A Shadow of an Illusion

Chapter 4

I am now roaming around the palace grounds doing nothing, because Erebus let me roam around the palace as long as I will not escape, and that was the only thing that he let me do.

Well, as if naman aalis ako. Pinagbantaan niya akong papatayin niya ang mga tao na nakakulong sa dungeon kung hindi ako susunod sa mga gusto niya at kung may gagawin akong hindi niya gusto, so I do not have a choice really. 

Pinagbantaan niya rin ako na kung aabot sa punto na kailangan niyang patayin ang taong iyon, he will make me watch it and he will take my life after that. And I know that he was not kidding when he said that. After all, hindi naman mukhang marunong mag-joke ang taong ‘yon.

That b*stard. To threaten me like that. If I had a choice, his head would be rolling on the ground right now. But well, I am not as heartless as he is so maybe, I will just let him rot in jail and let him watch how we would take what is originally ours.

I snorted when I remembered that ‘talk’ that we had days prior. Hanggang ngayon naiinis pa rin ako sa kaniya. Siya pa talaga ang may ganang sabihin ‘yon. I aleady proved that he was a b*stard but I never thought that he was that kind of b*stard.

“Yes. I will marry you,” I said with so much confidence kahit na ang totoo, hindi ko talaga sure kung tama ba ang desisyon ko.

Though I did not back down. Not when he is in front of me. Kung magpapakita ako ng pagkatakot, baka gamitin niya iyon laban sa akin. And I have to be brave not just for me but for everyone around me. Lalo na ang mga tao sa dungeon. And I will not lower down my pride just because of him. He already made me agree to marry him, might as well show him that I still have a pride even if I agreed with him.

I saw him smiled, thought that was not a happy one, but a smile that shows he accomplished what he wanted to get. “Great. Now, I am giving you two weeks to prove yourself,” sabi niya na nakapagpatigil sa akin.

Kumunot ang noo ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Seriously? Ako pa talaga ang kailangang mag-prove sa sarili ko? Wow. I did not know that he is this so... I let out a loud breath. I cannot find the right words to describe him! Ah right. That’s the right word. Self-centered b*stard. A person who thought that everyone will follow what he said.

“Why would I prove myself? Is it not the other way around?” I asked in disbelief.

Is he really serious about this? Though I know that he was not kidding, I am still having a hard time believing that i have to prove myself to him. He is a b*stard indeed.

Tumawa naman siya na para bang nakakatawa ang sinabi ko pero wala ring emosyon ang tawa na iyon. He doesn’t stop laughing and I am really getting irritated right now. It seems like he was mocking me that made me want to punch his face again.

“I am serious,” I said while glaring at him.

Akala niya ba nakikipaglokohan ako? Like hello? Kasal ko ang pinag-uusapan dito. At ang mas malala pa diyan kailangan kong i-prove ang sarili ko sa ‘papakasalan’ ko na isang masama at sarili lang ang iniisip. And h*ck this marriage was out of the blue and he was the one who was telling me to prove myself to him?

Hindi ko alam kung anong kasalanan ko sa nakaraang buhay ko para danasin ko ang ganito. I know I may sound like an overdramatic woman but can you blame me? How the h*ck will I prove myself to this man? When I am trying to think of ways on how could I prove myself, my mind is getting blank.

Bigla naman itong tumigil sa pagtawa at seryoso itong tumingin sa akin. “Ah really? You are serious? And you are asking me to prove myself? Hindi ba’t galit na galit ka sa akin then you are asking me to prove myself? What a joke,” he said then he stood up and went on my side.

Inilapit niya ang mukha niya sa akin. I looked straight into his eyes and did not back down. “You,” sabi niya at mas inilapit pa niya ang mukha niya. I did not move. No, I could not move because he casted a spell without me knowing, but I still stood my ground as if I am not affected by it. “You are the one who needs to prove yourself. I do not even know where you came from. I just know your name and nothing else. Who knows, maybe you are an assassin that was sent here,” he said and he move closer again until our noses almost touched but I pushed him away.

I managed to break the spell and I glared at him. This man. To tell me that I was sent here to kill him, it was as if he was telling me that I am a bad person. Though, I am here because we wanted to defeat him, it was not as close as killing him, right?

Great. Now I am contradicting myself like an insane woman. And it was all because of him.

“Excuse me, unlike you, I am innocent at hindi ako basta-basta pumapatay ng tao,” galit kong sabi.

I clenched my fist to stop myself from something that I will regret later. Kailangan ko talagang habaan ang pasensiya ko kung hindi ay baka kung ano ang magawa ko sa kaniya. After all, I might stay a little longer than I thought I would.

“Does that mean that you kill people too?” he asked me as if it was just normal to kill someone.

Ang mukha niya ring kanina pa walang emosyon ay nagpapakita ng curiosity ngayon. He even went near me again as if I will tell him a secret.

