Kara raised her hand in front of her face, trying to keep her hair out of her eyes as the unexpected gust of wind sent it flying everywhere. She should have brought her jacket or a shawl, but the weather had been fine earlier, so she didn’t expect it to grow so cold out of a sudden.
Her eyes glided over the perfectly lined and cared for flower beds, the evenly trimmed grass, and the blossoming trees. It was a beautiful garden — as expected from the third prince’s residence — but she missed the North Palace more and more every day. The garden there was a mess, the walls were old and crumbling and in the first days after they moved in, there were more rats in that house than people. But it had felt like home. More than this beautiful palace, more than her own residence.
That place forsaken by everyone held some of her best memories.
Kara stopped and looked up at the full moon, smiling. She remembered the first night they spent in the North Palace after Raena had kneed the crown prince in the jewels. Kara had had nightmares that night about soldiers storming in to arrest them for making the crown prince impotent and when she woke up in a cold sweat, she had found Raena sitting next to her and caressing her head while humming a lullaby. That was when she realized just how kind and caring a person Raena, or rather, Lydia, was and decided to stay by her side no matter what. Even now, after everything they had been through that could have destroyed any normal person, Raena was the same.
Caring. Smiling. Unrelenting.
But that simple time — if one could call it simple, considering they had been through several assassination attempts, kidnapping, infiltrated by spies, and being threatened by who knows how many people — that time was over. And now everything was a mess she could not even tell Raena about because she didn’t want to sound ungrateful.
Being a noble was more exhausting and complicated than she ever thought. Managing the estate and overseeing its restoration wasn’t a big deal — she had done the same in the North Palace, and her own residence was much smaller and easier to deal with. She actually enjoyed every minute of it, since it reminded her of their time in the North Palace.
The problem was the people.
The title of Countess wasn’t that high on the hierarchy ladder in the Empire, but it was still a noble title, so everyone on her level and below were supposed to show respect to her. On top of that, there wasn’t a single noble that didn’t know how close she was to Raena and that even the Imperial family was approving of her. She thought that would allow her to establish some friendships and find a circle of new friends or at least acquaintances since she didn’t want to bother Raena and her family all the time. Raena had enough on her plate with a husband, two children, and another on the way, and now her determination to go back to work.
But that was a naïve thing to wish for. Everyone was all nice at first, but it turned out they were just trying to get close to her to incur favor with either Kassian, Raena, or the Emperor’s family. When Kara made it clear that she had no intention of using her friends’ benevolence to ask for favors, the crowd around her quickly thinned. Then the rumors started and the shunning until she ended up giving up on going to any kind of social gatherings by herself. It was a good thing that Raena wasn’t that interested in attending parties, so she still hadn’t noticed the other nobles’ attitude towards Kara.
It was nothing unexpected. Kara was just a commoner, dressed in fancy clothes, after all.
Another gust of wind picked up, carrying away a few of the blossoms that had appeared on the trees and throwing them in the air. Kara sighed in annoyance, preparing to go back. Her mind was still full of uneasy thoughts, which she had hoped a long walk would clear, but it was better to get back to her room before she got a cold. She had so much to do with the upcoming festival that she couldn’t afford to fall sick now.
She had barely taken two steps when a flash of lightning turned the night into day, followed by a clap of thunder so loud it made her jump. Her eyes landed on a figure standing not too far away from her just as the sky lit up and she took a step back, tripping on her skirts and falling on her ass. The figure rushed forward and relief flooded her body as she realized it was just Blaine wearing a worried expression.
“Are you alright? I apologize for startling you! I called your name, but I guess you didn’t hear me because of the thunder,” he said, stopping next to her and offering her his hand. She hesitated for a second, but then took it, getting up and dusting her skirts. There was a big wet spot on the fabric where she had landed on the wet grass, so she turned her back away from him, making sure he couldn’t see it.
“I’m fine,” she replied, clearing her throat. “What are you doing here, Sir Blaine?”
