If I Could Love You Again

The Agreement

Okay, that was not a complete disaster. I guess.

But going through high school again was not going to be as easy as he`d first thought.

Garrett had found that he was able to follow along in subjects like English, French, and Biology. He’d already read the books in English, of course; he vaguely remembered enough French to recognize the stuff when he saw it on the chalkboard; and once you’ve learned the parts of a cell and how mitosis works, it’s surprising how easily it all comes back to you.

But Math and Chemistry… where he had to know formulas and proofs and chemical reactions and what not from the previous months and or even years that he was supposed to have been using on a weekly basis… that was where he knew he would outright fail if he didn`t study up on it soon.

And how likely would his mother let him hang out with Taylor if he bombed his exams?

Not at all.

Could he just tell his mother that he was from the future and had already graduated from high school?

Yeah, that’ll go over really well.

Well, no matter what happened, he wouldn’t let anything keep him away from accomplishing his new goal in life: Save Taylor.

As soon as the last bell rang to signal the end of day, Garrett was out of his seat and running to go find Taylor.

He’d hoped to have caught him during lunchtime, but he’d forgotten that Taylor was in Drama club this year and unfortunately had a meeting with other members during lunch.

Within thirty seconds, he was by Taylor’s locker, which he apparently remembered the location of perfectly, waiting eagerly for his friend to arrive.

Okay, be cool. We’re best friends. We used to tell each other everything—besides the fact that I love him more than life itself and want—no, stop it, let’s not go there today. So, if I just stick around him and make sure he’s happy, he’ll be all right. Right?

“Garrett.”

Garrett jumped and spun around. “Hey, bro—man, want to come at—come play at my house? With games and st-stuff?”

Seriously, brain, seriously?!

Taylor just smiled at him. “Sure, bro-man. I’m ready.”

Garrett couldn’t help but smile back, relieved Taylor could understand his crushing-so-hard-I’m-stupid language.

You got lucky, brain, but next time I’m throwing you out a window.

He had to up his game if he was going to be in it for the long run.

“How’s your mom and Mr. Forbes these days?” He asked as they headed down the steps of the school and turned to take their usual route home.

“Good…” Taylor said immediately, but there was a hesitancy in his voice that caused Garrett to glance over at him.

“Are you sure?” Garrett couldn’t help but immediately be on the alert.

“Yes, sure,” Taylor said, nodding as he looked down the road, “Everything’s fine. What games did you have in mind for tonight?”

“You know you can talk to me about anything, yeah?” Garrett pressed, turning fully towards Taylor to try and get him to meet his eyes.

Taylor just nodded with a smile, “Yeah, of course.” But he was still looking away.

Heart starting to speed in trepidation, Garrett opened his mouth to press Taylor further, but then he hesitated, some of the conversation he had with Nanna that morning resurfacing.

“Take it easy with Taylor, okay? You two have been thick as thieves since you first met. Just be open with him then, honest, and I’m sure he’ll do so in return. We can’t force someone to be happy, Garrett, nor demand all their secrets from them. But I have always found that Taylor is happy just being around you. So just be you.”

Garrett sighed inwardly and decided to take Nanna’s advice, dropping the matter, for now. “So, what do you want to play?”

Taylor’s mouth lifted on one side as he regarded Garrett at last. “How about a movie instead? There’s a new one up we haven’t seen yet. I think you’ll like it. We could buy chips and soda at the convenience store on the way to your house.”

Garrett smiled back at him, the idea of watching a movie with Taylor again pushing his worries away. “I am totally down with that.”

---

Garrett was seriously enjoying the movie. It was great. He’d seen it before, but he’d seen it alone and miserable, and watching it again with Taylor, who was so animated during these things where normally he was stoic, had always been a highlight in Garrett’s early life.

And that was the problem. He was feeling too good right now. His heart was practically leaping out of his chest he was so pumped up on endorphins.

They were lounging on the pillows on Garrett’s bed in the dimming light, Garrett’s laptop propped at the end of the bed on top a textbook to keep it from overheating, their empty bags of chips on the end table with their drinks, watching a fantastic movie that they both enjoyed.

And Taylor’s hand was lying on the bed only a couple of inches away from Garrett’s. And Garrett was resisting the urge with all his might not to reach out and hold it.

He’d always wanted to.

And here he was again, only a couple of inches away.

How the hell had he been able to last up until now?

Oh, that’s right, he hadn’t. That was why he’d started pushing Taylor away.

He’d wanted to stay with Taylor forever, but had been so scared that he might slip up and show Taylor what he was feeling and then lose him. But Garrett had tried too hard to keep his distance and had instead made Taylor think Garrett didn’t want to be friends at all.

Stupid, stupid Garrett.

He kept his hand exactly where it was.

Not this time, he told himself. No backing away.

