Forsaken and Broken

Alec walked into his house after a very tiring day at work. Who would have thought that being a chemical engineer in a pharmaceutical industry would be this hard? Rubbing his neck with tiredness, he unleashed a deep sigh thinking in his mind about his life. He was always told from the very start that becoming an engineer would be very tiresome, but also would be the key to unlimited happiness and joy. Ending all the troubles and fears that being an adult is guaranteed due to the change in economy. He was being told that after graduation, if he could land on a nice workplace with love for his work and faith in himself and the people around him, he could conquer all his problems. In one way he had, but not completely. Coming home after a stressful day at work shouldn't be a difficult task, in fact, after a long day at work, one would be crazy to not want to return home and relax every single tissue in their body. However, Alec didn't get to have that little bit of luxury. The Jaguar parked outside was anything but the sign of that. If this was someone else, anyone but him, they'd have some motivation to want to come home. Who wouldn't? After all home is where all the stress and frustration of a working life is meant to just melt away like an ice in hot summer noon. He kind of always knew, even when he graduated from his university and applied for Stigma that his life wouldn't be any easier, he knew that things would be difficult for him and his adult life, but he never planned for things to get this difficult. He never in his life thought that he'd have to hide himself from everyone. After that ominous day, everything became twice as hard for him, and Alec hated it. He was just a simple man, always had been before that day. His life goals were always set and polished over years of hard work. Before that day, everything was under his control. He was the king of his own mind, just the way he liked and felt comfortable with. But on the day of his sister's wedding, on that treacherous day, he lost his control over everything, including his life and himself. Even after everything, he hoped, believed that thing will work out, that time will heal all the open wounds and will clear a safe path for him. How terribly wrong was he about everything. After the wedding, days turned into weeks, that changed into months, which followed the years, but nothing worked out between him and his husband, Jasper Lightwood, the CEO of Stigma Corp. Alec hated the fact that he had to pretend that he was single, and worse yet, straight. He absolutely was against it and wanted to scream it out from the top of Mt. Everest, that he was married and happily settled with his childhood crush, the love of his life, Jasper. Alec let loose a small chuckle on that, off course he was married with the love of his life, but far from being happy. Sometimes he wondered if all of the heartache and pain was really worth it. What if he took the easy way out and bail? He always questioned himself about his life choices from the moment he met his one true love, to his sister's wedding, and finally to the present time where he was living with the man who was supposed to be her groom, but now was his. He always asked god, why he was suffering while his sister was somewhere enjoying her life, while his husband was rejoicing. Why was his life in Stigma far easier to understand and adapt to than his own life inside his four walls? Shaking his head of all those negative thoughts, he slowly pulled off his long coat and hung it on the coat rack by the entrance before unbuttoning the top two buttons and folding the sleeves of his light blue shirt. Even though he wished that he could just take a long shower, eat, jog and then retire to his warm and comfy bed with the person he loved spooning him from behind. Unfortunately, he knew that all of it was just a wishful dream that could never shape into reality. At that precise moment, his biggest wish of all was to become numb to sound, to smell, to taste and even to touch. Sometimes he just wished to go back in time and stop his past self from agreeing to share the same roof with his husband, so that when he arrives home after a long day at work, he'd be able to eat, breathe and crawl into bed pretending that everything in his life was was normal, jus like he always wanted. But he knew from the sound of moaning and yelling that could be heard throughout the house, some new girl was sharing bed with his husband. Just thinking about the way she was being pleasured and loved, Alec wanted to barge into the room and show her, to whom Jasper actually belonged. But it was not his place to fight or prove anything. Every night like these, he wanted nothing more than to get down on his hands and knees and beg Jasper to stop. To tell him everything that he had been hiding in his heart since forever. But it was a lost cause, he knew that. From outside their marriage was just like a perfect dream come true. They had a big modern mansion, a little too big for just two people, a number of workers and plenty of cars. They had anything and everything one could think of, though to Alec they lacked one thing, one thing that was everything. Love Even though their marriage was a business deal, Alec thought that they would learn to love with each other, that they could be happy. But even after almost two years in marriage, it seemed like, to Jasper it was nothing more than