The Ignored Wife

18: Down

“All of us are weak. In fact, a single word can tear us down.”

***

Surreal.

That’s the exact word that describes how Lianna feels as she walks at Dublin airport. Parang hindi pa rin siya makapaniwala na nandito na ulit siya kung saan nagsimula ang kuwento nilang mag-asawa.

She can vividly recall how Vaughn appeared that day habang binibigay ang passport niya sa check in area pauwi ng Pilipinas.

Kung nagtiwala lang sana siya dito noon. The last five years of their lives would have been heaven-like.

But she can not do anything to reverse what happened. She shrugged the thought off. Kailangang kalimutan niya ang nangyari noon. Kung siya mismo ay hindi makalimot eh di mas lalo na ang asawa niya na higit na nasaktan sa nangyari.

Nasa unahan ang kambal kasunod ang ama ng mga ito na hila-hila ang luggages nila. Vaughn instructs the children where to go habang siya naman ay tahimik lang na nakasunod hila-hila rin ang sariling bagahe.

There are a lot of things running on her mind like why did Vaughn took them in Ireland. Isn’t this supposed to be a bad place to remember? Kasi dito sila unang nagkita.

She was taken aback when Vaughn stopped. Nasa labas na sila ng airport at may nakaabang na limousine. Mas lalo siyang tinakasan ng kulay nang may umibis na dalawang tao mula sa sasakyan, a woman too beautiful to be old and a handsome man of the same age as the woman. Parehong nagtatangkaran ang mga ito at hindi halata ang mga edad sa tindig nila. They look alive and kicking.

The old man obviously has a Spanish descent and his eyes have the same color as Vaughn’s. The woman is undoubtedly Filipino- American.

“Are these my grandchildren?!” namamanghang tanong ng matanda. Her eyes are smiling at the twins. Ganoon din ang matandang lalaki.

“They are the most beautiful kids I’ve ever seen.” She said before kneeling down to hug them both. The twins immediately hugged her back.

“Look at how biased your mom is,” natatawa namang saad ng matandang lalaki kay Vaughn. He also kneeled down and hugged the kids.

“I know dad,” Vaughn answered chuckling.

Lianna remained static. Hindi niya alam kung paano magre-react sa harapan ng parents ni Vaughn. She’s afraid that they may be mad at her for taking the kids away.

She stiffened when Vaughn’s mom stood up and looked at her.

“So, this must be Lianna?” she asked with a wide smile.

“We are glad to finally meet you,” sabad naman ng matandang lalaki at yumakap sa kanya. Somehow, the old man’s gesture hefts her feelings. When he released her, sumunod namang yumakap ang matandang babae. Nang tingnan niya si Vaughn, ngumiti ito ng tipid.

Their gestures maid Lianna teary-eyed.

“Vaughn was right! You really are breathtakingly beautiful.” Nakangiting saad ng matandang babae sa kanya pagkatapos siyang yakapin. She blushed as the old woman scrutinized her face.

“Mom!” She heard Vaughn complained.

“Bakit totoo naman, ah?” natatawa namang saad ng ina nito. She was amazed to hear how she speaks the Filipino language. Katulad ni Vaughn, matatas din itong magtagalog.

Pero mawala sa utak niya ang sinabi nito.

Breathtakingly beautiful?

Sinabi ba talaga iyon ni Vaughn?

“I’m gonna tell you something hija.” Saad nito habang papasok na sila ng limousine. The kids are already inside with Vaughn’s dad. Namangha siya sa nakitang itsura ng loob ng sasakyan. Para lang itong living room ng isang luxurious suite. May paikot na beige leather couches at sa gitna ay may maliit na center table. You would never think that you are inside a car.

The kids are seated next to their grandfather. Sunod ay ang mommy ni Vaughn pagkatapos ay siya at si Vaughn. Kaharap na nilang mag-asawa ang kambal dahil semi-circle ang upuan, sa gitna ng semi-circle ay ang dalawang matanda.

“We were having a vacation in Maldives when Vaughn called six years ago.” Vaughn’s mom started narrating. Nakaharap ito sa kanya.

“Dad, please stop mom!” reklamo ni Vaughn sa ama. Natawa naman ito sabay iling at hinarap na ang mga apo sa tabi nito. He began talking to the kids.

Hinila naman siya sa kamay ng ina ni Vaughn. Ngumiti na lamang siya rito. Nakakahiya din naman kung pipigilan niya kahit na halatang ayaw itong pagkuwentuhin ng lalaking katabi niya.

“It was odd that he called. So, I thought there was a problem. Nag-alala pa ako.” Itinuloy ng ginang ang pagkukuwento. She didn’t say anything, ngumiti na lamang siya at hinayaan itong magkuwento.

“But he just said, “Mom, I met a woman.” The old woman narrated eagerly. Hindi niya alam kung ano ang mararamdaman sa kinukuwento ng matanda.

