Risky Layers

DEATH AND BIRTH

Doug, my security hands me my phone as I lie on the chaise lounge catching my breathe from swimming for 30 laps, this better be important; well, only three people have access to my direct line, Zena, My Coach then my father who would rather opt for sending me an email or a voice note. It was like Ace died with physical touch and deep conversations, my father never remained the same then my mum died two years later and he locked out the world except his business and his second son.

‘Hi Jared, is everything set?’

‘Yes Angel, we finish the media tour tomorrow and we leave with two days interval in between us’

‘Can’t wait’ She needs to satisfy this s****l tension that has grown worse over the course of 3 weeks before facing the real world.

‘We should talk about this being goodbye’

‘Don’t push it Jared, tennis was what brought us together and I am retiring to concentrate on other things’

‘I can be part of those other things Angel’

‘You know I am moving back to Canada, permanently right?’

She hears him sigh, she knows Jared wants more in fact he has dropped hints over the course of the year-he got her expensive gifts, made their getaways extra adventurous, tried to fulfil all her fantasies but it was not going to work. She doubts she was capable of commitment; she was too independent and spontaneous and she loved her space.

‘See you tomorrow A’

‘Yea’

I ended the call, only to see an email notification pop up my screen, it was from Frank; my tutor from my home-schooling days, an uncle, my next of kin, thorough business partner and a fussy pain in my ass. It was his wedding invite, finally the genius has found true love, he always said he would never settle for anything less that perfection-I doubt anyone can be perfect. I should be back in Canada just in time for the wedding, I RSVPed and held out the phone to Doug.

I leaned back and soaked up the sun and all I can think of was the past, I have been doing that a lot lately, a normal girl would be thinking of her booty call with Jared. It’s interesting how I have only been with 3 men my whole life asides from the fact that mum instilled so much health topics around s*x from age nine, I did not want anyone close to me-over the years I have concluded people leave you whether physically, emotionally or both. I refuse to invest so much emotions in people-only Zena, we’ve been through the world’s craziness together, she helped me through Ace’s death, mum’s death, kicked my junkie ass though she had some help from Frank for the junkie part and gave me the gift of tennis. I am forever indebted to her; I think she is the only one that can hurt me right now and I know she will not.; I can’t give a stranger that power over me.

Ace died and I embraced tennis, I made the top ten at my first tennis tournament at ‘Les Petit As’ in France when I was thirteen. Mum went with me and I had the time of my life; I told her I did not want to go with a coach just for us to have enough girl time. So, the coach watched and he called later to give me points and feedbacks, if I had my coach, I would definitely win the tournament. I look back and I am glad it was majorly a daughter-mother vacay because it was fun and we shared so many life lessons, we got back to Canada and eased back into our family life, mum goes to work, dad traveled more though spends quality time with mum as much as he can, I got my high school diploma then started learning coding and practicing for the Junior Orange bowl to be held later in the year.

We were also excited about a baby brother, mum froze her eggs at the age of forty-two, left to her she was fine with her smart baby girl but dad wanted them to try for another baby and he hoped it could be a boy. Mum had terrible experiences with her two pregnancies and she was hoping to use a surrogate, after several attempts and a viable egg later, the surrogate got implanted. There was going to be a new addition to the family just in time for Christmas and I was excited! At exactly 6 weeks to my birthday, mum went for the fifth monthly medical check with the surrogate at her hospital and slumped on their way out of the doctor’s office-five horrific days and several tests later, they discovered she had ovarian cancer; mum never joked with her annual routine medical test every last week in October but for some reason no one saw this coming. It was stage two, mum had fore sight to freeze her eggs at forty-two and now she has to undergo surgery which majorly includes hysterectomy. I thought she could do it; she was always strong and she really wanted to be home for my birthday and strong enough for when the baby will be born. She had the surgery exactly one week after she slumped, the surgery was supposed to be successful, she had the best hands attending to her but she died. That was the only time I saw my dad for seven days at a stretch and that was the worse I had seen him, he was at the hospital every day, helping her, reading to her, sleeping by her side and holding her hands till she drew her final breath. He did not leave the house for two good months after her death and then he was gone until the hospital called him that Ade Cole was born.

I did not cry, I was in denial, I still am, daddy cremated her and put her in the most beautiful urn I had ever seen. I went about my life, coding and training, I woke up one morning and it was Ace’s second year anniversary and he would have been seventeen in July-I screamed until my vocal cords were sore. Dad was holding me by the time I was done screaming, that was the closest he has held me since Ace died, then I let it all out. After what seems like a life time of crying, he walked to the bathroom, filled my bathe tub and led me there, I slowly pulled off my night wear and stepped into the tub, he knelt beside me and held my hand. It was the most soothing experience ever and it is still my best relaxing and thinking mode.  

I missed the Junior Orange bowl that year, I stopped coding, training, I pushed Zena away who had started playing tennis professionally so she had limited time for social calls-I became a dead girl walking, my dad thinks I go to the library for my classes but I end up downtown walking aimlessly for hours. Tennis helped me lose those baby fats and I evolved into a medium size fast growing teenager, I usually had shades and a wig on so I could pass for at least seventeen. Then I ended up experimenting with cannabis and a funny looking pill, I got hooked for 10 weeks before anyone noticed.

Ade Cole came home at three months and 6 days after mum’s death, dad hired a live-in nanny to look after him full time; I think he took a paternity leave because he was home till mid-January. I never wanted to see the baby, I never wanted to get to know him, one more death and I will go over the edge. Dad has been home for close to three weeks but we just saw from afar, I left the house at noon got back at dusk, took my food to the room, smoked and slept. I had been thinking about Christmas all week, the house was not decorated and it just emphasized the reality that mum was gone. My new friend downtown noticed I had been crying instead of ‘chilling’.

‘Do you want to try the harder stuff? Just on me for tonight’ she slurred

I did not say a word, I took the crack from her and smoked it; I cannot remember how long I smoked it or what happened anymore but the last thing I saw was my dad as I slipped out of consciousness. I ended up in the hospital, apparently, I was 4 hours late and I was not picking my calls, it was after this I knew my mum put a tracker on my phone. If only my dad cared enough, he would have known about my location for the past 10 weeks.

I was discharged after 7 days, Zee was with me every day but I would not talk to her, my dad just came to check on me once and he came to pick me up on the day I was discharged, instead of taking me home, he dropped me off at a rehab at the out sketch of town. I never got the parental long speech, sometimes I wish I had, it would have shown he cared. He checked me in and just said;

‘Your life is in your hands, mould it the way you want genius’