Hindi Tugma

CHAPTER 5

"Gotcha, bro!"

"Defend me, pare!"

The chaotic system of the seniors greeted the interior of the old library. It was there that Amaris chose to hide and contemplate after exhausting classes. For regular students like him who didn't join any competitions, classes went on as usual even though the entire university was busy preparing for the upcoming SportsFest.

In truth, only six of them remained attending their block because the rest were either participants or members of various committees. But on this day, Amaris simply chose to skip a subject due to the heavy feeling in his chest.

"Hi!" bati ng isang boses na biglang tumigil sa tapat ng lamesang kanyang kinauupuan.

Hindi nag-angat ng paningin si Amaris mula sa librong binabasa. "Yes?" malamig at walang-emosyong tugon niya.

"Can I have a seat here? There are no more vacant tables on the other side na kasi."

"Hindi naman sa akin ang mesang 'to, at lalong wala sa akin ang desisyon para pagbigyan ka. Kung gusto mong umupo, e di umupo ka. Walang nagbabawal," masungit niyang sagot nang hindi man lang lumilingon.

"Thank you."

Their conversation didn't last long. Amaris didn't seem to have any intention of getting close to whoever had sat across from him. But a moment later, the person broke the silence.

"I'm Reymar Grinfford. Rey for short," the guy introduced himself.

That was when Amaris stopped. He violently closed the book he was reading and glared at him. "I know you. Ikaw 'di ba 'yung may saltik at full of confidence na blockmate ko? So, you don't need to introduce yourself to me. Kilalang-kilala ko ang pagmumukha mo."

Natawa nang bahagya ang lalaki. "Pasensiya ka na kung na-offend kita no'ng una tayong nagkita. I didn't mean to be disrespectful."

"It's okay. Ganoon naman talaga kapag mayaman at sikat, 'di ba? You have the audacity to belittle someone below your level, right?" pabalang na tanong ni Amaris.

"No-I mean, seryoso naman ako sa mga sinabi ko sa 'yo noon."

"Really? Seryoso ka saan? Na gusto mo ako? Are you an idiot, Reymar?" sarkastikong tawa ni Amaris. "Huwag mo akong itulad sa mga babaeng hinahabol mo. I like girls, not someone like you, okay? Kaya tigil-tigilan mo ako."

" Just admit that you're not straight! You're just playing hard to get," the guy insisted with a smirk.

"Kung aaminin ko ba, titigil ka na ba sa kahibangan mo?"

"No way!"

"See? There's no point in telling you who I am and what my gender really is. Alam ko sa sarili ko kung sino ako. Kung nakiupo ka rito para lang mang-asar at bastusin ako, please lang, marami pa akong importanteng ginagawa kaysa makipag-usap sa isang basurang tulad mo."

Lumapit nang bahagya si Reymar, ang mga mata ay may kakaibang kinang na nagpasikip sa dibdib ni Amaris. "Tandaan mo 'to, Amaris, hindi ako titigil hangga't hindi ko mapapatunayan na magiging akin ka rin," bulong nito na may kasamang nakakalokong ngiti.

"Break a leg, asshole," pang-aasar naman ni Amaris bago muling kinuha ang kanyang mga gamit.

The guy couldn't take Amaris's insults any longer. Out of sheer annoyance, Reymar suddenly grabbed his polo collar and violently yanked him to his feet. Unexpectedly, due to the sudden movement, their lips met, a scene that instantly caught the attention of the few students studying inside the library!

"Oh my god!"

"Did they just-?"

"Tarantado ka pala, eh!" nanggigigil na sigaw ni Amaris. Puno ng galit at pandidiri, mabilis niyang pinakawalan ang isang malakas at matinding suntok na diretsong tumama sa panga ni Reymar.

Reymar staggered back from the heavy impact. The side of his lip instantly turned red with a tiny drop of blood trickling down. "You wanted it too, huh! Why are you acting so high and mighty?!" he shouted back.

