Your Voice (G x G)

3

I still couldn’t figure out why Ms. Blake was being so hard on me, I wasn’t doing anything wrong. A few days have passed after our talk in the hallway. I couldn’t say I was at peace with the whole situation and to be honest, I felt worse. Jill and I were having our usual BFFWT which stands for best friends forever weekly Thursdays. She has picked up acronym tricks from Tamara on Awkward. We were watching reruns of the show and Jill was getting so pumped up.

“Ugh, I hated it when Jenna turned into a weed-smoking bitch.”

“Mmm-hmm,” I mumble, pushing in a spoonful of cookies n’ cream ice cream. After the soft cream’s taste had gone I say, “Switch.” She hands me over her cookie dough ice cream flavor and I hand her the cookies n’ cream. “I like this better.” On the corner of my eye, I see the redhead nod in agreement.

Jill suddenly gasps, “Hey you forgot to tell me about your summer fling! Gosh why haven’t you followed me up on that?” My body suddenly stiffens and I force a giggle.

“It wasn’t much of a big deal, Jill. I’m actually over it.” I was surprised of how calmly I delivered that because the truth was I was far from over Ms. Blake and her ignorant ways.

“Well I’m clearly not Allie, come on we tell each other everything.” We hear the front door unlock, stumbling from it was my mother. Right as she entered, the room instantly reeked of alcohol—it was 6pm for crying out loud, she was drunk at 6. P. M.

She unsteadily walks to us and as she successfully does so, she hangs her arms on the couch we were sitting on. “Hello darlings.” The breath coming out from her mouth was more hateful than the previous smell.

As I breathed through my mouth to let out the stench, I say, “Okay mom, you’re going to bed.” I was quite thankful for the distraction. I couldn’t handle Jill confronting me like that; I wasn’t sure how I would deliver everything that’s happened.

I tuck mom in bed and before I leave, she tells me something that makes me stop in place, “I love you, Alisa. You’re my wonderful baby. You always will be.” Her words came out slurry and I doubted she knew what was happening. How drunk are you, mom? I thought to myself.

“Well, after years of tucking my mom in when she’s drunk, this is the first time she’s told me I love you.” It was quite mind boggling for me.

“Huh,” Jill furrows her eyebrows, “at least she did. And I think she means it.” I shrug and we return to watching Awkward in silence.

When the next day came, I expected to see mom sprawled out her bed until noon. To my surprise, she was up before I was and the table and breakfast were already made. “Wow, what’s with the feast?” There were four different plates on the table, one with toasted bread, the other with bacon, another was eggs, and the fourth plate was filled with pancakes. The servings didn’t fit for the two of us, it was too much.

“Nothing, I just thought I would make you breakfast.” Her smile was genuinely beautiful, something I haven’t seen in a long time. Her brown hair has been showing signs of grey, and the sides of her eyes were faint wrinkles. Time was coming up to her fast and I’ve just noticed it now.

I let her be kind to me that morning, she even offered to drive me to school. I was literally going crazy seeing my mom—the mom who dated a lot and criticized me mentally—be like this. It was like she was another person. Though the gesture of driving me was much appreciated, I declined, being eighteen means being able to drive myself to school.

Ruffling up my bag, I readied to head out. Mom gave me a kiss on the cheek then she faced me, putting strands of hair behind my ear then retreated to her bedroom. I smiled to myself, surprised of her actions. *Riiiiiing* There goes the telephone to wake me out of bliss.

I grabbed the phone as quickly as I could, “Hello, Collins residence.” My tone was warm and unreal, I chuckled to myself.

“Hello, may I speak to Alisa Collins, please.” My brows furrowed, I told the caller that it was she who was speaking, “Ah, hello Ms. Collins, this is Ms. Rivers.”

“Hi Ms. Rivers, I hope you bring good tidings.” It was startling to know that Ms. Rivers was calling me from home.

“Yes, well, I visited the science club yesterday and it has come to my attention that you have been missing meetings regarding the Science fair preparations.”

Now I was even more confused, “Science fair preparations? Meetings? I don’t think any of those have taken place, Ms. Rivers.”

“Hmm?” The old lady grunts, “I asked Ms. Blake where you were and she said she couldn’t speak on your behalf,” I breathed out a sigh, I can’t believe they were having meetings without me! I thought. “I suggest you keep up with Ms. Blake’s schedule and indulge in the preparations. I’m counting on seeing you next time, goodbye.”

