Awakening The Goddess: Book II

Chapter 3: Enough

Derion

“f**k,” I groaned as Eriana slid down my shaft at a torturously slow pace. I could feel her insides gripping and releasing me and it made my head spin. 

I was so close to exploding inside of her it wasn’t even funny. Every time with her is always like the first time and I couldn’t help myself. 

Everything about her turned me on and seeing her bouncing on top of me with her belly swollen with my baby coupled with the sounds of her moans made it hard for me to keep control. 

I wanted to reach out and touch her. I needed to feel her skin against mine but she insisted on this sadistic game. I closed my eyes and tried to distract myself to stay up for her but the way she was working me, I was failing tremendously. 

“Look at me,” she purred as she ran her hand over my chest sending sparks through my entire body. I opened my eyes and took in her naked body. Her eyes were low and when she licked her lips at me, I nearly gave up the ghost. 

Her breasts were full from her pregnancy and I just wanted to bury my face between them forever. I moved to reach out and touch her but I was stopped by the ropes she had me tied up in. I let out a groan of frustration and she laughed. She laughed at my misery and I can’t lie, it made me feel a way. I wanted her to have her fun, but that was unacceptable. 

I bucked my hips under her and began thrusting inside of her, causing her to cry out. When I felt her juices gush out of her, I knew then that I’d fallen right into her trap. This is exactly what she wanted and I played right into her hand. I let out a guttural groan as I lost the war she waged and I felt myself emptying inside of her. My toes curled at the sensation of my release and she showed me no mercy as she continued to bounce on top of me as a string of obscenities slipped from the two of us. 

I felt my heart thumping in my chest, the beat irregular which was the norm now. I closed my eyes and tried some of the deep breathing exercises I was told would help. As soon as I tried to center myself the darkness began to creep into the recesses of my mind. I did my best to shake it off without raising any suspicion, but it was too late. 

I felt her eyes on me and the worry she felt seeped into my psyche, feeding the darkness. I didn’t want to open my eyes but I needed to. I couldn’t pull myself back without her but I hated making her worry. I knew if I opened my eyes, she’d see the truth but this is my burden to bear, not hers. 

“Derion?” Her angelic voice rang out, pushing all of the darkness away. She is literally the light of my life. 

“Hm?” I responded with a smile, hoping to set her mind at ease. 

“What’s wrong? Your shadow things are all over the place.” f**k. I hadn’t even felt them slip out. I really am losing control of this. 

“I just got a little too excited, Sunshine,” I said lazily. It wasn’t exactly a lie. “Can you untie me for a minute?” I felt her hesitate before she untied my right hand and then my left. When I opened my eyes everything was crystal clear, and I could see the fear in her face. She was afraid of me? 

“What’s wrong, baby?” I asked as I reached for her hand but she just looked at me. I sat up with my back against the headboard and she stayed straddled across me. I ran my hands up her thighs and I tried to pull her to me, but she pressed her hands against my chest, stopping me. I just wanted to be close to her. I need to be close to her. 

“What’s going on with you, Derion? Your heartbeat is weird, your shadows keep coming out and your eyes are as black as oil,” she replied as she put her hands on her hips. What the f**k was I supposed to say? I don’t know what’s going on my damn self so how am I supposed to explain this to her? 

“...I don’t know. I just..,” I started as I hung my head in shame. “I just feel like I’m not in control of my body anymore. Any time I have any heightened emotions I lose control to the darkness. The shadows haunt me, reminding me how they got there in the first place. Reminding me that I'll never be strong enough or brave enough to be anything more than a scared little boy.” 

We just sat there in silence but her emotions were deafening. I felt her hand move up my chest and to my face and I looked up at her. The tears in her eyes broke my heart and there was nothing I could do to fix this. This... the look on her face right now, this is why I didn't tell her. I don't want her to pity me. I'm supposed to be strong for her, to protect her but I've failed her more times than I care to admit because I've never been enough. 