"Pumasok ako rito para mag-aral, hindi para paglaruan at bastusin ng isang taong tulad mo! Mahiya ka naman sa sarili mo, tarantado ka!" nanginginig ang boses na sumbat ni Amaris habang pinupunasan ang mga labi gamit ang likod ng kanyang kamay.

Out of humiliation and deep distress, Amaris turned around and rushed out of the library in tears. He never imagined experiencing this kind of degradation right inside the school.

"What is happening here? Sino ang nag-iingay sa library?!" nanggigigil na tanong ng librarian na kakarating lamang mula sa kabilang silid.

"Wala po, Ms. Librarian. May konting hindi pagkakaintindihan lang po kami," pagsisinungaling ng isa sa mga senior na kasosyo ni Reymar para pagtakpan ang nangyari.

"Thanks, bro," bulong ni Reymar sa nagtakip sa kanya bago padabog na nilisan ang silid-aklatan.

*****

"Just let it out, Amaris. I'm here," Milio soothed worriedly as he comforted the crying guy.

When Milio saw Amaris walking down the hallway while sobbing, he immediately brought him to their building's rooftop, the only quiet place where no one could see them. There, Milio simply let Amaris pour out all the resentment and tears he had been holding back.

Moments later, the surroundings grew gradually calm. Only the whisper of the wind could be heard.

"Are you feeling okay now?" Milio asked tenderly, looking into the guy's swollen eyes.

Tumango nang bahagya si Amaris habang sumisinghot pa rin. "A-ano ba talaga ang nagawa ko para ganituhin nila? Usap-usapan na naman siguro ako ng buong campus ngayon..."

"Shhh... Don't worry anymore. We will teach him a lesson, I promise," the senior consoled, gently rubbing Amaris's back.

"Thank you, Milio. Thank you for being there every time I need a shoulder to lean on," madamdaming wika ni Amaris.

After that incident, that rooftop became Amaris's secret refuge whenever he felt the weight of society and the heavy stares of people. It was also where Milio often brought him when he saw how stressed Amaris was with his classes. As days passed, they grew incredibly close, like long-time friends. But in public, they kept a distance to avoid worse gossip.

However, in the following months, Amaris noticed Milio's gradual withdrawal. The senior chose to cut down on their meetings and avoid getting too close. Milio knew deep down that he was slowly falling for his junior, and he was terrified of what the consequences might be. So to protect both of them, he chose to drift away bit by bit.

He kept himself busy with university tasks. Yet whenever their eyes met, Milio couldn't hide the intense love he was desperately keeping hidden in his chest.

"Kailangan ko na pa lang umuwi, Milio. Malapit na ring mag-gabi, baka hanapin na ako ni Mama," paalam ni Amaris habang tinitingnan ang kulay-kahel na kalangitan.

"I'll walk you to the gate," the guy offered.

Since it was already late and the path out was a bit dark, Amaris didn't object. They walked together toward the jeepney terminal outside the university. As Amaris sat inside, he peeked through the window and waved at Milio.

"Thank you again!" sigaw ni Amaris mula sa malayo.

Habang pinapanood ng binata ang pag-alis ng sinasakyang jeep, bumulong siya sa hangin habang nakangiti nang mapait, "I like you so much, Amaris... sana alam mo 'yon."

Pag-uwi sa bahay, sinalubong agad si Amaris ng mga alaala ng araw na iyon.

As the guy watched the jeepney drive away, he whispered into the wind with a bitter smile, "I like you so much, Amaris... I hope you know that."

*****

Upon arriving home, memories of that day immediately greeted Amaris.

"Hey! I'm sorry! I just want to be friends with you lang naman!"

"Hoy, Amaris! Kausapin mo ako!"

"Tandaan mo 'to, hindi ako titigil hangga't hindi ko mapapatunayan na gusto mo 'ko!"

