The Exhibitionist (Filipino)

Kabanata 13

IF I have done something great in my past life, then maybe I did have done something, for the universe to give me this winning prize. And it's worth seeing that snorting face of Wynona when she saw me and the Cunt on the cafeteria, eating breakfast.

I would have been ready to die that moment I saw her face of the loser, but I can't help thinking I would see a whole bunch of that face every time na ipapamukha ko sa kaniya kung sino ang totoong reyna, and I thought, I'm not ready to die yet. I want to see her crying out of too much loss first.

That would super satisfy me.

"You dragged me to eat here, but it seems like you're not even hungry. Ang lamig na ng kape mo." tila walang emosyong sambit ng Cunt bago binato ng isang pahaba ang gayat na steamed carrot ang plato kong hindi ko pa nagagalaw.

"I didn't say I was hungry, did I?" sagot ko naman agad sa kaniya, wala na ang kaninang nakatapal na malagkit na ngiti sa mga labi ko.

Napangiwi na lang si Max bago inisanlagok ang mug ng kape niya. Tapos ay agad na siyang tumayo.

"Don't waste my time again, okay?" seryosong sambit niya tapos ay akmang lalakad na paalis nang agad ko siyang pigilan sa isang ehem ko lang.

I don't really choose touching people as an option. Well, it's not like I have germophobia or OCD, I just don't like the idea of touching someone. Only when really needed, like passing the salt or something.

Anyway, so I stopped him with my ehem.

He immediately looked back, eyebrows raised. Waiting for my words to come out.

"You forget we have an appointment in Greek Society, eh?" sagot ko agad sabay taas naman ng kaliwang kilay ko. Kumunot agad ang noo niya.

"What appointment?" tila naguluhang tanong niya.

Naipaikot ko na lang ang mga mata ko. "Come with me and see, cunt."

"I'm not a cunt." madiin niya agad na depensa, tila umuusok pa ang mga butas ng ilong sa galit nang marinig ang itinawag ko sa kaniya.

"Well, I'm not a porn star either." seryosong sambit ko sa kaniya bago na ako tumayo at hinayaan siyang sundan ako patungo sa club room namin.

"Hey, Mill. Are you okay? Is he harassing you again?" bigla ay bungad ni Boney paglabas namin ni Max sa cafeteria. "Pre, hindi ka pa ba nadala sa pagbugbog ko sa'yo? Sinusundan mo pa?"

Agad akong napakunot ng noo nang marining ko ang mga salitang namutawi sa bibig ni Boney. Tila paulit-ulit itong nag-echo sa aking tainga.

Binugbog?

"Stop it, Boney. No one's harassing me." madaling sinabi ko agad kay Boney at binigyan ko siya ng isang sincere na tingin. Tama lang para tigilan na niya ang pagpigil sa amin. Then, as if it's needed like passing the salt, I held his wrist, tapos ay hinila ko na siya paalis sa lugar na iyon. Boney, seeing me doing this will surely make him stop thinking this is harassment for me.

But my mind kept wondering about what Boney said, hanggang sa nakaabot na kami sa loob ng Greek Society Club Room. After locking the door, I faced him.

"What did he mean by that?" tanong ko agad kay Max habang ini-examine ko ang mukha niya. Tinitignan ko kung may mga sugat ba na hindi ko lang napansin sa mukha niya, pababa sa mga braso niya, "Binugbog ka niya? Kailan?"

"Hindi niya ako binugbog. I just accepted what it cost kissing you." sagot niya agad bago niya ginulo ang buhok niya tapos ay nagmadaling naupo sa pinakamalapit na couch. "I know my mistake. I should have not kissed another man's lover."

Agad akong napakunot ng noo sa sinabi niya.

"I'm not his lover." sagot ko agad sa kaniya.

Agad umangat ang magkabila niyang kilay na tila ang ibig sabihin ay gusto pa niyang palawakin ko ang sinabi ko.

"He's not my boyfriend." direkta ko na lang na sinabi bago ako naupo sa couch na katapat ng isa pang couch na pinuwestuhan naman niya.

"Maybe we should start about your case." panimula ko naman ng ibang topic, tapos ay agad kong tinitigan ang katawan niya. Mula dibdib hanggang sa mga binti.