“I… um… came for a walk,” he mumbled, scratching his neck while looking around awkwardly. She almost laughed at the obvious lie but tried her best to keep a straight face. His eyes moved back to hers and his expression turned serious. “When are you going to stop calling me ‘sir’? Technically, you have a higher station than me, so if anyone should be using titles, it should be me.”
“It just feels more natural,” Kara shrugged, pushing away a string of hair that was flying in front of her face. “Besides, it’s not like we are… oh!” Something fell in her eye and she winced, closing it. When she felt a few more taps on her face, she looked up. The bright moon had disappeared behind dark clouds that were now letting down all of their anger in big, heavy drops.
The sky disappeared as something even darker covered her head and she blinked in surprise, reaching out to touch it. She realized it was a cloth and as she looked at Blaine, she noticed he was just pulling his hands away, his jacket now missing. A light blush had appeared on his cheeks and he avoided her eyes, glancing at the mansion.
“We should get back before it starts pouring,” he said, frowning at the sky. “I’ll walk you to your room. Please take my hand since it’s too dark and you might trip.”
He offered her his arm, and she hesitated before taking it. The rain had increased drastically in just a few seconds and there was still quite the distance to cover until they reached the house. By the time they found themselves under the awning of the first floor, Blaine’s shirt was sticking to him and water was dripping from his hair.
He was by no means as well-built as Kassian, but now that the cloth was hugging him like a second skin, Kara realized he wasn’t as thin as she thought either. His muscles were not well-defined, but they were there and his shoulders seemed broader than she remembered. Maybe it was all that carrying of Kassian’s work on his own back that had allowed him to toughen up. The third prince shamelessly delegated too many of his responsibilities to his aide in favor of spending time with his wife and children.
“Are you wet?” Blaine asked as he took his glasses off and tried to wipe them on his shirt, but that made things even worse. Kara’s face turned hot as she stared at him until he met her eyes with a calm expression. “The rain,” he added, still staring at her with that innocent look on his face. “It came down so fast. Your clothes and hair aren’t wet, are they? It would be bad if you caught a cold.”
‘You i***t,’ Kara scolded herself, slipping his jacket off her head to show him that the rain hadn’t drenched her. ‘Stop with those lewd thoughts! This is what happens to your mind when you spend too much time with Raena and Marden! Get a grip!’
“Ahem, yes, I’m fine. Thank you,” she replied quickly, offering the jacket back to him. He looked at it but didn’t move to take it.
“You should wear it. You are shivering,” he muttered, turning his back on her and opening the door. Kara hesitated, then wrapped the jacket around her shoulders, following him inside. For a couple of minutes, the only same came from their steps muffled by the carpet in the corridors and the vicious thundering outside that seemed to grow louder and louder.
“Did you have a good time?” Blaine suddenly asked, and she looked at him with her eyebrows raised.
“In the garden?” she asked in confusion.
“Ah, no, with Her Highness. She dropped by the office earlier.” He cleared his throat, making a grimace as if he regretted saying that, then forced his face to calm down. “I mean, she said you two spent the afternoon talking. She looked in a good mood.”
“We were talking about our plans for the restaurant and the upcoming festival. She is coming back to manage it with me,” Kara replied, snuggling into the jacket as the night chill ran its cold fingers over her naked hands and the thin fabric of her dress. Blaine’s jacket smelled of ink and papers and some sweet aroma that reminded her of the desserts they offered at the restaurant.
“I see. So that’s probably what she wanted to talk about with His Highness,” he nodded. “At least now you’d have some help, so you can take it easy and have more time to attend social gatherings and make friends.”
“Right,” Kara mumbled, looking away from him. The silence returned, heavier than before. She heard him sigh a few times as they drew closer to the guest room she usually occupied when she stayed over, but he said nothing. She wasn’t entirely sure when it had become this unbearably awkward between them — maybe it was when he asked for permission to court her and she said no, or maybe it was because they were forced to watch Raena and Kassian being so overwhelmingly happy all the time, or maybe it was because of all the unsaid things that hung between them.
