Desire Goddess

Chapter 3 - Now what?

Quinn woke with a mix of feelings. She had barely slept, of course. A wedding day was supposed to be a celebration. The way hers was arranged, it felt like a punishment. Deep shame filled her body, followed by waves of anxious nerves. She had no idea what to expect. Would there be a formal ceremony? Would she have a dress? Would her family attend? What did this guy look like? She vaguely remembered seeing him around. She didn’t remember him being offensive-looking. Was he nice?

She felt pinned to her bed by dread. How could she move? But the jitters in her stomach lept to her throat and forced her out of bed to dry heave over the toilet. Her eyes felt tight. Not swollen, but definitely now dry and irritated from lack of sleep.

She realized she could call her mom or sister, maybe, to try and get an idea of what was planned for this morning. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Instead, she reasoned that it would be best to be mostly prepared for whatever. She showered, made what she considered a classic style hair & makeup, and put on a white pantsuit. Funny, she had a white pantsuit. It had been meant to be part of a Halloween costume one year, but didn’t work out. What a strange outcome.

She sat on the bed and watched the side table clock's hands slowly ticking around. She listened to the consistent soft shuffling of her guards walking in front of her door downstairs.

Tick tock, tick tock.

Maybe they had all changed their minds.

Tick tock, tick tock.

She heard the shuffling patterns change downstairs and then muffled voices. Something was finally happening. The relief was intense. Waiting had been more bitter sorrow than the actual horrible thing she had to do.

But then, footsteps on the stairs. The door burst open and standing in front of her was a tall man. Scruffy face. But childish eyes. Awkward stance. He was staring sheepishly at her for a breath, then he started talking.

“I’m so sorry.”

She just stared.

“Sorry for what?,” she asked, just before it got too awkward.

He looked away, and his face changed quickly with a flash of anger, “You waited here all night thinking you would be forced to marry me. What a sh*t night it was, I’m sure.”

She was surprised.

He suddenly looked her square in the eye. The intensity of his gaze was shocking. He continued with a new calm tone, “You don’t have to.”

“I don’t have to what?”, she asked robotically. It was obvious what he meant, but the lack of sleep and this odd meeting had literally struck her dumb.

“You don’t have to marry me,” he replied, not seeming to mind that she was totally in the clouds.

There was a long pause. The longer it went, the higher her anxiety bubbled inside. She was totally spent. She wasn’t sure she even had the brain power to run from a charging lion. She knew something needed to be said, and she had absolutely no idea what to say.

His eyes crinkled sweetly into a perplexed expression. Then, it was as if she could see a light bulb actually turn on above his head.

He straightened, shifted his weight from foot to foot, and asked haltingly, “Do you, ah, maybe, let’s go for a short walk?”

In that moment, the suggestion hit her as the only sane thing to do. Of course, a walk. She craved movement. Her muscles were taut from the strain of preparing for the worst. She needed to loosen up and get out some of this toxic energy.

“Yeeessss”, she breathed out, like a sigh of relief.

He immediately smiled and held out his hand. Together they walked downstairs to face the upset guards.

“We are going for a short walk,” Grant announced. When he saw them take a breath to protest, he held up a hand and explained, “you can follow, it won’t be long, but there won’t be any weddings today unless we can take a walk.”

The guards were unhappy, but followed along.

It was spring. The day was fresh and truly beautiful after a long hard winter. Quinn breathed deeply, and it felt like her brain cells were waking up one by one. Like a foot regaining feeling after having fallen asleep.

It took some minutes before she noticed, she was still holding Grant’s hand. It was so warm and covered so much of hers. He had said she didn’t have to marry him. But going against a pack order was not a good move. It might incite fights at worst. At best, they would both be heavily discriminated against. The pack could make life very disagreeable out of spite.

The tulips were blooming, and the surrounding fields were studded with tiny green leaves showing their readiness for an approaching new planting season.

“Listen,” she started. “I can do this.”

He looked down on her. God, how tall was he?

He didn’t say anything for some time. It seemed like he was having an internal discussion. Maybe weighing the pros and cons of stopping the wedding or not. The risks were not small. What an annoying situation to be caught up in. Forced into a big life decision. A common way in the pack. Survival was prime.

“It’s just a formality, we can take our relationship as fast or slow as we want. I’ve liked you for a long time now, so it’s no punishment for me,” he said.

WHAT? - She thought.

Liked her for a long time? Who the f**k was this guy?

In her thoughts, she tried to be annoyed. But in reality, his words felt achingly good. Liked her? Nobody liked her.

Not even she did.