The Silencer

My heart aches, I feel numb and I can't even breathe! Feel na feel ko pa pagkakasalampak ng upo ko dito sa bench sa loob ng mini forest ng campus namin, while the cold wind blows dried my tears away. My chest numbed in pain and I can't even stop my tears from flowing. My sight was blurry. Hindi talaga ako makapaniwala na sasaktan ako ng hinayupak na 'yon! Kenjie Franco was my first love, my first boyfriend. And now, my first heartbreak! Two months niya akong niligawan. For Pete's sake! Kahit gustong-gusto ko na siya, pinatagal ko pa ‘yong panliligaw niya. Two months was too long enough para malaman ko kung seryoso siya sa'kin. Kung mahal niya rin ba ako? And for me to know how far he would do just to have me. And when I finally said yes to him, we spend four months together. We were happy...or I thought we were? But just like other assholes out there, he throws away the time we spent together right through my face! I thought he loved me? But did he even love me? I think he never loved me! He cheated on me! I can't believe he could do this to me. But I just saw him with that famous campus' naughtiest girl! They were intimate and making out in the old-abandoned stock room. I saw them with my bare eyes! I was shocked as hell when I saw them. But the heck! He wasn't even guilty that I caught them. Shiittt lang! Hindi man lang pumiyok ang hayop, nang sinabi niya sa'kin na matagal na silang may relasyon! Halos sabay lang pala kami ng malanding higad na ‘yon! I was ready to forgive him, basta ipangako niya lang sa'kin na hindi na mauulit ‘yon. I even told him I can give him what he wants. I can give him my body and soul. Kaya ko rin ibigay sa kanya ang ginagawa ng bimbo na 'yon! Kaya kong magpaka-martyr piliin niya lang ako! But my world suddenly falls because of what he said to me. "It's not just lusting Maja, the 'thing' between us is beyond that. I'm so sorry Maja, I thought I love you. I mistook infatuation to love. I should've corrected my mistake before. But it was too late, kasi sinagot mo na 'ko. And then you were too happy, and I didn't have the balls to take back what I had said before. Ayokong masaktan ka. Kaya kahit tayo na, naging kami pa rin ni Siri. She knows about us, and she understands. Because she knows that it was her, the only one that I love..." Para akong nasapak dahil sa sinabi niyang ‘yon. I started to cry in front of them. I know hindi dapat ako nagpakita ng kahinaan sa kanila. Pero masakit kasi! Ako pa pala ang naging malaking hadlang sa kanila! He fuckin' loves her! They f*****g love each other! Shittt talaga! Before I breakdown, I run fast, as far as I could and my feet brought me here to the mini forest—back part of the campus. Ang gasgas na ng eksenang ‘to sa MMK at Magpakailanman! Sawang-sawa na ang mga tao kakapanood sa mga ganitong eksena. Pero di ko naman akalain na mangyayari rin sa 'kin ‘to? Di man lang ako na inform na masakit pala kapag nalaman mong niloko at hindi ka talaga minahal ng taong mahal mo? I was sobbing while my tears were like waterfalls flowing in my eyes. I even tapped my chest from time to time because it's hard for me to breathe. I couldn't take it anymore! "You should've rest. Kanina ka pa umiiyak diyan. 'Di ba nangangawit panga mo kakangawa?" said a voice suddenly speaks behind me. I forced myself to look back. I gasped when I saw Bernardo Duques—my cousin's best friend—looking at me like I'm a piece of dirt. Annoyance is written all over his face. "Bee..." I said. "Anong ginagawa mo dito? You shouldn't be here, uwian na 'di ba?" I wiped my tears. He shrugged and sit beside me. "Same to you. Di mo siguro ako napansin, pero mas nauna ako sa'yo dito. At kanina pa kita tinitingnan lang habang nagngangawa. Mga thirty minutes na rin 'yon." Sabi niya habang nakatingin sa wrist watch niya. I sighed. And didn't speak again. Hindi na ako na ako ngumangawa. Pero tumutulo pa rin luha ko. And then I felt the back of his palm wiping my tears. "Even if you're beautiful while you cry, still, I don't like to see you like that," pabulong niyang sabi. I stare at him. Then my tears stop to fall. He sighed. "Care to tell me what happened?" I didn't speak, I was just staring at him. "Come on? Speak up! Or else, I will call your cousin that you're terribly crying here. And you know him, he's very protective to you. He will mess up who did this to you even if you won't tell me now, he’ll find it out! " I glare at