Denying Destiny

Netflix and...Beer

Sumilip ako sa peephole and nakita ko si Killian nakatayo sa harap ng pintuan ko.

Ohmygod! What is he doing here??? I started panicking a little.

Tumakbo ako papunta sa iPad ko kung saan naguusap pa din si Max and Lian. "Ohmygod! Si Killian yung nasa pinto!!!" I quickly told them.

"What? Ohmygod. Anong kailang ----"

"Hoy Stacy! Wag mo kaming ibaba I want ----"

Sabay silang nagsalita but I have to cut them off. "Bye, kailangan ko pa mag shorts! Wish me luck!" Pagmamadali kong sinabi sa kanila and ended the call. Alam kong they'll go crazy over this.

Nagdoorbell ulit si Killian. "Wait!!" I called out and nagmadali akong pumasok sa kwarto ko para mag shorts then tumakbo ako papunta sa pintuan.

Kinakabahan ako. But I wanted na pansinin na nya ko ulit. Kahit na galit pa din sya. Honestly, I just want to see him, I'm just too coward to go down sa Starbucks. And too humiliated. And too pathetic. And tinamad na ko sa buhay nung alam kong naiinis sya sakin.

With my shaking hands, I opened the door.

Killian was standing there sa harap ko looking like he's not even sure kung bakit sya nandito. "Ummm..." Napakapit sya sa batok nya. I couldn't help it. I launched myself sa kanya and hugged him.

Nagulat sya and napayuko sya ng konti sa pagkayakap ko dahil without my heels, malaki yung height difference namin. Naka tip toe na ko. He held my back with his one hand. Di ko alam if para suportahan ako or to hug me back. "Killian, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, di ako nag isip agad kanina and nataranta lang talaga ako." I said sadly. He chuckled and kahit labag sa kalooban ko at medyo nahihiya nako, and honestly, my mind froze a bit nung naamoy ko sya kaya napatagal ako sa pag yakap, I let him go.

Finally, naka ngiti na sya like his usual boyish way. A sign na tinatanggap nya yung sorry ko. Sana? Umatras ako to let him in and closed the door behind him.

Ngayon ko lang napansin na he's already wearing pambahay and carrying a paper bag. He placed it sa maliit na dining table namin. "Why are you here?" I carefully asked. I didn't want to sound like pinapaalis ko sya or what. Or masyado akong masaya na nandito sya.

Stace, you just hugged him!!! I pushed my annoying subconscious aside. Stop ruining my moment.

He smiled. "You owe me diba?" Omg, bakit ako kinabahan don bigla? I mean natulak ko sya sa halamanan pero ano bang gusto nyang kapalit non? Natawa siguro sya sa facial reaction ko, so I straightened my face and sinara yung nakanganga kong bibig.

"Kakain tayo." Killian smiled and gestured on the paper bag na dala nya. Pero yung ngiti nya parang nababasa nya yung confusion ko kanina. Namula nanaman ako, so I just quickly went sa kusina to get plates habang nilabas nya yung mga pagkain from the paper bag.

Pag balik ko nagulat ako kasi ang dami nyang binili. "Gutom ka? Or may piyesta kang dala?" Biniro ko sya while placing the plates sa pwesto namin. He bought chinese food. Like a lot. Kahit nandito si Lian, di yon mauubos.

"You want beer?" I offered. "Wow, beer on a school night? Di ka mag aaral?" He looked amused. Yeah, I do have fun paminsan minsan diba. If you call having beer by yourself on a school night fun.

"Pass muna sa aral. Natawag nako sa mga recit e. Malapit na din midterms. So I'm taking all the nights I can na pwede akong matulog ng medyo mas maaga than usual or mag relax. So, you want beer?" I asked him again. He paused to think about it. "Sige." He finally answered. He probably has an early class kaya sya naghehesitate.

"Relax, di kita lalasingin. May class ka ba bukas ng umaga?" I asked as I took 1 beer for him and the water carafe from the fridge then binigay ko sa kanya yung beer. Kumuha na din ako ng dalawang baso with ice and a bottle opener. "Yup. 9am tapos yung next 4pm." He answered.

Tapos na syang maghain and I just quickly took my opened beer sa sala kasi di ko pa yon ubos. I turned my phone on silent mode kasi kanina pa tunog ng tunog dahil sa mga text nila Stacy at Max. They would have to wait.

"Ano palang iba mo pang classes na tinuturo?" I can't believe I haven't asked him this before. Umupo sya and gave me my spoon and fork. "Oblicon and Property." He said getting rice. Gutom nga sya.

I just watched him. Natutulala nanaman ako dahil kasama ko sya. I thought eventually masasanay ako sa kagwapuhan nya, pero hindi pala.

