LTB—3
1031 Words
Because of my excessive self-consciousness, I chose to temporarily stop going to the club. I think I've been staying up late for two weeks because I've been having fun at the club. I realized that I don't belong in that kind of world.
I started to look like a social climber because everyone there is wealthy. I'm the odd one out, brought along by Almira.
Perhaps I need to strive to somehow reach their level. I need to find a job and become financially stable.
And one more thing: I was hurt so much. I lost my self-confidence. I feel ugly.
It's like I don't want to believe those who say I'm beautiful and have a strong s*x appeal.
If I am beautiful and have a strong s*x appeal, as they say, why doesn't Jetro even notice me? He can't even glance at me. Am I not noticeable at all?
Maybe I should start following Almira's advice from now on. I should prevent myself from falling for him before it becomes deeper.
I remember again what happened last night. Almira invited me to a house party for a family friend.
It's almost the same as the club I usually go to, but the only difference is that there are dares and games that add to the excitement.
I was surprised to see Jetro and kuya Aki at that party. Surprisingly, there were no girls hanging around them.
A group of girls approached them, but they ignored them. I also saw how Jetro was snubbing a particular woman. She's pretty and sexy, and she looks expensive.
"See that woman?" Almira pointed at the woman that Jetro ignored.
"She's a famous w***e," Almira said. I looked over at Jetro's place.
They were situated on the left, while Almira and I were on the right side, facing them.
When older brother Aki looked at our group, he smiled and slightly raised the drink he was holding in the air. Almira and I did the same. But, as usual, Jetro didn't even smile. Maybe if my older sister Tasha were here, she would smile at me. Everyone at the party became noisy as the dares began.
"Guys, I dare you to find your pair and make a body shot with her," the host announced while looking at the guys.
Men are the ones who should be looking for a partner, but some of the women are the ones who approached the men they liked. Especially those women who didn't have a partner came forward. Almira also has a partner, and that's where I felt nervous when I saw that almost everyone had a partner. I was the only one left. I observed Jetro's behavior and saw that he still didn't have a partner. My heart started to beat faster. My gosh! We'll be partners. And it's a bodyshot, my mind screamed.
"Guys, this is just a game. Come on, get your pair," the host reminded her. Jetro took a sip of alcohol and began to walk. I tightly held onto both sides of my dress's hem while my heart raced due to a mix of nervousness and excitement.
Jetro's face remained serious.
Even if you don't like me, you can't do anything about it.
I wanted to close my eyes because it felt like I was dreaming. But what I thought was a dream turned into a nightmare.
He quickly walked towards the woman he had ignored earlier. I felt like I had been stabbed. Not to be exaggerated, but that's how I felt.
I grew weak, and my knees trembled due to an unnamed emotion. My feelings were mixed.
It feels like my first heartbreak. He really chose that girl over me. Out of the two girls he disliked, I'm the least likely to be his option.
Even though I'm hurting, I couldn't bring myself to look at anyone else. I stared at him without blinking. From his tongue licking the salt off the woman's neck to him taking a sip of alcohol and biting the slice of lemon in the woman's mouth.
I felt like crying, but I held back. I saw the faces of Kuya Aki and Almira. I knew they understood how I felt because it's obvious that I like Jetro.
I was embarrassed. I felt like I was going crazy thinking about that. I was ashamed, and, most of all, the incident made me feel small.
This can't be. I need to pick myself up. I will persevere, not for Jetro but for myself.
Perhaps I need to first find activities and a source of income. Since Mom allowed me to stay here in Manila, I'll take advantage of it to learn how to live independently.
She's already back in the province with Ate Tasha's parents. They'll just come back here to Manila for Ate Tasha and Kuya Adrian's wedding.
At Kuya Adrian's house, Ate and the twins are staying. I didn't stay there; I told them I'd stay at Ate's house because the stocks of items that need to be delivered are here. I'll take care of the finished products of macramé that are for shipping.
And it's safe here, so it's okay for me to stay here for now. The neighbors are also kind.
I've gotten along well with some of the neighbors who are around my age.
I expressed my interest in their job and asked if they could include me. They said they're push girls, work only on weekends, and the salary is above the minimum wage. Their job seems quite appealing, and I want to give it a try. Maybe this is what I need right now, especially since I seem to have lost half of my self-confidence. So, I need to finish my personal orders today so I can apply tomorrow.
"These have been pending since before, and I've been slowly working on them because I'm often out. Wearing them everywhere. Attending parties just to see Jetro.
Jetro again. I really need to find other things to keep myself occupied so I won't think about him anymore.
If I still don't have a job after a month, Mom might send me back to Cagayan.
- Writer