I stopped and tried to process what he just said but then I failed. “What?” hindi ko makapaniwalang itanong sa kaniya.

How did we end up talking about this topic? At bakit parang ipinapalabas niyang masama akong tao na kayang pumatay ng ibang tao? Did he really think that I am like that? At sa tingin ba niya ay magkatulad lang kami? His smugness is really at the different level that made me even more irritated.

“You just said hindi ka ‘basta-basta’ napatay ng tao. Then that means that you also kill people. Hindi nga lang basta-basta,” sabi niya pa habang pinagdidiinan ang salitang basta-basta.

Kung kanina kaya ko pang pigilan ang sarili ko ngayon, hindi ko na alam. All I know is that I raised my hand and was about to hit him but was able to stop myself from doing so, even if it was almost too late. I just hit the table that is between us so that I would be able to let all my anger out of my system. I wanted to pat myself on the back because I managed to keep myself from doing anything.

I just resort on glaring at him and said, “I might kill you right now actually. You are so annoying and a b*stard too. I have enough reasons to kill you in any way I want.”

Inis na inis na ako sa kaniya kaya nasabi ko na ang mga salitang ‘yon. I know I might regret all of this later but I do not care. As long as I can say those things on his face. At least I managed to stop myself from punching him. I really should congratulate myself right now.

Tumayo siya ng maayos at bumalik sa kinauupuan niya kanina. Prente siyang umupo sa harapan ko. Tinuro niya pa ako na para bang may na-prove siya sa akin.

“And that is the reason why you have to prove yourself. You just threaten me--”

“You threaten me too.” pagpuputol ko sa sasabihin niya.

At sinama pa nga niya ang ibang mga taong alam kong insosente para lang makuha niya ang gusto niya. Isn’t this fair for the both of us? Though I know that the word ‘fair’ is not on his vocabulary, base on my opinion that is.

“And you are talking back without permission. You need to be trained.” Napanganga ako sa sinabi niya.

“I am not a dog that is needed to be trained, b*stard.” I glared at him, again.

Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses ko siyang sinamaan ng tingin pero wala akong pakialam. He deserves more than that. He should be thankful that I did not hit him because I am so close on doing so.

Sa dami ng mga ginawa niya na kinainisan ko, at ngayon na para bang sinasabi niya na isa akong aso na kailangan pang i-train para lang sundin ang gusto niya, sapat na siguro ‘yon para bumawi ako kahit konti man lang.

Konting-konti na lang talaga ay baka matadyakan ko na itong lalaking ‘to. He is annoying as hell. He doesn’t even care with the people around him. He does not even have manners. Sinasabi niya lang ang gusto niyang sabihin at wala siyang pakialam kung may nasasaktan na ba siya. A b*stard just like what I have said earlier.

“Then prove yourself, woman,” he said with finality on his voice.

Tumayo ako at tinuro siya. “I do not have to prove myself to you!” sabi ko at umalis ng kwartong iyon. Inis na inis na ako sa kaniya at kung hindi pa ako aalis, baka may gawin na nga akong hindi namin magugustuhan pareho.

“Where are you going?” tanong niya kaya humarap ako sa kaniya.

“Somewhere. Far away from you!” Sigaw ko sa kaniya at tuluyan nang lumabas ng kwarto na iyon.

I needed to breath. I needed to let this frustration out of my system, and if I am in the same room with that b*stard, I won’t be able to calm down. His whole being irritates the h*ll out of me and I really wanted to get away from him even if it was just for a minute.

But before I could even walk further, I felt his hands that is tightly gripping on my wrist. Lumingon naman ako sa kaniya pero nagulat ako sa lapit namin sa isa‘t-isa. I pushed him away for the second time today.

“Ano ba?!” Sigaw ko sa kaniya.

Kanina pa siya ha?! Bakit ba ang hilig niyang gawin 'yon?! At bakit ba hindi niya maintindihan na kailangan ko rin naman ng space para makapag-isip? He was so intelligent but I guess he is not using his brains right now, or maybe he does not care about me.

He looked around kaya tumingin din ako sa paligid. Napababa naman ang tingin ko nang ma-realize kong madaming maid at tauhan niya ang nakatingin sa amin. Bakit ba lagi na lang may kasamang kahihiyan kapag siya ang kausap ko?

Wala siyang sinabing kahit ano at hinila niya na ako pabalik sa kwarto kung saan kami nag-uusap kanina. “Who says that we are finish talking? You woman, hindi ikaw ang masusunod dito. Do not make me tell you that again,” he said as he gritted his teeth.

Binitiwan niya lang ang kamay ko nang makarating kami sa kinauupuan namin kanina. Hindi siya umupo at gano‘n rin ako pero mukhang nauubusan na siya ng pasensiya dahil sa sama nang tingin niya sa akin.

