If You Leave Me Now

Chapter 1

Chapter 1: The Beginning Of The End

SIA

I was a nyctophile.

Even when I was a kid, most of my friends were scared of the darkness whilst I found an unknown comfort in it.

As I stared at the midnight sky coloured in varying shades of blue and purple with thousands of stars twinkling at their finest overhead, I found myself at peace again.

I was calm, and the mesmerizing sight overhead made it easier to forget the fight I got into with my mother just before I left for this trip.

I and my mom had our differences, but then again, which over-socializing mother and her introvert teenage daughter don't?

It wasn't easy to really pinpoint where we both went wrong, for we were a close-knit family once. Sometimes, I feel life was so much better when I was younger. Being an introvert, my parents were naturally my first best friends, my father was my mentor, my guide, and my mother was that ideal, kind, charity loving lady everyone would love to befriend.

But my father died when I was nine and everything changed ever since.

His absence was hard on me, but my mother took it harder. She slipped into drinking a lot of alcohol and drugs and it was me who had to make sure she ate her food and that she slept in her own bed at night.

I tried understanding. She did lose her husband, and it was tougher for her. So I didn't complain when there were times I had to cook my own food, or when I had to pick her up sleeping in the corridor, or when she didn't attend parent-teacher meetings or when she forgot my birthday.

But things changed for worse when I was thirteen and my mother remarried. I didn't have anything against my step-father, really. He was sweet, tried making me as comfortable in the new town as I could, and quickly became the closest man I had to a father-figure.

I was happy for my mother, but I wasn't overly fond of the lady she had changed to be. She loved her husband's money, she was that perfect wife in front of the society, the one who socialised with other high class ladies, who carried the latest Burberry's, who's nails were always done and beautiful, and who pretended to have a happy family life. 

I did find a way to deal with that too. I was disappointed for some time, yes, but then I knew I had to accept how my life was if I had to move on in peace.

The only thing that started getting back on my nerves were her expectations. She wanted me to be that perfect eighteen year old who she could boast of, let that be my looks or my marksheet.

I tried compromising with her controlling behaviour too. But I wasn't the girl who loved make up, and I didn't want to force myself into caking my face to please my mother when both of us knew I looked just fine without that. I didn't top every year, sure, but it wasn't like I was failing or anything. My grades were just fine too, and I always got more than my friends. I scored highest at English, and that's what mattered, because I wanted to do majors in that subject.

I was not perfect, I had my flaws, and it had taken me a lot to be able to accept myself for who I was. Like every person, I had my insecurities too, and it took me a long, long time to be able to love myself for who I was. And now that I finally got there, I couldn't let my mother destroy it and just because she could see a slight pimple on my face or because I didn't score highest at Chemistry.

It might sound incredibly selfish, but she had no right to expect anything from me. I didn't complain when she let me down on every special day for four full years. I had expectations from my mother too, and she failed me year after year when her drunk self insulted my friends, or when she forgot my birthdays, or when she wasn't even bothered when I was admitted at a hospital.

I took in and I took in and I took in as much as I could, but two years after her marriage, I rebelled. It started off as minor fights, which later turned into full blown arguments and ignoring each other completely. I was usually the one to put an end by talking first, because I tried making myself understand that she was concerned about me.

Needless to say, she didn't take it well. The more I tried, the more she demanded. It was as if everything I did to make her happy just went futile. She would never appreciate the hundred things I did, but easily pinpoint at the one I couldn't. The arguments kept on increasing till a point that we both ignored each other, and talked only if necessary. 

The fight we came into was about coming for this camping trip. It's a camping trip that the school arranges for the passing batch after their graduation. She didn't want me to be here because travelling in trains and not living in a five star hotel wasn't 'posh enough', or something 'high class girls would like'. 

I could give in to her concern, not her controlling behaviour.

That's how I lost both my parents.

I try not overthinking, but sometimes, it all gets too much. It's times like this when I sit under the open night sky and look at the stars, for they always made me feel at peace. Perhaps, under them, I always felt closer to my father.

I remember he used to always take me star gazing. Something he once told me still rings in my head whenever I try to find peace, 'whenever you're lost, look up at the stars, lose yourself to them a little more, and you might just end up finding yourself in whole.'

He left, but the love for stars and the night sky that he had manifested in me remained and just grew over time.

I picked up my cell when it vibrated in my pockets, flashing my step-father's name. "Hi, Jake," I greeted as I picked up the call.

"Sia," he greeted back, "Sorry, just wanted to check. Did y'all reach safely?"

"Yes, an hour ago actually," I informed, a smile taking over my face. My step father cares more about me then my biological mother. But someone cares, so it's a good thing, right?

"That's good, that's good," he said, "I didn't want to disturb. Just wanted to check on you. Have fun, alright? Make the most out of this trip just like you wanted to. And don't think much about Mum. She'll be fine."

"Thanks Jake," I sighed, "Where's Mum?"