Was Vaughn referring to her? O baka naman ibang babae ang kinukuwento nito sa ina?

“It was the first time that he got to tell me about a woman he met so the only word I uttered was, ‘and?’,” pagtutuloy nito sa kuwento. Nakita niya ang paglakumos ni Vaughn sa sarili nitong mukha.

“And you know what? I heard the longest sigh I’ve ever heard from him. Then he uttered, ‘And she’s breathtakingly beautiful’.” Humagikhik ang matanda pagkasabi niyon.

“Mom, tell her you’re kidding,” banta ni Vaughn rito.

“Of course not! I won’t ever forget that phone call.” Irap naman ng matanda.

“And so I told him, ‘marry her, son’.” She added.

She wasn’t able to say anything. Para kasing ang hirap paniwalaan na siya ang tinutukoy nito.

“Then he married you right away,” his dad added that shocked her system. Lumakas ang t***k ng puso niya. She felt like her face reddened.

“And what happened next is history,” dugtong ng daddy ni Vaughn.

“Let’s bond with our grand children.” Hinila nito ang Mommy ni Vaughn at iniharap sa dalawang bata.

She looked at Vaughn. Nakatitig naman ito sa kanya.

So, she was that beautiful to him?

As if on cue, Vaughn heard what she’s thinking because he saw his mouth uttered, “That was six years ago.”

Para siyang binuhusan ng malamig na tubig. Okay na sana. Akala niya sa mga nangyayari ay maaari na talagang bumalik ang lahat. Her hopes just died down again.

They were okay before they flew to Ireland. And the thought that Vaughn took them here seems to give her hopes that he wants to reminisce the good old past. Pero sa sinabi nito parang ipinamukha niya na noon lang talaga yun.

She was silent the entire trip. Hindi na talaga niya matantiya ang sitwasyon. Minsan okay sila, minsan naman parang sinasadya nitong tanggalin ang pag-asang nasa dibdib niya.

Vaughn’s parents were hyperactive with the kids. Kuwento ng kuwento ang mga ito. When they arrived at their house inaya agad ng mga ito ang dalawa sa silid nila. She was very thankful na dito sila tumuloy dahil hindi niya alam kung ano ang mararamdaman niya kung sakaling sa bahay sila ni Vaughn tumuloy.

The two of them were left on the living room. Akala nga niya ay hindi siya papansinin ni Vaughn pero binuhat nito ang luggage na dala niya.

“Tara na sa taas,” yaya nito sa kanya. Hindi ito gumalaw hangga’t hindi siya tumalima.

There was an awful silence as they went upstairs. Iniisip pa rin kasi niya ang sinabi nito kanina. That was six years ago. It was tantamount to saying na iba na ngayon. Huwag ka ng umasa.

O baka naman ang tinutukoy nito ay ang pisikal na anyo lang?

Well, she look a bit older. She felt the urge to look at herself on her reflection sa nadaanan nilang tinted glass door.

“What are you doing?”

Napakislot siya nang magsalita si Vaughn. Napahinto na pala siya at may isang dipa na silang layo sa isa’t-isa. She shook her head at sumunod na rito. She could hear her parents-in-law’s laughters with the twins from the edge of the hallway. Doon siguro ang kuwarto ng mga ito.

Vaughn stopped infront of a door. Itinapat nito ang mata sa scanner bago ito bumukas. She was hesitant to get inside. Paano kung hiwalay pala sila ng kuwarto? But he has her luggage kaya malamang ay doon din siya. Huminga na lamang siya ng malalim bago pumasok. If he will send her out, so be it.

“I’ve put the suitcase on the walk-in closet,” itinuro nito ang isang pinto.

“You may want to unpack or do you want to eat first?” tanong nito.

“Ilalagay ko na lang muna yung mga damit sa closet,” she answered unsure.

“Okay, I’ll just prepare something to eat, baba ka na lang kapag tapos ka na.” He doesn’t sound hostile. Para ngang may lambing sa boses nito. Siya lang yata ang nag-o-overthink ng lahat.

***

“Marry her, son.”

Vaughn put the phone. Why the hell did he call his mother about a woman he just met?

He never did that. Ni wala siyang ipinakilala sa mga magulang niyang babae simula’t-sapul.

Why does he suddenly felt the urge to ask his mother’s opinion?

Na para bang napakaimportanteng malaman niya ang opinion nito?

Without a second thought, he immediately called the NBI director in the Philippines and asked a small favor. He knew the director since he is the legal supplier of firearms and ammunitions in the country.

After an hour, he received an e-mail about Lianna Henson’s details… all details including her hotel suite in Ireland and her scheduled flight… all details including her childhood, family and school records.

Was it legal to obtain such information?

