Denying Destiny

The Protégé

"Girl, please can we Starbucks already? Alam ko iniiwasan mo si Attorney Super Gwapo, pero puta kailangan ko na ng matinong kape. And Tax 2 tayo bukas, Crim Pro AND Evidence. Di ko na kakayanin yang pag iinarte mo." Nagulat ako sa irita ni Lian when we arrived the condo.

"Fine." I just plainly said. Alam kong ako din kailangan na ng matinong kape and there was no point denying kay Lian na si Killian lang yung iniiwasan ko dahil hindi din naman sya maniniwala sakin. Hindi din naman ako naniniwala sa sarili ko.

"And can we start earlier? Pag binagsak nanaman natin yung Tax 2 papatayin na ko ng tatay ko." Sabi ni Lian na parang nagmamakaawa na sakin. I internally agreed with her. Tax was the bane of my law school existence. Binagsak namin ni Lian yung Tax 2 last sem kasi wala kaming naiintindihan.

We changed again to more comfortable clothes. I've always hated wearing business attire, but that was the requirement in our school. For once, I veered away from my usual almost-pantulog look and wore my light denim shorts and black Nirvana shirt and white chucks. Secretly for the the single reason that in case makita ko nanaman yung prof namin, di naman masyadong nakakahiya.

Starbucks was almost empty when we went down and I tried my hardest not to check if nandon si Killian. "Mars wala, pwede mo nang irelax yang poker face mong pinapractice mo pa kagabi at gamit na gamit mo kaninang recit." Lian laughed. Umirap nanaman ako.

We took our usual spot and ako naman yung umupo dun sa seat na nakatalikod sa counter para hindi ako madistract sa mga pumapasok. But ngayon naman nakaharap na ko sa sidewalk so mas nakakadistract. Ugggh di pwedeng manalo sa life no? I just placed my airpods sa tenga ko since I really need to concentrate on our three subjects for tomorrow, especially Taxation, I hate that subject! Ibabagsak ko to sa Bar for sure.

Sumasakit na yung ulo ko by the time I moved on to Criminal Procedure after about two hours, finally giving up on Taxation kasi wala pa rin akong naiintindihan kahit ilang beses ko na sya basahin. No point. I definitely need to borrow notes from one of our smart accountant blockmates na pumasa na dito I reminded myself.

I stood up to go sa restroom kasi ihing-ihi nako from all the coffee and water I drank today. UTI was a popular ailment among law students dahil madalas naming makalimutan mag cr habang nagaaral. At mas madami na kaming kape na naiinom versus tubig.

Pag balik ko, I can clearly see Killian again lined up sa counter still dressed the same as what he was wearing kanina. He clearly just came from school. He was also wearing his leather body bag na mukhang mamahalin. He looked like a law student.

What the. Nandito nanaman sya? Well, he does live here so natural lang na dito sya bibili ng kape. I ignored him as if hindi ko sya nakita and buti nalang hindi din sya lumingon. I quickly got back to my seat. Thanking I chose this seat.

I was also glad Lian was too engrossed with Tax para mapansin si Killian na nakapila para sa kape nya. Mga after 30 minutes, napansin na finally ni Lian yung professor namin na apparently nakapwesto pala somewhere.

"Mars." Lian raised her eyebrow at me and I pretended na first time kong mapapansin na nandito rin si Killian. I just shrugged after ko syang makita sa gilid na mesa with his laptop opened. I was also praying Lian wouldn't make a big deal about it. Kung pwede ko lang burahin yung ngiti nya.

I looked in horror as Lian waved towards the direction of Killian na akala mo may nakita syang kaibigan na napaka tagal na nyang hindi nakikita. Teka baka naman classmate namin yung kinakawayan nito. Still, I pretended to ignore kung sino man yung kinakawayan nya and I leaned on the table in front of us and dropped my book on it as I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose wanting to be engrossed at the music playing on my ears. Focus!

Nagulat ako kay Lian who tapped my shoulder hard and pointed to the person she just waved at. Di ko kailangan makita kung sino dahil dead giveaway na sa mukha nya kung sino. I weakly turned to the direction she pointed at and I gave a small tired smile at napatungo nalang din ako sa gwapo naming professor. My heart skipped a beat when he gave me a boyish smile with a hint of that usual amusement. What is with his smile?? I wondered as I slowed my heart rate and turned back to what I was reading.