“Sit.” I just roll my eyes at him when he said that.

'I am not a dog!' Sigaw ko sa isip ko pero hindi ko na lang sinabi ng malakas. Bahala siya diyan. Wala rin namang patutunguhan kung sasabihin ko ‘yan nang malakas. Mas lalo lang kaming magtatalo at wala na kong energy para makipagtalo sa kaniya.

Padabog na lamang akong umupo sa kinauupuan ko kanina dahil wala na rin naman akong choice. Baka mamaya, magbanta na naman yan at baka hindi lang banta ang gawin niya. Baka tuluyan na niyang gawin ang sinasabi niya kapag hindi ako sumunod.

When he was satisfied that I will not leave anymore, he went sit in front of me again and started discussing our ‘wedding.’ Ang sapilitang wedding na biglaan na lang nangyari.

“As I have said earlier, we will be wed two weeks from now. And in that two weeks, kung may nakita akong ginagawa mo at hindi ko nagustuhan, I will kill you myself as well as those prisoners in the dungeon.” And yes, this discussion is not normal one.

I glared at him for who knows how many times I did that day. “May ask you something?” tanong ko sa kaniya. Anger and hatred was evident in my voice.

“Go ahead,” sabi niya sa akin kaya naman tinanong ko na ang tanong na laging nasa isip ko.

“Ano bang ginawa ng mga taong iyon sa‘yo at nakakulong sila? They are even wishing for their own death. I never seen something like that before,” tanong ko sa kaniya.

I am trying to calm myself dahil hindi ko alam ang magagawa ko kung paiiralin ko ang galit ko sa kaniya. Well, kanina ko pa tina-try and so far, I am praising myself for not completely losing my temper.

Ilang minuto naman siyang natahimik kaya akala ko hindi niya sasagutin ang tanong na iyon but after a few minutes, he talked. “Ayaw nila sa pamamalakad ko. They are a rebel that needs to be killed. They should be thankful that I am still letting them live there in the dungeon. Some of them are already dead. I execute them,” he said.

Nakaramdam ako lalo ng galit nang makita kong wala man lang ka-emo-emosyon ang mukha niya habang sinasabi iyon. He was really heartless and base on what I am seeing right now, this is all just normal for him.

“Bakit kailangan mo pa silang patayin kung pwede mo naman silang ikulong na lang? Maybe they will change as the time goes by.” I suggested.

I saw emotion flickered in his eyes but it immediatey turned cold again. “I execute them as an example to those people who are still planning to rebel against me.”

“They are just an example?” I asked in disbelief.

“Yes. An example.” He just shrug and started to pour the wine in a glass.

Ngayon ko lang nakita na meron palang ganon sa table na nasa pagitan namin. Maybe because am really irritated at him that i did not notice what was on our surroundings. He took a sip in one of the glasses and gave me the other one but I just stare at him with a shock look on my face. Mukhang nakuha niyang hindi ko kukunin ang wine na inaalok niya kaya ibinaba niya ulit ‘yon sa table na nasa pagitan namin.

Hindi naman ako nakapagsalita at nakatingin lang siya. “Are you that heartless?” tanong ko sa kaniya matapos kong makabawi sa pagkabigla ko.

He shrugged again as he sipped his wine. “If heartless is the right word for you to describe me, then I guess I am heartless.”

He sips the wine again as if he do not care about being called heartless or whatever that is synonymous with that word. Yeah. He does not care about anything. Really. He just want to get what he wanted then he doesn’t care about anything anymore.

“I have another question,” sabi ko sa kaniya habang umaayos ako ng pagkakaupo.

Tumaas naman ang kilay niya. “You have a lot of question.”

HIndi ko na lang pinansin ang sinabi niya at tinanong siya, “Anong nangyari sayo? Bakit humantong sa ganito ang lahat? I mean I believe that everyone have their good sides even how evil they are but you, to be so heartless. To be so ruthless. What makes you do those horrible things?”

Erebus stop on sipping his wine and looked straight into my eyes. Makalipas ng ilang minuto, iniwas niya ang tingin niya sa akin at itiuon niya iyon sa wine glass na hawak niya. Natahimik ulit siya na para bang iniisip ang nakaraan niya at kung sasabihin niya ba sa akin iyon. Pinaikot-ikot pa niya ang wine glass na hawak niya habang nakatitig doon na para bang maibibigay nito ang sagot sa tanong ko.

He look at me again and said, “You are asking too much.” HIndi na niya ako tinapunan pa ng tingin at tumayo na siya at tumalikod sa akin. “I am finish talking to you. This is your room by the way. Feel free to do anything you like as long as long it is not as st*pid as I could imagine,” he said then he looked at my side again. “And remember, prove yourself,” he said and left me alone in the room.

And I was left thinking. “Ano nga ba ang nangyari sa‘yo, Erebus?”