"So anong ginagawa mo kanina? I thought I heard voices?" Killian asked and kumuha na din ako ng pagkain ko. "Ummm, TV. And beer." I answered. I can't exactly say na kausap ko friends ko at pinaguusapan namin yung katangahan kong ginawa sa kanya.

"So kausap mo yung TV habang nanonood ka?" Tinaasan nya ko ng kilay pero ngumiti sya.

"Oo di mo ba ginagawa yon? Uso yon." I smiled jokingly.

"Try ko minsan." He chuckled as he ate.

Di ko alam kung anong sumapi sakin, but I had to ask him again. "Did you hurt yourself kanina?"

"Kala ko nasagot ko na yan kanina?" Tinaasan nya ko ng kilay. Right, yung ego nya yung naapektuhan ko. Malamang! Tinulak ko lang sya basta basta. Baka nga wala pang nakakagawa nun sa kanya! Di ko mabasa kung nagsusungit sya or gutom kasi kumuha nanaman sya ng pagkain.

I played with my food and fork. "I'm really sorry." I almost whispered. "Okay lang, I already nursed my ego habang nasa klase. Binuhos ko nalang sa mga kaklase mo" He answered. I cringed kasi naalala ko nanaman na hindi nya ko tinitignan kanina. It was 3 hours of torture.

"Sa halamanan ka ba nalaglag?" I asked trying to keep a straight face pero natatawa na ko trying hard not to imagine it. Killian looked annoyed sa itsura ko. I had to bite hard on my lower lip. Ang tanga ko talaga minsan. Tama si Max, ako lang ang makakatulak ng crush ko sa halamanan ng teachers' parking, of all places.

"Di naman ako technically nahulog. Napasandal lang ako dun sa halamanan para makapag tago na rin. I'm guessing yun yung purppose mo." Inirapan nya ko. Hindi ko na kinaya so tahimik akong tumawa with my mouth closed pero naluluha ako so tumalikod ako sa kanya. Natatawa ako sa pag imagine.

Nung medyo naka recover nako sya naman yung mukhang natatawa. "Medyo nayakap ko yung mga bougainvillea don. Natinik pa ko sa kamay." Inirapan ulit nya ko pero tumatawa na sya. Napapikit ako sa pag imagine. "Please can you already stop imagining me hugging the damn flowers or falling over it." He groaned pero di naman sya mukhang naiinis sakin.

"Okay, sorry. That will definitely not happen again. Nagulat ka ba?"

"Syempre! Nakita ko na nung palabas si Atty. Lopez sa kotse nya. Sasabihan pa lang kita na magtago kung ayaw mong makita ka nya, di ko naman inexpect na itutulak mo ko." Naka ngiti na sya at kumukuha na ulit ng pagkain.

"Di ko din inexpect na yun yung gagawin ko! Sorry." I drank from my beer. "Pero weird kasi parang alam na nya na magkasama tayo." I continued.

"Oo. Nung nagkita kami, tinanong nya ko kung kamusta lasa nung mga bulaklak sa parking. I swear, yung matandang yun may mata sa likod." He made a face and natawa ako.

"So kamusta lasa nung mga bulaklak?" I asked laughing. He pouted. "Lasang pabango ng babae." Tinaasan ko sya ng kilay. "Nakatikim ka na ng pabango ng babae?"

Ohmygod una kong naisip baka natikman na nga nya sa leeg ng babae. I frowned but my heart was beating fast. I hated this feeling. Nagseselos ako over some imaginary girl. And may karapatan ba ko magselos?? Ugggh Killian, I hate you.

"Oo nung bata ako. Pag spray ng nanay ko, nasa likod nya ko. E sakto nagsasalita ako kaya natikman ko." He laughed at the memory. "So anong lasa?" I asked. Nakahinga na ko kasi hindi yung way ng pag tikim nya ng pabango ng babae yung naiimagine ko yung nangyari. f**k I have to get the memory of him tasting some girls neck off my mind!!

"Panget syempre." He laughed.

"Ano kayang lasa ng pabango ng lalake?" I asked curiously. "Pag gusto mong tikman, pahiram ko sayo yung pabango ko." Killian offered. "Hmmm, uunahin ko ba yun, or yung bulaklak nalang sa parking nyo?" I bit my lip.

"Huy just for the record, di ko naman natikman yung bulaklak nung tinulak mo ko ha. Gago lang talaga si Atty. Lopez."

I smiled at him. "Good to know. Baka dumami pa utang ko sayo."

"Parang gusto ko yun." He smiled back and kumindat sakin and started eating again. My heart was racing like hell and I looked down on my plate kasi namumula nanaman ako for sure. Buti nalang busy na ulit sya sa pag kain.