He just thought it is, since she will be his wife soon…

And that soon means the moment they step on the Philippine island.

He can’t help but smile.

He just knew there would be a lifetime to look forward to everyday of his life and it is because of Lianna.

19: Back

“Sometimes you need to stop thinking and jump off the cliff right away.” -jazlykdat

***

It was already past midnight in Ireland. Hindi alam ni Lianna kung kumain na din ang mga bata bago natulog pero hindi naman siya nag-aalala dahil kasama ng mga ito ang parents ni Vaughn.

“Mauna ka na sa taas. Iaayos ko lang ‘to,” saad ni Vaughn habang inililigpit ang pinagkainan nila.

“I’ll help you out,” tugon naman niya at binuhat ang salad bowl sa harap niya.

“Nope, don’t be stubborn. You look so tired,” pilit nito. Magpro-protesta pa sana siya pero hindi na niya napigilang mapahikab.

“See,” Vaughn said smiling. Napatango na lamang siya at naglakad na paalis ng kusina.

“Press the orange button and speak your full name para bumukas yung pinto.” Pahabol nito bago siya tuluyang makalabas. Oo nga pala, this house is as high tech as his house.

She had been speaking “Lianna Henson” several times pero hindi bumubukas ang pinto. She sighed. Niloko lang yata siya ng Vaughn Filan na iyon. Antok na antok pa naman siya.

She pressed the button one more time.

“Lianna Henson-Filan” she said aloud. Napangiti siya ng bigla itong bumukas. Bahagya pang nawala ang antok niya.

Parang nabuhayan tuloy siya ng loob. Pero mahirap nang sumemplang ulit ang puso niya.

She just prepared herself to bed and slept tight.

It was already past 10 AM when she woke up. Wala na si Vaughn sa tabi niya but there are traces that he slept beside her.

Nagtungo siya sa banyo at naligo na.

Alas onse na nang makababa siya ng living room. Vaughn is seated at the living room holding a news paper.

“Hi! Good Morning!” he greeted. Tipid itong ngumiti sa kanya.

“Good morning,” bati naman niya rito.

“Are you hungry?” tanong nito nang makaupo siya sa kaharap na couch.

“A little,” she answered honestly. Tumayo naman ito mula sa kinauupuan.

“My parents don’t have stay-in maids. Sa labas na lang tayo kumain ng brunch,” saad nito. Kaya naman pala nakabihis na ito. He’s wearing tight jeans and polo shirt.

“Where are they? And the kids?” kunot-noo niyang tanong rito.

“They were excited to go out but you were still sleeping kaya hindi na ako sumama,” tugon nito. Para namang nahaplos ang puso niya sa sinabi nito. Sometimes, his signals are really contradicting. Minsan parang mahalaga siya rito, minsan naman ay balewala siya.

Maybe she’s just overthinking.

Baka naman okay talaga sila?

O baka rin assuming lang siya?

“Let’s go?”

Bumalik ang diwa niya nang magsalita ito.

“M-magpapalit lang ako ng damit,” nauutal niyang saad.

Ngumiti naman ito.

“White jeans and blue blouse will do,” saad nito pagtalikod niya. Her forehead creased. Akala niya ay ayaw nitong nagsusuot siya ng gano’ng kulay. Hindi pa naman siya nagdala ng gano’ng kulay na damit.

She just wore a lavender dress na one-inch above the knee at tightfitting. She knows it’s just brunch but she wants to look good kaya lang mukhang nadismaya si Vaughn nang makita siya.

Tahimik lang itong nagdrive papunta sa kung saan. Nahiya na rin siyang magsalita. Maybe she doesn’t look good in the dress, ni hindi kasi ito nagbigay ng compliment. Asa naman kasi siya.

Her insides churned when Vaughned parked the car. Hinintay siya nitong lumabas ng sasakyan bago naglakad papunta sa restaurant.

Alam niya ang sidewalk na ‘to.

Alam niya ang pedestrian sa di kalayuan. 

Alam na alam niya rin ang kabilang kalsada. It was where she stood, the first time she saw Vaughn.

Sinundan niya ang bulto ni Vaughn na naglakad patungo sa isang pamilyar na restaurant.

De ja vu. That’s the correct term for it.

Para siyang bumalik sa araw na una silang nagkita. Lalung-lalo nang lumingon si Vaughn sa kanya at bahagyang ngumiti. It was the same smile that he offered him the first time.

Is he trying to repeat what happened years ago?

She inhaled deeply. Sumunod na lang siya sa asawa.

Her forehead creased when he sat in exactly the same spot he did more than six years ago. Parang ipina-reserve pa yata nito ang table na iyon dahil punuan ang restaurant ngayon.

“Take a seat.” Vaughn said nang makalapit siya.

That’s it! Sinasadya talaga nitong ulitin ang nangyari noon.

Para saan naman?

