You Were Never Mine

Chapter 1

Yvette's P.O.V

(Year 2020)

Ilang taon na ang nakalipas, pero sariwa parin sa lahat ang nangyari. Natatakot akong bumaba ng sasakyan, pero ginawa ko parin dahil nandito na ako Pilipinas. I have no choice but to confront the truth.

Hindi ako dapat magpakita ng kahit anong senyales ang apektado ako. Na iiyak ulit ako sa harapan nila kagaya ng nangyari three years ago. Masyadong nakakahiya. I was thought to be a strong independent woman, pagkatapos iiyak ako sa harapan nila?

Mga senyales ng kahinaan? Wala dapat makakakita no'n sa akin. Wala dapat bakas ng lungkot sa mga mata ko. Tama na na nagmukha akong iniwan at sinaktan noon. Tama na na nagmakaawa akong huwag akong iwan.

They have no right to find out that I shed some tears over a guy. My mother would lose her mind.

"Welcome to the fold!" Bati ni Mommy sa akin na may malaking ngiti. Sinasalubong ako ng buong angkan. Ito ang unang uwi ko matapos kong mamalagi sa United States for approximately three years.

Ang tagal na panahon, pero bakit gabi gabi, araw araw ko pa ring iniisip kung bakit ako nagpakatanga sa pag-ibig?

Nakakabaliw.

"I am grateful. It's great to be here again..." I smiled at them, kahit pagod ako galing biyahe.

I simply cannot continue. Extremely worn out...

Hindi sa dahil marami akong ginawa sa States, kung hindi dahil nasobrahan ako sa tulog. Yes. Buong biyahe, wala akong ginawa kung hindi matulog. Nakapahinga ako ng mahabang oras pero paggising ko heto't parang pagod na pagod ako.

Lahat ng mga mata ay sa akin nakatutok. They are gazing at me na para bang kahit anong oras iiyak ako, which is never going to happen, kasi... bakit mo i-iyakan ang taong hindi man naman tayo iniisip? Bakit aasa sa taong hindi naman tayo inaalala? Nakaka-p*tanginang isipin na masyado tayong nagpapakatanga sa mga taong iiwan din naman tayo.

It is a waste of our energy to shed tears over someone who is uninterested in us or our well-being. — and now look at me, contradicting my own words by acting like a hypocrite. I don't know why people listen to me as a decent advisor when I can't even follow my own advice half the time. It drives me completely insane.

Umalis ako sa Pinas three years ago na walang nakakaalam ng totoong dahilan kung bakit ako iyak nang iyak noong pagkatapos ng graduation ceremony. Nobody had the courage to inquire. Not even mom— no one.

Alam kasi nila na hindi ko sasabihin. It's possible that I'm a softie, but I've never been the kind of girl who readily opens up. On the other hand, when I'm with Nathan, I'm free to be anyone and whatever I want to be—ayan. Nathan na naman, Yvette. Tama na!

"Anak, why did you abruptly go home? Akala ko ba 6 years 'yung contract mo sa States?" Tanong ni Mommy habang sinusuklay niya ang buhok ko gamit ang daliri niya. We both agreed that we had missed each other's company.

Nasa kusina kami habang hinahain ang mga pagkain— masasarap na pagkain na niluto ni Mommy.

Simula nang umalis ako papuntang US pagkatapos ng graduation namin, hindi ako masyadong nagkaroon ng oras para makipag-usap kila Mommy dito sa Pilipinas kahit man lang thru skype lang. I was preoccupied with finding a great deal of stuff to accomplish in order to keep myself busy and keep my mind off of the insanely painful experience that I was having.

I am at a loss for words. Before I met him, Nathan, I was a cheerful and carefree young lady. However, he was the one who put an end to my pleasure. Dumating siya sa buhay ko para pa-ngitiin ako tapos wawasakin din naman pala ako sa huli.

"You prepared each and every one of my favorites..." I said to her while flashing a grin at her. It makes her happy that I'm here, and I share that happiness with her. I am now skilled in the art of faking a genuine smile.

Irony is sometimes found in life. Consider how the things that bring us joy can also cause us suffering.

