You are Enough

Chapter 3

I can't breathe, I look around and realize I am in my car, not back in the woods. I look around and find that I am still holding my side trying to catch my breath. My anxiety is rising. No, not here. It's happening. I'm having an anxiety attack! Focus Kat! What did the doc say to do when these started to happen? Oh, that's right, the five senses. Something you feel, hear, see, smell and taste. I feel my racing heart slow down as I begin to relax. I give myself a few extra minutes to gather myself and freshen up before I drive to work. As I pulled into the parking lot of The Peak Cafe I saw that our breakfast rush is in full swing. I rushed into the cafe and in my haste I didn't see Lewis the dishwasher walking. We collide into each other-spilling half-empty teas and coffee all over us both. Carol takes one look at the scene and goes running. Lewis, Katheen. What happened? Are you okay? Carol, I'm so sorry it was my fault, I tell her near tears. She softens her features when she sees I'm on the verge of a breakdown.

Honey, why don't you go on home? We can start fresh tomorrow. Carol, I can't I need the money I told her. Look, I'm already losing Tuesday and Thursday nights because of GED classes. Honey, are those babies keeping you up? No, I just didn't sleep the greatest last night. Well, this weekend, bring them over and the girls and I will watch them so you can get your hair and nails done, she tells me. Carol, I can't afford that. Oh honey I've already booked and paid for the appointment for Saturday after work. Carol, I can't do this. Why would you do that? No wait. I'm sorry, what I meant to say was thank you, but I can't accept this. You will go, young lady, or I'll tan your hide. Yes ma'am, I say, because what else was there to say once Carol put her foot down? It's a battle you will never win. I'll help clean up. No, we got it. Go on home kid, she tells me. I walked out feeling like someone was watching me. The hairs on my neck and arms stood up. I looked around, not knowing who or what I was looking for. I didn't see anyone out of the ordinary, just the locals. I got back to my car, turned the key and nothing. I tried again and again and again. I finally gave up and took a break. I let fifteen minutes pass and tried again. Still nothing. We waited another fifteen minutes, still nothing. So I call my mom Julia. Ring ring ring Hello. This is Julia Moore. How can I help you? Mom, it's me Kat. Kat, what's wrong? Are the kids okay? Yes mom they are. I giggle a little thanks for caring about me, for crying out loud. Oh honey I knew you were okay. So what's up? Why are you calling me at work? Aren't you supposed to be at work? Yes I say. Yes, long story short, I was told to go home and try again tomorrow. What's wrong? Nothing I tell my mother. Kathleen Joyce Wilson! Are you lying to your mother? No ma it was just a bad night and morning.

The reason I'm calling was because my car won't start again and I have no way to get around, let alone home. Can you pick me up? Oh honey I can't but George should be home, she tells me. Thanks anyway mama. We said our goodbyes and got off the phone now to call George and see if he could help me. Ring ring ring! Kat, what's wrong? Are the kids okay? Yes, why does everyone ask about their safety first over me? Hahahaha! You no longer matter in the way they do, George tells me. No, the reason I'm calling is because my car won't start. Could you come look at it please? Sure kid, he says. We hung up and I waited about thirty minutes and he pulled up and, lo and behold, his friend Lucky from Lucky's towing and mechanics. Oh yes, thank you for thinking ahead, George.

They get out and, since I've already popped the hood, they go ahead and unlatch it and raise it up. As Lucky looks over my car, the sitter's ring tone goes off. Tina, what's wrong? Are the kids okay? George hears this and he's in front of me in no time. What's wrong, he asks? I put my finger up to tell him to give me a minute. Kat, the kids started pulling at their ears so I checked their temps and they are both in the 100's. s**t, Okay, I'll be there as soon as possible. I got off the phone and let George know what was going on. Take my truck kid and get them to the urgent care now, he tells me. Hey kid, come here. I know you have to go but come here quickly, Lucky asks? I have a nice family car that I can give you. Absolutely not, I told him. Then, if you insist on paying for it, you pay me what you can when you can. Lucky thank you. Go on go get them kids. I hop into George's pick up and I'm outta there. My kids have had a rough start to their lives and it really bothers me. They will have me all of their lives, but what about a dad? I think over so many things while I make my way to the sitter's house as quickly as possible. An unbelievable sadness washes over me. How could things have gone so wrong in our little world? As I reached the house, I could see my babies in the front window. I love my babies so much. And I will never understand how somebody could hurt someone so little.