Traded mates [Complete ✔️]

2. Final Goodbyes

Zane's P.O.V

I stood in front of the mirror, dead eyes staring back at me as I fixed up my tie, prolonging burying the love of my life.

No one would start the funeral without me, so if I simply didn't show up...

I quickly shook my head, willing the temptation away. I didn't have much control over anything lately, my mind especially.

Not being able to endure looking at myself for another second, the physical reminder of my losses too hard to bare, I went to the bed, which my baby bean was currently sleeping in the middle of.

Sighing at the irony of me being the one to wake her up for once, I grabbed the clothes Dali bought for her from the dresser, and gently picked her up.

The sound of her loud screeching made me wince.

She'd been home for half a week, spending two agonizingly slow weeks in the clinic. She came to the suite mere days ago, and yet, I already felt like I was drowning.

More than before...

I thought I knew what I was supposed to do, thought Rosie and I were prepared enough to bring a pup home but turns out I couldn't be further from the truth.

I haven't allowed anyone to help out, too afraid of losing her as well, so most days I went without eating or showering, and any free time I got I spent picking up the shattered ashes of my heart and, as pathetic as it may make me, silencing my sobs to keep from waking her up.

Beyla continued to struggle, wriggle, and cry the entire time I got her dressed, leaving me exhausted by the end of it. It wasn't hard since I barely had the energy to get up in the morning, but today, I needed it more than I have for the past two and a half weeks.

Because no matter how much I prolonged it, and how late I was running even now, I couldn't deny my mate of a proper burial, nor could I withhold the families of our fallen pack members from saying their goodbyes.

I grabbed the carrier out of Beyla's nursery, though it has become just as much of a mess as the rest of the suite and is hardly ever used, and strapped it onto myself, adjusting my pup so she'd be comfortable and let out a sigh of relief as she fell asleep almost immediately after I started walking.

Music greeted me as soon as I left the empty pack house, everyone already gathered and waiting for me in the forest.

I followed the sad tune to the location of the funeral, regretting coming at all.

I had too much of my own pain to withstand being slapped in the face by the grief of others...

Just as I turned around to leave, Knox put a hand on my shoulder, freezing me in place.

"Don't!" He shook his head as I turned around to face him, my best friend seeing right through me. "Please." He added, quieter.

I sighed but nodded, watching as Dali slowly approached us and tried masking away her frown at my appearance.

Before, I would've made a joke about it, now, I was aware I looked like s**t and didn't plan on doing anything about it.

I may be dressed in a fancy suit but pretty outsides don't mask the rotting of the insides.

"Hi, Zane!" She spoke gently. "How are you doing? Anything we can do to help?" She winced at the sound of her own voice, both of us painfully aware she and her mate were now walking on eggshells around me.

I didn't bother answering, nor shrugging. We were also very aware of how I was doing and the dark purple circles beneath my eyes, the mess of tangled curls on my head, and my pale face were enough for her to get her reply, anyway.

"You?" I rasped, noting the slight flinch she concealed with another fake smile before she shrugged.

I also hadn't been speaking much.

"Grieving, working..." She trailed off. Pack members began to take their seats, no doubt each one of us ready to leave the melancholy that came with the flowers, the black attire, and the sad music.

"We have to start, we're running a bit behind schedule and it's a," D trailed off again, words evading her today, it seemed.

"It's a big funeral." Knox sighed, taking over for his mate. "Rose's burial is first but if you need more time-"

"Let's get it over with." I interrupted, my friends giving me a quick nod full of pity and sadness.

I didn't let them get another word in as I sat in the front row next to Shawn and Paisley. I also didn't listen to what they had to say, if they said anything.

Sorrow seeped into my every pore until I couldn't feel anything besides it.

Except when I looked at my daughter, that is.

Then, I'd feel it chip away, little by little, only long enough for the last piece to crumble before the wall of pain was rebuilt around my very being.

Not today, however. Not as I watched my two childhood best friends, our two childhood best friends, climb up the stage, surrounded by lit candles, bouquets of flowers, and pictures of lost, hopefully not wandering souls.

Not as too many coffins to count were simply behind the stage, waiting.

Today, not even her rosy cheeks, tiny splotch of hair, or slightly opened lips from her milk-dazed nap could elicit a feeling from me.

I'd forgotten how to do anything besides hurt.

I would say my heart was broken, though I did not believe I possessed one anymore. And if I did, it was too broken to ever function again.

The music was made quiet until all that remained of it was background noise, indicating the beginning of the end.

"Thank you, everyone, for coming, we're deeply wounded to see so many losses, but our hearts are filled with hope, with the promise that the souls of our fellow pack members will find peace." Knox, as the Alpha, began, then stepped back to let his Luna speak too.

"I personally wanted to apologize to anyone who's here on my account today and tell you how incredibly grateful I am to every wolf that went to battle with me and fought for my cause. I will never, not until the day I face my own death, forget their bravery and strength." Her hands were trembling as she fisted them around her floor-length gown, bunching it up at the sides. "I reassure you that those that die with honor do not wander, by the end of today, they'll be at peace, waiting for you to join them."

Sniffles, sobs, and silent tears rang from all around. Rows and rows of chairs were everywhere I looked, not one wolf present being okay.

It made me wonder if Dali and Knox would ever find the strength to fix the damage of the past month.

But I knew, because of my mate, that they would. That they would get their happy ending, I only didn't know if I would find mind.

"Let's not prolong this any longer than needed," Knox took the mic again, "I know all of you are eager to get home and grieve in silence. But if you need someone to talk to, my mate and I will always be here."

Dali's gaze found mine, but this time, she didn't try to smile. She was trying to tell me she was here for me despite it.