"She's gone to a party," I knew it slipped out of his mouth and he was probably holding his tongue out. "She didn't want to... I pushed her, you know, to make her mood better."

"It's okay, Jake," I said. Could you expect any better? And here I was, feeling guilty over shouting at her, sitting in a corner and staring at the stars instead of sitting with my friends and making most of this trip like I wanted to. "You don't have to. It's really okay. I'm going to go join my friends now. I'll talk to you later, take care."

"You too," I could hear him take a long breath, "And if you need anything, I'm just a call away."

I was about to say thank you, but I heard a swish of the leaves behind me, like something moved.

Freaking Unicorns.

I disconnected the call as I turned around instantly but there was nothing; except darkness, ofcourse. It wasn't pitch dark, there was light from the stars overhead and the moon, and the reflection of them into the sea right ahead of me.

Just because it fascinates me, shouldn't indicate that I am overly fond of everything that could be in the darkness.

Like Ghosts?

Witches?

Vampires?

Negative, powerful spirits who might want to kill me for my long, wavy hair, or my forest green eyes, or my sweet blood, or my white teeth, or my–

"Hey, sunshine," I heard a husky voice right behind me and I almost jumped on my place before looking back.

Of course. 

I forgot to mention the worst of all the negative, blood sucking souls that could be, and it had to be him.

Cole Wilson.

"Hey, jerk," I greeted him, faking the enthusiasm as he stepped ahead.

"Come on, sunshine; I'm sure your father's taught you to be kinder." He smirked, sitting on the huge rock next to mine. Don't kill him; not yet. I took a deep breath, calming myself down before turning to him again.

"I have a name, Wilson," I replied with an eye roll, "Sia Brooks. I'd appreciate if you could go with that."

He didn't say anything in return. I was really trying to not get agitated by his smirks but you simply couldn't be calm when you have a spawn of Satan sitting right next to you.

Hate is a strong word, but it's safe to say that I really, really dislike Cole Wilson.

Since the past six months, I and him have not had one decent conversation. Any form of communication would usually end up in taunts, verbal fights, and twice, my friends had to literally pull me off him, or else I swear, he would've been dead. Cole doesn't, and would never pick his hand on a girl, and I'd planned upon taking it to my advantage.

Moral being, I and Cole are not on good terms. We breath fire when we're next to each other, and we try our best to ignore each other. Our friends make sure we don't really cross paths a lot, but that becomes slightly difficult when you have a lot of common friends, when his twin sister happens to be my bestfriend.

We have our own reasons to dislike each other (except him being cocky, arrogant and absolutely self-centred; and almost incapable of having friends– because whom are we kidding, except his few close ones, most of the school wants to be his friend just because of his: one, looks, and two, money).

He's the only person in this whole world that annoys me more than my mother. And the only person I actually fought with, except my mother.

But, I was determined that this would be a fun trip. It'll be adventurous and wild and a lot of fun, just like I wanted it to be; and no Cole Wilson or Claire Adams (my mother) would spoil it for me.

"Can I, very politely, without starting a fight on the very first day of this trip, ask you what you're doing here?" I asked, sarcastically sweet.

"Hmm," he pretended to be busy tying his shoe laces, his tone laced with amusement, "I was just wandering around, and then I caught glimpse of you from behind and wondered which fool would be sitting in the dark alone, and guess what? It was my personal fool."

"I'm not a fool. And even if I were, I'd prefer working in the circus than being called your fool."

"Offended, are we?" He smirked again, "I mean, if the truth offends you, I think I'd rather keep my other opinions to myself. You wouldn't be able to handle them."

"Oh, I'd really like to know your opinions. Enlighten me, Cole," I faked interest as I turned to face him.

"Not right now, cupcake. I'm free tonight, call me, perhaps?" He winked.

"You wish, Wilson." I replied, getting up and walking back towards the camp, not sparing him another glance. The conversation was trash anyway.

The campsite was a few minutes away and I walked fast, my walk making a weird sound everytime leaves were crushed by my black  boots.

Cole didn't follow me and I was glad about it. He could stab me from behind for all I know.

I mean, there's mountains behind and there's a sea separated by this beautiful, dark, dense forest I was walking through. Three places for a person to get lost. He could probably kill me right there and no one will ever get to know.

Thankfully, I walked at the campsite, and the scent of beer made its way to me, almost making my nose cringe. There was a bonfire in the centrer with wooden logs all around it, where my friends were all sitting.

"Sia!" I heard Daisy call and she waved at me. I waved back as I walked over to her, settling between her and Eva. She put an arm around me, her eyes meeting mine and I blinked at her in reassurance, giving her a wide smile.

"You good, right?" She still asked. I smiled, nodding. It's crazy to believe how she and Cole has shared the same womb, and yet, the outcomes were so different. She was so good looking (he was too– and no, don't tell anyone I accepted that), kind, and really, really friendly; an ambivert, loved books just like me, and had been by my side right from the day I shifted into this town. Daisy Wilson, my human diary.