“Pass my drink, Gar?” Taylor murmured in his ear, and Garrett flinched, flushing at what that voice could do to him in an instant, regardless of his good intentions.

“Yes, right away,” he said in a rush, shoving his thoughts away, and quickly handed Taylor his drink before grabbing and gulping down his own.

Come on, get it together. I’m just a friend, just a friend, just a friend.

Trying to think of anything but the closeness of Taylor`s body to his own, Garrett thought about his Nanna instead. She`d left that morning, “to prepare a few things” from her home but would be back the next day to help him get through this ‘transition’.

“Okay, Garrett, there are a few things I need to let you know. First, you are a witch.”

“Yeah, you told me that, but don’t you mean ‘wizard’?”

“No, a wizard is one who can wield his spirit to affect the environment around him, the stronger the spirit, the more he can affect, all with the use of his own will and generally focused by the incantation of old languages. But as a witch, we instead awaken the spirits of the objects around us, so can create potions and spells by adding ingredients together that may be benign to a wizard or a regular human being.”

“Okay…”

“You don’t have to understand everything all at once. And right now, I don’t think you should do anything about it at all. You are the same boy you were yesterday; you simply have more knowledge today. Witchcraft is something you learn over your lifetime, just like any other lifelong skill. We’ll take it step by step. Which brings me to my second point, it’s best not share being a witch or coming from the future with anyone.”

“You don’t have to tell me that again; I barely believe it myself. Why would I tell anyone else?”

“Good, because there are people that would use us if they could, and I’d like my favourite grandson to have a good life, where I don’t have to try and bust him out of some undercover government facility.”

“Wow. So, actually, I think I’ll just opt out—”

“Nope, it’s who you are, so just be smart about it.”

Taylor laughed next to Garrett, immediately pulling him out of his thoughts as his eyes glued to his friend’s grinning lips. When Taylor glanced over at him, Garrett jerked his gaze back to the computer screen and whipped a smile onto his face like he’d also found the scene funny. Thank goodness he’d seen the movie before, or he would be so lost right now.

Taylor leaned over and murmured happily in his ear, “You like it, right?” And Garrett nodded vigorously while pretending like he wasn’t getting thrills shooting through his body.

Mission Task Number One: Change our Watching Movies set up. This is way too dangerous.

“Garrett, Taylor!” They both startled as Lily’s voice came from just outside Garrett’s room. “Mom’s home!”

Breathing out a sigh of relief which he tried to make sound like regret, Garrett tapped the Spacebar on the laptop keyboard to pause the movie and practically leapt off the bed. “I’m going to cook supper tonight so if you want to keep watching, go ahead.” A little distance would probably be good right now.

But Taylor got off the bed, too, saying, “That’s all right, maybe I could help with something,” and followed him out to the kitchen.

“Hello, boys, what did you want for supper tonight?” Garrett’s mom asked as she washed her hands at the sink.

“Actually, I wanted to make supper tonight,” Garrett spoke up, moving to wash his hands as well. “I should get practicing now if I want to get anywhere as a chef after I graduate.”

His mom’s brows lifted into her wispy bangs, clearly not expecting his intentions, but she gestured toward the stove with a quirked smile. “By all means, Chef Garrett. I appreciate your offer.”

His mom was the quiet and serious type, and many times growing up Garrett thought that meant she didn’t care for them like he’d seen other moms care for their children. But now that he was older—or once was older—he’d come to realize that he simply hadn’t understood her that well.

Their dad passing when Garrett was ten had broken his mom, and though he and Lily had been heartbroken, too, lost and scared and not knowing what to do, his mom… she’d had to pull herself together far too quickly for their sake… He felt like he hadn’t really understood her until now. For a while they had done really poorly, living from paycheck to paycheck, and no one really talked to each other except in angry or sad whispers. Dad had always been the lively one… Garrett hadn’t known how to step up to that plate, and Lily wouldn’t have it even when he tried. It was Nanna selling her home and moving closer to help pick up the pieces that finally woke the family from their mourning darkness. Mom found the strength to get a higher paying job to support them all.

She didn’t have the friendly personality or smiles all day long that he'd once dreamed of, but she did care, and when he’d graduated and began his move to the city to go the chef’s school there, out of her savings she’d pulled enough to cover his entire tuition for the full time he’d be in school.

Now, Garrett wondered how he might help her be happier. If he was going to live this life again, shouldn`t he try to help his family, too?

Breathing in deeply, he grabbed the bag of ingredients he’d bought earlier at the convenience store and got to work. Time to show off his soon-to-be famous chicken stir-fry.

---

This is why I want to be a chef.

Garrett smiled to himself as he tucked the extra stir-fry into the fridge for his mom’s lunch tomorrow.

Good food brings people together.

