Mentally in love

Lesley's POV: Hello, my name is Lesley Brooks. I am an eighteen-year-old girl who still lives with her parents. It's not like I have somewhere else to go. People with a lot of money might have many houses and apartments, but we don't. I don't think this is how you should waste them. Some people don't have what to eat, while others buy expensive things. I will never be able to understand them. It's my last year of high school, but I don't know if I will be able to survive. Lately, I haven't been well. Honestly, I have felt like that since I became a teenager. Maybe it's because of the hormones, but I have no idea how long I can do it. My parents are always around me to be sure I have everything I need. I appreciate it, but it's not helping. I'm not sure what is happening to me. I always feel like people are watching and judging me. This might not be true. I don't even go out as much as I used to. I feel safe when I'm at home. It's not like I should stay there all the time. That's why I go to school. That is how I met my best friend. Back then, I was only thirteen. I had no idea who this boy was, but what got my attention was where I met him. Sadly, I will never be able to see him anymore. I think he had the same problems I have now. I wish he had been here so he could help me. The question is about who wanted to help him. I don't know why he did that, but it wasn't good. For some reason, I got attached to him. He told me many things about life. I understood everything without why he said all this. Maybe he wanted to warn me. Whatever it is, I can't ask him anymore. It's too late. I wish he hadn't done it, but I can't do anything. I mean, I can't go back in time to stop him. No matter the fact, I would love it. I hope that I won't end this way. My senior year will start soon. I don't even want to go to school anymore. There is no point. I'm trying to have good grades, but it's hard. Lately, I can't even concentrate. My negative thoughts have taken over. If Dean had been here, he would've helped me. I'm sure about that. Sadly, it will never happen. Maybe I have to go and see him today. I'm trying not to go often because I always end up crying. He used to be a stranger but became my best friend. I will never forget all the things he said to me. I woke up and got dressed. Later, I went to eat. I'm not hungry, but I'll eat something. That's why I took an apple. I'm eating more at dinner when my parents are at home. Otherwise, they'll start talking about my weight. That is the last thing I want to discuss with them. When I finished eating, I walked to a flower shop. I don't think boys like flowers, but I always leave something when I see him. Later, I walked to the cemetery. There was only one lady at the entrance. From her, I bought candles. - Take the lighter. It's a bit windy. You might consider putting the candles at the back. - I will, thanks. I walked to his grave and sat down. The lady wasn't wrong. It's windy. I put the candles at the back and the flowers in front. Things are not the same without him. - Hey, it's me again. I don't know if you still remember me, but I do. You left me without saying anything. If you had a problem, you could've shared it with me. I was only thirteen, but I could've helped you. Maybe I wasn't your friend, but you were mine. I miss you so much. I would do anything to hug you one last time. I think it's time for me to tell you how we met. The story is not long or that interesting, but I always remember it. This was one of the best things that happened to me. ~FLASHBACK~ My last class for the day is PE. I don't understand why mister Johnson wants us to run for so long. I'm only in seventh grade. I can't run that fast. Well, some of my classmates can. - Come on, Brooks. Even a turtle is faster than you. - I'm trying my best. - Well, it's not enough. Move your legs. It was a sign of relief when this class finished. No offense to the teacher, but I don't like him. Also, he is looking at me weirdly. I hope that he won't do anything to me. Of course, I have talked with my parents about that. Mom said he wouldn't do anything to me and that I was worrying too much. After all, he is a teacher. I decided to believe her. It was sunny, so I decided to take the long way home. The trees were so pretty. Since I was five, I wanted to climb one. Well, my mom never let me. According to her, I will fall and hurt myself. That might happen, but I'll be careful. I was walking on the sidewalk when I saw a boy on a tree. That made me jealous. Why can he climb there and I can't? He is not better than me. Well, my parents are not here. With my backpack on my back, I climbed there as well. Everything looks so different from here. It's like a whole new world. I love it. - Hi, I'm Lesley. - What? Who are you? - I told you my name. - How did you get here? - With my legs and arms. You don't look very clever. - Very funny. I think you shouldn't be here. - Why? I always wanted to climb a tree. - There are many. Why did you choose this one? - Because I saw you here and got jealous. Won't your parents get mad if they see you here? - Why? I can do whatever I want. - Lucky you. Mom will kill me. - I see you are coming from school. - Yes, I do. I'm sorry about the smell. I had PE. - I don't smell anything. Except for something light. - That's because I use a vanilla body spray. Check it out. - I said and sprayed him - Get this thing out of me. - Why? It smells so good. - Yes, for a girl. That's such a weak sense. - Weak? What do you mean? - It's only for girls. Boys don't wear stuff like that. - What do you wear? - Now, nothing. I have a perfume at home. - Cool. How long are you here? - I don't know. Shouldn't you be at home? - Yes, but it's sunny. I wanted to be outside. - Haven't your parents told you not to talk with strangers? - Yes, but I know you won't do anything to me. - Why are you so sure? - Because if you try something, both of us will fall. - I have no problem with that. - But I do. I don't want my mom to get mad. - Look, kid. Go home. - Why? I want to stay here. - Then, choose another tree. - Don't you like my company? I'm trying to be nice to you. - How old are you? - Thirteen. - I am eighteen. Why don't you talk with people your age? - I do this every day at school. Don't you want me to be here? - Do you ever stop asking questions? - I'm quiet when I eat. - Oh, great. You are a bit annoying, you know? - I have heard