Once Ice Grieves

SEVEN: The Making of A Junkie

“ANONG susuotin n’yo sa gala next week? May theme ba tayo or something?” excited na tanong ni Vernie nang pumasok siya sa pantry at naabutan niya kaming nagdidiskusyon tungkol sa gala sa susunod na linggo.

The gala night was a fundraising event organized by one of our clients. Malaking event daw iyon dahil may mga auctions at mga prominenteng tao ang inimbita para lumahok dito. Ang tanging rason kung bakit kami naimbita ay dahil matagal na naming kliyente iyon at gusto niya ang execution ng team namin sa mga campaigns nila.

I let them talk over lunch about what to wear and how to get to the venue.

“Gusto mo sunduin na kita next week?” mayamaya’y dinig kong tanong ni Adrian sa tabi ko. “Malapit ka lang naman sa ‘kin. Sabay na tayong pumunta ro’n.”

Tumingin ako sa kanya at ngumiti. “Sure, I’m down with that.”

“Eh mamaya, paano? Sabay na ako sa ‘yo?”

Naalala kong may event din pala kaming bibisitahin para sa Trendy Shack mamaya. “Wala kang dalang kotse today?”

Umiling siya. “Coding, eh.”

“Ah. Sige, wala namang problema. Sabay na tayo.”

Ngumiti siya’t muli nang bumaling sa ginagawa. Iyon na rin sana ang gagawin ko nang narinig kong tumunog ang iPhone ko sa tabi ng laptop ko. Dinampot ko iyon at binuksan, seeing a notification from my i********: app. Kunot-noo ko iyong inusisa. And I was shocked to see Griffin’s name on my Direct Messages.

Curious, I opened the message request. He wrote ‘Found you, princess.’

Hindi ko napigilan ang bahagyang pagngiti. Wala akong social media. I only created my i********: account very recently because I lost a bet against Britanni and Nyla in a drinking game. It was amusing to know a man like Griffin is wasting his time searching for my social media accounts.

Nagtype ako ng reply. You have an IG. Amusing.

Nang maipadala ko ang mensaheng iyon ay pumunta ako sa timeline ng account niya para i-check kung anong pino-post niya ro’n. While my timeline’s full of photos of me in an event and some quotes and work stuff, his was peppered with random photos of the apps his company develops and some products they had been launching. Halos wala akong makitang litrato niya roon. And yet he had a million followers in this account samantalang ako’y nasa ilang libo lang.

Bumalik ako sa Direct Messages tab ko para tignan kung nag-reply ba siya. He did. I can’t help my mouth from curving into a smile when I saw his name.

Finding yours and browsing through your selfies are the only saving grace of my day so far. I hope your day is better than mine though.

It wasn’t. I had a lot of screw-ups today at work but he didn’t have to know that.

Tumayo ako at nagpaalam na lalabas saglit. Iniwan ko ang laptop ko at tanging ang iPhone lamang ang dinala. I took the elevator to the top floor. Nang sapitin ko ang reception desk, iyong dating receptionist pa rin ang sumalubong sa akin.

“Magandang tanghali, Miss Lyselle. Pasok ka na po.”

Napamaang ako roon. Inaasahan ba ako ni Griffin? I was so confused.

Binuksan ko ang pintuan na iminuwestra ng receptionist. Ang buong akala kong aktwal na opisina’y humahantong pala sa isa pang espasyo. The floor was carpeted there and the airconditioning was cooler. Sa kaliwa ay may mesa at ang nakaantabay doon ay ang pamilyar na lalaking nagtungo sa penthouse namin noong gabing nakausap ko si Prim.

Nang makita ako’y agad na kumurba ang kanyang labi sa isang ngiti. “Miss Lyselle. Good afternoon po.”

Why the hell does everybody here know me?

“H-hi. I’m sorry, is he—”

“Hindi, Ma’am, pasok ka na.”

Kumunot ang noo ko sa pagtataka. Parang kailan lang nang labasin ako no’ng magandang babae para sabihing sobrang busy ni Griffin kaya’t hindi niya ako maharap. Now they just want me to go in without checking with him?

