niya ng pera kaya bumigay siya agad. Hindi siya nagdalawang isip sa inalok ko. Nakipagkita agad ako sa kanya kinaumagahan at ginawa ang balak ko, I lied to him na ireregalo ko sa kakilala ang sasakyan kaya inalok ko siya ng malaking halaga. Hindi ako nahirapan.

Sa araw din na ‘yon ako gumawa ng paraan para masunog ang sasakyan. Since Sielo and I have a connection, I asked for help.

“What did you do?” he asked me while looking at the car.

Nasa isang compound kami kung saan namin dinala ang sasakyan. I looked around and saw a lot of damaged cars. His friend has a big garage for lost and damaged vehicles. Halos lahat ata ng sasakyan andito. I told him that I’d pay his friend but he insisted on doing it. Wala na akong nagawa.

Matalim ko siyang tinitigan. From the moment I told him that I need his help to burn this f*****g car, ngayon pa lang siya nagtanong.

“I bought that car pero walang kwenta. Ang panget,” sambit ko.

Natawa siya at nailing. “I know you, Juniper.”

Inirapan ko na lang siya. That night, we burned the car.

After that hindi na ulit ako tinanong ni Sielo. Alam kong may tiwala siya sa mga ginagawa ko kaya hindi na niya inalam pa. Matagal na namin kilala ang isa’t isa, alam namin ang baho at bango ng bawat isa. At dumaan ang mga araw at linggo na para bang wala akong ginawa.

Sielo let me use his gorgeous car for my everyday routine. Nasa tatlo naman ang sasakyan niya at isa lang siya kaya sakin na niya pinagamit. Gusto ko sana ‘yong BMW niya pero ayaw na niya. Na trauma ata siya sa ginawa ko sa una niyang BMW, hiniram ko kasi iyon sa kanya years ago at naibangga ko.

“Kaninong sasakyan ‘yan?”

Napatingin ako sa nagsalita. It was father, sitting in a wheelchair, medyo groggy and mahina ang boses niya pero maiintindihan mo pa naman. He was looking outside at tinatanaw ang garahe namin.

“Kanina niya pa ‘yan tinatanong,” nakangiting sambit ni Tiya Carla habang hinihilot ang mga binti ni Papa.

“Kay Sielo po, hiniram ko.” Nakangiti kong sagot sa kanila.

My Papa suffered a stroke years ago but maayos naman na siya. Though his body betrayed him, his eyes never did. They were still sharp, observing every detail around him.

“Bakit parang bago? Ang kinis ng pintura,” he said slowly, his hand trembling as he pointed toward the garage.

Parang biglang bumigat ang dibdib ko. Kahit papaano nga ay umaayos na ang paggalaw niya at pagsasalita, napakalaking tulong ng therapy niya. His gaze pierced through me, like he was asking questions he couldn’t put into words.

“Pinahiram lang po, Pa,” I repeated, this time with a softer tone. I forced a smile, hoping he would look away.

Si Papa… dati siyang mahigpit at seryosong tao. He was once the kind of man na kahit ang tahimik niyang presensya lang, lahat na ng tao sa bahay nagiging maingat sa kilos. He ran our family with discipline, with order. Ngayon, he sits there—weak, confined in a wheelchair—pero ‘yong aura niya, hindi pa rin nawawala. Kahit mahina ang katawan, ang boses niya pa rin ang nangingibabaw.

Tiya Carla chuckled lightly, trying to change the mood. “Naku, Kuya, hayaan mo na si Juni. Alam mo naman ‘yan, mahilig sa kotse. Baka mamaya bumili na rin ‘yan ng bago.”

I glanced at her, appreciating how she always covered for me without asking. Tiya Carla is our housemaid since I was 3 years old, hanggang sa siya na rin ang nag-aalaga kay Papa.

But Papa wasn’t satisfied with Tiya and my answer. He leaned back against his chair, his thin fingers gripping the armrest as though he was trying to summon strength. “Huwag kang gagawa ng ikapapahamak mo, Juniper,” he said, his voice raspy, but his words sharp.

Napakagat ako ng labi. His voice was weak, but the weight of his words struck hard. Alam ko may kutob siya.

Si Papa… he used to be a man of authority. Before the stroke, he was a businessman and had a job like Sielo, kilala sa pagiging tuso sa investigation and negotiation tables. Sabi nga nila, walang lihim na hindi niya naaamoy. That trait never left him and some people envied him for that. Stroke might have stolen half his body, but it never dulled his mind and instincts.

I excused myself and went out to the garage. Huminga ako ng malalim habang nakatingin sa kotse ni Sielo. I ran my hand on its smooth hood, trying to distract myself from the way Papa’s words lingered in my head.

My phone buzzed. It was a message from Sielo: “You’re quiet today. If you want to tell me something, call me.”

Pero kahit ilang beses niya akong sabihan, my father’s voice haunted me more than the flames of the burning car.