that. - Whoever told you this wasn't wrong. - I didn't do anything to you. I should say you are not good at first impressions. - I never tried to be. Will you leave me alone now? - No, I want to talk with you. - Why? You can go to play some games or do your homework. - You can't tell me what to do. - You are unbelievable. - Thank you. Mom says it all the time. - Do you even know what it means? - Of course, I do. - I won't be so sure. - Why are you here alone? Don't you have friends? - I don't want to be with them right now. - Are you fighting? - Will this be your last question? - I don't know. Will you be my friend? - What? No. You are thirteen. - So what? Please. I can make your mood better. - You can't do that. - I don't think you know me. - Because I don't. - I have a new friend. Yay! - No, you don't. - he said, and I heard my phone - It's my mom. I have to go home. Will I see you again? - What is wrong with you? - Nothing. Tomorrow I will come here again. I want to see you on the tree. - Don't you want too much? - No, I don't. Bye. I'll see you tomorrow. - Bye. That won't happen. - he said, and I left I'm sure he will be here tomorrow. I walked home and saw my mom waiting for me. She always gets worried that something might happen to me. I told her why I was late. Again, she told me not to talk with strangers. I promised her that he didn't do anything to me. Also, I think he has other problems to worry about instead of messing with me. ~END OF FLASHBACK~ I stayed at the cemetery for a while. Sometimes, I sit here and tell him stories about my day or what I have been doing. Let's say that I feel comfortable talking with him. If I tell my parents these things, they will get worried. - Look, I'm not good. Now I understand why you told me all these things back then. I feel the same way as you. I have no idea how it happened, but I have tried what you did. The difference is that someone always saves me. I want to come and visit you, but no one will let me. I wish you were here so I could hug you. That is the only thing I want. You are my friend, and I care about you. Maybe one day we can see each other. I have to go now, but I'll see you soon. I promise. - I said and left I didn't want to go, but that way was better. Otherwise, I know what will happen. I don't know who his parents are, but they probably don't come as often as me. I walked around the town before I went home. Seeing people happy makes me wonder if I will ever be. It doesn't look possible for me. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve it. Maybe it's not true, but my feelings always play games with me. That's why I'm not in a good mood most of the time. After some time, I went home. My parents were working in the kitchen. They always have a lot of work. I try not to bother them with my problems. That's why I keep some things for myself. I want to sit with them, but they look busy. - Hey, honey. How are you today? - my mom asked - I'm fine. - Did something happen? You are upset. - No, everything is good. - You went there, didn't you? - Yes, I did. - I told you to stop going that often. - But he was my friend. - I know, but this only makes you feel bad. Honey, you can't bring him back. - Can we not talk about this now? - Ok, ok. Your dad and I have some work to do. I'll make dinner later. - Take your time. I'm not hungry. - Did you eat something today? - Yes, I did. - She is lying. - my dad said - Lesley, you have to eat. - I'll be in my room if you need me. Here is one thing about my parents. They have never seen my best friend. The reason is that we always talked outside. Dean didn't like being around people. Well, that didn't stop me. I kept bugging him for a long time. We were in the hospital when I found out about him, but they didn't see him. The doctors didn't want to let me in. Our last conversation was when I saw him. It's like yesterday when we met. I can't believe that almost five years have passed. I laid down on my bed. I don't want to do anything. After some time, my mom called me for dinner. - Here you go. I want you to at all of it. - Mom, that is too much. - It's not. Eat it. Your stomach is empty. - You don't know that. - Honey, you haven't eaten a whole day. I don't think it will be full of food. - Ok, ok. I will eat some of it. - All. - I'll try. - Did you do something else? The weather was nice today. - my dad said - Not really. I spent there almost the entire afternoon. I know what you will say, but keep the words to yourself. I don't want to hear them. That became too often. - What do you tell him that you can't tell us? If you have a problem, you can share it with us. We'll help you. - Mom, I'm fine. - It doesn't look like that. I haven't seen you happy in a long time. - Please, I don't want to talk about this. - Ok, but this is not the end. - I know. I ate some of the food on my plate. Then I walked to my room. I'm not in the mood for anything. Honestly, this had been my mood for the past couple of months. I have no idea what happened to me. I used to be a happy kid. Well, not anymore. I took my headphones and played some music from my phone. It's not helping, but I don't want to do anything else. Soon, I felt a hand on the top of my head. It was my dad. - Hey. - Hi. - You can talk to me. - Not now, dad. Please. - Lesley, you can't run away from your problems. Also, bottling your feelings won't help you either. - I don't need another lecture. - This is not a lecture. I only want to help you. - But you can't. No one can. - Even your best friend? - What? - I'm sure he can't help you. - It's too late for that. He is gone. - I'm sorry about that. Look at it from the positive side. He is in a better place now. - He didn't even think of me and left me alone. - That is not true. He will always be here. - my dad said and pointed to my heart - I don't believe in these things. Dad stayed with me for a while. Mostly, he was talking. I have nothing to tell him. I want all of this to end. School won't help me, but at least it can distract me for a while. It's not like people talk with me. That way is better. Otherwise, someone will ask what is going on. I don't want to explain my problems to everyone. This is something personal. I might have talked with Dean, but I was a little girl. For some reason, I believed that he wouldn't hurt me. It turned out to be true. He has never touched me except for a hug. It's like a fresh memory. I hope that one day, we can meet again.