Pakiramdam ko’y nakita ng lalaki ang pag-aalangan ko. Either that or me standing frozen by the door gave him the hint. “May standing order si Sir Griffin na papasukin po kayo kahit anong oras, Miss Lyselle. Pwede ho kayong pumasok.”

Napakurap-kurap ako, hindi alam kung magugulat sa nalaman o mananahimik dahil at least ngayon ay alam ko na ang sagot sa ikinalilito ko kanina. In the end, I smiled and tried to walk past his desk. Nasa gitna na ako nang mapatigil ako’t lumingon sa kanya, naalala ang gusto kong itanong noong nakaraan pa. “I’m sorry, ano nga pong pangalan n’yo?”

His smile was delighted when he answered. “Luis, Ma’am.”

I mouthed an ‘Ah’, nodded once and then continued walking. Iisa na lamang ang silid na naroon at nasa dulo iyon ng maliit na hallway. Hindi naman kalayuan iyon mula sa mesa ni Luis pero nagkasya pa ang dalawang L-type sofa sa magkabilaang gilid ng carpeted floor dahil sa lawak ng espasyo nito. The brass door had an intricate geometric pattern and was situated between wide floor-to-ceiling frosted glass panels. With the way the frost look na halos hindi makita ang anino sa loob, I can only guess the materials used are pretty expensive.

Binuksan ko ang pintuan at pumasok sa loob. I was carefully closing the door that when I turned around to look around after, I was stunned. I have never been to a place like this. Madalas ko lamang na nakikita ang mga ganito sa pelikula. I’ve been to different type of offices but I’ve never been to a CEO’s office. Or any executive at that.

Pagpasok sa loob ng opisina ay ang floor-to-ceiling windows ang makakaharap mo. I can see everything outside through it—the blue skies, the tall buildings, the city traffic… everything! And there were only two colors inside—white and gold. The sofa in the east side of the room is a golden copper tufted set with single velvet ones on each side of the longer one in between. I only know that type of chair because my mother used to switch couches every month, each one pricier than the last. Kaya’t alam ko rin kung gaano kamahal ang ganoong sofa. Sa gitna niyon ay isang pabilog na center piece glass table with just a white vase and a green plant in it. The chandelier above it was golden, too. And the floor is made up of an expensive white marble tiles that are so squeaky clean na tingin ko’y kayang-kaya kong manalamin doon.

Nang bumaling ako sa kanlurang bahagi ng opisina, nakita ko si Griffin sa kanyang mesa—silently noting the golden copper tone of it, too—ang ulo niya’y nakapilig at nakatingin sa akin. There was a hint of a smile in his lips and amusement twinkled in his eyes. He’d been watching me gawk at his entire office.

Pakiramdam ko’y umakyat lahat ng dugo ko sa mukha dahil sa hiya. I don’t normally act like a neanderthal, it’s just that I don’t often see expensive stuff like this. Not even noong isa pa akong Ilagan.

Naglakad ako patungo kay Griffin, all the while taking in how he looked in that swivel chair behind his desk. Nakatanggal ang tie at ang suit jacket niyang itim ay nakasabit sa sandalan ng upuan. He was only wearing his white long sleeved polo with the sleeves rolled up to his elbow. His hair that has always been in a two-block haircut was styled in place with gel on their own side parts. Pero mukhang humahaba na ang buhok niya dahil ang ibang hibla sa magkabilang gilid ay halos pumapantay na sa kanyang mga mata.

I realized I liked that look on him. I think I like him messy and disorganized. Imperfect.

He sat back when I was near his desk. There was a sudden shift in his eyes. The playfulness was gone and it was replaced with a scorching intensity that I can feel something deep within me stirring awake.

I gripped the sides of the long maxi silk skirt I wore at bahagyang iniangat iyon. Sumingit ako sa gitna ni Griffin at ng kanyang mesa. I found him looking up to me, his lips slightly parted while watching me climb up into his lap. Awtomatikong pumaikot ang mga braso niya sa baywang ko at ang akin naman ay gumapang mula sa kanyang dibdib paikot sa kanyang leeg. Ang mga binti ko’y nasa magkabilang gilid, his thighs in between mine. When I sat back, I felt the hardness between his crotch and my breath hitched.

