My Cursed Love

Chapter 7: Back to normal

*Elena’s POV*

As I stepped into the kitchen, I was met with the lovely smell of delicious breakfast and coffee. I didn’t drink it myself, but it made me feel so much at home.

“Morning auntie,” I said as I sat down at the table.

She smiled at me with the morning paper slightly tilted so she could look at me. Wow, this was exactly as I remembered it. Her with her morning coffee and paper, not paying much attention to me and me just sitting there eating my breakfast. Maybe things could really go back to normal. Maybe.

It was quiet for a while as we just sat there minding our own business. It felt nice for a change. After everything that had happened, I begged for some normality. But soon I had to break the silence.

“Auntie, now that I’m home I have thought about going back to school again,” I said.

Quickly, the paper my aunt held in one hand was folded down, leaving an awful noise in the so pleasant morning silence. She looked at me with shock and disbelief.

“School?” She asked me. “Do you really think you are ready for that?”

I looked at her confused. No, I wasn’t ready. The nightmares had only gotten worse and the pain and fear in my heart was still there. I jumped at every loud noise and kept a baseball bat close to my bed. Often, after I had woken from a nightmare, I would take the bat and hold it close as I sat with my back pressed against the headboard, staring at my door. Just waiting for someone to burst in and try and take me away again. I sat like that until morning and only because I could hear my aunt walking downstairs to the kitchen made me find my sanity again.

So no, I was far from ready, but I needed to go back to normal. I needed to take control over myself again and feel somewhat in power. And I needed to forget. Forget all those bad things and just feel a bit okay again.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked her with a smile, trying to act as okay as I could.

She just narrowed her eyes and stared into mine. It was quite intimidating. I couldn’t help but look away.

“Would you stop that?!” I said a bit irritated after a couple of minutes where she just kept staring at me, not even looking away once.

She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms.

“I don’t know Elena. You have just gotten back home. I don’t want you to push yourself too much. And going back to school, I’m afraid that it will be too overwhelming,” she told me.

I just shook my head.

“I’m fine auntie. I just need to go back to my life again and what better way to do that than go back to school? Besides, I’m already really far behind. It will only be good for me to start and try and catch up now.”

I really hoped I could convince her but she kept looking at me with a worried look, almost as if I would have a mental breakdown right here in the kitchen at any minute.

“Please, Aunt Jenna. I just want to go back to normal.”

I looked at her with begging eyes and I could see it was working. She sighed deeply and put her arms down.

“Fine! But this will only be a trial day. If you feel any anxiety or pain you call me and you won’t go back to school until you are completely well again,” she said sternly and pointed at me.

I just nodded like crazy and smiled. I couldn’t keep my excitement in me and jumped off my seat and hugged her tightly.

“You are the best!” I said over and over.

She just patted my back and told me, that was enough, but I knew she enjoyed that I was so happy.

Quickly, I ran up again to the first floor to get ready. I hopped in the shower but froze as I got in it. With the hot water streaming down on me, I felt myself travelling back to that place, filling me with fear. I started scrubbing my skin hard, trying to erase the marks they had left on my body. I hated that they had made me like this and it happened every time I got in the shower. I was still not in control of myself, they still held the power and I hated it. When was I ever going to be free of them?

When I finally got out of the shower, my skin was all red from my harsh treatment. I stood in front of the mirror that was covered by a towel. I had done that. The first time I had stood here, when I got home only a few days ago, I was shocked by how my body looked. It was covered in small scars from cuts and it was bruised and I looked so skinny. It was awful to look at and I was filled with disgust. I had to cover the mirror. I just couldn’t stand it.

Great

Now the tears came. I really was a wreck. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was fighting so hard to get back to my old life, yet there were always things that kept pulling me back, forcing me to feel so alone and without any control over myself. Why did this have to happen to me?

I tried wiping the tears away as well as I could. I had to look happy and well if I was going to be allowed to go back to school. I dressed myself in some blue jeans with a white top and a black hoodie. I knew I would probably need something I could hide behind as eyes on the school would follow me around.

As I had gotten dressed, I felt myself turn a bit back to normal. I went out of the bathroom and found my stuff in my room and, with my bag on my shoulder, I went back down. My aunt was already waiting for me but looked worried at me as she asked:

“Ready?”

I nodded but inside I was screaming. I had already been trapped inside my head once today, which, of course, resulted in tears. I really didn’t want that to happen in the middle of school or it was going to be even harder to return to normal. And if I let my fears control me, it was like they had won. Then I was never going to be myself again and I had promised myself not to let that happen.

Determined, I grabbed the handle and walked out the door. I was not going to let them destroy me. I was not going to let my fear cripple me. I was in control. Or at least that was what I made myself believe.