just a business deal. There were moments that Alec absolutely rejoiced; like when Jasper would say sweet things to him while they made love, or when he would caress his face when they laid together, or when he would run his fingers through Alec's hair when he thought he was asleep. But then there were times like this. Shaking his head to get that thought out of his head, he walked into the kitchen, going straight for the refrigerator. Opening it slightly, he allowed his eyes to roam around the content in it for a few moments before locking onto his favourite drink, water. He could have walked to the wine cabinet and grabbed something enough to take pain away. But he knew that sticking with water was the wiser choice. He always was an open mouth with alcohol inside, and at that moment he knew that silence was the only requirement. He gripped the water bottle and began unscrewing the top as he made his way over to the bar stool and sat down. Just as he brought the bottle to his mouth he heard a small sound coming from behind him, which startled him. He turned around the stool to look at the source and when his mind registered the figure standing behind him, wearing Jasper's shirt, his eyes widened. As Alec made eye contact with the shocked girl, he regretted it immediately, for his heart that started aching all of a sudden. And for the first time in two years, it was not because of Jasper, but of the person he brought home that day. Her cheeks were red and Alec could smell Jasper on her. His smell was unlike anything else, and Alec was around that sweetness enough to pick it even in a crowd. But it was no crowd, just a girl standing in his kitchen, the girl he called his best friend, smelling like his husband. How exactly had his life turned like that? Oh yeah, he fell in love. The girl was gaping at Alec, unsure of what to say or do other than standing there frozen. Alec wanted to ask why she was there, but it was a wasteful question as Alec already knew why she was there. So he remained quiet, hoping for the girl to do the talking and explain, why? She didn't, much to Alec's surprise, so in low voice he asked, “Why did you do th— ” He trailed off, not wanting to say that out loud for his mind to accept it, though it was already late. She opened and closed her mouth several times before stuttering out, “I thought you had an extra shift tonight?” “So that's why you left early, because I had an extra shift.” He laughed bitterly, not being able to digest the words that came from the mouth of his best friend. “I am sorry Alec, I wasn't thinking. It just happened and I. . . .” She stopped, wiping the tears around her eyes. “You weren't thinking? For the god's shake Stacy, you have a boyfriend. And he loves you a lot. How could you do this to him, and to us?” Alec screamed, not caring if Jasper heard or not. It was crazy, everything in his life was and that night he seriously was losing his mind. It was too much of a blow for him, added on the long day in Stigma and the little disagreement/verbal fight he had with his senior over some manufacturing defect. His initial plan was to leave early for his home so that he could have some peace, take a small nap before dinner and then let Jasper know about his argument with Mr. Green, so that it could be taken care of smoothly. But standing in the kitchen, he was no more sure of that. His heart like always was broken by Jasper, but this time Stacy made the ache much worse. “I am sorry Alex. . . . I. . I really don't know how it happened. Please don't tell him anything about tonight. I love Jonathan, I will stop and everything will be back to normal, I will leave.” She pleaded, eyes already red and voice breaking multiple times. She knew she did wrong, and there was nothing she could say to make it better. “Wow Stacy, I am touched by your words. Are you for real? I told you about him about. . . . . About how much I lo. . . . . . Never mind, have fun, both of you. And I don't think John deserves this pain you caused. So rest assured, I will not tell him. Do whatever you want.” He said before sprinting out of the room as soon as possible. His eyes were burning and he knew that soon enough the tears would fall uncontrollably. He knew that as long as he made it to his room, he didn't have to care about the collapse of the strong barrier that he built around him to protect himself from moments exactly like that. Once inside his safe haven, he wouldn't have to care about how much he cried or how red and puffy his eyes would become after the tears would dry out. He quickly sped up his pace, running down the hallway and up the stairs, until he reached his room, their room. Jasper had never bought any of his one nights in their bedroom, he kept all of them downstairs only, in one of the guest's rooms, or at least Alec had never seen anyone on the first floor. Somehow stumbling into the room, he managed to run to the bed and harshly pulled cover over his head. As soon as his body touched the mattress, the first tear broke free from his right eye, then another soon after followed from his left. Finally he let all the restraint fly out of the window as he felt more tears let loose one after another, watching them falling past and destroying the strong barrier he had created a year ago. He was gasping and clutching onto his heart like it was his only lifeline, or he needed to feel the beats to convince himself that he was still alive.