“Tama nga yata sila,” he rasped, his gaze roaming over my lips. “If you think too much of someone, you can conjure them up.”

Napangiti ako ng wala sa loob ko. “Paano mo ako nahanap?”

His gaze softened at that question. There was a few full seconds where he just stared at me, his fingers brushing my hair gently. “Lagi kitang mahahanap. Kahit saan, Lyselle. Kahit na anong pagkakataon… I will always find you.”

It was that night all over again. I felt… things. Strange things I’ve never felt with anyone I was banging before. Hindi ko naiintindihan kung bakit ang mga simpleng salitang iyon ay may malaking epekto sa akin. I just know that they do. And it’s scary.

So I did the only thing I know how to stop feeling that way.

Ibinaba ko ang labi ko sa kanya, his mouth instantly welcoming my eager tongue that invited his to play. Hindi ko na-realize kung gaano ko hinanap-hanap ang pakiramdam ng halik niya—not until that moment when he was so deep into my mouth, his tongue circling with mine with equal aggression and hunger.

My blood pumped, adrenaline surging with the thought of us f*****g in his huge neat office. Gusto kong guluhin ang mga bagay na maayos sa kanya. The ones that looked too perfect—his desk, his face, his body… I wanted to touch it and make a mess of it, leave an imprint of imperfection just to remind him I was once there.

Napasinghap ako nang mariin niyang hawakan ang batok ko para pigilan ako sa pagbaba. Tinignan ko siya ng may pagtataka. His eyes were stormy, his lips glistening with saliva. “No. No foreplay. Just us.”

Just us… I didn’t understand that but I wasn’t given the chance to protest.

Muli niya akong kinabig para halikan. This time, the strokes of his tongue was gentle. But the hand I can feel reaching between me and him to unbuckle his belt and zipped down his trousers was not. Nagmamadali iyon, nanggigigil. Isang malaking palaisipan sa akin kung paanong ang kagaya ni Griffin King na biniyayaan ng mala-anghel na mukha ay may kakayanang pumukaw ng ganitong damdamin. I’ve never seen him before the way I see him now. He was always polite. Kind. Benevolent. A literal angel.

I have never imagined he can transform like this. Wild. Animalistic almost. Dangerous.

With one swift move, he pushed the bottom of my panties aside and slid his throbbing c**k inside me. Hindi ko napigilan ang naging reaksyon ko sa biglaang sensasyong iyon—I threw my head back, breaking the kiss making him groan, and I moaned so loud I was so sure someone from the outside heard it.

“God,” I heard Griffin rasped, his d**k pulsing inside me, making me wetter. “You’re so f*****g wet for me, princess. So hot…”

Mariin akong napapikit at nakagat ko ang labi ko. Something about his voice transforming from its usual gentle pleasantness to his gruff, s*x-ladled one was such a turned on for me.

Napatili ako ng bahagya nang bigla siyang tumayo buhat-buhat ako. My legs automatically went around his waist as he walked towards the frosted panel walls and anchored my back against it without his c**k once leaving my slick cunt.

“Griffin…” Gusto kong isatinig ang takot kong baka may makakita o makahalata mula sa labas ng ginagawa namin. But that only came as a breathless moan.

Muli akong tinakasan ng hininga at napapikit nang maramdaman ko siyang gumalaw sa loob ko. That was cut short though when his hand gripped my jaw, his thumb on the other side of my cheeck and the rest of his finger on the other. He didn’t squeezed my face but it was positioned there hard enough to allow him to navigate my face.

“Open your eyes. Look at me.” My s*x clenched at that command and I knew he felt it when he gritted his teeth and groaned. “f**k, princess.”

He moved again, ever so slowly that it was both excruciating and delicious. I tried to fight against closing my eyes but I know I couldn’t.

Bigla siyang tumigil. I mourned the loss of that feeling. Naramdaman ko ang kamay niyang pumisil ng bahagya sa mga pisngi ko.

“Look at me, princess. Keep looking at me while I f**k you or I’ll stop.”

