TRADING SECRETS

CHAPTER 2: THE DAMAGING DESIRE

“F*ck! What the heck Elish?” sigaw ni Jare sabay sipa ng malakas sa kanyang kotse. Kakagaling niya lang sa isang matinding argumento kay Elish. Matapos nilang mapag-usapan ang kadalasang pagseselos at paghihigpit nito ay kaagad nag walk out si Elish. Ayaw na ayaw ni Jare na nakikipagbarkada si Elish, masyado itong mahigpit sa kanya. He wanted Elish to update him even the small things. This made Elish feel suffocated.

“I want you to be safe Elish, that’s why I’m doing this. Don’t you understand that?” Isa sa mga nabitawang rason ni Jare habang nag-uusap sila kanina. That’s really the truth, but his ways are seem leading to the wrong path.

“Why am I in danger when I’m with friends Jare? They are my friends.” Sagot naman ni Elish sa kanya.

“That’s the point! You seem so confident about your friends! Why? Grabe naman tiwala mo sa kanila, bakit ha? May hindi ba ako nalalaman? Sino nga ulit ‘yong kaibigan mong ‘yon? Si Hajz ba ‘yon? Ano nililigawan ka ba no’n?”

“Oh my God Jare! What are you thinking? You’re back with that insanity again!”

“Eh bakit pinagtatanggol mo pa sila ha? Bakit kapag tinatawagan kita kung kasama mo sila di mo sinasagot? May tinatago ka ba?” patuloy pa rin na pagrarason ni Jare na nagbigay naman ng init ng ulo kay Elish.

“I don’t really know what to do with that behavior Jare! Hindi ba ako pwedeng magkaroon ng quality time sa mga friends ko? Palagi na lang tayong ganito. Ilang beses na akong nagpapaliwanag sa’yo pero di pa rin mawala sa isip mo yang mga pagdududa mo. Have you ever proven your doubts about me, huh? You have not, for goodness’ sake Jare! So please stop this nonsense and let’s just have peace in this relationship.”

“Peace? I’ll have peace of mind if you stop being friends with that guy, Elish.”

“See? You are insisting on this again! You already know that it won’t happen Jare.”

“Bakit ba kasi sobrang hirap mong iwan ang mga kaibigan mong ‘yan? They are f*cking useless Elish! Wala silang maaambag sa relasyon natin, they’ll f*cking ruin us!”

“Jare!” sigaw ni Elish na nagdulot ng mga mapanghusgang tingin sa ibang taong kumakain sa restaurant.

“Can you please stop? You’re being unreasonable and immature again!” sabay usog ng upuan para makaalis sa hapag kainan. Elish immediately heads out of the restaurant. She felt the rush of Jare following her, but she wouldn’t stop right now. She just wants to leave this suffocating place.

“f**k Elish! f**k! Why won’t you f*****g listen to me?”

Padabog na binuksan ni Jare ang pinto ng kanyang sasakyan at nagmanehong puno ng galit ang kanyang isipan at puso. Kung pwede niya lang sundan si Elish sa bahay nila ay ginawa na niya, pero he’s also aware that his parents thought that their relationship is going smoothly. He can feel that Elish’s parents approved him to be her husband. He really tried hard pleasing them and showing them all his good sides. He’s scared that they will find out what a hidden asshole he is. That he’s dominating.

“Answer me, Elish! Damn you! Answer me!” gigil na gigil na sigaw ni Jare ng makarating ito sa kanyang kwarto at paulit-ulit na tinatawagan si Elish. Ngunit sa kabila nito ay wala pa rin siyang natanggap na sagot kay Elish. Alam na alam ni Jare na hindi niya kayang nagagalit sa kanya si Elish. Gusto niya ito palaging nakikita at nakakausap. Ayaw niya na nag-aaway sila at hindi nag-uusap, pero he repeatedly acts that way. He just can’t stop himself.

Maagang nagising si Jare upang bumili ng flowers at humingi ng tawad kay Elish. He will go to her working space. He knows that she’s busy painting these past few days. He will go there and beg for forgiveness. He knows that he’ll be forgiven. He fixes himself physically and he wants to impress Elish again. He wants to prove himself again like what he’s always doing.

After few hours, he found himself standing in front of Elish’s working space. He presses the doorbell. No one’s answering. He presses again. No one opens it.

“Is she not here?” He immediately searches his pocket for his phone. He tries calling her. Still, there’s no response. It’s when he’s about to walk away and Elish’s figure faces him.

“Elish? Thanks goodness. You’re there. Can we please talk?”

“There’s nothing to talk about right now Jare, go home,” Elish answered and walked towards the door of her working area to open it while passing Jare.

“No, Elish. Please, let’s talk. I know I’m wrong.” Sabay hawak ni Jare sa kanyang braso upang pigilan ito na makapasok.

“Jare, please. I need time to think and reflect. Please do the same.”

“Yeah, I know. I know that I’m wrong, so I’m very sorry. Here, I bought you flowers. They are what you like, right?”

Parang maluluha ng sambit ni Jare. Mahal na mahal niya talaga si Elish and he wants her so bad. He can’t sleep well thinking that Elish is mad at him.

“Elish, please, I’m begging you. Forgive me again this time.” Tuluyan na itong lumuhod sa harapan ni Elish. Bigla namang nakaramdam ng kirot sa kanyang puso si Elish ng makita niya ang namumuong luha sa mata ni Jare.

“Jare, tumayo ka diyan. You don’t need to do that.”

Dahan-dahan namang tumayo si Jare at hinawakan ang kamay ni Elish.

“Are you forgiving me now, babe? Please. I’m really sorry, babe.” Paglalambing nito kay Elish na lalong nagpatay ng apoy ng galit na namumuo sa puso ni Elish para sa kanya. Alam ni Elish na mangyayari ulit ito. It’s like a cycle. A loop that makes it hard for her to come out. Jare will do something bad. He will beg for forgiveness and she will give him another chance.

“Yes, babe. Please, don’t do this again.” And here she is again, reminding him. This exact line is losing its value when said many times, but still repeats. The word, “sorry” is becoming cheaper and cheaper. It is losing its value. Pero ganoon na talaga siguro ang takbo ng kanyang buhay. She got used to it. Sa loob ng 9 years ay natutunan niya na lang na maging manhid sapagkat wala na naman siyang kawala sa kamay ni Jare. She’ll accept everything and hope for a change. If they’ll get married next year, happiness is still not yet guaranteed.

“Thanks, babe. I miss you so much. I love you, babe.” Sabay lapit ng kanyang mukha at hawak sa pisngi ni Elish.

“I miss you, babe.” He whispered on her neck, letting her feel how much he longed for her. He slowly touched her lips and pressed his lips on it.

“I’m sorry.” He, then, pressed his lips harder to her lips and dominated her. He pushed the door hard and made their way to the sofa. He is still kissing her passionately, feeling every inch of her skin. They found themselves feeling the warmth of each other’s bodies.

“I won’t let you go, Elish. You’re mine now and you’re mine forever.” Sambit ni Jare habang pinagmamasdan ang nakatulog na si Elish. Ang kanyang mapupulang pisngi, malalambot na labi, ang mahaba niyang itim na buhok na nag-iiwan sa kanya ng isang halimuyak na ninanais niyang sa kanya lamang.

END OF CHAPTER 2