Everly 'Eva' Walker was my extrovert bestfriend. She loved her rock guitar, her tattoos (three, one on her ring finger, second on her right calf, and third behind her left elbow) and her fierce red hair, but books were most definitely not made for her. Underneath that hard exterior, she was still a softy who's way of dealing with life was simple, 'Love means destruction. Either you destroy love, or love destroys you, the choice is in her hand.'

I often wonder how she got stuck with me and Daisy, our personalities were so different. It was a strange day actually, someone was bullying me– for being the new girl in town or something like that, and she stepped in to save me. We had been inseparable ever since. We might be very, very different, but I think we three balance each other just well.

Eva was playing her guitar at the moment, syncing it with Caleb's, who sat across us, singing some Ed Sheeran song. Caleb Miller, Cole's best friend, and Daisy's crush. She never accepted to like him, but I have seen the way her eyes lit up everytime he was around– which was a lot, because Cole and Caleb were the inseparable childhood buddies.

He passed me a smile, and I smiled back. I and Caleb were on good terms. I knew him because Eva and Caleb were both in school's band, and because Daisy couldn't stop staring everytime he was around, and well, because he was Cole's bestfriend, his partner in crime. But unlike him, Caleb knew how to respect girls (although he did have a lot of flings) and how to keep his pranks in line.

Caleb and Eva ended the song they were singing, and everyone around clapped, including me.

"That was awesome, bro!" I heard someone and looked up to see Cole standing. Oh, I didn't notice he was here too. Only if I could go on in life ignoring him always.

"Yeah, Eva, you should sing more. Your voice is lovely, why do you always just stick to playing the rock guitar?" Caleb looked at Eva, a flirty smile on his face.

"Step back, Cal. She does sing, just not with you," Kyle replied as I saw him walk in. Kyle was Eva's bestfriend since they were kids, although he never tried mingling with any of us. Oh, and he wasn't fond of Cole and Caleb ever since he lost the football caption-ship to Cole and then the quarterback position to Caleb.

Caleb just rolled his eyes, not replying anything in return and I saw Eva whisper something to Kyle, probably asking him to not start a fight unnecessarily.

I looked away, to find Seth's eyes on me. I smiled at him, and he graciously smiled back. Seth and I were actually friends, and our friendship dated back to my old town. He shifted to this town a year after me, and somehow– somehow, he knew Cole. They'd met in a football championship earlier, and after Cole let him into the school team, they became best friends over the past four years.

"Where were you?" He asked, sitting where Eva was sitting earlier, "I was actually looking for you."

"I just.. I was talking to Jake, letting him know we reached," I replied. He was among the very few people who knew about the problems between me and my mother.

"Oh. You fine, right?"

I nodded, diverting the topic, "You said you were finding me?"

"Yeah," he smiled sheepishly, leaning backwards, "I wanted to ask you about something, but never mind."

I was about to insist him to tell me when Caleb clearing his throat caught our attention.

"It's already struck midnight, and all the poised Cinderella's have returned to their tents. So why not we... the wilder ones, make the most of this night," He winked, his eyes going from Seth to me, then Daisy, then Cole on the other wooden log and Eva, whom I hadn't noticed, was sitting next to Cole.

Seth cheered and so did Eva, as Cole sipped from his beer showing a thumbs up while his girlfriend, Rose, curled next to him. Rose and I never really spoke to each other except for that one time she asked me for a pen, but for all I knew, she was sweet, which leaves me wondering how Cole ended up with her. But again, who cares?

"So why not we play the game we did at the graduation party?" Cole suggested, giving Caleb a knowing smirk. The one I hadn't attended because I was sick.

"Exactly," Caleb agreed, smirking back. "The rules are the same, we spin the bottle and whoever it lands on will be given a dare by the person opposite them. If they do it, well and good, if not, they have to drink a shot. And, and... in all of the dares you get, one dare can be excused if the person to their left takes it instead."

"That sounds fun!" Daisy agreed and so did everyone else one by one, which meant Eva, Seth, Cole, Rose, Caleb, a few of their other friends from football– Austin and Noah, and my other friends– Hope and her boyfriend Lucas, and Natalia.

"Brooks, you in?" Caleb called out at me as they got settled, and I just stared at them in indecision.

I wasn't usually a party bummer, I loved such games, but it had been an annoyingly long day with a lot of fights and shouting and facing Cole and not to mention, the six hour travel from California.

"I don't think so. I'd rather–" I started but let my voice trail. I wanted this trip to be adventurous and wild and something I remember all my life, and I wasn't letting my mother or Cole to ruin it, so why now?

"Actually, I'm in," I smiled walking to them with confidence and Cole gave me an 'I'm-impressed' look that I conveniently ignored.

I was all happy and confident until I saw the only place left in the circle– opposite Cole.

And you know what that means.

I'm either taking dares from Cole Wilson all night, or getting absurdly drunk, and I'm sure, neither of them would end well.