I have my dream job. I am keeping myself occupied with it; but, there seems to be something missing from the equation. Kahit anong sabihin ko na galit ako sa kaniya, hindi ko kaya. Kahit sabihin ko pang sobrang sakit ng ginawa niya, pilit ko paring iniisip na baka hindi lang talaga para kami sa isa't isa, pero habang iniisip ko 'yon, hinihiling ko na sana... sana naman sa susunod na habang buhay... kami na.

"Certainly, my Darling... You have earned each and every one of these delectable treats." I wanted to show my appreciation for her, so I hugged her.

"Oh? Anak? Why? What's the matter?"

I really felt like crying. I wanted to say that I'm not fine and just confess everything that's been going on inside my chest for the past few years while I've been abroad telling people that I'm working when in reality I was only trying to hide and run away from the pain that I've been through, but I can't. I've been lying to myself. I just can't.

It won't help her if you tell her right now. She will be upset and may even disown me for doing that and having a broken heart. She will be disappointed.

"Mommy, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I wasn't actually here on vacation. I am here at this location to work. I am very sorry." That expression of regret came with additional connotations. I'm sorry I lied to you, Mom, about how I really feel. However, I don't ever regret the decision to be with Nathan. I adored him— I never regret loving him.

There. I said it. I came here, dahil kailangan kong makatapos ng tatlong malalaking project, para makasali sa mga applicants ng mga mapo-promote next year. To improve my financial situation, I need to advance my career. I'm putting money away for retirement.

"Anak naman... you consistently put in more effort than everyone else there does. When will be the time na makikipag-date ka? You're not exactly getting younger, are you? You never had a boyfriend in your life. Tatanda kang dalaga! "umiling ako kay Mommy. She does not have the slightest idea about Nathan. She shouldn't be aware of that.

"Oh, I'm sorry, but I just don't have the time for that. Please don't make me do it against my will. You do know that ang lahat ng pinipilit nawawala agad. Is that so, Mom?" She nodded. It is abundantly clear that she comprehends what I am attempting to convey.

She knew that her father was going to leave her at that time, but she didn't beg him to stay because she stands by her principles. When you asked me that question, I was only ten years old. A grade school student who is an introvert and became even more distant sa mga tao nang nalaman kong iniwan kami ng Daddy ko, para sa ibang babae.

To this day, I still do not know who the person who did that to me is, but there is one thing that I do know for certain: I want to smack her and tell her how much my life was ruined because of her. Simula nang mawala ang Daddy ko, naging mas estrikta sa akin si Mommy. Gusto niya na paniwalaan ko rin ang mga pinaniniwalaan niya— which is nakakasakal, but I can't do anything.

And it was at that time that I was introduced to Nathan. We share the same characteristics. He is tall, has a nose that is unremarkable, a jawline that is sharp, eyes that always capture me and will make you crazy by the way he looks at you, a perfect muscular body that is not overrated, and oh, his natural scent of minty aftershave that I would be willing to sniff forever.

Behind all of these outward manifestations lies a witty man who is able to make you laugh for the rest of the day, even after he has caused you to shed tears (after he has cooked your favorite pancake, of course). Pancakes topped with fruit are a favorite food of both of us. And now I can't stand the thought of having breakfast because it always brings me back to him.

My life as an introvert is made infinitely more bearable because of him. Nathan Iñigo is an angel perfectly made for me that I never thought would be the reason of my life's pain and misery.

His small sweet gestures, warm hugs and kisses, his thoughtfulness and care he had given me were amazing. It was too amazing to be easily forgotten. To be easily questioned why would he do that to me?

"Yvette, I got someone pregnant."

What bullshit is that? Masaya palang kami, tapos sasabihan niya ako ng ganoon?

We never had a label, but I begged. We were never in a relationship, but then, we both know how much we care and love each other and how happy we are together. We enjoyed ourselves for years without even settling what's between us. We even touched each other sexually, but without label. He and I are both scared to shout to the whole world that we love each other at gusto naming matanggap nila, but no.

We can't do that.

Why?

Because he's a son of our maid.