I wanted to cry out of frustration dahil hindi ko alam kung anong gusto niya sa akin. It was never a habit of mine to look at someone’s eyes while having s*x. I wanted to savor the moment, the feeling. Looking at anyone will distract me from that.

But I didn’t want him to stop. I don’t think I can. I was too horny and too wet for him.

“Okay…”

His gaze softened and he pressed his forehead against mine. Iginapang ko ang mga daliri ko sa buhok niya, liking the feel of his soft strands in between my palms. He started moving again and I bit my lower lip to distract myself from the pleasure of his length sliding in and out of me.

It drove me crazy seeing nothing but his eyes. Pakiramdam ko’y napakaraming emosyong nagpapapalit-palit doon kada segundo. It was both amazing and scary and confusing. It’s like I’m seeing his soul. Bare. Raw.

“Princess… tell me what you need,” he bit out and I can feel his pacing getting quicker. “I need you with me. What do you need?”

Lumunok ako, hindi sigurado kung kaya ko bang magsalita sa kabila ng panunuyo ng lalamunan ko. “Y-you… Harder. Deeper.”

He grunted and with that he pushed inside, from root to tip I can feel him so deep I screamed his name and gripped a handful of his hair. He slammed against me, an urgency driving his movements. I can feel his c**k swelling, lengthening inside me. Narinig ko siyang tinawag ang pangalan ko. Then he was burrowing his face in the side of my throat and I threw my head back at the feel of his wet lips against my skin, coupled with the feel of hot liquid shooting through the depths of my v****a.

I moaned and whimpered as he f****d me through his climax. Naramdaman ko ang panginginig ng katawan niya, ang mahigpit na paghawak niya sa hita ko at ang paghila roon na para bang kulang pa sa kanya ang pagkakadikit ng katawan namin. Seeing him lose it sparked my climax and I shuddered and bit my teeth into his exposed shoulder. Blood roared through my ears and I can hear his faint groaning.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal bago bumalik ang katinuan ko. Aware akong kapwa kaming naghahabol ng hininga pero sa pagitan namin, si Griffin ang mas may kontrol sa kanyang isipan. To think I barely did anything in that interaction, I don’t get how my brain is fried after that.

Naramdaman ko siyang gumalaw. Nakayakap lamang ako sa kanya, ang mga hita ko’y hindi na kayang umangkla sa kanyang baywang kaya’t ang kamay na lamang niya ang sumusuporta roon para hindi ako mahulog. There were still a few remnants of the shivers I went through earlier and I know he can feel it.

Dinala niya ako sa sofa. He pulled on the top drawer and produced a pouch of expensive wet wipes. He pulled some, threw the packet into the centerpiece and laid me down the velvet chair carefully then gently pulled himself out of me.

Napapikit at napaungol ako sa maliit na paggalaw na iyon. Pagkatapos mayamaya’y napaigtad nang dumampi sa gitna ng aking hita ang malamig na fabric ng wipes. After that, I felt him gently putting back my panties in its rightful position.

Nang imulat ko ang mga mata ko’y nadatnan ko siyang nakatitig sa akin. He was sitting at the edge of the sofa, his right hand anchored on the chair rest. He looked so… well-f****d.

Nakita kong ngumiti siya, ang kinang sa mga mata niya na nakita ko kanina nang pumasok ako sa opisina niya’y bumalik. “People have said a lot of things about how I look. But no one ever told me I looked well-fucked.”

I thinned my lips, not realizing I blurted my thought aloud. Pero totoo naman. It was unnerving to see him disheveled by s*x but it was truly a sight.

Bumangon ako at pinagmasdan siya. My gaze going towards his hair. “Nagulo ko ang buhok mo.”

Hindi siya nagsalita. Nanatili siyang nakatitig sa akin na para bang wala akong sinabi. Hindi ko iyon pinansin at sa halip ay inayos ko ang buhok niya. Sinubukan kong ibalik iyon sa dati pero may iilan nang mga hibla ang hindi na sumusunod at nalalaglag na sa gilid ng kanyang sentido. It looks like Griffin doesn’t mind though.

“Kumain ka na?” mayamaya’y bigla niyang tanong.