It wasn't exactly unusual for professors to be friends with their students since our school encourages the Socratic method in teaching, basta they don't show their preference for these students. Usually kasama ng mga students yung mga professors pag yosi break.

It was hard to stay away from smoking dahil sa stress ng lawschool. Lian didn't smoke. I, however, tried several times to quit but couldn't. Lian just convinced me to try na bawasan with all her nagging. I made a couple of professor friends sa pag tambay sa yosi area.

I know na iniiwasan ko lang si Killian dahil dun sa bwiset na hula. If only Killian had a different name, di siguro ako maiilang sa kanya. Kahit pa distracting yung kagwapuhan nya. Pero diba Stacy di mo na pinapansin yung hula kasi hindi ka naman naniniwala? So anong problema? Dapat wala.

Once again, we stayed in Starbucks until 1am at kahit naka dalawang kape na kami dito, di na namin kinaya yung antok at pagod. We stood up to gather our things and napansin ko agad na wala na si Killian sa pwesto nya kanina. Bakit gusto mo bang magpaalam pa sya sayo?

The next day was insufferable. Lian was called to recite in Tax 2 and at ako natawag for Crim Procedure AND Evidence. Bakit ba ang malas ko sa bunutan pag recitation? I was able to do well dun sa recit ko sa Evidence, pero sa Crim Pro? Disaster was a close enough description for it. Puro kaso yung mga tinanong sakin. Kailangan kong bumawi sa midterms don.

After class, hindi ko na kinaya, iniwan ko si Lian sa photocopy center (nanaman), di ko alam kung stress reliever nya yung mag paphotocopy, para mag punta sa smoking area. "Kita tayo sa parking, yosi lang ako. Wag ka magmadali." I said, giving Lian my car keys.

When I got there nagulat ako na nasa yosi area din si Attorney Roxas. I definitely didn't take him to be a smoker. Tinaasan din nya ko ng kilay nang makita ako, clearly also surprised that I also smoked. I was actually thinking kung tutuloy pa ko pero dahil nakita na din nya ko at kailangan ko na talaga magyosi dahil sa stress, I sat down and lighted my cigarette.

"Ah, Stacy kamusta?" Attorney Lopez, my former Constitutional Law 2 and Public Corporation professor and who was just talking animatedly with Killian, greeted me with a big smile and I smiled back at him trying to ignore yung katabi nya. Well hindi naman sya yung kausap ko e. "Okay lang sir. Pagod. Tama ka I got Attorney Abella for Poli Rev." I answered.

Killian was surprised that I was addressed by my former professor by my first name. "Sabi sayo e. Pay up. Di ko nakalimutan yung pustahan natin." The bear figure of my former professor laughed and extended his hand. Inirapan ko sya kasi kahit matanda na si Attorney Lopez, asal bata pa rin.

I took out my back-up unopened pack of Marlboro Black from my bag and handed it to my former professor as payment who laughed again. "Madaya ka alam mong hindi ka magtuturo this sem ng review e." Siningkitan ko sya ng mata accusingly and I felt Killian's usual amused eyes on me pero di ko pa rin sya tinignan.

Di kaya ganon talaga sya tumingin? Maybe I should start calling it as his observant look? Kaya mo yan Stace. Pero Attorney Lopez seemed to notice na sya lang tinitignan ko. I'm sure sanay syang lahat ng babae tumitingin kay Attorney Roxas pag kasama nya to.

"Do you already know Attorney Roxas? He's new here. Transferred from Ateneo Law." He gestured at Killian who he was just talking to bago ako dumating. "Yeah sir, I have him for Civ Rev 1." I answered casually and for the first time I gave a pilit small smile at Killian. Tinaasan nanaman nya ko ng kilay and again gave an amused smile. Ano bang meron sa ngiti nya? Di ko alam if I find it annoying or intriguing. Or cute. Ugggh, don't be like other girls!

"Yes, Ms. Valdez quite gave an impressionable recitation yesterday." Killian gave me his usual boyish smile and namula nanaman yata ako which only made him smile widely at me. I wanted to make a face. Kaso ang mature naman non masyado. I think gusto ko lang itago siguro yung konting kilig na nararamdaman ko sa compliment nya.