She looked up to realize they had reached the door of her room. A feeling of regret passed through her, but she shut it away, turning to face Blaine instead. She took off the jacket again and handed it to him.
“Thank you for lending me that. Make sure to take a warm bath and drink something hot. We can’t have you getting sick either with everything coming up,” she said, smiling at him without thinking. He continued to stare at her with that longing look in his eyes that made it hard to breathe. As if realizing the same, he cleared his throat and bowed his head respectfully before giving her a tight-lipped smile.
“I will. Thank you for worrying about me,” he said, catching his hands behind his back. “I wish we could have enjoyed a longer walk, but I guess it wasn’t meant to be. Have a good rest, Kara.”
“Y-Yes, you too,” she said hesitantly, turning around and opening the door. She didn’t look back, but she could feel his eyes on her as she slid inside and closed the door. The servants had lit up a fireplace and left a few candles burning, which gave the room a pleasant glow and chased away the chill that came with the rain. Still, the cold she felt inside refused to leave.
Kara sighed, leaning against the door. This was the second reason she hated being a countess. She could handle the scorn and the mockery on her own; she didn’t care about all of those nobles anyway, but if she ever got married, her partner would have to endure all of that too. If she married a commoner, those whispers would only grow louder and their tricks would grow nastier. If she married a noble, they’d be given the same treatment as her.
If it was someone like Marden who cared even less about what society thought, then they might be fine. But Blaine came from a well-respected family with a long noble bloodline; he was kind and diligent and respected. She did not want to put him through the same hell just because she liked him. That was too selfish.
But when he looked at her like that… it was really hard not to be selfish.
A knock came from the door and she jumped, pressing her hand to her chest to calm her racing heart. Who could it be at this hour? Was it Raena remembering something and coming to discuss it? It was unlikely. They were going together to the restaurant tomorrow and since she went to talk to Kassian and even Blaine left them alone, there was no way her husband was going to let her go somewhere out of his reach.
Taking a deep breath, Kara opened the door. Her eyes widened as she realized she was staring at Blaine — still drenched from the rain, but now panting heavily as if he had been running around the residence. She was just opening her mouth to ask him what was going on when he stepped toward her. He took a sharp breath, his trembling fingers catching her cheeks before he leaned down and kissed her.
His lips were cold and slightly cracked, his breath tasting like tea and sweets. When Kara realized she was returning the kiss, it was already too late. His tongue slipped into her mouth hesitantly, his hand moving to wrap around her waist as if to make sure she wouldn’t run away. He was shivering even more than her — she wasn’t sure if it was because of his wet clothes or excitement, but as the seconds flew, his trembling subsided and his stiff posture relaxed.
“I wanted to be respectful and wait for a sign from you that it’s alright to pursue you now,” he said in a breathless voice after breaking the kiss. Kara looked up at him, against her better judgment. “But seeing how the other party has no interest in holding back, I won’t either. I won’t lose to him or anyone else.” He let go of her and took a couple of steps back, bowing down. “If my actions offended you, please forgive me. But I won’t apologize.” He rose again, looking at her, and she realized that his face was almost as red as hers felt. “Next time, I promise I will ask for permission before kissing you. I’ll take my leave now. Have a good rest.”
He stepped back and closed the door from outside, his hurried steps disappearing down the corridor. Kara continued to stare at the door, running her fingers unwittingly over her lips.
The other party? Was he talking about Marden? There was no way he knew about that kiss from so long ago and nothing else had happened between her and Marden ever since then, so what could he mean? But no, that was not important.
He had kissed her. Blaine. She had never expected him to do something so bold, considering he was always so proper and considerate. What was worse, she didn’t stop him or tell him not to do it again. What was wrong with her?
Kara pulled her hand from her lips, striding back to the bed and throwing herself in it. She buried her face in the pillow and screamed, letting out her frustration until she ran out of breath.