"Derion, you are strong enough to fight this. You are brave enough to do anything you put your mind to! You are enough. You always have been and you always will be," she replied as her tears stained her cheeks. I knew she felt she was right, but I couldn't bring myself to believe her. I just smiled and pulled her in for a kiss, savoring the sweet taste of her lips. She pulled away from me and gave me the brightest smile I'd ever seen as if she just had the best idea. 

“Why didn’t you tell me before now? Have you talked to Greg or Maria about it? Maybe they could help! I mean, these shadows came from dark magic which means it can be reversed, right? Or exorcised? I don't know, but I bet they would know!” I smiled at her optimism. She’s been like this since the first day I met her, forever hopeful even when there was no hope. Maybe she’s right though, it’s not like I’ve done much research or asked for any help so maybe they could help me get rid of these shadows. 

I pulled her in for a hug and this time, she didn’t deny me. I was so grateful to have her in my life. She wrapped her arms around me as her warm caramel scent wafted into my nostrils and I could finally breathe easy again.

The next morning, I woke up in a cold sweat after having my recurring nightmare. It was always the same, my parents and I celebrating new members joining with the rest of the pack and the scent of rotten meat. I don’t know if I was the only one who could smell it or just the first one, but everyone around me seemed to be too engulfed in the festivities to notice. Then one by one, the rogues slaughtered everyone in sight and I was powerless to stop them. I just stood there, covered in the blood of my parents and my friends and their parents until they closed in on me. 

It was always the same.  I sat on the side of the bed and looked at my phone. It was three in the morning and training would be starting soon so I might as well just get up now. 

I walked into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror until I couldn’t stand the sight of myself anymore. It’s not that I thought I was ugly, it’s just this f*****g scar. It mocks me constantly but today, I would at least see if I could get rid of it. What’s the point of having two of the country's most powerful people at my disposal if I couldn’t get some help every now and then?

After a quick shower I chose a pair of black basketball shorts and opted for no shirt, no sense in dirtying up clothes if I don’t need to. I watched Eriana sleep for a few minutes before heading downstairs and running into Anthony. He looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks but with a new baby, I wouldn’t be surprised.

“You good, bro? You look like s**t,” I said before nudging him in his ribs. 

“Yeah, just… it’s nothing, man. I’m good,” he replied. He gave me a smile but it didn’t reach his eyes. Something was clearly on his mind. I could make him tell me but I figured he’d tell me on his own. 

“You sure? You know you can talk to me about anything,” I said, stopping in the middle of the corridor. He stopped just short from where I was standing and he just stood there. 

He turned to me and I could tell whatever he wanted to say was right on the tip of his tongue. Whatever it was, it was eating him up on the inside and I hated that. I watched him contemplate and weigh his options before he finally shook his head no. 

“Nah, man. I’m alright. Thank you, though. I’ll tell you when I can,” he said before giving me a light tap on the arm. 

I followed him out of the packhouse to the training grounds, hoping that this training would be over soon. 

After two grueling hours of running miles upon miles and being pushed past my limits, we were finally released from the pits of hell. My arm felt like jelly and my legs shook like a newborn calf. 

I haven’t been pushed like this in a while. I maxed out at nine hundred and fifty pounds today and that was my new personal best. I was proud but I was sore as all hell. I walked back into the pack house with the guys and as I walked past my office an eerie feeling crept up my spine. 

The familiar feeling of terror and darkness called to the darkness inside of me and it felt...good, in a familiar way that I didn't understand. The darkness whispered to me in a language so old that only my soul could translate. 

It called my name, not the name of this lifetime, but my first name from eons ago. It pulled at a carnal part of me that I’d long buried and forgotten. Why can’t I remember? It called for me, begged for me to wield its power and wage war upon this land. A part of me ached to do just that, but another part of me fought valiantly against it. 

Why can’t I remember? 

I reached out for the doorknob, allowing the dark parts of my soul to lead the way but something about this was wrong. It felt... natural to seek comfort in the darkness, but it was wrong and I don't know why. 

Why can't I... remember?