"Do you like what you see?" tanong niya na nagpakunot muli sa noo ko. I didn't know he can be a cunt for real, then he added, "Is that what you want me to ask you?"

He snorted, and pursed his lips. He looked away, wanting to not meet my gaze.

Napailing na lang ako sa kaniya. "What satisfies you, Cunt?" tanong ko sa kaniya nang mahanap ko ang chance ko para makapagsalita, sa pinaka seryoso kong awra. Agad sumama ang tingin niya sa akin dahil sa itinawag ko sa kaniya, pero pinandilatan ko lang siya ng mga mata ko.

Napangiwi na lang siya sabay sabing, "Nothing. I mean, I'm fine with everything. I'm contented."

Napairap akong muli. "That can't be possible. I'll tell you, so listen, Cunt." tumayo agad ako at saka nilapitan ang malaking photo frame na nakasabit sa wall. Sa picture ay nandoon kaming anim na miyembro ng Greek Club. Una kong itinuro si Sendra.

"Sendra here is satisfying herself by torturing herself. Though, it works better if another person has to do it. She has Masochism." I told him, and then nilipat ko ang daliri ko kay Alyn. "And Alyn, she has Sadism. She satisfy herself by beating someone. She loves beating Sendra. Nagkakasundo silang dalawa."

Then itinuro ko naman si Lussi na nakaakbay sa akin sa litrato, "Lussi has a Frotteurism. She's satisfying herself with touching one's private parts. It's really hard for her. Once, she grabbed an old man's p***s. She was punched in the face."

Then, itinuro ko naman si Ferdie. "Well, Ferdie is a lot more different from us. Ferdie is impotent. . .and gay? I guess, well, like you."

Sinamaan niya agad ako ng tingin nang sabihin ko iyon, pero hindi na siya nagsalita pa. Iyon bang parang pagod na siyang makipagtalo sa akin?

"Ferdie suffers from Narcolepsy. He's taking drugs, Xylem, most particularly, to avoid catching sleep during daytime. I help him with his drugs. If he doesn't take any, he's in danger. You know what boys do with helpless gays. You know that better than me, Max."

After saying that, it felt like the first time I saw a glimmer in his eyes. I'm not sure if that's the tear, because he doesn't look like he's going to cry.

"And lastly, Jade. Jade has Fetishism. She satisfies herself by touching s****l objects. You know; bras, briefs, the likes."

Kunot ang noo ni Max habang nakatitig sa akin. Tila may hinahanap pa siyang impormasyon dahil hindi siya mukhang kontento sa narinig niya sa akin.

"Oh, alam ko na kung ano ang magpapasatisfy sayo; pagkuha ng tamang sagot?" tapos ay tumawa ako sa sarili kong joke, pero nanatili siyang nakatitig sa akin. Na tila ba nakita na niya ang kaluluwa ko. Tumigil agad ako sa pagtawa at saka napatitig din ako pabalik sa kaniya.

"What?" I asked him out of curiosity. . . and self-consciousness. I didn't know I would feel it towards him.

"You didn't tell me your story." he simply said, and suddenly, there's a lump in my throat, holding me back from talking.

"What's your disorder, then? What made you establish this kind of club?"

The next thing I know? He was in front of me, nakahalukipkip. Seryoso ang mga matang nakatitig sa akin. Wala na akong magawa kundi sabihin ang istorya ko, hindi ko naman iyon sirkreto para ikatakot.

"I have an Exhibitionism. I satisfy myself with showing off my body." I don't know why it came out a whisper, or more like a breath, like I'm afraid with his judgment.

He's making me choke back. And I don't know how simply he can do that.

"How can you help me, then?" he asked, as if he doesn't care about my disorder, as if he doesn't judge me. His eyes watched mine closely. I swore I just blinked, and he did not. He's serious as f**k.

I collected all my strength and cleared my throat, composure intact. As if, showing him how strong I am.

Nilunok ko ang bumabara sa lalamunan ko bago ako nagsalita, "Let's start with making out, Max." I whispered in his ears.

And as if there's another salt to be passed, I reached out for his neck, tapos ay ipinagkunekta ko ang mga labi namin.