To hurt her more of the things that will never go back?

The chair is waiting for my ass. She mentally recited. It was what Vaughn said after asking her to take a seat. Bago pa man bumukas ang bibig nito ay umupo na siya.

She silently sulks. Now, she knows that he is killing her little by little.

Ilang beses ba itong naging sweet? Ilang beses din na pagkatapos ng sweetness ay binabalewala na lang siya bigla.

This is all part of his plan to hurt her. To get even on what she did years ago. He’s making it a hell for her. Hanggang siguro sa siya na mismo ang sumuko at lumayo sa buhay nito

She sulks silently as she eats.

***

Vaughn looks at his wife as she eats silently.

Ilang beses niyang sinabi sa sarili niya na wala nang dahilan para mahalin niya ito. Ilang beses niya ring kinukumbinsi ang sarili niya na hindi naman talaga ito kagandahan because he is mad at what happened years ago.

Pero sino ba ang niloko niya?

His whole being still finds her as attractive as she was before. That electrifying stare he felt the first time he met her never vanished.

Ilang beses niya itong iniwasan sa loob ng bahay niya. Wala nang dahilan para mahalin niya ito. Iyon ang lagi niyang isinisiksik sa utak niya but when she asked permission to go back in their province, he doesn’t want her to be out of his house. Pero hindi naman niya ito mapipigilan kaya sumama na lamang siya sa bakasyon ng mga ito.

Why did he want her family to be at peace the last five years na hindi ito nakipag-communicate sa kanila?

Isa lang naman ang rason. He love her that much na ayaw niyang may isang taong magalit o magtampo rito. He was just mad enough that time to admit when she asked him.

True. He was mad. However, he was there watching all her moves.

When she went back to him after five years and cried that night, he wanted to wrap her in his arms but he was too angry. He tried to think that she deserves it. But he was just fooling himself. He was actually angry at the situation. Ang daming taon ang nasayang.

If only she trusted him enough.

But now he understands her. And he is trying to rectify things.

May mga bagay lang siguro noon na kailangang baguhin. What they had before started so abruptly that he wants to slow down this time.

Kaya nga lamang, madalas sa tuwing tinitingnan niya ito ay hindi niya napipigilan ang sarili. He just wants to make love to her everytime. If he’s lucky enough napipigilan niya pero kung hindi na wala na talaga itong kawala sa kanya.

He smiled at his own thoughts. He’s not a maniac. Lianna is just so delectable in his eyes.

The first time they made love after she came back, lumayo pa siya at bumalik ng Manila baka kasi paulit-ulit iyong mangyayari kung mananatili siya sa tabi nito. But he has eyes around her kaya alam na alam niya ang nangyayari habang wala ito sa tabi niya.

The night before they traveled to Ireland, hindi na talaga niya napigilan ang sariling ipadama rito ang nararamdaman niya sa tuwing titingnan niya ito. She was as delectable as ever.

Funny because he even wants to go back to the first time they met para lang makasiguro na ganoon pa rin ang nararamdaman niya.

Pero hindi na yata ganoon ang nararamdaman niya kasi mas tumindi na. Kanina habang naglalakad sila papuntang restaurant gusto niya itong balikan at ikulong sa mga bisig niya para lang walang ibang lalaking tumingin rito. Bagay na bagay kasi sa kanya ang suot nitong dress.

Paglabas nga nito kanina ng bahay ay gusto niyang utusang palitan ang suot pero tumahimik na lang siya. He doesn’t want to scare her again.

“Lianna,” Baby. He wanted to add pero pinigilan niya ang sarili.

Slow down. He reminded himself. He’s not going to rush her just like before.

He wants her to experience dating the natural way. Parang noong nanood sila ng sine kasama ang mga bata. He was happy to see her laugh that way. Umiwas nga lamang siya pagkatapos noon dahil baka hindi niya mapigilan ang sariling ikulong ito sa kuwarto maghapon hanggang sa pareho silang mapagod.

Lianna stared at him. Hahawakan sana niya ang kamay nito pero iniiwas nito ang kamay. He just inhaled deeply.

What happened to slow down, Vaughn? He reminded himself. Baka mamaya hilahin na naman niya ito para halikan. It might bring back scary memories years ago na isa sa dahilan kung bakit ito takot na takot na lumayo sa kanya.

It could be one of the reasons why, aside from the people who antagonized her. Baka malaking factor din talaga ang mga ipinakita niyang roughness noon para matakot ito. If he really was rough especially in bed.

“May sasabihin ka?” tanong nito sa kanya.

Vaughn just smiled. “You want anything else? We can still order.” Pansin niya kasing parang wala itong ganang kumain samantalang sinabi nito kanina na gutom ito.

“Okay na ‘to,” tipid nitong sagot. Tumango na lamang siya. Lianna also continued eating silently.