Even Lily hadn’t been able to deny how good a meal he had cooked for them all. Taylor and his mom were visibly impressed, nodding along with the compliments each other put forward between bites.

Garrett sighed in contentment as he closed the fridge.

“So, you want to finish that movie?”

Garrett stiffened at Taylor’s voice too close behind him again.

He looked behind him to respond but was surprised to see that Taylor wasn’t too close at all, he was several feet away. It was just Garrett’s mind playing inappropriate games on him again. Stop that, brain. He willed away the flush in his cheeks as he shook his head.

“A-Actually, I was thinking of getting a head start on studying.” He definitely couldn’t watch a movie in that little room on that little bed with the subject of his intense affection any more today.

Taylor’s eyebrows shot up. “You want to study instead of watching a movie?”

Lily perked up from the table where her schoolwork was now laid out. “There’s no way that’s true,” she said, squinting her eyes at him. “What are you really planning on doing?”

Thankfully, his mother had gone to her office to do some paperwork, or he’d have expected her to raise the alarm, too. These people just knew the old him too well.

He tried to come up with something plausible. “Okay, fine, I…” Think, Garrett, think. “I have to get good grades to get into the West Institute culinary school so if I start now, I’ll—”

“What? West Institute? In the city?” Taylor interrupted, his brows furrowing. “You’re… moving away after school?”

The disbelieving tone in Taylor’s voice caused Garrett’s eyes to widen. s**t, what did I just say? He’d never made plans to leave town until after he and Taylor had stopped hanging out with each other. “I… uh… f-follow me,” Garrett grabbed Taylor’s arm and pulled him back to his room, so they could talk without his mother hearing or Lily continuing her unhelpful commentary.

When Garrett let go of Taylor in his room, he moved away toward the window, opening it for some fresh air and stalling so he could desperately try to think of something to explain himself.

“Why wouldn’t you tell me? When did you decide that you were going to leave?”

“It’s not something I decided yet it’s just something… I thought about,” Garrett tried to backpedal out of the situation, pushing his hands through his hair as he tried to make Taylor understand something he wasn’t even sure he’d go through with now. “I need good grades wherever I go, you know?” He tried shrugging, but his arms folded defensively as he backed up and leaned against his desk.

Taylor was silent, his arms folded as well he just stared at Garrett, frowning, like Garrett was betraying him and he just couldn’t believe it, and Garrett knew he had to fix his mistake quickly. He couldn’t let Taylor think that he was abandoning him! Not again!

“O-Okay, so I thought since there really isn’t much opportunity here, I’d have to go to the city, but … but maybe you… might c-come with me and we’d move in together and be roommates!” He rushed to say, and then bit his lip at his own words.

F*ck, did I just suggest that we should live together? You dummy! There’s no way you can live with him! But his heart wasn’t listening, because it knew the truth. He wanted to live with Taylor so much the idea was already making his body thrum from head to toe. And maybe if they were together, Garrett could keep Taylor from doing anything drastic. As long as he got past the day of Taylor’s death, they should be safe, right? Roommates would be the perfect way to make sure that nothing happened.

But you don’t want to just be roommates, do you? A little voice whispered in the back of his mind. But Garrett kicked its butt out of his head. Doesn’t matter; this is for Taylor!

Taylor was silent and Garrett snuck a glance behind him, but then Taylor smiled at him and Garrett was stripped of breath. “You know what,” Taylor began, nodding and then smiling even wider. “Yeah, all right, let’s do it. Let’s move in together after school. You do your chef school, and I’ll… do whatever the hell it is I’m going to do.”

Taylor came up and clapped Garrett on the shoulder, grinning at him. “You’ve got a deal.”

Then Taylor turned away and grabbed his bag from the floor by the bed. “Let’s get studying. And as a reward when we’re done, we can finish watching the movie.”

Garrett nearly collapsed to the floor right there and then. I’m going to be roommates with Taylor?! Then he realized what else Taylor had said and sputtered, “But it’s probably going to be really late after the studying, and we’re going to be so tired—”

“Yeah, I’ll call Mom now and let her know I’m staying over,” Taylor smiled again and walked toward him. Garrett froze, his heart leaping into his throat, but Taylor just grabbed the phone behind him on the desk and started to dial a number.

Garrett just managed to remain silent, getting out of the way and heading to the door, his fist shoved against his lips to keep himself from saying anything.

A sleepover with Taylor? After Taylor agreed to be his roommate? After they watched a movie that had Taylor laughing and whispering happy thoughts into Garrett’s ear?

This couldn’t be happening.

“I’ll just be saying goodnight to Mom then,” Garrett said in a rasp and slipped out of the room, closing the door shut behind him so he could take a moment to give a silent scream of part horror and part… extremely inappropriate excitement.

Oh damn, I’m so doomed.