Without even saying goodbye back, I hung up the phone and angrily stomped out the door.

First period has never gone by so slowly. My head was definitely not in the lecture but in Ms. Blake’s wretchedness. I had this science thing going for me this year, it’s a step to prove that I can do what Ms. Rivers has tasked me to do. The bell rung, finally, I thought.

“Go on before me, I need to talk to Ms. Blake.” Jill had caught on my negative vibe since the start of class.

“Alright,” she says with a small smile, “try not to bite her.”

I make my way to the front where Ms. Blake’s desk has been, her back was facing me because she was erasing writings on the blackboard. “We need to talk.” My voice came out strong and firm.

The older lady had set the eraser down and faced me, tousling her hands of the chalk’s dust in the process. “What now, Collins?” She retrieved a gum from her purse and started chewing.

“You’ve been having meetings without me? We are supposed to be working on this science fair together! Because of your insolent attitude Ms. Rivers called me this morning reminding me of the duty I wasn’t fulfilling.”

By this time, Ms. Blake had started to massage her head. “4pm at the Science lecture room, be there.” She had started to gather her things and was readying to walk out again.

Before she could even walk a step, I gallantly say, “Oh, I’ll be there.” Then I turn my back to her and walk away, leaving her in the air.

-

The science lab was filled with volunteers working with the props and decorations and science geeks finishing their inventions. “So, what have we decided so far?” I’ve been missing the action for two days now; I see that they’ve decided on the theme and the breakdown of what they need. Ms. Blake was one hell of an organizer.

She was eyeing her list, busy focusing on her gum chewing than answering my question. I snap my fingers on to her face and she annoyingly looks at me and replies, “Our theme for this year is the solar system. I know it’s been done before but the kids were enthusiastic about it, they said they’re going to make it extra special.”

“Have they thought about using stage lights for effective presentation?” I ask her.

“Hmm, no, I’ll list it down.” Her chewing continues after she speaks.

My anger has been flushed down and I felt like myself again, I look at her rosy cheeks and fight the urge to make small talk—I fail, however. “So, how are you?”

Right after I spoke, Ms. Blake rolls her eyes and keeps silent after a few moments. “We’re here in business, Collins. Get over yourself.”

Get over myself? I screeched inside, feeling the demons churning up again. “What the hell is your problem with me?”

“Look,” the lady puts up one hand to clear the conversation up, “let’s just not. Okay? Let’s forget anything that ever happened.”

“Get over myself? You need to get over yours, I’m making small talk here and all you can think about is… that. Besides, what is with you and this charade? Trying to forget about last summer and all, you’ve left me so confused.”

“There is no last summer!” She hisses at me, “Can you stop sabotaging me? I’m in my job, I’m your teacher. I thought the moment you realized that you would understand that if the department finds out a linkage between us I can lose it.” My face warms up in embarrassment, never has that thought even crossed my mind. I was so focused on myself that I overlooked the truth.

“Ms. Blake… I’m sorry, I honestly didn’t know. You know I would never do anything to cost you your job.” Getting formal with her didn’t suit my tongue at all.

“Good. Then you should know better than to stay away from me.”

–

Everything looks good. This is the thought I had while scanning the science fair venue decorated with the artsy solar system. The art club helped us out, Jill and her mates were very kind. I was early on our venue and we still had one hour before it starts. A few students with their inventions were starting to fix up their booths. I on the other hand was fixing the welcome booth.

As I settled the fun facts handouts on the edge of my booth I catch Ms. Blake enter in the corner of my eye. She wore a simple white V-neck tucked into her dark skinny jeans which were folded up to her ankles—damn she had great ankles—and red converse shoes to top it all of. Everything does look good, I thought then immediately dismissed it.

She walked past me and greeted her students from the science club. Well, I was her student too but I was a different story. All I wanted was to greet her normally and make awkward small talks but I guess that wouldn’t happen anytime soon—or ever.

Now that I knew what was really going on I wanted to let her see that I respect her as my teacher and as a person. Though I was dying to talk to her, maybe reminisce about last summer, everything we needed to say was already said. It was clear to me that she wanted nothing from me and that was the hard pill to swallow.

Ms. Rivers enters the door with a big grin sprawled out on her face, “My, my, this looks exquisite!” I initially smiled at her positive reaction, feeling fulfilled of the task I have been given.