"Wala akong pambayad sayo." I pointed out while eating.

"Hmmm I can think of a lot of things para mabayaran mo ko." He smiled playfully.

Kung ano ano ng pumasok sa utak ko na hindi ko naman dapat iniisip. Aliw na aliw nanaman sya sa reaction ng mukha ko. I just kept on stuffing my mouth with food para pigilan yung sarili kong itanong sa kanya kung ano yung ibig nyang sabihin don exactly.

Killian was so good at this! It was completely unfair. I think he's been deliberately testing me sa mga pag hihirit nya. Alam nya kasing hindi ako makakahirit pabalik sa kanya dahil nahihiya pa rin ako kahit medyo kumportable na kami sa isa't isa. Wala akong magawa kung hindi mamula nalang sa pinagsasasabi nya.

"So anong gusto mong gawin sa free night mo?" He asked me. Naka upo na sya sa sofa pag tapos ko syang itaboy papunta don dahil gusto pa nyang maghugas ng mga plato. Ang dami nyang nakain. Kala ko di namin mauubos but he ate like three-fourths of everything. I admit it felt good not eating fast food tonight. And it felt good eating with him again.

"Netflix and..." I started to say. "Beer." I continued quickly. Pota ka Stacy. I was silently wishing na he would stay.

"Nice. Pipili na ko." He called out to me. I can hear him turn on the TV to Netflix. Yes! He's f*****g staying!!

"Sige. Horror ha."

"Wag. Action tayo. Di ako makakatulog sa mga gusto mo e." I laughed silently sa bilis nyang sumagot. So, he doesn't like horror movies. Noted.

"Fine. Kala ko free night ko to?"

"Pumili lang ako ng genre."

He's such a liar. He ended up choosing the movie. Pero ok lang din naman kasi enjoy din ako sa action movies. Pero sa totoo lang sa gitna na ko ng pinapanood namin nakapag concentrate at tuluyang nag relax kahit nakainom nako ng beer. Never in a million years kong maiisip na mapapadpad sya dito sa sala ko, just casually watching a movie. WITH ME!

Not to mention, I was sitting at the end of the sofa na hindi ganon ka laki and he's on the other end, but still, feeling ko napaka lapit namin. Chill Stacy! Di mo naman first time na makatabi sya! Binubulungan ka na nga nya that knocked out all your senses by doing so.

While watching, I would steal glances sa kanya. Buti nalang napanood ko na tong palabas na pinili nya and he was really engrossed with it kaya di nya ko napapansin. I silently thanked myself dahil tanga ako kanina. Kung hindi ko sya tinulak, I would have been doing this all alone and still moping about him. Eto pala yung nagagawa ng mga katangahan. Joke lang, I would never do that again.

After the movie, with a couple of beers, at sandali naming pinagwentuhan yung movie, tumayo na sya. Nag unat pa sya and tumayo din ako para ihatid sya palabas.

"Matulog ka na ha. Nakapag relax ka na." He said as he walked slowly towards the door.

As if makakatulog ako after this! Pero di ko muna sasabihin to kela Lian and Max. I just want to enjoy this and swim on my own euphoria tonight. Yup, hindi talaga ako makakatulog. Mapapa make up nanaman ako bukas para mag tago ng eyebags. I should probably ask Lian to teach me how to do it properly.

"Yeah. Thank you for the food. Siguro nga dapat madami akong utang sayo, kasi parang ikaw pa yung nagbabayad." I joked. "Oo nga e. Ako pala yung lugi dito. Sige, you still owe me." He chuckled and I pouted at his back.

"Joke lang. Thank you dahil hindi ako kumain mag isa tonight. And thank you for the Netflix and beer session. We should do this again." He walked to the door and opened it.

Ano daw??? Do this again?? Puta ilang beses ba ko matutulala at magugulat sa mga pinagsasabi nya? Ibang level din talaga si Killian mang gulat. Or talagang ganun nalang yung reaction ko sa kanya kasi gusto ko sya? Natatakot din ako sa sarili ko kasi malamang papayag ako.

"Yeah, definitely." See? Weakness. God, help me. "Good night." I continued.

He was about to leave when bigla syang humarap ulit sakin. "By the way, can you text me Lian's number?" He said. "Bakit gusto mo sya?" I asked, binalik ko lang sa kanya yung tanong nya noon saakin when I asked about Ryan for Lian.

He stepped backwards habang naka tingin pa rin sakin. "Kung gusto ko sya, e di sana sya yung pinuntahan ko. Good night, Stacy." He smiled and turned around para pumunta sa elevator.

Di na ko nakahinga ng maayos for the rest of the night.