"Argh!" mahinang sabi ni Amaris sa sarili habang mariing kinukusot ang noo. Bumabalik na naman sa alaala niya ang mukha ni Reymar at ang nangyari sa library. "Ang lakas ng loob ng kumag na 'yon para bastusin ako nang ganoon!" inis na wika niya habang nakaupo sa tapat ng kanyang laptop.

After changing clothes, he had gone straight to studying, but he couldn't focus properly due to frustration. A moment later, his phone resting on the desk buzzed.

Milio has sent you a message...

He quickly grabbed his phone and read the series of messages from Milio.

Milio: hey

Milio: This is Milio

Milio: Did you get home already?

Milio: Have you eaten yet?

Milio: How are you feeling now?

Amaris smiled faintly upon reading them. He hadn't expected Milio to bother texting him after they parted ways at the gate.

Amaris: Uy, ikaw pala, Milio! I'm good naman at kumain na rin. How about you?

Milio: I haven't eaten yet. But when you said you were okay, I already felt full.

Amaris: sira! Sige na, kumain ka na diyan. Thank you ulit for today.

Milio: Btw, Amaris. There's actually something I wanted to tell you.

Amaris: Huh? Ano naman 'yon?

Milio: I like

Amaris: I like what?

Milio: Nevermind. Just take good care of yourself always.

Amaris: Ano ba talaga sasabihin mo? Nakakapikon naman nito!

Five minutes passed, but no reply followed from Milio. Amaris felt nervous about those two unfinished words-I like...-though he forced himself to think it might mean something else.

"Anak?"

Amaris snapped back to reality upon hearing his mother's voice from outside his room. He quickly placed his phone on the desk and went to open the door. His mother's warm and loving smile greeted him.

"Yes, Ma?"

"Itatanong ko lang sana kung may mga bisita kang darating sa darating nating pista, para naman maipaghanda natin sila ng kaunti," nakangiting tanong ng kanyang ina.

"Tatanungin ko po sina Cleo mamaya, Ma. Pero alam ko namang hindi magpapahuli ang mga 'yon tuwing may handaan dito sa atin," sagot ni Amaris.

"Sige, anak. Hahanap ako ng paraan para kahit papaano may ihahanda tayo sa mga kaibigan mo."

Kaagad na umasim ang mukha ni Amaris sa pag-aalala. "Pero, Ma, huwag na po tayong masyadong maghanda ng marami. Gastos lang po 'yan, tapos malapit na rin ang bayaran ng tuition ko sa school."

Hinawakan ng ina ang kanyang balikat. "H'wag kang mag-alala, anak. Hahanap ng paraan si Mama para sa pag-aaral mo. Ang mahalaga ay masaya ka."

"Ma, huwag na lang po nating pilitin. Maiintindihan naman nila Cleo kung kapos tayo."

"Anak, once a year lang naman ang pista natin dito sa baryo, kaya hayaan mo na. Para naman kahit paano ay makapag-relax ka kasama ang mga kaibigan mo," malambing na wika ng ina.

Hindi na nakasagot si Amaris. Alam niyang kahit anong pilit niya ay hindi na magbabago ang isip ng kanyang ina tuwing sumasapit ang kapistahan. "Thank you, Ma," mahinang usal na lamang niya.

"Para sa 'yo naman 'yan, anak. O sige na, baka naiistorbo ko na ang pag-aaral mo dyan. Magpahinga ka nang maaga at huwag masyadong magpuyat."

Ngumiti nang tipid si Amaris. "Good night, Ma."

"Good night, anak ko." Hinalikan siya ng kanyang ina sa noo bago tuluyang isinarado ang pinto.

He could only let out a sigh. Even though he knew they were severely lacking in budget, his mother still insisted on preparing because she believed a fiesta would always be a fiesta, a tradition that had to be welcomed with a smile, no matter how hard life got.

@phiemharc - Hindi Tugma (C5)