“Thank you.” I hadn’t noticed Ms. Blake behind me and she made me jump when she spoke. She also had such a wonderful smile on her face.

“I’ve got to hand it to you Ms. Blake, this is one of the most well done fairs I have seen in this school.”

Ms. Blake nodded and chuckled, “Well, of course I wouldn’t have done it without Collins’ help.” Her kind words startled me. I didn’t expect she was going to regard me of my work. I looked at her and I wanted to cry, she has been a rollercoaster to understand and sometimes I just wanted to shake her up—or maybe kiss her again.

The older woman laughed with joy, “I wasn’t mistaken to have given Ms. Collins the work, and of course you Ms. Blake. You both are a very good tag team.” She was about to turn and leave before she added, “Ms. Blake I think it would be a better mix if you helped out Ms. Collins here in the welcome booth.” The older woman winked at us and laughed once again.

“Well, this is awkward.” I tried as hard as I could to sound humorous but as I look at Ms. Blake’s reaction, I decided to shut up. She looked smaller now that she didn’t wore her heels, just like back in the beach—ugh, I should stop with all the recollecting. I was slowly falling into a sadness I couldn’t even understand.

Slumping my shoulders, I went back to fixing up the handouts. We stood there awkwardly, trying to mind our own business, handing out the sheets of paper as often as we could. Two hours in our booth and two hours since the fair started, Jill finally decides to see how I was doing.

Oh thank god, I think to myself. “Before anything else, here.” I hand her one of the fun facts handouts and then I expressed how thankful I was that she was here. Of course I said it in a hush tone so that Ms. Blake wouldn’t hear.

Jill, however, didn’t pick up the fact that Ms. Blake was a no-hear situation. “Don’t bribe me with this appealing hand-out, I’m here on business.” She said loud and clear, I asked her what, “I’ve thought that I would corner you here right now so that I could get some answers.”

“Answers? What the hell are you talking about, Jill?” My voice rose up a bit and I caught myself. I chuckled then she did too, she was playing me and I knew it.

“The summer fling at the beach.” Her voice was loud and clear—I would have taken her out with a single punch but she was my best friend and best friends don’t do that. Believe me, I was that desperate.

“Jill, I promise I would tell you later.” I hissed at her and I felt Ms. Blake’s stare piercing right at me, I was too afraid to look over my shoulder so I just focused on getting Jill kicked out of the fair.

“Nope,” she shook her head, “come on Allie we tell each other everything.”

“Uhm, uhh,” I started stuttering, feeling like I had no choice. “Ms. Blake and I have a lot of work to do, Jill. I’ll tell you later” She opened her mouth to speak, her eyebrows already furrowed, “What’s that?” I acted as if someone had called me from one of the booths. “Okay… Michael,” a made up name, “we’ll be right there! Later, Jill!” I yanked Ms. Blake out of the booth and we made our way to wherever there is to go to.

There was a huge pile of seats way in the back of the booths, I dragged Ms. Blake there and I started pacing. “You told her?” Ms. Blake’s rage had reached the highest point and I could tell.

“I’m sorry Ms. Blake, I told her about summer but not entirely anything. She’s basically like a title without the story. I know this looks bad but believe me, please.” It was her turn to pace, maybe thinking about her job or something.

“And a fling?” She throws at me like she wasn’t listening, “It was barely even that! Why would you even?” Her words came out bitter, she didn’t know what to say. I started to feel like a potato, realizing that it didn’t mean that much to her as it did for me.

“I’m sorry Ms. Blake, I know it’s a really ridiculous memory for you, maybe you might even call it a mistake. But please respect the fact that, that was one hell of a night for me.” I’ve got her attention now, she looked at me and I could see a hint of empathy in her. “I mean… I met you, we talked, I acted in a way my best friend has never even seen me! When we talked I felt so alive and great. That’s when I knew I was going to be okay.”

Ms. Blake’s hands were on her head, eyes closed, seemingly regretting her actions. “Allie…” It was rejuvenating to hear her say my name, but I just shook my head.

“I wouldn’t have thanked you if I didn’t mean it. With James leaving me, my best friend absent, and my mother seeing guys more than seeing her own daughter, you were there.” I scoffed at the ironic humor, “And seeing you deny everything, is just. so. hard.” I looked at her light brown eyes, remembering the first time I saw them. “But I understand, I’m just the girl you met at summer.