My fingers froze from brushing the strands away from his eyes at napatingin ako sa kanya. “Kanina bago ako umakyat dito. Bakit?”

He gave me a slight smile and shook his head once. “Yayayain kitang kumain kung hindi pa.”

“Hindi ka pa kumakain?”

“I had a lot to finish earlier.” Kumunot ang noo ko roon. He was skipping meals. Hindi ko alam kung bakit may kakatwa akong pag-aalalang naramdaman pero minabuti kong balewalain iyon. “Let’s meet tonight. I can cook dinner for us.”

“May event kami mamaya, eh. Baka late nang matapos.”

“How late?”

Napaisip ako. “Hindi ko alam, eh. Pero sasaglit lang kami ro’n ni Adrian. Baka hanggang do’n lang sa opening speech.”

“Adrian?”

Tinitigan ko siya, wondering why he’d single out that name out of the things I just said. I saw a tick in his jaw at ang pagbabago sa mga mata niya. Pero ilang saglit lamang iyon. Bigla ring nawala at bumalik ang kaninang reaksyon.

“Text me when you’re done, I’ll come pick you up. I can do late nights. Sa bahay ka na matulog, sabay na tayong pumasok kinaumagahan.”

Night shift si Autumn ngayong linggo. Hindi rin niya mapapansin kung hindi ako umuwi. “Wala akong damit pampalit.”

“I’ll take care of that,” he smiled and planted a gentle kiss on my lips. “Now about that lunch. You sure ayaw mong kumain ulit?”

I snorted. Tumayo na ako mula sa sofa bago pa niya ako piliting manatili roon ng mas matagal. “I’ll go now. Mamaya na lang ulit.”

He didn’t say anything but he smiled indulgently. Pinanood lang niya akong lumabas ng opisina niya. Hindi na rin ako lumingon dahil baka kung ano pang sumunod na irason niya para panatilihin ako roon.

Nag-angat ng tingin si Luis eksaktong pagsarado ko ng pintuan. Ngumiti siya sa akin na ibinalik ko rin naman. I waved goodbye and had already walked past his desk toward the other door when I stopped to contemplate my inner thoughts.

Kanina pa ako nagdadalawang-isip. It entered my thoughts the moment he said it but I didn’t want to seem invasive. Pero sa huli’y hindi ko rin napigilan ang sarili ko.

Lumingon ako kay Luis na nakaantabay at tila hinihintay ang pagbaling ko. “Uhm… may pabor sana akong hihingiin.”

“Wala pong problema, Ma’am. Ano po ‘yon?”

I glanced quickly at Griffin’s door then back to Luis. “Pwede n’yo po kayang dalhan ng pagkain si Griffin? Any easy meal that he can eat while working.”

Luis’ face brightened. “Oo naman po, Miss Lyselle. Oorder ho agad ako ng pagkain.”

Ngumiti ako. “Thank you so much.”

I thought that was going to be awkward. I’m just thankful na mababait ang mga staff ni Griffin. At least if they’re laughing at my guts, they were doing that discreetly.

Pagkatapos kong bumalik sa trabaho ay natambakan ako ng sunod-sunod na meeting. There were a lot of creative brainstorming for the three main projects we were working on, briefing with an international client and meeting up with a vendor on behalf of Sir Ruth. Mag-aalas singko na nang mahawakan kong muli ang cell phone ko para mag-check ng mga missed calls at messages.

There were a lot but an i********: notification caught my eye kaya’t iyon ang una kong binuksan. It was from Griffin. He sent me a boomerang video of him biting a burrito. Hindi ko napigilang mapangiti ng malapad. He was so cute there. So adorable you wouldn’t believe he was the same guy pounding me hard against the wall hours ago.

I typed a reply: You are so getting laid tonight.

Nang maipadala ko iyon ay nagpunta ulit ako sa timeline niya, checking if he’d posted anything new. I stopped when I saw an aesthetic photo of the meal Luis probably brought him. Beneath it, he wrote in the caption: When princesses demands you to eat, you eat.

I found myself melting at that. And the worst part of it, I couldn’t even feel the panic now. There’s just… warmth.