"My dear sister, and your Beta female, is one of the wolves that lost her life that day. She was an incredibly strong and kind woman, ready for anything when it came to those she loved," I tuned him out as he praised my mate, tears burning my eyes but I refused to let them fall.

My entire body shook with the effort to keep myself from bolting out of my seat and never returning, my hands shaking and my leg jumping up and down.

Finally, but not nearly enough time for me to prepare later, he called me on the makeshift stage, my daughter now passed onto Dali.

I refused to say anything as I lit a lantern for her, a tradition for a werewolf funeral, a way to send the soul back to its creator - the Moon.

All of us closed our eyes and whispered our prayers before I softly placed my lips on it and released it into the sky, hundreds of lanterns soon following.

I shut my eyes tightly as I could no longer hold back my tears, staring at the retreating lights.

Once I'd had enough time to put myself together, Knox, Shawn, and I carried the casket over to the graveyard, sobs racking my body as I watched it be lowered into the ground, while Knox and Dali cried silently beside me, holding each other while I was left to hold myself.

I didn't notice the time pass, didn't notice when or who finally closed up the hole, officially burying the love of my life.

Knox hadn't let me see inside the coffin, hadn't let me kiss her or glance at her beauty once last time. I had my suspicions about how my pup had been born, but honestly, I didn't want to know. Perhaps I was a little grateful that neither him, nor the warrior that escorted me back to the house would say anything.

***

I couldn't pinpoint the exact moment my heart had shattered but I knew there would be no picking up the pieces.

She was the one laying underground, but I was the one she killed.

I fell to my knees, using my hands to grab more soil and stack on top before placing roses, her favorite kind, on top.

Everyone else had already paid their respects and were back on the stage or in their seat, thousands of lanterns now littering the sky with their lights for each lost soul, their family's lights flying right there with them to ensure they made it home safely.

Screaming and crying met my ears as our warriors' bodies were turned into ashes for their loved ones to gather, only high-ranked members getting buried in our culture.

My mother, I noticed, was silently crying from behind me, almost hidden behind a tree. She made no move to approach me and I made no sound to allow her to come forward.

The words of my mate hadn't left my mind since she uttered them - 'Speak to Auntie Zaria, okay? She knows something important.'

I needed to know what she knew so important that she didn't bother to bring up herself before I could trust her with my pup, but for now, just for tonight as I say my final goodbyes, she could hold her, meet her.

I had again lost track of time, just speaking to my soulmate, as wolves swarmed me again, making me feel suffocated in my grief.

But this wasn't about me anymore as a tiny coffin was laid down a bit further than that of my mate, my best friends burying their first pup - their first son.

It all passed as quickly as it began, everyone but us four, including my mom, leaving to grieve, letting us do the same.

"Zane?" My mom called, placing a hand on my shoulder. I brushed her off and grabbed my baby back.

"Thank you for watching her, I'll take it from here."

"I could-" My glare interrupted her, making her nod.

"I'll be leaving now, kids," she said, giving a hug to both Knox and Dalia. "Knox, Dali, your pup will always be a part of you, your guardian angel, never forget that, okay?" I didn't bother listening to their reply, hanging my head low to avoid their tear-stricken faces.

It was one thing to see my own in the mirror and a whole other thing to see it on others, especially others you've spent your whole life watching be strong.

Once my mom left, they too kneeled, mud seeping into their clothes.

"I'll hold you in my heart until I can hold you in my arms, sweet boy! I didn't get to say hello before I said goodbye. I didn't get to feel you kick, didn't get to hold you, rock you to sleep, or argue with your father about who would change your diaper in the middle of the night. I didn't get to tell you I loved you and that you're my biggest blessing." Dali murmured, a flower between her shaking fingers. "But Mommy and Daddy love you so much and we know you'll be waiting for us all to reunite." She then fell back, into her mate's chest, Knox holding her tightly as they mourned together.

I shifted, drawing my dirty knees to my chest instead of sitting on them, already feeling numb, tuning my friends out as I looked back at where Rosie rested, letting my mind wander after trying to quiet it for so long.

My angel grew a pair of wings. Too bad she used them to get away from me.

I had chosen to call her Angel because she was pure, kind, innocent. No matter how much death and destruction she'd witnessed, she didn't let it defile her, didn't let it extinguish the flame of determination she had. The determination to help everyone she knew and didn't.

She'd healed more wolves in her short life than most doctors had in their entire, long one. Just like an Angel, she brought those struggling back to life.

The night progressed, Knox and Dali finding the strength to leave, while I - I was weak. Weak enough to stay even as thunder broke through the sky and rain poured down my back.

It was irresponsible and very much making me a horrible father, refusing help but not taking proper care of my baby regardless. Protecting her from the rain by covering her with my shirt and my body bent over hers did little to shield her from it or the cold, and yet I couldn't bring myself to get up.

I couldn't bring myself to tear her away from meeting her mom for the first time.

"What do you think, Angel? She's beautiful isn't she," I shook my head, "of course she is. She has a piece of you." My eyes had dried up, leaving me unable to cry even as I craved it. "Look, Beyla, that's your mom!" I said to my waking-up pup as she got ready to screech her little lungs out again. "She-she was way more beautiful before. And she smelled less of soil. She loves you a lot, either way."

I finally forced myself to get up as her screeching grew into full cries, snapping me out of it.

"Just one final thing and we'll go," I promised Beyla, grabbing the rose I left beside me instead of placing it with the rest.

Dusting myself off, I walked over to where Aunt Aria was buried, placing the flower on her grave.

"Take care of our girl for me, will you?"

A/N

Hi, Treasures! Make sure you join my F-a-c-e-b-o-o-k group Teddy's Treasures for extra content and discussions! I know this is starting off sad but fear not, it won't be like this for the whole book!