Finding Heaven

**Lorenzo's POV** Returning to Italy made me feel cold, dark, and empty. Because I knew that I had left Phoebe with a broken heart, which is the last thing I ever wanted to do. Even though I had planned to return to her one day when this life no longer poses a threat to her, I would not blame her or hate her for moving on and finding someone else. If that does happen, I would wish her well, probably still do a background check on the guy, but I would allow her to live her life in peace. It would kill me, but I wouldn't be selfish with her.  It has taken my best efforts not to call Fernando and ask him how she is doing or what she has been up to. Did she get released from the hospital? Was she home in New York or did she go back to California for school? I had left Fernando in charge of her safety. I wanted to him be her shadow, unseen protector. Phoebe may not be mine anymore, but I was still going to ensure her safety. Especially because I am about to start a full war with the Columbians. Mr. Cardenas knows I murdered his daughter, and knows who Phoebe is. I should have went with my first instinct and brought her and her entire family here to Italy. My family mansion isn't a prison, so locking them up inside to keep them safe wouldn't be completely horrible. However, I decided against it, believing that she shouldn't have her life on hold because of me. I know how bad she wants to finish school and run her father's business, and I need to let her do that.  Two weeks. It has been a full two weeks that I have left the United States, and it has felt like a lifetime. To not see her face, hear her voice, and feel her touch makes me feel like I am dying inside. I have always been alone but I have never felt lonely until now. To love Phoebe as hard as I do, and to have her return that love, now I feel like I am suffocating without it. My heart physically aches for her.  "Capo." Giovanni came into my office. I have been staring out the window, imagining Phoebe were here, walking in the garden with her stomach round and full of life. "Otto Meyer from Germany and Horado Silva from Brazil are in the conference room."  "Thank you, Giovanni." I sighed and looked to the floor. I didn't want this meeting, but they would both be great allies against the Columbians. "Lorenzo, as a friend who has known you since we were kids, I don't think you made a wise choice." "With the Germans being a neighbor and Brazil wanting to expand their territory-" "I do not mean the meeting sir." He interrupted me and closed the door behind him as he stepped in my office further. "I mean about Phoebe. I know you believe that this life isn't for her, but she is stronger than you think. She just needs to realize her own strength and then channel it." "What would be the better option?" I snapped colder than I had intended. "To bring her here and train her in this life? To fight? Shoot? KILL?!!!" I shouted and pinched the bridge of my nose in annoyance. "Phoebe is the most innocent, pure, and good person I have ever known. I won't tarnish her soul with this life."  "With all due respect, that should have been her choice to make." He bowed his head slightly and then walked out of the office, leaving me there pondering his words.  Was I wrong for doing what I think is right? What I believe is safest? I could never forgive myself if something happened to her, or if she tried to live this life and then resented me for how much she would change. I love her the way she is. I don't want her involved in the crime, the danger, and most importantly I don't ever want her to have to know the sickening feeling of taking a life. I know that is something she would not be able to handle.  Putting those thoughts aside until later, I headed out of the office and down the hall towards the conference room. When I entered, everyone stood up in respect. We shook hands and I thanked them for coming. As we sat, the men introduced me to their men.  Mr. Meyer from Germany cleared his throat and then waved over to the men that accompanied him. "This is Leon and Finn. Both my boys and both apart of my security detail. We're delighted that you reached out to us."  "Thank you for coming." I nodded my head.  "Mr. Mancini, this is Franco and Paolo, my right hand man and my eldest son." Mr. Silva from Brazil waved his hand over the gentlemen on either side of him. "We are very intrigued to hear your offer. Maybe it will be better than Mr. Cardenas?"  "Simple." I shrugged my shoulders. "Help me take them down, the whole f*****g thing, and everything is yours. I happen to know who they are in business with, it would take a simple call to let them know who their next ally should be once Cardenas is dead. A high recommendation to you would guarantee your businesses, trading, and such would all go to a whole new level." I turned to the Germans to give them my offer. "I have no wish to continue in this life. Once I am done taking down my enemies, and any threat to myself and my family, I will have no problem handing you everything I have on a silver platter. Businesses that are tied to the Italian Mafia, alliances with other families and connections to my trading. All yours." "Why should I believe that?" Mr. Meyer laughed. "You are a young, ambitious man with a very successful empire. Why would you just hand it all over?" "For a woman." Mr. Silva smiled and leaned back in his chair. "Mr. Cardenas gave us a bit of insight. You killed his daughter over some regular college girl." "Did he also tell you that he conspired with his daughter to kill the woman I love, AFTER already promising an alliance without the marriage to his daughter? Did he tell you he lied to my face when he shook my hand and promised there would be no war, and then helped his spoiled b***h daughter to kidnap my woman's little brother and then use him as bait?" I started to lose my patience and had to take a few deep breaths. "The point is, he went after my woman. Something you all know is not something we tolerate. I had claimed her as mine, and they very well knew it and she should have not been touched." "You would really leave all of this behind?" Mr. Meyers rubbed his index finger back and forth over his chin. "For love?"  I looked at him and leaned forward, resting my arms on the table and stared into his eyes. "In a heartbeat. I choose her, over all of this." After a few moments I leaned back in my chair, never breaking eye contact, and still not blinking. Finally he was the first to look away. "Of course I will still have my businesses that have absolutely nothing to do with the Mafia, and because I would be leaving this life, I do not want any calls asking for favors or demanding any alliance when I start new projects. I will not have any of this life touching my new one." "A whole new life?" One of the men beside Mr. Silva asked. I think that one is Paolo, his son. "Seems impossible with your reputation. Everyone knows who you are. Knows your family. You may think that this life will not have any grasp on you, but it will even be worse. Someone from the past is going to command a favor, but now you will not have the ability to say 'no'. You will not have an army to protect you or alliances to ask for help. You will climb to the top in a business but someone can come take it away because you no longer have the Mafia's support."  They all looked at me, curious to know what I had to say. He was spot on with that possibility and I would be lying if I said that I had not thought of that already. It was one of my biggest worries. That Phoebe and I would become popular in the business world, someone from my past would recognize me, and then demand to invest or use our businesses for something within the Mafia. I would be putting Phoebe at risk again.  I rubbed my temples with my index fingers and sighed in defeat. I was never going to be free of this life. I would never be able to have a normal life with Phoebe. Quiet and untouched by the Mafia. "How about we reschedule for tomorrow?" Mr. Silva suggested. "It seems there are still some things to think over." I looked over to Mr. Meyer and he nodded his head once. "I have no issue with that."  We all stood up from our chairs and wished each other a good day. I walked them to the door and when I looked outside, my world had stopped. I must have been dreaming. Must have been seeing things or hallucinating. The stress of the meeting must have gotten to me because there was absolutely no way she was here.  "Phoebe." Her name slipped from my lips. Just saying her name made my body explode with life. My heart started to beat out of my chest and I felt every nerve in my body wanting to run to her. I closed my eyes and opened them again, but she was still there at the bottom of the steps with an angry look on her face. "What are you doing here?"  All the men looked at her from head to toe, and I hated that they showed much interest in her. It didn't help that she was wearing a short, yellow summer dress that accentuated her curves and tan, and her hair was dancing in the wind like something out of a movie. God she looked so damn perfect and angelic. My hands itched to touch her. I wanted to run to her, take her in my arms and hold her so tight she couldn't breathe. I needed her next to me more than I needed my next breath, but I was still too shocked to move.  She took slow steps closer to me, not even bothering to acknowledge the other men around. We all watched her every move, curious to know what she was going to do next. Of course I should have been expecting her reaction, but of course I was still caught off guard. She raised her hand and slapped me clean across my face. Hard. The slap echoed in the air, but I wasn't even mad like I was the first time she slapped me all those months ago. Again, I deserved it.  "You think you can break up with me through a letter?" She scoffed. "You're f*****g crazy if you think that you are going to walk away that easy." She turned to the men who were looking at us with curious eyes. No man in the Mafia tolerates disrespect, especially in front of people. "Mind your business. Unless you need to be taught a lesson as well." She scolded.  "Darling, you can slap me like that anytime." Paolo winked at her, but his father smacked him across the back of his head. "Ow! What was that for?" He whined and rubbed his head.  "You know better than to disrespect another man's woman, or any woman at all! I raised you better!" Mr. Silva rolled his eyes at Paolo. "Apologies Mr. Mancini. My son," He looked over at Paolo and shook his head. "Is still just a boy." I believe Paolo was the same age as me.  "Technically, I am not his woman." Phoebe corrected and I snapped my eyes to her. "He ran away while I was unconscious in the hospital and broke up with me."  "Phoebe-" She raised her hand to silence me and gave me a stern look. "We have a lot to talk about." Giovanni came out of the house and lit up when he saw her. "Ah, Gio. Can you show me to a room please? This time difference has me so exhausted." She turned back to everyone and waved her hand a little too flirty. "Good day, gentlemen."  "Gio, show her to my room-" "No." She interrupted me. "I do not sleep in the same bed as a man I am not with. I will have my own room, Gio. Preferably the furthest from his." Before she could give me a chance to argue, she walked passed Gio and into the house. "Bags are in the car!" She yelled over her shoulder. I shook my head and smiled. I had too many emotions running through me that I could hardly keep up. Of course I was over the moon happy that she was here, but f*****g furious that Fernando didn't tell me she was coming and the fact that he was not here. I was scared to talk to her and try and fix things, but hesitant to fix anything since I have not figured out what I am going to do.  "Good day, gentlemen." I nodded at the men who still looked at the door that Phoebe just walked through. "We shall meet tomorrow and hopefully come up with a plan. Either way, Mr. Cardenas will die and I am burning his entire empire to the ground."  As they climbed into their cars, I gathered Phoebe's bags from the car. I even had to pay for her taxi because of course she didn't. I met Gio in the entrance and he helped carry the bags, and just like she wanted, he showed her the farthest bedroom in the house from my room. When I opened the door, she was standing out on the balcony looking at the view.  "See that we are not disturbed." I excused Gio. He nodded and he closed the door behind him after leaving her bags by the door. I went to stand next to her, trying to fight the urge to touch her. If I touched her, I would have to hold her, then kiss her, then I wouldn't be able to stop. I craved her. "Phoebe." I whispered her name. Even just that gave me so much relief from the agony I have been battling since I left the hospital.  "You left me." Her voice cracked. "After making me fall in love with you, and promising we would face anything together, you left me." She finally turned to look at me, and I felt a dagger twist in my gut at seeing the tears swell in her eyes. "Lorenzo, you're f*****g crazy if you think that it would be that easy." "Easy?" I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "There was nothing easy about what I had to do." "What you had to do?!" Phoebe yelled at me. "You did not have to leave me. You did not have to leave me some letter instead of having the balls to face me!" "I couldn't!" I yelled back. "If I would have talked to you, seen you, I wouldn't have been able to walk away. You're my weakness Phoebe. Everything I have ever wanted and everything I do not deserve. I had to leave to protect you! You do not belong in this life!" "That is not for you to decide!" She scoffed and threw her hands in the air. "You do not get to decide what is best for me or what life I belong in." Phoebe stepped closer, our bodies just inches apart. I could feel her warmth radiating off of her, engulfing me, torturing me. "I belong with you, Lorenzo." Her soft voice whispered as her hand slowly came up to caress my cheek.  Just that innocent touch was enough to bring me to my knees in front of her. I leaned forward, resting my forehead against her naval, looking down at the ground. I felt her hands slowly tangle in my hair, and she tugged slightly, making me look up at her.  "Do you want me?" Her pained voice made my breath hitch in my throat. "Was it a mistake to come here? A mistake to think that you would be happy to see me?" I couldn't take it anymore. How could she doubt that I want her? Think that this was a mistake? I mean it was, she shouldn't be here, but I love that she is here. I stood up quickly, and in one quick movement I roughly grabbed her face in my hands and smashed my lips against hers. Her hot tears ran down her cheeks, wetting our lips. She kissed me back, pushing her body further into mine, like puzzle pieces touching at every twist and turn.  My hands went under her thighs and I lifted her off the floor, hoisting her up against the wall. I continued to kiss her hungrily, feeling like it was never enough. How has it only been two weeks when it feels like an eternity? How did I survive this long without her? She was right. I was f*****g crazy to think that I could leave her like that. She is my life. My world. My heaven.  Phoebe pulled away and looked into my eyes with tears still flowing down her cheeks. "Don't ever leave me, Lorenzo. I'll f*****g kill you."