Attorney Lopez laughed. "Nako, ganyan yang si Stacy. Mukhang pabaya. Palaging late kasi inuuna muna yung pagyoyosi dito. Ang panget pa nung unang recit nyan sakin. Lasing ata" He laughed again and I scowled at him.

Jusko sir wag mo kong ipahiya please, I prayed. Tama naman sya. I had a habit of being late before kasi nga I was always here sa yosi area. Halos dati dito nako nagrereview dati before classes. And yung lasing part, probably also true. Nung madami pa kaming magboblockmates, minsan umiinom kami during lunch break and pag extra stressed ako, napapa dami yung inom ko.

Medyo tama din sya, my first recit on his subject was not really terrible—it was boring. And Attorney Lopez hated boring. Dapat daw pag nagrerecite ako ng kaso, parang nagkekwento ako ng chismis. Di ko lang masabi na inaantok na ko dahil sa amats. At hindi ako mahilig sa chismis.

"Pero nung midterms naman, ginulat ako. She almost gave a perfect score. She's almost as brilliant as you, Killian. Mag ingat ka dito." Attorney Lopez shook his finger at me. He looked proudly at me. God ayoko nitong pag uusap na to.

"Wag mo ko masyadong ipahiya sir, baka tumaas expectation sakin ni Attorney Roxas." Inirapan ko nanaman yung dati kong professor who lighted another cigarette. Somehow, napilitan din ako na mag sindi ng panibangong sigarilyo kasi mukhang nageenjoy si Attorney Lopez sa pinaguusapan namin kahit alam kong dapat umalis na ko. Killian didn't look like he wanted to leave anytime soon either. Clearly naaaliw din sya sa pinaguusapan namin. Or rather sa pinagsasasabi ni Attorney Lopez tungkol sakin.

"Alam mo bang estudyante ko din tong si Killian sa Ateneo." My older professor tapped hard on Killian's shoulder. "Kala ko din pabaya, palagi ding late sa klase parang ikaw. Pero he gave a perfect recitation. Yun lang lamang nya sayo. Ok ba yung recit ni Stacy sayo?" Pabirong tanong ni Attorney Lopez sakanya and I cringed.

"She did great actually." Killian smiled at me. I covered my eyes. "Wow finally!" Attorney Lopez said and gave a booming laugh.

"You are both embarassing me." Sumimangot ako.

"No shame on that Stacy. I never forget students who almost perfect my midterm exams. Offensive para sakin. Kahit konti lang kayo. But definitely kayong dalawa ang nakakuha ng highest score ever. 96? Insultong insulto ako e." He shook his head but laughed. Attorney Lopez was well-known as one of the professors to give the hardest exams in our school. And apparently, pati din pala sa ibang school.

"Well, namana ko yata yan sayo attorney." Killian gave a small laugh.

"Dapat lang." The older professor beamed at his perfect protégé. "Tignan natin if Stacy here can offend you as much as she has offended me. Nakakadalawang subject na yan sakin. If ako siguro Poli Rev professor nyan ngayon, I might be offended once more."

I cringed my face at umirap. Di ko na kaya to. I had to leave quick dahil pulang pula na siguro yung mukha ko.

"Ayoko na sir. Di ko na kaya tong pressure na to." Tinawanan ko sya and stood up to crush my cigarette na hindi ko pa ubos sa ashtray and waved goodbye at the both of them.

Killian gave me a smile and waved at me then tinuloy nila yung pag uusap nila, hoping na tapos na si Attorney Lopez sa pag pahiya sakin. Bahala sya. Di ko kayang tiisin na pag usapan ako ng ganon sa harap ko.

"Ang tagal mo kala ko inubos mo yung buong kaha mo. Saka ang baho mo." Lian wrinkled her nose nung dumating ako sa kotse. "Nandun si Attorney Lopez. Naki chika muna." I simply answered her. Unlike me, Lian didn't like Attorney Lopez. Muntik na syang ibagsak sa Consti 2 dati.

I decided to leave out Killian sa sinabi ko kasi it will only solicit an overreaction kay Lian. Tama na yung nakikita namin yung gwapo naming professor halos araw araw.