him and sigh as a sign of defeat. Ah... Bee 'the blackmailer', how could I forget about that? And then a little while, I found myself telling him my story. I told him everything, wala akong itinago. Maya't-maya panay tulo ‘yong luha ko, pero pinipigilan ko. Hanggang sa na tuyo na lang mata ko. "That bastard!" sigaw niya nang matapos kong maikwento sa kanya lahat. Nagulat ako nang bigla na lang siyang tumayo at nagshadow boxing sa harap ko. I wanted to laugh seeing him like that. But I just bit my tongue, for me not to laugh for he was sick mad! "Bee..." tawag ko sa kanya. "What are you doing?" Then he stopped while catching his breath. His face was red and he's really mad! Magkasalubong ang kilay niyang humarap sa 'kin. "I want to kill that asshole! Sasabihin ko 'to kay Keith para pagtulungan namin ang hayop na ‘yon!" "No!" agap ko sa kanya. "Please don't tell Kuya Keith, he'll be so mad! And I know both of you, you'll do anything just to get even. But I won't allow you!" I freaked out. He glared at me like I'm a fat lice that he wants to smash down. "Oh god, babe! Don't tell me ipagtatanggol mo pa ang ulol na ‘yon?" I sighed. Oo nga pala, ‘babe’ ang tawag niya sa 'kin. Abnormal kasi isang 'to, pinatulan kasi pagpi-pair up sa'min ni Kuya Keith—na isa ring abnoy. "I didn't say that!" I snapped. "Alam ko na ipagtatanggol ninyo ko. To the point na bugbugin niyo siya. But I can't let that happen. Graduating na kayo months from now, baka ma expell kayo. Running with honors pa naman kayo kahit ang gagago ninyo!" "I don't care! And for sure Keith wouldn't mind being kicked out to this school just to get rid of that asshole!" he snapped back. I can't believe this man! Di ko alam kung matutuwa ba ko sa kanya o ano? "Bee, di ka naman nakikinig eh!" I already crossed my arm on my chest. "Bawal nga kayong makipagbasag-ulo! Graduating na kayo. Hindi ako papayag na ma kick-out kayo ng dahil sa 'kin!" I said. "Babe, di ka rin nakikinig eh..." pantay ang dalawang kilay niyang nakatingin sa'kin. "Sabi ko wala akong pakialam!" "Ang kulit mo naman eh! Kaunti na lang, sasapakin na kita! Nagagalit na ko sa'yo!" sigaw ko, napipikon na ko sa kanya. He freezes and sighs, then takes again his seat next to mine. "I'm mad Majalina, I am very mad with your ex-boyfriend!" he said. "But I can't stand knowing you'll be mad at me. Please don't be mad." Then he caressed my head. "Intindihin mo kasi, alam kong galit ka. Pero hindi ibig sabihin no’n papairalin mo pagiging dugong berdugo mo. Ikapapahamak mo 'yan pagdating ng araw. Ayokong mapahamak kayo ni Kuya Keith ng dahil sa 'kin. Kaya ko naman eh..." Alam kong totohanin niya ang sinasabi niya. Kilala ko 'tong kumag na 'to, padalus-dalos 'to lagi. "Isa pa, kahit galit ako kay Kenjie hindi mo pa rin maaalis sa'kin ang mag-alala sa kanya. Mahal ko ‘yon eh. Kahit na niloko niya ko, he was nice to me. Hindi siya nag-take advantage sa'kin. He never kissed me—on the lips I mean. He just kissed me on the cheek or on my forehead…a sign of respect he said. Mabait na tao naman si Kenjie, gago nga lang kasi hindi niya sinabi sa 'kin ‘yong totoo at pinagsabay pa kami ng malanding Siri na ‘yon!" His features softened and smiled at me. "Kahit pala gago ‘yon, may ginawa pa ring tama sa buhay!" I gave him a questioning look. Then he wrapped me in his arms and whispered. "I am delighted he didn't kiss you. Kasi ako lang dapat ang gagawa no’n!" Binatukan ko siya, pero hindi man lang tinablan ang loko! "Umayos-ayos ka Bernardo ha! Alam kong may pagnanasa ka sa 'kin pero wag mo namang isipang halayin ako dito!" biro ko. He chuckled and hugged me tightly. "Hindi ko gagawin 'yon babe, sa ngayon. Though someday, I'll ravish that edible lips of yours. If I already have the rights." "Hmmm...Koya wag po! Hende po ako lalaban." I gigled and he chuckled. Iyon na lang sinabi ko, kasi alam kong joke niya lang 'yon. Pero sa totoo lang kinabahan ako dahil sa sinabi niya. Parang seryoso kasi siya nang sinabi niya ‘yon. Dahan-dahan akong kumawala sa pagkakayakap niya. "Uwi na tayo?" he asked. I nod and stand up. He grabbed my bag in his left hand and put it on his shoulder and let his other hand hold my left hand. This is the first time he did this to me. Yung HHWW, holding hands while walking may pa sway-sway pa! I felt warmth in my heart. Because of this man beside me, I forgot that I was crying a while ago. Even for just a little while, I forgot I was breaking inside.